I went to lunch with a friend yesterday who is having major marriage problems. We’ve committed to getting together weekly to pray and study the Bible, but one thing she said stood out to me.
“My marriage has been rocky for the eleven years we’ve been together and Valentine’s Day is the worse holiday ever. I wish it would just go away.”
Just a few weeks ago I turned in my manuscript for Generation NeXt Marriage. And the more I talked with people, the more I realized that EVERY marriage has relationship struggles. Mine included.
Another thing I’ve realized is the for most marriages it isn’t major problems that keep us apart, but rather putting ourselves in cruise control . . . which means we aren’t proactive in meeting the needs of the other person, or communicating our own needs.
Slowly, unknowingly, we cruise apart without even sensing the growing chasm between us.
So, my question is, in what ways can marriage partners assess the health of their marriage BEFORE a problems surface? Have you done this? What has helped you?
I’d love to hear your comments because not only has this been on my heart lately, I have a short article due MONDAY! (Hahaha … honestly I don’t try to wait until the last minute. Life just works out this way.)
Any advice?
Little things. It’s always the litte things that get noticed the most.
Bringing him a cup of coffee in bed.
Listening to him ‘go off’ on his work even if you don’t know what the heck he is talking about. Asking questions does help.
Telling him you love him and what a good provider he is – for no reason other than to see him smile.
It works. So why don’t I do it more??? hahahah
And Tricia- about your article! NO procastinating!!!!!!! Get up at 4am instead of 5. 🙂 Shower immedietly so you are refreshed and ready to write. :0) xoxo
Hey Tricia – I’m not sure we’ll ever have all the right answer for everyone, but after 20 years of marriage, I can share what HASN’T worked!! LOL
I am a very introverted person when it comes to discussing my feelings. I clam up, bottle everything inside and put the cap on tight. My husband is just the opposite. He blows up and forgets about it.
What I’ve learned is this – I can only change myself.
I’m trying to be more open about my feelings, and to let him know right away when something is bothering me. I’m trying to overlook the little things that drive me crazy, because they are little, and making every effort to be the wife he deserves. I don’t always succeed, but I’m trying.
He needs a lot of verbal and physical affirmation, and I’m just not wired that way, so it’s always been hard – but God is good. I see satan trying to tear apart marriages all around me, and we have promised each other a long time ago ours will not be one of them. With Christ all things are possible.
Sorry I’m late with my response…
Hubby and I have had a very rocky road – suffice to say alcohol was involved for awhile and it really messed things up. But now that he is sober, we still have problems. Our pastor told us that there is NO PERFECT MARRIAGE. It doesn’t exist, period.
We have taken steps to communicate better. I think that is the most important thing. We are still very much in love and very physically affectionate – holding hands, smooching, giving each other a back scratch, whatever. And we also make it a point to spend time together without the kids. But I think the most important thing for us is realizing that we do need to work on our relationship and that we can’t let it get to the point where we’re just passing time together. It has to be a joint effort.
Melissa, can you please email me?
fromdustandashes@hotmail.com
Thanks 🙂