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You are here: Home / Community / Learning to Face the Truth

March 5, 2014 by Tricia Goyer 25 Comments

Learning to Face the Truth

Learning to Face The Truth- Tricia Goyer shares how she found freedom from the shame of her abortion

 

As I often share, being transparent can free your soul (read Part 1 HERE). Your shame can also be your testimony. And, as hard as telling others may be, when we learn to face the truth, it’s our hard stories that lead others to real freedom.

 

It's our hard stories that lead others to real freedom. Tricia shares her journey in learning how to be transparent in healing from her abortion.

 

As hard as telling others may be, it’s our hard stories that lead others to real freedom.

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It was a story I did not want to tell. But as Sanctity of Life Sunday approached my pastor, asked me to share my story with the church—the story I had kept secret for many years. My abortion story. And while I understood this message could help other women find forgiveness, I also knew it meant I’d have to face the truth and tell my kids—something I dreaded.

My kids were ages ten, seven, and five. Although I was their mom, I thought they’d hate me when they knew the truth. After all, just how do you tell your kids they’d have another brother or sister if it weren’t for their mom’s bad decision?

John and I prayed about how to tell our children. We knew that although they’d heard the word abortion before, they most likely didn’t understand what it was. Since they were still young, they didn’t need to know details. We also wanted them to know why many women terminate their pregnancy—because of fear, worry, or pressure from other people.

 

Telling my kids about my #abortion wasn’t easy—but it was necessary. @TriciaGoyer

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A few days later, my husband and I explained to our kids that abortion meant a woman did not want to be pregnant and had an operation to end the life of her baby. I could tell from my kids’ faces they were horrified. John shared why a woman might do this, and they expressed sadness for those women. Then, with tears in my eyes, I told them my story.

When Sin is Allowed to Grow

With a shaky voice, I explained that when I was in high school, I had become pregnant. I said that when I visited a clinic, the workers told me it really wasn’t a baby yet and that everything would be better if I had the procedure. I told my kids that I had always wanted to be a mom, but I was afraid of having a baby as a fifteen-year-old. I was worried about what people would think.

I told my kids I wanted to believe what the clinic worker said was true because it seemed like an easy way out. So I ignored the nagging voice in my head that told me I was ending a life. After the abortion, I was heartbroken and numb. It took many years for the emotional pain to go away.

John and I also explained I had not been following Jesus, and I had wanted things my own way. I read James 1:14–15 to my children: “But your own evil longings tempt you. They lead you on and drag you away. When they are allowed to grow, they give birth to sin. When sin has grown up, it gives birth to death” (NIrV). In this case, my sin led to the death of their brother or sister. My kids listened, and I could see the sadness on their faces.

Finding Forgiveness

Months after my abortion, I saw a woman wearing a Precious Feet pin on her sweater. When I commented about it, she told me that her pin represented the size of the feet of a ten-week-old fetus. I knew then that my baby had a body, feet, hands, and a beating heart. The reality of my decision became clear. Overwhelmed with guilt, I became self-destructive and made more bad decisions.

But when I was seventeen, I accepted Jesus. I realized I’d been making the wrong choices, and I asked God to do something with my life.

 

Tricia Goyer shares about her repentance and healing from her abortion in her blog post: Learning to Face The Truth

 

I told my kids I had asked Jesus to forgive me. I asked for their forgiveness, too, for ending the life of the sibling they’d never know on earth.

It only took a few seconds for three sets of arms to wrap around me. “It’s OK, Mom. We love you, and we forgive you!” they told me.

It was like a dam broke within my soul. For so long this secret had been swelling against the wall I had built. To share and face the truth and seeing they still loved me made my chest light and warm. Tears spilled as I held them in my arms. As a mom, the last people I wanted to disappoint were my kids.

Their hurt was evident. But their love was even greater.

 

Facing the Truth by Sharing the Story

Whenever my children brought up the subject, whether it was weeks, months, or even years later, we would talk about it. A few times they told me about friends who asked them about what I’d shared at church, and they were able to explain my story. Later, when I told my story to other groups, I shared with my kids how my story helped those who needed to know about Jesus’ forgiveness, too. We would talk about how God could use even the painful stuff in our lives to help others.

How YOU can share the story you’ve been dreading to tell others: tips from @TriciaGoyer

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When my daughter was sixteen, she returned from a youth social gathering and told me that the subject of abortion came up.

“Mom, many of them said a woman should have a choice,” she reported, “but then I told them your story.”

My daughter had shared with her peers about my heartache and pain. “Many women do not know what they are choosing, and they suffer for years afterward,” she told them, “just like my mom.”

Originally, keeping my secret seemed like the right thing to do, but sharing my experience has allowed others, my children included, to better understand decisions and consequences—and the truth about pain, loss, and regret.

 

What a blessed promise to those who repent! Tricia Goyer's blog post: Learning to Face The Truth (her story of abortion and healing)

 

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1 ESV

Steps You Can Take:

 

1. Pray. Pray. Pray.

2. Write down key points you want to make before you share your story

3. Be open to other opportunities to face the truth and share your story—and for others to share their stories with you.


Today’s Prayer

God, thank you for your forgiveness and for your forgiveness exemplified in others. Please give me courage as I share my story, and give me a heart of understanding toward others and their stories.


Resources

Her Choice to Heal
You’re Not Alone
Forgiven and Set Free

These are some books I have written that might bless you as well:

 

My life Unscripted

Young people (and old) earn the importance of “scripting” their own responses BEFORE challenging life-situations arise so they are able to think about, pray about, and consider how to face these situations before the scene begins. By contrasting real-life with TV or movies, teens will understand they don’t have to get caught up in the drama.
My Life Unscripted

Praying For Your Future Husband
From when we were small girls, most of us dream of “The One,” our future husband. We think about what it would be like to be a bride. We wonder who that special guy is and when we’ll find him. The great news is that what you do now can make a difference in your life and the life of your future husband!
Praying For Your Future Husband
walk it out
Women often pack their lives with family, friends, and faithful service, yet still end up feeling empty and unfulfilled. In Walk It Out, Tricia Goyer demonstrates to women that walking out the mandates of Scripture allows God to spark passion and mission within them.
Walk it out
sewn with joy
Can I work in a woman finding forgiveness into an Amish novel? Oh yes, I can. 😂
Joy Miller wanted nothing more than to be a wife and mother—especially now that her relationship with Matthew Slagel, the bishop’s son, was deepening. But when a television crew rolls into Pinecraft, Florida, to film a new show about the Amish, tension threatens to rip apart their relationship…and the entire Amish community
Sewn With Joy

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Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” Read full privacy policy here.

Filed Under: Community, connect, family, marriage Tagged With: abortion, healing, how to, testimony, transparency


Are you new here? You might want to subscribe to my newsletter, check out my podcast, or follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, YouTube, or Instagram.
Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” Read full privacy policy here.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Natasha Metzler says

    March 5, 2014 at 11:02 am

    This is such a beautiful story, Tricia. Thank you for sharing it.

    Reply
    • Tricia Goyer says

      March 5, 2014 at 11:05 am

      Thank you so much, Natasha!!

      Reply
  2. Andrea Cox says

    March 5, 2014 at 11:54 am

    Tricia, thank you for sharing your story. I think you and your husband handled telling your kids in the best possible way, praying beforehand and letting God lead you as you spoke to the kids. I’m glad you had the freeing experience of telling them. There’s healing when we share things with the people we love most. That’s one of the many reasons God places them in our lives.

    Blessings,
    Andrea

    Reply
    • Tricia Goyer says

      March 5, 2014 at 2:08 pm

      Yes, it’s amazing how the enemy wants to keep everything inside. The truth sets us free!

      Reply
  3. wanda says

    March 5, 2014 at 12:08 pm

    Tricia, You are so brave to open yourself up to the ones you love the most. Your story is going to save lives that otherwise would have been lost. Your testimony speaks so wonderfully of forgiveness, freedom and grace. God bless you always. 🙂

    Reply
    • Tricia Goyer says

      March 5, 2014 at 2:08 pm

      Thank you so much, Wanda!

      Reply
  4. Samantha says

    March 5, 2014 at 1:10 pm

    Tricia, great story. I think a lot of young women having abortions are just ignorant and purposefully getting brainwashed. Instead of being mean, hateful or judgemental, pro-lifers should help these women 🙂 Thank you for sharing your story!

    Reply
    • Tricia Goyer says

      March 5, 2014 at 2:09 pm

      As someone who’s been there, it’s easy to try to find an “easy way out.” Of course that is just a lie!

      Reply
  5. Linda says

    March 5, 2014 at 1:56 pm

    One in five women have had an abortion. I bet many of those women in your church were blessed by your testimony. God bless you!

    Reply
    • Tricia Goyer says

      March 5, 2014 at 2:10 pm

      Yes, that’s true. For so long I felt it was just me ….

      Reply
  6. Ruthanne Reid says

    March 5, 2014 at 2:21 pm

    Wow. Thank you so much for sharing this. Jesus is so amazing, and this story of redemption is just one more proof.

    Reply
    • Tricia Goyer says

      March 5, 2014 at 8:41 pm

      He is amazing!!

      Reply
  7. Kelly says

    March 5, 2014 at 2:28 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story, it is a very hard thing to reveal. I am 54 and had an abortion when I was 18. I too didn’t realize what “abortion” actually entailed, I was naïve and didn’t ask enough questions. My boyfriend felt this was best to do, and I was too afraid to tell my parents, especially my mom. I was raised in a very religious upbringing and I felt that my mom would be so devastated and disappointed in me. I did tell her much later on when I was in my late 30’s. She was incredibly sad to know that I couldn’t come to her with this situation. I did recently share this with my daughter whom is in her early 30’s and her response was that of a loving and forgiving one. I have not told my two grown sons I feel this will be very hard for me, . I have kept this buried because of the shame. Now in reading about your story, I pray that I too may be able to unburden myself. Thank you for your inspiration.

    Reply
    • Tricia Goyer says

      March 5, 2014 at 8:42 pm

      Kelly, I can relate so much. I wanted to “hide” what I’d been doing. I’ll pray that God will be with you and you’ll share as He leads you. May He continue to bring you freedom from the pain and shame! Hugs to you!

      Reply
      • Kelly says

        March 6, 2014 at 6:09 pm

        THANK YOU ! for your encouragement, and prayers- Big hug to you !

        Reply
  8. Rebecca Altman says

    March 5, 2014 at 3:08 pm

    Tricia, I didn’t know this part of your story until just now. I’m so sorry for the heartache and pain you’ve been through, but thankful for your willingness to share the truth–truth that not only helped bring healing to you, but to many others as well. I’m pretty confident your story has also saved precious lives. You are such a gift and a treasure. The more I get to know you, the more I love you!
    My mom has a similar story that she shared with me when I was about 12. I was heartbroken, and still wonder about my older sibling that I will one day meet in heaven, yet I am so thankful to know the truth. I have compassion for these young women, most of whom are manipulated by the world and by the enemy and who don’t truly understand what they are doing. Many times these young women are victims themselves…
    You are a blessing, my friend!

    Reply
    • Tricia Goyer says

      March 5, 2014 at 8:43 pm

      Rebecca, yes, the world leads women to believe it’s a “better” choice, but so much heartache follows. I’m thankful your mom told you. I’m thankful for friends who love a care!

      Reply
  9. Alecia says

    March 5, 2014 at 5:29 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story. Light has broke through the darkness..love it!

    Reply
    • Tricia Goyer says

      March 5, 2014 at 8:44 pm

      Thank you, Alecia!

      Reply
  10. Susan F. says

    March 5, 2014 at 6:01 pm

    God bless you Tricia. This had to be so hard. This and the story of one other this year has taught me there is a different side and I have no reason to be judgmental. I’m afraid hearing some females brag that they’d had more than one made me form a sense of bitter reaction to anyone who had an abortion. Thank you.

    Reply
    • Tricia Goyer says

      March 5, 2014 at 8:44 pm

      Susan, thank you for opening your heart. If I could go back I’d change my choice. I’m so thankful for God’s forgiveness!

      Reply
  11. Amber Lia says

    March 5, 2014 at 8:13 pm

    Tricia, I am so blessed by how your children responded and at the wisdom that God gave to you and John to share your path with them. God is so good to forgive all of us and to use our pain for good. Thank you for not keeping your abortion a secret, and for blessing us with the ways God has redeemed your circumstances.

    Reply
    • Tricia Goyer says

      March 5, 2014 at 8:47 pm

      Yes, I’m so thankful for His forgiveness! I’m thankful that God can use my story for HIS greater good!

      Reply
  12. Janet McHenry says

    March 5, 2014 at 10:14 pm

    Tricia, God has redeemed your mistakes and pain in so many amazing ways. May He continue to use you to encourage women in the years ahead. Blessings!

    Reply
  13. Vickie Jameson says

    May 20, 2020 at 1:48 pm

    Tears in my eyes reading these 2 posts. I’m so glad that Jesus healed your emotional pain and heartache and that you received love and acceptance from your family. Thank you for sharing your story. I know it couldn’t have been an easy thing to do.

    Reply

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