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How to Have a Fulfilling Marriage

I knew I wanted to marry John on our first date. How? Even more than my physical attraction (he was cute!), I was impressed by our conversation. John told me about his growing-up years, his time in the Marine Corps, and his hopes for the future. I knew he was someone I could share a life with. We have been married for over three decades and built a fulfilling marriage together.

How do you joyfully share a life with your spouse? More than that, how do you have a fulfilling marriage?

Here are 7 ways.

  1. Share memories: Memories give us a glimpse into each other’s past. I understand my husband better because of the memories he shares. He understands me better, too.
  2. Share dreams: Ask your spouse, “If you could do anything, what would it be?” The answer may surprise you. Allow your spouse to dream without thinking about logistics and cost. Pray about how to make those dreams possible … or other similar {smaller} dreams.
  3. Share hopes: Dreams look outward, but hopes are what’s tucked deep inside. What does your spouse hope for his/her marriage, parenting, and job? Ask.
  4. Share pet peeves: My husband is bothered by sticky fingers and toys cluttering the living room. And he overlooks a lot of things that drive me crazy. Little annoyances can be avoided if you realize that pet peeves are not big issues, but they matter.
  5. Share laughs: Laughter can help couples face hard situations with grace. Recently we added two new children to our home (adopted from the foster care system), and sometimes we were so overwhelmed that all we could do was laugh! Laughter helped us overcome a lot of battles together.
  6. Share prayers: A dozen years ago, John and I started praying together in the morning. Those prayers mean so much to me. I confidently face the day when I hear my husband’s whispered prayers.
  7. Share a mission: In his book The Sacred Search, Gary Thomas had this to say about a shared mission:

“The old cliché is all too true: a good marriage is the closest two people will ever come to heaven this side of eternity; a bad marriage is the closest two people in an affluent society will ever come to hell.

“Such problems usually erupt from trying to build a life together without purpose, without mission, without something that not only establishes a connection but keeps you caring about each other for the next fifty to sixty years.” Gary Thomas

What is your mission as a couple?

Come up with 3-4 words that answer this statement: “This is what we’re about …”

John and I focus on service, evangelism, hospitality, and making memories. This is who “we” are; our life and choices reflect that. I’m thankful that I have this man to share my life with. Now … what about you?

What do you share with your spouse? What is your mission as a couple?

Additional Resources

Generation Next Marriage | Tricia Goyer
A Conversation with Dr. Gary Chapman on Love is a Choice
How to Give Your Marriage a Regular Check-up
A Conversation with Amber Lia on Marriage Triggers
Resources to Transform Your Marriage

 

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Writer’s Desk: Karen Witemeyer

Q&A with Karen Witemeyer

For those who love to smile as they read, bestselling author Karen Witemeyer offers warmhearted historical romance with a flair for humor, feisty heroines, and swoon-worthy Texas heroes. Voted #1 Readers’ Favorite Christian Historical Author in 2023 by Family Fiction Magazine, Karen is a multiple award-winning author and a firm believer in the power of happy endings. She is an avid cross-stitcher, tea drinker, and family board game player who makes her home in Abilene, TX with her heroic husband who vanquishes laundry dragons and dirty dish villains whenever she’s on deadline.

Connect with Karen on her website, Facebook, BookBub, sign up for her newsletter, and join her Facebook Group, The Posse

More about Fairest of Heart

Once upon a time in Texas . . .

Beauty has been nothing but a curse to Penelope Snow. When she becomes a personal maid for a famous actress whose troupe is leaving Chicago to tour the West, she hides her figure beneath shapeless dresses and keeps her head down. But she still manages to attract the wrong attention, leaving her prospects in tatters–and her jealous mistress plotting her demise.

After his brother lost his life over a woman, Texas Ranger Titus Kingsley has learned to expect the worst from women and is rarely disappointed. So when a young lady found in suspicious circumstances takes up residence with the seven old drovers living at his grandfather’s ranch, Titus is determined to keep a close eye on her.

With a promotion hanging in the balance, Titus is assigned to investigate a robbery case tied to Penelope’s acting troupe, and all evidence points to Penelope’s guilt. But Titus might just be convinced that the fairest woman of all has a heart as pure as her last name . . . if only he can prove it.

Purchase a copy of Fairest of Heart.

Scroll to the end of this post to enter to win one of three copies of Fairest of Heart.

Q&A with Karen Witemeyer

TG: Everyone always asks for an interesting fact, but we’re going to flip the question. What is one boring fact about yourself?

KW: I’m in bed by 10:30 every night. Sometimes I even fall asleep in my recliner before bedtime.

TG: Where did you get the inspiration for Fairest of Heart?

KW: Fairest of Heart is the first book in my new TEXAS EVER AFTER series, which will feature retellings of classic fairy tales with a Western spin. I’ve always adored fairy tales—the romance, the adventure, the battle between good and evil. Those elements find their way into all of my stories in one way or another, so why not pay more direct homage to the happily-ever-after tales I’ve adored since childhood? As you might have guessed, Fairest of Heart is a Western retelling of Snow White. A Texas Ranger hero, a beautiful heroine battling hardship, seven retired drovers at the Diamond D Ranch, and a villainess with a fondness for mirrors come together in this fun reimagining of a classic tale.

TG: Do you have any habits or rituals as a writer?

KW: I like to wear bookish socks when I write at home. Half of my sock drawer is filled with socks that have books or cowboy designs. They make me grin and get me in the mood to write.

TG: What habits would you encourage someone to take up to be a more productive writer?

KW: Set mini deadlines and make yourself stick to them. Find out what type of deadline works for you. Many authors use daily word count goals, but since I still work at a full-time day job, I need more flexibility. I’ve chosen to set more flexible weekly goals. I write one polished chapter a week. Having a weekly goal instead of a daily goal allows me the flexibility I need while still keeping me on track.

TG: What do you snack on or drink while writing?

KW: I’m a hot tea gal. I drink various blends of Murchie’s Tea imported from Victoria, British Columbia. My daughter and I visited the historical seaport town several years ago, and I fell in love with Murchie’s Tea. My two favorites to drink while I’m writing are their original 1894 blend, named for the year their shop was established, and their Editor’s blend. Might as well have some literary inspiration in tea form while I work.

TG: How do you overcome writer’s block?

KW: One thing I love to do is get my readers involved in the creative process. I have a fan group on Facebook called The Posse, and I will often brainstorm with them. Sometimes I’ll pose a story question and ask for their ideas. Other times I seek their help with characters or titles. Many times, I’ve found a spark in one of their comments that starts the creative juices flowing.

TG: Are you an “edit-as-you-go” writer or do you wait until the very end before you do any editing?

KW: I am definitely an edit-as-I-go writer. I am a methodical writer with strong perfectionist tendencies, so I constantly polish as I write. I send each chapter to my critique partners as I finish it, so I can adapt on the fly instead of waiting until the book is done to fix things. I write one very slow, careful draft.

TG: What would you say is the most common mistake new writers make?

KW: Explaining too much about who the characters are before jumping into the action of the opening scene.

TG: What is the best piece of writing advice you’re ever received?

KW: Resist the urge to explain. I’m an explainer by nature, and I’m often tempted to make sure my reader “gets” what I’m trying to show in a scene or emphasize a theme. However, readers are savvy. They don’t need me to explain things to them. If I’m doing my job by showing things in a compelling manner, they’ll get it.

TG: What is coming up next for you?

KW: Book 2 in the TEXAS EVER AFTER series. I’m currently working on rewrites for If the Boot Fits, a Western Cinderfella story that I can’t wait to share with readers.

Enter for a chance to win one of three copies of Fairest of Heart*

a Rafflecopter giveaway

*Due to shipping costs, the winner must have a US mailing address.

Don’t miss Karen Witemeyer’s Chat Monday, June 5th at 5:30 PM CT on the Avid Readers of Christian Fiction Facebook Group! Click below to join the group + watch the LIVE!

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The ABCs of Safety & Manners

ABCs of Safety & Manners

Have you taught your kids the ABCs of safety and manners? One of the biggest mistakes I’ve made as a mom was to expect what I haven’t taught. I’d take my kids out and expect them to know not to ask the lady sitting next to us at the park for part of her lunch. Or expect them to know that they shouldn’t run and scream in a store or touch in an art museum. How would my kids know that if I didn’t teach them?

Teaching and training are part of being a parent. 

One of the biggest successes I’ve had as a parent is when I’ve prepared my kids for what’s to come. I’ve given them “rules of conduct”–not to be a dictator, but instead for the sake of safety and manners.

These aren’t rules to be shared one time and forgotten. Instead, they are ones that should be read through often as reminders. (In the beginning, you might want to read over them every time that you go out.) Knowing these rules will prepare your children so they’ll be able to enjoy the day and have fun … and so will you!

I’ve included a printable for you to print, use, post, and share. May all your summer outings be less stressful and safer because of it!

Rules for Outings

  • Ask permission from your parents before you leave the group.
  • Be respectful and polite. “Please” and “Thank You” never go out of style.
  • Consider others before yourself. Take turns.
  • Do put garbage in a trash can. Leave the place as you find it… or better!
  • Everyone will be fed. If you are hungry or thirsty let us know. Don’t ask other people for their food. Don’t accept food or offer food to others without permission.
  • Fighting is for boxers in the ring. Treat others as you want to be treated.
  • Go slow. When inside, only walk unless you have permission to run.
  • Hold open doors for those following you.
  • If you can’t see me, I can’t see you. Get to where you can see me!
  • Joking and playing is not always appropriate. Consider the place and situation.
  • Keep your hands to yourself. In museums and other special places, you often have to look only with your eyes, not your hands.
  • Look and wait if you’re lost. If you get separated from the group ask someone who works there for help and stay put.
  • Make peace not war. Respect your siblings’ private spaces and don’t irritate them.
  • Never be alone with a stranger, even if they appear friendly.
  • Obey your parents the very first time. Say “Yes, mom” or “Yes, dad” to show you heard them.
  • Partner up. Always stick with your buddy.
  • Quietly listen. If someone is talking, wait to ask your questions.
  • Respond to others when asked a question.
  • STOP is the most important word, especially outside. When an adult says that, you do it, and ask questions later.
  • Try something new. Embrace the opportunity.
  • Use inside voices when inside.
  • Volunteer to help when you see a need.
  • Watch your gawking. Don’t stare, even if they stared first.
  • X-pect to carry your own things. If you bring it, you carry it.
  • You should go to the bathroom before we leave. Don’t wait until the last minute. Let us know when you have to go.
  • Zero complaining. Smile and have fun!

Download the printable here!

rules for outings - the abcs of safety

 

I hope these ABCs of Safety and Manners are helpful to you. Do you have any additional rules?  I’d love to hear them!

Additional Resources

 

2 Parents + 8 Kids + 1 Grandma = A house full of chaos, mess, and noise!

And between homeschooling, writing, and leading a Teen MOPS group — I definitely get frustrated and cranky at times.

But You know what bothered me the most? Hearing my kids complaining. It drove me crazy until I realized I could teach them something better.

I could teach them gratitude. We could learn to be a family that’s grateful and thankful. Together we could become Grumble Free.

Would a year be enough to teach us all to focus on God’s goodness through every opportunity?

We found out in our Grumble Free Year and now you can read about how we faced whining and complaining head-on and became a stronger family because of it!

Click here to order now: www.thegrumblefreeyear.com

Click here to order The Grumbles picture book! 

 

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3 Ways to Lose Guilt and Find Joy

3 Ways to Lose Guilt and Find Joy
3 Ways to Lose Guilt and Find Joy

Guilt is a common emotion that many women struggle with on a daily basis. It’s easy to get caught up in the demands of life and feel like we’re not doing enough, or that we’re not doing things perfectly. But the truth is, we are all imperfect beings, and it’s important to learn how to lose guilt and find joy in our lives.

One of the first steps to losing guilt is acknowledging that we are not perfect. We all make mistakes, and it’s okay to do so. It’s important to learn from our mistakes and move on rather than dwelling on them and feeling guilty. Apologizing when we’ve hurt someone is important, but forgiving ourselves and moving forward guilt-free is also important.

Another key to losing guilt is recognizing that there are things in life we have no control over. Whether it’s our children’s sports injuries or something else entirely, it’s important to trust that God has a plan and that everything happens for a reason. When we let go of our need to control everything, we can find peace and joy in the present moment.

Lastly, it’s important to remember that we can’t do it all. We must prioritize our time and focus on what’s most important. It’s okay to ask for help when we need it, and it’s okay to let some things go in order to focus on what truly matters. By doing so, we can find more joy and fulfillment in our lives rather than feeling guilty for not being able to do everything perfectly.

Guilt is a common emotion many women struggle with, but learning how to let go of it and find joy in our lives is important. By acknowledging that we’re not perfect, recognizing that there are things we can’t control, and prioritizing our time, we can live a more joyful and fulfilling life.

There’s another place we need to turn when dealing with guilt too.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” – Matthew 11:28-29. This Scripture reminds us that we don’t have to carry the burden of guilt alone. By coming to Jesus and learning from him, we can find rest for our souls and live a more joyful and fulfilling life.

Perfection is impossible, so don’t let guilt hold you back. Learn how to lose guilt and find joy in life. Acknowledge imperfection, forgive yourself, trust God’s plan, and prioritize your time.

Takeaways:

  1. Let go of guilt and embrace joy in your life.
  2. Perfection is impossible, so don’t let guilt hold you back.
  3. Trust in God’s plan and let go of your need to control everything.
  4. Prioritize what’s important and let go of the rest to find more joy.
  5. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and move forward guilt-free.

Additional Resources:

Looking for a way to let go of guilt and embrace joy in your life? Look no further than Heart Happy by Tricia Goyer! In this must-read book, Tricia shares powerful insights on how to break free from the burdens of guilt and find true happiness. With practical tips on how to let go of the need for perfection, trust in God’s plan, prioritize what’s truly important, and forgive yourself for your mistakes, Heart Happy is the ultimate guide to living a guilt-free life. Don’t let guilt hold you back any longer – order your copy of Heart Happy today and start living your best life!

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Loving God with Total Abandon

Loving God with Total AbandonLoving God with Total Abandon

Scripture: I Kings 8:54-66; 2 Chronicles 7:1-10;

I Kings 9:1-9; 2 Chronicles 7:11-22; I Kings 9:10-14

There is a kind of love that frees us from the shackles of this world, a love that transcends time and space and elevates our hearts to the heavens. This is the love with which we are called to love our God. To love with total abandon. In the days of King Solomon, God made His presence known to His people. Solomon dedicated the temple he built to the Lord, and it was then that the glory of the Lord filled the place. The people of Israel were in awe of the God who had chosen to dwell among them (I Kings 8:54-66; 2 Chronicles 7:1-10).

They loved God with total abandon, and God’s response was undeniable. He appeared to Solomon, promising to hear their prayers, to forgive their sins, and to heal their land (2 Chronicles 7:11-15; I Kings 9:1-9). But there was a condition: they must walk in His ways, obeying His commands and living in accordance with His will.

To love God with total abandon is to trust Him completely, to surrender every aspect of our lives to His authority.

It means stepping out in faith, even when we cannot see the path before us, knowing He is our guide.

This total abandonment is what sets us free. It liberates us from the need to control our own lives and the lives of others. It allows us to experience the fullness of life God intended for us and share that joy with the world around us.

When we love God with total abandon, we become like the temple in Solomon’s time, filled with His presence and glory. We become a beacon of hope to a world lost in darkness, a testament to the love and grace of our Heavenly Father.

But we must remember the warnings given to Solomon and his people (I Kings 9:6-9; 2 Chronicles 7:19-22). If we turn away from God, our lives will become desolate and empty. The temple of our hearts will no longer be filled with His presence, and we will be left to wander in the wilderness of our own making.

The choice is ours.

Will we love God with total abandon, allowing Him to fill our lives with His presence and glory? Or will we turn away from Him, choosing instead the fleeting pleasures of this world?

Love with total abandon is a transformative experience. It’s a love that frees us, restores us, and changes the world around us. It’s love worth pursuing with every fiber of our being, for it is the love that brings us into the very heart of God.

Let us take courage and, with hearts ablaze, love our God with total abandon, knowing that in doing so, we are aligning ourselves with our Creator’s eternal, unchanging love.

What Does It Mean to Love with Total Abandon?

  1. Love with total abandon sets our hearts ablaze with divine purpose.
  2. To love God with total abandon is to trust Him completely and surrender every aspect of our lives.
  3. When we love God with total abandon, we become like the temple, filled with His presence and glory.
  4. Loving God with total abandon is a transformative experience, freeing and restoring us.
  5. The love with total abandon brings us into the very heart of God.
  6. Align your life with our Creator’s eternal, unchanging love by loving God with total abandon.
  7. A heart that loves God with total abandon is a beacon of hope in a world lost in darkness.
  8. Choose to love God with total abandon and experience the fullness of life He intended for us.
  9. Embrace the love with total abandon and change the world around you through His grace.
  10. Loving God with total abandon is the ultimate act of faith and trust in His divine plan.

Additional Resources

Join us on the Daily Bible Podcast! We’re Tricia and Michelle, two friends inviting you to join us in reading through the Bible chronologically this year. Reading the Bible every day can be a challenge. We’re here to summarize each day’s passage and provide action steps … in under 15 minutes. Grab a buddy and join our community. Take the plunge, and let’s read through the Bible together. We’ll be cheering you on all the way!

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Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” Read full privacy policy here.

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Soul Care: How to Cultivate a Happy Heart

Have you ever been in the middle of a beautiful worship service and wondered what was wrong with you? I sang with the congregation not too long ago, but I felt like I had a chainmail vest that made it impossible for the beautiful worship lyrics to penetrate my heart. The chains of the vest were ones I’d been constructing for weeks: worries and doubts, weariness and self-pity. It wasn’t until after the time of worship that I realized what was truly needed: soul care. I’d been so busy for months trying to take care of others that I had missed the needs of my soul entirely.

Have you ever felt that you were going through the motions with God, and it wasn’t cutting it? Did you see that singing louder or smiling didn’t help? It’s time to unload these burdens onto Him. We don’t need self-care. We need soul care.

Soul Care

When was the last time you cared for your soul? I’m not talking about self-care, where you get a manicure, have coffee with a friend, or read a good book. Soul care goes deeper. Soul care considers our emotions and needs to figure out what’s happening. Soul care pauses to consider what’s happening deep inside and seek God to make your heart happy in the Lord.

While self-care may bring a sense of peace for the day, we live thriving lives only through happy hearts and nourished souls. Anything less is just going through the motions.

But how do we genuinely care for our souls? We’ll start by looking at how we get soul care wrong and then discover the one right thing that changes everything.

How Moms Get Soul Care All Wrong

1. We believe soul and spirit are the same.

An authentic connection with Jesus involves connecting with Him on three levels. First, we physically control our actions and honor God through our actions. Second, our spirit joins with God to validate who we are. Finally, our soul, which includes our personality, emotions, and values, must also be surrendered to God. What is the goal of the soul? To humble ourselves and give Jesus the access and ability to do a makeover in every part of us, including our personality, emotions, and values.

2. We believe soul care to be the same as self-care.

As an author of more than eighty books, a speaker, podcast host, and homeschooling mom of ten children (and caregiver to my grandma!), people ask me how I do it all. The answer is this: I take time to nourish my soul. I do this through Bible reading and prayer. I do this by pausing to enjoy life—not just rushing through it. I do this by using my gifts and talents—doing the things God designed me to do—and joining Jesus at work around me.

Soul care happens not because I’m practicing all the right things, but because Jesus within me changes things—and changes me. Therefore, getting our souls into a happy state so that our inner man (or woman!) might be nourished infuses our tasks with new life, strength, and happiness.

3. We believe soul care is one and done.

Every small decision to tend your soul and turn your heart to God WILL bring change. The Middle English root word for “tending” means “to move or be inclined to move in a certain direction.” The goal here is not to perfectly practice soul care by forcing oneself to be happy in the Lord. I guarantee there’s nothing perfect to my tending. Instead, the goal is to make positive changes to cultivate a happy heart.

Tending our souls and focusing on being heart happy isn’t something we’ll figure out overnight. In a world of quick fixes, tending takes time. But instead of being discouraged, let’s consider this good news. We can lower our expectations concerning suddenly “being fixed.” Instead, we can make small shifts that tilt us in the right direction. One small change leads to another change, and then months from now, you can look back and smile at the positive shift.

4. We believe soul care depends on others.

No one in your life is as concerned about how well your soul is tended as you are (or should be). If you don’t prioritize soul care, no one else will. I promise you that.

How to Get it Right!

While each of these things can keep us from tending our souls, there’s one simple fix to get it right.

You have to take the time to care for your soul. Schedule it. Make a date. Create a plan.

For me, this includes getting up early to have time with Jesus. (A daily habit now!) It also includes taking time to write, read, and watercolor paint. I set aside times for these on my calendar. What part of your life could flourish from a nourished soul? The possibilities are endless!

Additional Resources:

Want to learn more about soul care and having a Happy Heart? Heart Happy: Staying Centered in God’s Love through Chaotic Circumstances will inspire you to stay tethered to the Lover of your soul. By taking time to make your heart happy in the Lord, you’ll grow closer to the Heavenly Father, fostering true transformation from the inside out. Peace and joy can be yours—no matter what life dishes up.

Caring For Yourself As a Mom — There are so many challenges when it comes to being a mom. We become exhausted and wonder if we’re doing anything right. Have you ever found yourself on a negative thought cycle? I know I have.

On this episode of The Tricia Goyer Show, Kari Kampakis teaches us how to “mother” ourselves so we can better care for others. In fact, it’s not going to get any easier. The older we get the more caregiving we’ll do as our parents and grandparents age. (I know that firsthand with my 92-year-old grandmother living with us!)

As exhaustion seeps deeply into our homes, time with God and healthy lifestyle rhythms can restore us. Moms, rather than keep up an old pace that you’ve outgrown, give yourself grace. Take time to nourish your body, mind, and soul. Don’t run yourself so hard during the day that you have nothing left to give when your kids come home from school.

Also remember, your core identity—the one that runs deeper than your identity as mother, wife, sister, friend, daughter, colleague, boss, etc.—is that you are a child of God. Remember what He thinks of you! These are just a few things we’ll be talking about. I know you’ll be encouraged by this episode!

Filed Under: Heart Happy, The Better Mom Tagged With:

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Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” Read full privacy policy here.

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Writer’s Desk: EB Dawson

Writer’s Desk with E.B. Dawson

E.B. Dawson is an award-winning independent author. Raised in the remote regions of a developing nation, her visits to America as a child felt like traveling into the future. Now she writes science fiction and fantasy to make sense of her unusual perspectives on life. She currently lives in Idaho with her best friend and roommate, drinking lots of tea, learning crochet, and studying philosophy.

Connect with E.B. Dawson on Twitter, BookBub, and sign-up for her newsletter here.

More about Sing to Me of Rain:

An innocent naiad. A wounded boy. An adventure that will change their lives forever.

Plip is a naiad of the Great Waterfall, destined to one day sing the songs that send rain out into the world.

Akino isn’t destined for anything but trouble. His father long gone, his mother working on a plantation far away, he doesn’t really belong in the village below the Waterfall. And the villagers don’t let him forget it.

When Akino convinces Plip to travel down the mountain with him, for his own selfish purposes, he launches them into a world more dangerous than either of them could imagine. A world where people are not always what they seem and the rain does not fall evenly across the land.

Purchase a copy of Sing to Me of Rain here.

Scroll to the end of this post to enter to win a copy of the award-winning book Sing to Me of Rain!

Q&A with E.B. Dawson

TG: Everyone always asks for an interesting fact, we’re going to flip the question. What is one boring fact about yourself?

EBD: I have a strict bedtime these days. No more late-night writing sessions. Even on weekends and days off, as I have gotten older I have found value in keeping my body in a routine.

TG: Where did you get the inspiration for Sing to Me of Rain?

EBD: Inspiration for Sing to Me of Rain came from a couple of places. I had a vivid fantasy dream that was so unlike any fantasy I’d seen or read. I don’t remember the content of the dream but it left a distinct emotional and artistic vision in my heart. From there I started collecting images and music that seemed in tune with that vision. There was a picture on Pinterest of houses built along a waterfall, which became the centerpiece for the worldbuilding of the story. The music from the video game Ori and the Blind Forest became the audio inspiration. The final piece seemed to fall in place when I was house-sitting for my aunt and uncle. They have a beautiful house that overlooks a lake. It was springtime and I was watching storms roll in over the lake when I sat down and wrote the first scene.

TG: Do you have any habits or rituals as a writer?

EBD: Not really. Every book has been so different. There have been seasons where I wrote multiple books in a year and seasons where it took multiple years to write a book. The only “rituals” would be a hot beverage and music. I really value sensory stimulation when writing.

TG: What habits would you encourage others to take up to be a more productive writer?

EBD: Setting a timer for yourself can be extremely helpful. Especially if you have someone afterward who will ask you what your word count was, or if you finished the scene you were on. I have also often found it useful to stop writing in the middle of a scene when you know what the next line is going to be. It can give you some momentum for the next day.

TG: What do you snack on or drink while writing?

EBD: I drink tea or coffee (depending on the time of day). I love snacks! Some of my favorites are Biscoff cookies (to dip in the tea or coffee), cheese and crackers, or chips and salsa.

TG: How do you overcome writer’s block?

EBD: I force myself to seek out creativity in another format. This could be cooking or baking, taking a walk in nature, crocheting, rewatching a series that I love, or drawing. Consuming art fills my creative well and also gets my brain working in new directions and reminds me what is most important to me about the art I want to produce and the stories I want to tell.

TG: Are you an “edit-as-you-go” writer or do you wait until the very end before you do any editing?

EBD: I definitely edit as I go! If I know on a gut level that a scene doesn’t work (for plot or character reasons or whatever), I can’t leave it behind and push forward. That would be like leaving a mess of a house before you go on vacation. Sure, it sounds good to just escape for now and maybe you’d come back refreshed and able to clean, but I know myself and that it’s awful to come home to a dirty house and that as lovely as vacations can be, they are also draining. I like to call myself a Trailblazer. I know the major landmarks of where I am going in a story, but the details get worked out as I carve a path through the jungle. If that path starts to get crooked, it could lead me to a dead end or a swamp. If I see I’m not aiming properly for one of my major landmarks, I need to correct the course as quickly as possible. I’m also very deliberate about word choice and dialogue. I will tidy up paragraphs and dialogue as I go because it just makes me happy and more confident.

TG: What would you say is the most common mistake new writers make?

EBD: I see a lot of writers tackle emotional subjects they clearly don’t have personal experience with. I’m convinced the old writing adage, “Write what you know,” is not about plot or setting (or we certainly wouldn’t have science fiction or fantasy). All those things can be researched or imagined. What it’s talking about is people and emotional themes. There are a lot of things you just can’t write about convincingly unless you or someone you know has actually experienced them. And a reader who has walked through them is going to see right through you if you don’t have the maturity to know what you’re talking about.

TG: What is the best piece of writing advice you’re ever received?

EBD: It’s not complicated: get feedback on your work.

TG: What is coming up next for you?

EBD: I’m currently in grad school pursuing a master of philosophy, which is super exciting! It’s going to fuel new stories in so many ways, but it means all my writing projects have extended deadlines. I’m in the brainstorming and developmental stages for a follow-up book to Sing to Me of Rain, as well as an epic-scale hard sci-fi space opera.

Enter for a chance to win a copy of E.B. Dawson’s award-winning book Sing to Me of Rain

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Don’t miss E.B. Dawson’s Chat Monday, May 22nd at 7:30 PM on the Avid Readers of Christian Fiction Facebook Group! Click below to join the group + watch the LIVE!

 

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When God Asks You to Return to Your Darkest Place

When God Asks You to Return to Your Darkest Place
When God Asks You to Return to Your Darkest Place

Our darkest place is usually something we want to put past us and ignore. But what do you do when God asks you to return to that place?

What is the darkest place in your life? A place of heartache? Or even sin? Without a doubt, my darkest place was when I walked away from God during my teen years. I became sexually active at a young age, and I chose to have an abortion at age 15. I found myself pregnant again—by the same boyfriend—at age 17 and the second time I chose life.

From the moment after I walked out of the clinic after by abortion, I regretted it. And the pain and shame hung around my neck for many years. In 1995 I attended a post-abortion Bible study, and I found hope and healing. I walked into freedom, and I was thankful that I was able to accept God’s forgiveness and forgive myself, yet the last thing I wanted to do was dwell on what I’d done. I wanted to bury the past in the past and pretend that it hadn’t happened. Yet we know that’s impossible. The past changes us in so many ways. Not only that but then I received the call.

God ASKED me to go back to my darkest place.

It all started in 1998 when my pastor approached me about starting a crisis pregnancy center. I was NOT interested. I was a full-time homeschooling mom and a part-time writer. More than that, I wanted to forget my bad choices … and I didn’t want to have to revisit my decision with every client who came in.

Yet when I prayed about it, God’s answer was clear: “What about the young women who need hope … just like you needed hope? Who will help them if you don’t?”

It wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear. I’ll admit it was hard going back to that dark place. I did have to share my story with others. I did have to re-live the pain again and again. Yet, each time I told my story it was easier to tell. I was also able to see the difference my story could make. God used me to help women because I had been there. I’d walked through the darkest places, and I found Jesus on the other side.

St. Patrick of Ireland

As I was thinking about my darkest place, I also thought about one of the stories in my book Prayers That Changed History. It’s about St. Patrick of Ireland.

Patrick’s trip to Ireland is one that horror stories are made of. At age 16 Patrick was kidnapped by raiders and taken to Ireland as a slave. From the book:

Ireland was a very different place than Britain. The people believed in very different things, including dark forces. Patrick had grown up with a family who believed in God and who made the Lord the center of their lives. The people in Ireland—the Druids—had ungodly ways. (Prayers that Changed History)

Years later Patrick turned to God. He credits the Holy Spirit for showing him how to escape. He finally made it home to Britain. Can you imagine his relief to walk in freedom again? I’m sure Patrick NEVER wanted to return to Ireland, but that’s where God led him.

Eventually, Patrick made it home, but he did not leave behind the memory of the people of Ireland. He continued to think about their great need for God. Patrick prayed for the people. Then one night, a dream came—one he never forgot.

In his dream, the people wanted to know about God, and they knew that Patrick was the one who could share the Good News with them …

Patrick left his family once again—this time by choice. (Prayers that Changed History)

Patrick returned to Ireland at the age of 40. Soon many monks journeyed with him. He spent 30 years telling thousands of people about Jesus, and because of the truth that he shared Ireland was changed.

Why did God send Patrick back to his darkest place? It’s the same reason why he sends us back to ours.

  1. We understand the pain.
  2. We understand the culture and language.
  3. We understand the need.
  4. We can communicate hope because we’ve been there, too.

Former drug dealers can talk real with current drug dealers. Former drunkards understand the pull of a drink. Women who’ve had affairs can tell other women how to turn back to faithfulness. Women who’ve had abortions can share the pain and shame. They can also share how to find healing through Jesus.

Tricia Goyer talking about when God asks you to return to your darkest place.

 

God asks us to go back to dark places not to burden us, but because there are those He wants to reach with HIS LIGHT.

God doesn’t need us to have any special talents or abilities, we just have to be willing to show up.

Because Patrick had been willing to go back to Ireland many people who lived in a pagan nation found Christ. Because I was willing to help start a crisis pregnancy center, over the years thousands of women have gotten the help they need … and hundreds of children have been born because their mothers realized that abortion wasn’t the right answer.

What about you? Where is the darkest place you’ve ever been? How has God brought you out? Take a moment to ponder your story.

Now, consider how you can go back to that place with the help and hope of Jesus. There are others out there waiting for you to bring them the Light!

Additional Resources

Prayers that Changed History Tricia Goyer

Get the book here.

More Posts About Prayers that Changed History:

 

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14 Ways to Create a Joyful Family

14 Ways to Create a Joyful Family

14 Ways to Create a Joyful Family

Discover the power of a joyful family! Join us as we explore 14 tried-and-tested ways to create a joyful family. From fostering a positive environment to embracing gratitude, let’s pave the way for happier and more fulfilling family experiences.

 

I didn’t realize what a miracle it is to have joyful children until we adopted two little children who didn’t know what joy was. When Buddy (two) and Sissy (five) came to live with us, they’d been in foster care for over two years. They had a lot of anger, and I missed our joyful family.

Buddy and Sissy had been moved from home to home. Some of their experiences were positive. Others were not. During the first few months, we saw a lot of tears, a lot of tantrums, and very erratic behavior.

Need #joy in your #family? Here are 14 tips from @TriciaGoyer and friends:

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Thankfully through wonderful therapy, many prayers, and a joyful family, they, too, found joy. I asked some friends for tips on creating a joyful family and added a few of my own. Here are fourteen ways to teach your child joy.

  1. Model joy. Emphasize service to others as joy-building activities. —Gina
  2. Show him or her how much he or she is loved. Every day. —Karen B
  3. Be a joyful parent. —Beki
  4. Treat those around you how you want your child to be treated and how you want your child to treat others. —Kristil
  5. The key to joy is contentment. Teach your child to be grateful and content; joy will come as an extension. “The fruit of the spirit is love, joy …” —Dayna
  6. Model how to trust God and rejoice… in all circumstances. And make every day FUN! —Karen P
  7. Be joyful in the really ugly moments of life yourself so you can come out victorious and give God the glory. —Traci
  8. Find wonder in the everyday world around you and teach them about God. Being happy may be fleeting, but the joy of the Lord is our strength. —Jenny
  9. Celebrate their uniqueness. —Lisa
  10. Love them and love your spouse. —Ronica

I love those tips! Here are four more ways to create joy—tips from the Goyer home:

  1. For our kids, joy came with stability. They knew that we were steadfast in our love and care for them.
  2. We also didn’t make a big deal from little issues: Spilt milk? No problem. Loud voices? We can deal with it. As we remained controlled and steady, our kids found joy in realizing that their little mistakes weren’t big deals and wouldn’t receive severe punishment.
  3. We praised more than we punished. When we caught our children being joyful and kind, we’d exclaim over their attitude and deeds. They loved getting praise and wanted it repeated.
  4. Finally, we turned all our anxiousness and fear to God. When we give Him our care, we leave more room for joy!

Creating a joyful family is a process that requires time, patience, and effort, but the rewards are immeasurable. By adopting some of these tips and making them part of our daily lives, we can foster a positive environment where joy thrives. Our children can learn the skills and habits that will help them navigate life’s challenges with a positive attitude. Remember, joy is not a fleeting emotion but a state of mind that can be cultivated and nurtured over time. Let’s commit to creating and prioritizing a joyful family in our lives.

Takeaway

  1. A joyful family takes time, patience, and effort, but the rewards are priceless!”
  2. Joy isn’t just an emotion, it’s a state of mind.
  3. From patience to positivity, you can learn the habits that create a joyful family and make your home happier!

Love thrilling fiction? My book The Swiss Courier (that I co-wrote with Mike Yorkey) is for you! 

If you’d rather read non-fiction, my book Balanced is available on Amazon.

 

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10 Surprising Habits for a Heart Happy Life

10 Surprising Habits for a Heart Happy Life: A Guide to Boosting Happiness and Nurturing Your Soul

A Guide to Boosting Happiness and Nurturing Your Soul

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to become overwhelmed and lose sight of what truly matters. We can get caught up in the demands of work, family, and daily responsibilities. We forget to take time for ourselves, our hearts, and our spiritual well-being.

Cultivating a happy heart and nurturing our souls are essential for a fulfilling life. In my book Heart Happy, I share 10 surprising habits to help us do that. Incorporating these habits into our daily routines can boost our happiness and strengthen our faith while enjoying a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

You might be surprised to learn that some of the most effective strategies are simple and easy to implement!

10 Habits for a Heart Happy Life

1. Practice Gratitude: “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:18. Taking time each day to reflect on what you’re grateful for can help shift your mindset and cultivate a more positive outlook.

2. Connect with Nature: “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.” – Psalm 19:1. Spending time outdoors, whether it’s going for a walk in the park or hiking in the woods, can help reduce stress and boost your mood.

3. Practice Mindfulness: “Be still, and know that I am God.” – Psalm 46:10. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation or yoga, can help you stay focused, even amid a busy day.

4. Nurture Your Relationships: “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” – Romans 12:10. Cultivating solid and supportive relationships with friends and family can help you feel more connected and fulfilled.

5. Engage in Creative Pursuits: “In the beginning, God created…” – Genesis 1:1. Pursuing creative activities, such as painting or writing, can help you tap into your inner creativity and boost your self-expression.

6. Prioritize Self-Care: “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own.” – 1 Corinthians 6:19. Taking time to care for yourself through exercise, getting enough sleep, or indulging in a relaxing bath can help you feel more centered and grounded.

7. Learn Something New: “Whoever gives thought to the word will discover good, and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord.” – Proverbs 16:20. Learning a new skill or taking up a new hobby can help you feel more accomplished and fulfilled.

8. Practice Forgiveness: “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” – Mark 11:25. Letting go of grudges and resentments can help free you from negative emotions and promote a greater sense of inner peace.

9. Give Back to Others: “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another as good stewards of God’s varied grace.” – 1 Peter 4:10. Volunteering or performing acts of kindness can help you feel more connected to your community and promote a greater sense of purpose.

10. Embrace God: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” – Proverbs 3:5-6. Whether through prayer, meditation, or other spiritual practices, nurturing your spiritual life can help you feel more grounded and connected to God.

By incorporating these habits into your daily routine, you can boost your happiness and nurture your soul, all while strengthening your faith. While they may seem simple, these practices have been shown to profoundly impact our well-being. So why not give them a try and see how they can transform your life?

Don’t miss my book, Heart Happy, available here!

Heart Happy: Staying Centered in God's Love During Chaotic Circumstances

Additional Resources:

Introducing Heart Happy by Tricia Goyer, the perfect guide to finding joy and peace amidst the chaos of life. As a busy mom of ten, author, speaker, and caregiver, Tricia knows firsthand the importance of soul care and finding happiness from within. In Heart Happy, she shares her journey to cultivating a happy heart rooted in God’s love and provides practical tips and encouragement for readers to do the same. Whether you’re overwhelmed or need inspiration, Heart Happy will help you find the peace and joy you deserve. Don’t miss out on this life-changing book. Get your copy of Heart Happy today!

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How to Trust God

 

She didn’t expect life to turn out like this. For the last few years she’d grown in her trust in and relationship with God. She’d been a strong support for her family. She’d thought she’d done everything right . . . but had God even noticed? Standing at her brother’s funeral she didn’t think so. Surely God could have stopped this tragedy. Didn’t Jesus care?

The “she” I’m talking about is Martha in the Bible. She’d seen Jesus heal, yet when her family needed his touch, Jesus was a no-show. Most of us know the biblical story about how Jesus finally showed up a few days later and called Lazarus from the grave. It was a healing they hadn’t expected, and I can guess that Martha went to sleep that night with a new sense of trust. Maybe Jesus knew what He was doing. Maybe she could truly trust Him after all.

Jesus told her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live, even after dying. Everyone who lives in me and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this, Martha?” John 1:25-26

Jesus has asked me the same things many times—not with an audible voice, but in my spirit.

Do you believe? Do you trust me?

Do you trust I gave your child a strong will for a reason?

Do you trust this cross-country move is best for your family?

Do you trust I can do the work through you when you can’t imagine doing it yourself?

Do you trust this personal struggle of yours will be for your benefit—to cause you to turn to me, to need me, to surrender to me?

Do you trust?

In our lives, trust comes when we can’t see how God is going to bring any good out of the mess we’re in . . . and He does. Trust comes when our heart is breaking and Jesus shows up. 

“Yes, Lord,” she told him. “I have always believed you are the Messiah, the Song of God, the one who has come into the world from God.” John 11:27

Martha believed in her mind. But after she embraced her warm, fleshly, laughing brother, trust moved to her heart.

In my life there was a moment when I was seventeen and pregnant, when Jesus showed up in my depressed state and gave me a glimmer of hope. Deep inside I knew that He would be there for me.

Many, many times over the years He’s shown up again in dark moments. As I watch Him transform rejection, pain, hopelessness, and worry into avenues to extend His love and grace to me and to others, my trust grows.

Learning to trust reminds me of the broken, hurting children we’ve invited into our home over the years. John and I are a constant presence guiding them, loving them, embracing them, discipling them, and sharing our lives with them – but trust didn’t happen in one day, one week, or even six months.

Trust has grown when our children discover layers of love, grace, and help in everyday challenges. When they mess up, feel stuck, or find themselves overwhelmed, they’ve discovered we’re still there. And we’ll continue to show them how to do life in a loving, healthy way.

The only way to learn to trust God is to face each dark situation knowing that Jesus WILL show up. It may not be when we expect, or how we expect, but we can expect Him.

And when Jesus shows up, He’s going to behave in a way that’s different that we believe He will. He’s not going to give us what we think we need, but what we really need. Mostly, He’s going to give us Himself.

“If you’ll hold on to me for dear life,” says God, “I’ll get you out of any trouble. I’ll give you the best of care if you’ll only get to know and trust me. Call me and I’ll answer, be at your side in bad times; I’ll rescue you, then throw you a party. I’ll give you a long life, give you a long drink of salvation.” Psalm 91:14-16 (The Message)

How have you learned to trust God in your life?

Additional Resources:

Want to learn more about soul care and having a Happy Heart? Heart Happy: Staying Centered in God’s Love through Chaotic Circumstances will inspire you to stay tethered to the Lover of your soul. By taking time to make your heart happy in the Lord, you’ll grow closer to the Heavenly Father, fostering true transformation from the inside out. Peace and joy can be yours—no matter what life dishes up.

Building up Your Faith When Your World is Falling Apart — Tricia chats with author Michele Cushatt about making sure your faith is strong when times are hard.

 

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