I love reading aloud to my older girls, and this year I came upon a book that we all loved! 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know by Kari Kampakis was one of our favorite reads of the year. I loved it so much that I asked Kari to write a guest post for my blog. 5 things your daughter should know about chasing boys. If you have a preteen or teen girls you don’t want to miss this book!
There are certain things in life worth waiting for.
A really awesome guy is one of them.
Unfortunately, our world has devalued the art of waiting. We want our heart’s desire now. And for teenage girls eager to fall in love, that eagerness can get the best of them. They may chase the boys they like instead of waiting for the right boys to chase them – and then wonder why their relationships are empty, short, and shallow.
If you have a daughter (I have four!) it may frustrate you to see the new breed of aggressive females being cultivated by our society. They are bold and forward in interacting with the opposite sex. They text boys constantly and seek attention in all the wrong ways.
The world tells girls it’s empowering to take charge and make advances on males, but I believe it hurts them. It can lead girls to lower their standards and behave in ways that make them look bad and, ultimately, feel bad about themselves.
Chasing boys can also make boys run the other way. One thing I hear often from moms of boys is how quickly their sons lose interest when a girl is pushy or constantly checking in. They don’t like it and usually aren’t sure what to do with the excessive attention.
If you’re like me and my husband, and you want your daughter to buck the rising trend of girls chasing boys, here are five talking points to start a conversation with her.
1) You were made to chase your dreams, not boys.
You are so talented, sweet girl! You are smart, energetic, and equipped to change the world with your God-given gifts.
So rather than chasing boys and making a boy the center of your universe, keep God at the center. Listen to His call and pursue the passions He plants in your heart. The right boy will show up at the right time. God will make sure of that!
You don’t need a boyfriend to make your life great. You build a great life for yourself by cultivating strong relationships with family and friends, developing your potential, and living out your purpose.
When you find fulfillment before a boy ever enters the picture, you become the kind of girl who lives with such joy and peace that the right guys will inevitably take notice and think, “Wow. She’s cool. I want to know her better. I want more of what she has.”
2) The way a relationship begins sets the tone.
So if you start in a role reversal, catching your heart’s desire by chasing him, expect to continue taking the lead. A boyfriend who had to be hunted down is very unlikely to court you, plan special dates, and initiate contact. Rather than being smitten, he’ll probably be passive and lukewarm in his feelings toward you.
Girls often complain about boys being lazy daters, but in this day and age, they can be lazy. Why ask girls out when girls will ask them? Why make dinner reservations when your girlfriend agrees to meet up with friends and count it as a “date”?
If you want a boy to court you, let him work a little. Set reasonable standards that require some effort. If he wants a date, have him pick you up and meet your parents. If he waits until Friday afternoon to ask you out for Friday night, keep your plans with friends and suggest he plan ahead next time.
Am I saying it’s wrong to speak or interact with boys? Of course not. I think it’s fine to initiate conversation, smile, make eye contact, and express enough interest to let a boy know you’re interested once you’re of dating age. If he calls first, call him back. If he texts you, text him back. But don’t be desperate or make the common mistake of building your life around a boy. Besides hurting your relationship, it holds you back from achieving your own goals and pursuing your interests.
A guy worth having will rise to the challenge. He’ll figure out quickly how to improve his chances with you and find ways to spend time together.
3) Chasing boys might capture their attention, but it won’t capture their heart.
God created you to guard your heart, not freely give it away to every boy who comes and goes. Chasing boys might make them notice you, but it won’t make them love you. It might lead to dates, but probably not healthy long-term relationships.
God wired boys to be the pursuer, not the pursued. He wants them to take the lead because it cultivates them into young men and prepares them for their future role as husbands, providers, and leaders of the home. You aren’t doing boys a favor by taking the risk of rejection off them; if anything; you’re depriving them of an experience that helps them grow up and mature.
There is something attractive and desirable to a boy about a girl who is humble and confident yet not aggressive. That is the kind of girl the good guys – the protectors, not the predators – are most likely to be interested in.
4) The best way to approach boys is as potential friends, not potential boyfriends.
My goal with my daughters is to teach them how to be good friends with boys. If you master the art of friendship with the opposite sex, I believe the right romances will follow.
In dating and marriage, friendship is essential. It’s the glue that holds a couple together when times get hard and the fireworks fade. When chasing boys, girls skip over friendship and plunge straight into passion. But passion without friendship won’t last. Passion without friendship makes a girl (and a guy) easy to replace once the novelty and excitement die down.
Seeing boys as prizes to be won – rather than friends to be made – makes you feel the need to impress them. And the harder you try to impress someone, the less you are yourself. This will make you come across as fake, and as my husband tells our daughters, who wants to date an imposter? What boy will be interested in dating a girl who isn’t comfortable being herself?
The better approach is to focus on friendship first, even when you have a crush. Let boys see the real you. Friendship offers a safe way to get to know each other, and if the chemistry does exist, the romance can evolve naturally from there.
5) The right guy won’t need to be chased. Give it time and he’ll come after you.
Right now, God is working on you and your peers. He’s orchestrating big changes from one birthday to the next, giving you big bodies, big emotions, and big thoughts to grow into. The teen years bring major transformation, and if you compare a 13-year-old with an 18-year-old, you’ll notice how much can happen in a relatively short time.
The boy you’ll eventually date or marry may not be ready for you yet. You may not be ready for him. Only time and maturity can bring you both to a place where you’re ready to give your heart fully and jump into a serious relationship.
In the meantime, have fun. Develop strong friendships with boys who make you laugh and feel good about yourself. Surround yourself with people who bring out your best, and bring out the best in others. Most importantly, grow your relationship with God. Get to know Him so well that when the right guy comes along, you’ll recognize God’s voice telling you this is the guy worth waiting for.
As for us parents, let’s recognize the trends of today’s dating scene and understand how hard it may be for girls to wait for boys when it seems like all the girls getting dates do not.
Our daughters are better than the lifestyle this world ubiquitously pushes on them. They shouldn’t have to compromise their values to win a boy over. And what every girl must believe is that she is worth the wait. She is a great catch. She has a lot to offer to anyone smart enough to notice.
In matters of the heart, patience pays off. My prayer for my daughters and yours is that they learn to love their lives regardless of what their love lives bring. The guys worth knowing will show up at the right time, and until that day comes, there’s still plenty of fun to be had, dreams to be chased, and friendships to be made.
You might also like:
Have you ever thought about praying for your future husband? Will it make a difference? There’s only one way to find out…
From when we were small girls, most of us dream of “The One,” our future husband. We think about what it would be like to be a bride. We wonder who that special guy is and when we’ll find him. The great news is that what you do now can make a difference in your life and the life of your future husband!
Authors and good friends Robin Jones Gunn (Christy Miller series) and Tricia Goyer (author and former teen mom) believe God answers women’s prayers for husbands—even husbands they may not meet for years. They invite young women to pray boldly for their future mate … while also asking God to prepare their own hearts. Check out Praying For Your Future Husband.
Kari Kubiszyn Kampakis is a mom of four girls, as well as an author, speaker, and blogger from Birmingham, Alabama. Her newest book for teen & tween girls, LIKED: WHOSE APPROVAL ARE YOU LIVING FOR?, releases November 2016 and is available for pre-order now on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Christianbook.com.
Kari is also the author of 10 ULTIMATE TRUTHS GIRLS SHOULD KNOW, and has has been featured on national platforms like The Huffington Post and TODAY Parents. Learn more by visiting www.karikampakis.com or connecting with Kari on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or Pinterest.
Great post!! Thank you.
You’re welcome!
Tricia and Kari, thank you for such a wonderful article! I am 28 and have not yet met my husband-to-be. The advice you presented works well for me too, as reminders of things I’ve learned over the years. I was never one to chase boys, as I was very shy through my childhood and teenage years, and I was raised to believe that the boys should ask out the girls (still believe that to this day). Now that I’m grown, it is sometimes difficult to be patient, but I keep holding on to the promise that God is faithful. I know He’s got an incredible guy out there for me, and He will bring us together at the precise time He intends for us to meet. That doesn’t always make the waiting easy, but it is a comfort to know that His plan is still in action through my tears and impatience.
One thing that is challenging for me is to become friends with guys. I work and church at home, so I don’t really meet many men or women in my age group. I have my sister and another lady as my best friends, and together we do things like see movies, attend sporting events, and travel some. In my experience, it’s difficult to become friends with men today, because the ones I’ve met and tried to befriend have always wanted to be more than friends straight from the beginning. I know wholesome girls are a great catch, but how can we be expected to be friends with men who only want what we aren’t willing to give? And how do we find the men who would enjoy a good friendship with a woman?
Blessings,
Andrea
Andrea, that is such great questions! I’m going to see if I can get a friend to do a guest post on that.
I think you’re right that many men want to move quickly to intimacy and they expect friendships to move that way. It’s a horrible problem in our society right now.
I also know that there are great guys out there. I see the struggle my unmarried son and his friends (some who are your age) are having. They’re saying, “Where are all the good Christian girls?”
Church is a great place, of course, but also other places that you enjoy. Also, it may sound cheesy, but ask friends who they know. I have had any luck playing matchmaker, but I know my single friends appreciate the effort when I connect them with other single friends. 🙂
Thanks, Tricia! I’ll be sure to look out for that upcoming article.
My friends have the same trouble on this topic I do right now, so I’m not sure we’d be much help to each other on seeing who all we know. Lol. But I’ll definitely keep that in mind for future reference. Maybe some of the people on the north side of my age group might know some godly guys who are looking for friendships…
I greatly appreciate your advice, Tricia. Thanks for taking the time to give it.
In our house we don’t allow dating until they are adults. Some may think that this is crazy or harsh. But I have explained to each of my kids that dating is not just for having fun. If you want to have fun, go out as a group and do something together. Dating is for finding a mate, and if you aren’t ready for marriage then you shouldn’t be dating. I hope that each one of my children will take this to heart. I want them to seek the Lord first, and let Him lead them to their mate.
We lean toward that, too.
Wow great post! Its everything that I’ve been thinking about recently. Being an eligible single girl, I have to remember not to chase guys. Just let them come to me when they are ready. Thanks for that reminder!
So glad it was a blessing to you!
Hello Tricia,
it’s been a pleasure to read this article. I already read your book “Praying For Your Future Husband”, but to be honest it is so hard to wait. I have the feeling that most girls and women around me are luckily married, engaged or happy singles. And I’m waiting and waiting and waiting…
It’s just difficult to wait. I grew up thinking that boys and men have to do the first step and that’s still my impression. But if they don’t, if they wait, if they are to shy – what can I do? I don’t want to flirt in an obvious way, I don’t want to put pressure on the guy I currently like very much (and who fits the entire list of “qualifications”, must-haves as well as nice-to-haves). It’s just… depressing.
Do you have a tip what I could do? I try to use my time as a single girl as good as possible, what else can I do?
Greetings from Germany
Sara
Sara,
Great question! I would say start by being a friend. Can you build a friendship with this guy you currently like?
Tricia
As a follow-up to this article ~ advice for moms of boys? I have both a boy and a girl. I want her to be courted & him to be a gentleman.
Thank you for posting this. I read this because I now have two sons and although they are small – both under 3 years – I think about them growing and I pray for them as they will grow into young men.
As I was reading this though to be 100% honest I had to stop several times to compose myself and even now I’m still crying. I’m sitting here at the kitchen table and it’s the quietest part of my day because both boys are asleep. It’s the best and worst part of my day. Best, because it’s so quiet and I can cry to God if I need to instead of holding in my emotions and Worst, because I’m reminded of just how lonely my life is.
I wish I had been told this before I got married – I’m sure I at least heard some of it from my parents and my church growing up but I couldn’t or wouldn’t listen to them. I’ve made so many bad decisions as an adult – there is an entire decade that I wish I could relive but I know I can’t. I know my sins are forgiven and covered by God’s grace and the precious blood of Jesus, but I am still living with the consequences. It is a terribly guilty feeling as a Christian woman to feel you regret your marriage … To regret the life you’ve chosen. There are two things that keep me going: 1) my beautiful, beautiful boys – even in these depths of loneliness came these two blessings that make me realize God can make something beautiful out of the broken bits of my life, 2) I love God. My heart yearns to be close to Him because I know only He can make me whole and fill the empty spots of my marriage.
I am struggling – as a wife – I’m struggling deeply. I was that girl that chased my husband and now after 6 years of marriage and 15 years since I first met him he still does not pursue me. In the beginning you hope and hope but over time it gets harder to hope. With each time you are forgotten, ignored, and taken for granted by the only physical person you can turn to for these things, you lose a little hope until there is none left and you’re running on fumes. And if you’re not careful you can become bitter and cynical. And I’ve been there in that place and it is a horrible, horrible black hole of bitterness … But by God’s grace I was able to climb out – only now I’m too afraid to hope and so I choose to feel nothing. And one day you wake up and realize you can’t look at your husband lovingly because you’re not in love with him anymore. Sure, I love my husband but I have no feelings of love. I know love isn’t a feeling and someone might even tell me to remember the good times to get you through the bad …. But what if you haven’t had any good years together ?? What do you do then? I hate living this way but how can this change ??? I don’t even think that question has an answer except to say PRAY. Oh how I have prayed – mostly for God to sustain me because after hoping things would change for so long I cannot hope anymore. And that cuts me to my core. How can I not hope? I have seen miracles and lives changed that only God could make happen so how can I not have hope for my marriage? All I can say to myself right now is just one day at a time.
And I’ve been okay in this loneliness because God sustains me, but something has happened recently that has made me realize these holes in my marriage leave me extremely vulnerable. Recently we have become acquainted with a man at church whom also works with my husband. He is very nice to everyone, but what has worried me is my preoccupation with comments he makes. He is very considerate and observant, which my husband is not. He has polite behaviors – offering to help carry something heavy, opening doors, etc., which are all things my husband lacks. And I should mention that he is single. I can probably count on one hand the number of conversations I have had with him, all of which have been in my husband’s presence except this past weekend we were at a function and the three of us were talking and then my husband left me to go talk to someone else. I talked with this man for about 5 mins mostly about being a parents before my husband rejoined us. We have never emailed each other privately or messaged on Facebook or talked on the phone. But I am worried … Last year at a church Christmas party he complimented me that I looked beautiful. Innocent enough comment ? I’m not really sure because my husband never compliments me so to me it felt very noticeable, but is that just because I’m not used to hearing a man say that ? Then this past weekend he complimented me again in the same way “you look beautiful.” Innocent or not – again no idea, the comments are roughly 7 months apart, so innocent? I don’t know, but whatever his intentions are or aren’t I am most concerned with two things.
First, that in some way I have been too friendly. How is that possible with such limited contact between us? And Should I just ignore him? I wear my heart not on my sleeve but my face, so if my heart feels good when I am complimented – like the occasions he has said I look beautiful – I probably smiled in a way that showed that those comments made me so happy just to hear them. The comments caught me off guard, when you’re not expecting to hear someone say that to you, much less a man, I’m afraid that I’ve shown how good they made me feel just to hear them. Have I encouraged any of these comments – that would break my heart to make another stumble if I had …
Secondly, the obvious fact that I can’t stop thinking about it …. If I was being fulfilled in my marriage at least in some microscopic way then these comments or this man shouldn’t be affecting me, right ?
Regardless of the state of my marriage, how hopeless or lonely I feel, I must stay committed. Why? Because I love God and I made a covenant to Him. I have begged Him to strengthen me to not dwell on thoughts of these comments that Satan is tempting me with … But I am scared … To be so vulnerable and unsure of where to turn. And it’s not as if I can just remove myself from situations where I will see this man because we go to the same church and he works with my husband.
In the past I have tried to get my husband and I to go to counseling but he won’t go … So here I am with no one I can talk to about this … I’m not sure who in my life I can trust with this information that knows us. Almost every single one of our close friends is church … So I write and vent this post out to the great unknown … I don’t even know if I’m expecting a response to this lengthy, lengthy post – maybe I just needed to get some of this out in some way. For anyone who does respond with advice or prayers, thank you, thank you.
Do not cheat on your husband. Actually, do not cheat on your children or your God. It would be leaving the frying pan to fall into the fire. In other words, it cannot help your life it will only add heartbreak to heartbreak.
That said, go to counselor. even if your husband won’t. Don’t let it stop you from getting tools to be happier. See if your husband would be open to a marriage retreat such as Marriage Encounter or Retrouvaille.
You’re in one of the hardest seasons for many moms. Two small ones under three! I have four, but two under three I was on the ropes. It was more difficult than bringing home the 4th when the oldest was six! You’re sharp to realize that you’re vulnerable right now and being tempted. So recognize that the regret that you mention for decisions that you made oh so many years ago, needs to lead to better decisions now. Don’t allow your children to be dragged into the chaos and confusion that occurs when there is infidelity in a marriage. If you cannot pray for your husband, pray for your children’s dad.
Ruth, thank you for your comments. I wish, oh how I wish we could go to counseling but since we talk with each other before spending money I don’t think my husband would let me spend money on counseling. I am praying for a older and wiser Christian woman to come into my life as a mentor. Thank you for for your last sentence … I love my husband and sincerely want to be in love with him again. I struggle and I mean really struggle to tell him “I love you” because there is no feeling or emotion attached with that statement and it feels like a lie to say that to him. I also really really struggle with praying for him and so I love your suggestion to pray for him as my children’s father – thank you I will try that.
Thank you for sharing. I feel the same way. I pursued my husband and not only does he wallow in depression and strife, but he tries to bring us, my daughter and 2 sons down into his depression too. I am beside myself! I am trying to get him to go to counseling but he won’t. But I like the advice of going myself and possibly taking my 11 year old daughter.
Sometimes I pray something bad would happen to him so that I could start over, but God is showing me there is another way. He just keeps providing for me in odd ways. A couple years ago I had to abandon my stay at home mom role and go back to work full time. This was very hard for me, but my husband was only becoming more and more depressed. So I felt I needed to. It took me forever to get a full time job….ohhh the interviews…too numerous to count! But God gradually got me into a job. He eased me in. I had a 2year old at the time. I have gone through a couple different jobs since then and am currently at my current job for going on 3 years. My job pays more than my husband was making, and has benefits. Now my husband is frustrated that he can’t be a better provider. If it’s not one thing it is definitely another. While going through all of this, I was so frustrated and overwhelmed. Where was God and why? But now I am seeing that God has a plan even in the midst of my husband. I CAN now provide for my family if need be, I am not only successful at what I do, but I love my job (I was battling God about this job too, I didn’t want it, but it was all I could find at the time.). For my husband this again frustrates him because he has never loved what he has done.
God has a plan. Hang in there. There was a time I almost left my husband, but I didn’t have a job, or means to sustain my family. God definitely has a better way. And I don’t need to break my covenant with Him or my husband.
My husband realizes I am not happy with him, but as his issue is a heart issue, he needs to come to Jesus to rectify that. He has no idea how to be nice to me other than to tell me dinner was good or that the house looks good. I agree it is frustrating! You are not alone please know that…He WILL make all things beautiful in His time…slow and steady….steady and slow…baby steps…
I kind of figure that if I did marry the man of my dreams I would never have relied on God as much as I have now….there are blessings even in the most difficult of times.
I had a moment when a nice man with a kid paid close attention to me too. I had to decide what to do about that. For me avoidance worked because I was at my daughters practice….I did notice him seeking me out once or twice, but in hindsight I am so glad I did not go there. Hang in there, get your husband to set this friend up….NO double dates…God has a plan for you too….I still don’t know what His plan is for me yet, but seeing His hand on my life is very comforting. In the Old Testament the people were commanded to set up a reminder monument type of thing where God worked in their lives so that they could go back and remember. I think that this is good advice for us too. Journaling what God has done for us, taking a picture as a way to remember, little things…..
Now I worry about my daughter who is going into middle school in the fall. Her love language is touch. She despises my husband. He is very hard on her. I love is blog and am going to use my life as an example for her, plus pick up a book or two that were recommended. I just have to keep telling myself that God has a plan. I might not make sense, but I was created to give glory to Him and even if my only fight for my marriage is sticking it out, whether I like my husband or not….not only does God understand…but he will make something beautiful out if it.
Thank you SO much for sharing!! Another book I recommend is His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley. It is SUGH a great book!
Your encouragement is powerful.
Thank you for sharing your story ! Truly thank you.
What you are facing is SO common!! I’ve had the same struggle in the past. I wrote about it here: http://triciagoyer.com/the-flicker-of-an-old-flame/ But an old boyfriend wasn’t the only time I felt this way. During times my marriage struggle the attention of other guys seemed to be there. The enemy knows what he’s doing!
A GREAT book that talks about this is His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley. It describes exactly what you’re filling. Where there is a hole you are vulnerable to someone else filling it up.
Sending up a prayer for you now!
Tricia, thank you for your other article – I read it and found it very helpful. How would you suggest I tell my husband about these thoughts that keep coming into my head? How do I approach him? And let me preference by saying that my husband HATES to talk about anything of emotional or relational significance. We have had very, very few conversations about issues in our marriage that haven’t turned into fights. I have never been able to figure out how to approach him in conversation about our relationship where he doesn’t end up feeling attacked and becomes defensive … He has very weird definitions for emotions. If he hears me speaking in a stern tone to our toddler he says I’m yelling … Keep in mind my voice isn’t even raised. Sorry if that’s confusing I will try to explain. My husband grew up in a physical, emotionally, and verbally abusive household as a child. He will not talk about his childhood. Over the years I’ve gotten little glimpses but never the whole picture. Example: he recently injured his wrist playing with our eldest and in talking about going to the doctor he said that it was probably an old injury from his childhood where he fell off his bike but his stepfather refused to take him to the doctor because he didn’t want to spend money on it …. What an awful man ! My husband left home at 16 to get away from his stepfather and was homeless for awhile until he moved in with friends and started washing dishes at a restaurant and he quit school (high school) … Eventually he moved to a different city and with the encouragement of his uncle got his GED and went to college and got a professional degree and now has a wonderful job. When his stepfather passed away 8 years ago my husband refused to go to the funeral …. All of that to explain that my husband HATES talking about significant things. When I first met him he used to get physically ill – nauseous and headaches – when things were emotionally tense or too deep. That has gotten better over time … And as a father he is absolutely wonderful – I mean I never seen someone so patient … And I think it’s because of the unimaginable terror he must have felt as a child, that my husband is able to extend to our children such amounts of grace.
But since he can’t talk to me I just stopped trying, I think I gave up when our first child was born because I just could not handle the disappointment of missing that part of our marriage – really the part where he is my best friend with whom I can discuss anything with. And also I just didn’t have the energy for it anymore … Emotionally, physically – I had to save what I could to help myself figure how to be a mom….
But since he never pursued me in the beginning of our relationship, when I stopped trying to get us to talk, we just stopped talking. And by “talking” I mean having conversations of emotional significance, sharing your hopes and dreams, etc. I stopped crying about it and hoping for change so that I could be happy for my children.
I’m so afraid of making things worse for us. I’m so saddened to think about how wonderful our life could be. I remember what it was like when I loved him so much I thought I couldn’t love anyone more… It kills me to have wasted years of our lives with a status quo relationship when we could have a GREAT love – one that God intends us to have since He joined us. Pray, pray, pray I tell myself … First, Pray.
I also REALLY love the book Love and Respect. The videos are even better. And Laugh Your Way to A Better Marriage has some GREAT advice, too. A lot of these videos are online.
This is the exact advice I recently gave my 12 year old daughter. There is a boy who she has had a crush on for a couple of years. They are really good friends, but he has never seen her as a “girl”. He is a year older than her and has recently noticed that girls are girls. Another girl has recently taken notice of him and started throwing herself at him. Since he is new to this kind of attention, he is unsure of how to politely tell this other girl that her advances are not welcome. As a mom and an adult, I can see the discomfort he is feeling while he tries to figure out how to discourage her but not hurt her feelings. My daughter has been devastated by seeing it. I sat down with her one evening and told her not to worry. I let her know that right now she needs to be his friend and continue to keep their relationship the way is has always been. She needs to respect herself and not rush to define herself as his girlfriend. And if he is the one that God has planned for her, then it will happen when God’s ready for it to happen. This boy knows she has a crush on him, not because she has ever said anything (she’s way to shy to blurt it out to him). And even knowing this, he is still eager to spend time with her as a friend. I let her read this article this morning and a look of peace came over her face as she related everything you’ve written to what she has been experiencing the past few weeks. Thank you for helping me reinforce in my daughter the importance of her self worth and that she does not need to chase anyone to define who she is.
I’m so thankful this blog was helpful! Also, you’re doing a great job, mom, and giving wonderful advice!!
Sorry Tricia, but you’re dead wrong on some aspects of interactions between boys and girls. You write this article, almost making it appear that a boy worth having will put the girl on a pedestal when, to be totally honest, of the girl is worth having AND the boy is worth having then they should BOTH be put on a pedestal by each other out of mutual respect and admiration. This “Im a queen and should be treated like one” does nothing but help to develop a young girl into a narcissistic woman. Your article should have been writing emphasizing the importance of both tarting each other with equal and mutual respect. “A boy/man worth having will rise to the challenge?” What exactly does this statement suggest? One could also say a girl worth having will rise to the challenge could they not?? A perfect example…..my 15 year old son. Great kid. He’s tall, athletic, a good student, very empathetic of others feelings, a very soft heart, and treats others with respect. He’s had this girlfriend going on two months now……….and every single day or night he HAS to be the first one to text or say goodnight, because they young lady simply will not do it because she has been taught by her mother never to “chase” boys. If my son doesn’t say good morning then he will not hear from her until he does……and frankly he has gotten tired of it. Nothing wrong at all for the girl to be the first to text or say good morning, or the last to say good night. It’s quite sad too because the behavior in the young lady is being driven by her narcissistic mother. My son has gotten tired of always being the initiator. It does ones feelings good to have someone initiate a conversation with you because it shows a sign of genuineness. Initiating and always waiting for the reciprocal reply does nothing but make one feel like the reply was out of courtesy.
In future articles you really should emphasize how important it is for both the boy AND the girl to mutually respect each other and treat each other equally.
Swilson3828, you sound like a man who isn’t fond of women. Damaged from your past? Do you have a wimpy son? You Sound jaded. Don’t raise your son to not be chivalrous. You are doing nothing but a disservice to him to satisfy your own self-centered agenda!!
Great article Tricia!! Wish all moms saw things as you do!