These 5 keys to making space for life-giving relationships can help you find balance when relationships seem off-center. There is a way to retain friendships but support the time constraints we need to foster our own inner peace and nurture those most important to us. This week we welcome Emily Grabatin to the blog to share how to build space for those life-giving relationships in your life and you can enter below for a chance to win a copy of Emily’s book Dare to Decide!
5 Keys to Making Space for Life-Giving Relationships
I felt worn out.
I had spent most of my life content as an introvert with a couple of close friends and plenty of solitude. Now I felt like Miss Popularity, whose schedule was packed with coffee dates, volunteer commitments, relationship drama, helping friends move, and Friday night invitations, plus wrangling the three-hour time zone difference to call my parents. Interactions that had once made me feel alive and purposeful now stirred an inner war between my needs and others’ expectations.
I knew I had to figure out how to reprioritize my time spent with people, but I felt stuck. The thought of disappointing or offending someone felt exhausting.
One night over dinner with a friend, I blurted, “I have too many people in my life. I don’t know what to do.”
It turned out she had a process for how she managed her relationships. Knowing this gave me permission to design my own framework for being intentional about the people in my life.
Several years later, as I was juggling motherhood, a full-time job, and getting serious about purpose coaching, I came across Tricia Goyer’s book, Balanced. I realized all over again how life-giving it is to create a filter for what gets your yeses or nos.
Here are five principles I have found useful in becoming more intentional about my relationships:
5 Keys to Making Space for Life-Giving Relationships
- Believe there’s a different way.
I could slip into a persevering mode, waiting for life to go back to “normal”, or I could use that sense of striving to remind me I need a fresh approach. Talking to my friend and reading the stories in Tricia’s Balanced helped me see other ways to live out the different facets of my calling.
- Clarify your values.
I made a list of the people in my life, as well as what I received from and gave to that relationship. Considering where I felt conflicted, I identified my values behind these interactions, such as responsibility and servant-heartedness. While identifying my values was helpful, it wasn’t enough. I had to define what living them out looked like to me. For example, for years I agreed to help anyone who asked. Once I had more demands on my time, I planned to stay at the end of events to help clean up, and chose to help certain people in ways that freed them up to do what they were called to do.
- Recognize the types of relationships you need.
Living a purpose-filled life means ebbs and flows of giving and receiving, nurturing and learning, solitude and interacting. When I felt overburdened, I made a second list to understand why—a list of the kinds of life-giving relationships I needed. Starting with my relationship with God and myself, I added others such as come-as-you-are friends, family, collaborators, new connections, mentors, and those I mentored. Making this list helped me realize I was giving more than receiving, and clarified the dynamics I needed.
- Create a framework.
To help instill these boundaries in my life, I created an ideal schedule of time-blocks designated for each relationship type. When peers would ask to invite me to coffee their product party, I now had the language to decline or defer without feeling guilty or rude. This framework also gave me a way to check how “balanced” I was each week.
- Invite God to lead.
While a framework is a helpful tool, it’s meaningless without aligning it to God’s purposes. To avoid falling into people-pleasing or rule-following ruts, I continually have to ask Him, is this someone You want me to make room for? Or is this someone You want to guide elsewhere? It would also be easy to use it as an excuse to exclude the people who annoyed or drained me. Living a purpose-filled life means welcoming opportunities to strengthen my character or show God’s hope and love — and asking him God to help mature me.
5 Keys to Making Space for Life-Giving Relationships
People are the treasure of heaven. When circumstances shift, it’s time to get intentional about who we give our time and attention and to explore fresh approaches to doing so. Thankfully, we have a God who guides us beyond our understandingbeco. He becomes our strength even when we have little to give.
If you’re ready to move forward in your calling join Emily as she shares stories of when she needed peace, clarity and courage at life’s crossroads. If you have felt paralyzed from the fear of the unknown, being misunderstood and making the wrong decisions, you’ll find gentle grace and encouragement within the pages of this book. Through thought-provoking questions and practical strategies, you can design your meaningful life one small dare at a time.
Emily Grabatin infuses hope into dormant and God-called dreams. Through coaching, writing and leadership development, she helps individuals recognize who they are, uncover what makes them feel alive, and streamline their focus so they can flourish.
The greatest gifts Emily has received have been from individuals who saw her potential even through seasons of restlessness, burnout and wandering. She appreciates people holding a space for her to discover her own answers and step out into her calling. Now she’s passionate about offering that gift to others.
For more information on Emily, visit the Dare to Decide website where you can receive a free chapter.
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