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Yesterday, I talked about how needy I am. Needy for love. For attention. For praise. Needy to know someone out there is loving me and thinking of me.

I need to know my voice matters. To know my life has purpose. I need to believe that whatever I do will be appreciated. (Of course, when it comes to book reviews that need is sometimes unmet!)

Sometimes I wonder what my problem is. Can’t I be content for .2 seconds? Can’t the sunny attitude I started with in the morning last all day?

I’d been pondering this, when the following quote popped up in my in-box. The author is anonoymous, although I wish I knew who wrote it so I could give him or her a big hug:

“God created us to have needs, not counting them as sinful or selfish. Without them, we’d have no way of knowing our need for God or how much He loves us.”

That’s it! That’s brilliant!

When I have tough days, I’ve been known to tell myself, “If life were perfect, then we wouldn’t need heaven.”

Now I have another motto I’m going to speak to my reflection in the mirror, “If you didn’t have needs, Tricia, you wouldn’t need God. So, Sister, use the emptiness that you feel in your heart to remind you to connect with the one person who is thinking of you and loving you most.”

Mmm . . . it warms my heart to realize that I’m always on God’s mind. He knows me better than anyone and still loves me. What a concept!

And when I take time to connect with Him, I don’t seem quite as needy any more. I feel His pleasure when I pray and feel His love as I read His Word.

Yes, it’s okay to be needy . . . in fact it’s totally human. I just need to remember where to turn to have those needs filled.

Check out this quote by Francis Frangipane:

There are so many things to occupy our minds: so many books, so many examples, so many good teachings that deserve our attention, that say, “here is a truth.” But, as I have been serving the Lord these past years, He has led me to seek for two things and two things only: to know the heart of God in Christ and to know my own heart in Christ’s light. Francis Frangipane, Holiness, Truth, and the Presence of God, p. 22

Wow. What do you think of that?

I can’t tell you how “true” this statement has been for me in the past few months. For so long I felt I was on the right path toward seeking God. I read His Word, praised Him, served Him, and urged others to do the same.

Then I prayed Psalm 139:23-24:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”

It was that “Point out …” part that really hit me. Wham, like a semi-truck crossing the center divider, God made me painfully aware of feelings, emotions, and longings I thought I’d buried in 1989. Sometimes the weight of them would be so overwhelming that I literally laid with my face on the carpet and cried before God, begging Him to sew up the places where my heart has been ripped apart.

God has shown me that knowing our own hearts is not easy, especially when we examine them in the light of Christ. Yet, it is only when we pray laments of discovery that truth can be known.

I used to think I knew myself. And, between you and me, it was easy to become prideful in my dedication to God. Then God gave me a glimpse of the areas of my life He still wished to work on. He pointed out my ever-present need for love and appreciation that never seems to be quenched. He showed me the places in my heart still held by others.

And I’d like to say that it was a learning opportunity that I’ve aced. I wish I had “task complete” stamped across the top of my assignment, but that’s not the case . . . and I don’t think it ever will be, because God has shown me that no man or woman can truly understand the depths of his or her heart. It’s the greatest unexplored territory that exsists. Yet it is also one God is faithful to unveil for us, one heartbeat at a time, if we trust Him and truly desire His truth to reign in every part of our being. Which I do.

This Friday, I’ll be celebrating a double anniversary. First, John and I will be married sixteen years. Second, it will be twelve years since I attended my first Mt. Hermon Writer’s Conference. I’m thrilled that this weekend I’ll be enjoying the conference near Santa Cruz, California.

Looking back, I truly didn’t understand what I was getting into when I vowed to “love, honor, and cherish” my husband all the days of my life. It has been more difficult, and more wonderful, that I could have imagined. I can say the same about following the call to become a writer.

How about you? Do you feel God calling you? Psalm 96:3 says, “Publish His glorious deeds among the naitons. Tell everyone about the amazing things He does.”

If reading that verse stirrs something inside you, then you have to get started. Don’t put it off. Today can be the first day of your writing journey. If it is . . . here are some practical steps to get you going:

1. Buy Sally Stuart’s Christian Writers’ Market Guide. It has over 600 pages of info. on almost every Christian magazine and book publisher.

2. Consider starting by writing articles. Look in the Market Guide and send away for writers’ guidelines and sample copies for those magazines you’re interested in. (Keep them organized in a file drawer or box.) Study the guidelines and the sample copies so that you clearly know what they want.

3. Seek out a Christian writers’ critique group. They’re listed in the Market Guide. Write articles and take them with you for critique. You can learn a lot from others.

4. Attend a Christian writers’ conference. My personal favorite is the Mt. Hermon, but there are tons of other great ones. Writer’s conferences are the BEST way to make personal contact with editors and establish yourself as a professional writer.

5. Get a copy of Writer’s Digest; the library may even have it. Check out writing books at the library or those offered through the magazine. Also, subscribe to the Writer’s Digest Book Club . . . and read them!!!

Those are just a few things to get you started. I trust that as you take this step of faith God will do exceedingly more than you ever hoped or imagined!

I buy Ruled Index Cards that are spiral bound, and I fill them with my favorite Scripture verses dealing with depending on God, praising Him, trusting Him, etc.

I keep these cards by my computer. I add to them, and I reread them.

When the computer is loading I read them. When I feel “stuck” in my writing, I read them. When my thoughts stray and my heart longs for what it cannot have, I read them. I am stregthened by God’s Word, and I am reminded where my help comes from!

I have an awesome advantage not everyone one has, out my office window there is an immense physical evidence of God’s glory–a massive demonstration that stretches from horizon to horizon. You see, the Rocky Mountains stand about ten miles from my home. These gentle giants rise from the green valley floor into to the soft clouds. Then, in perfect alignment with my corner window, the mountain chain v’s, displaying the white-topped peaks of Glacier National Park in the background

This morning as I looked out my front window, those mountains were again a glorious reminder of God’s greatness. Psalms 121:2 says, “My help comes from the Lord, Maker of heaven and earth.”

While these mountains are seemingly immovable, they were formed by words of God and are a monument of His magnificence. They display the beauty of the Most Beautiful.

My prayer today is that I can stand as a small testimony to God’s magnitude. That I can be a minor display of the Most Beautiful.

You see, creation is still taking place today as God recreates me through His Word spoken to my heart.

The pretty blonde stood in front of the church. “I had an abortion when I was nineteen.” Her eyes scanned the crowd. “And I will be leading a Bible Study for others like me.”

I lowered my head. My hands trembled on my lap. I was sure by my response that everyone around me could guess my secret. Yet, a flicker of hope stirred. There’s someone like me. Someone who knows this pain.

I’d been a Christian for many years, but the shame of having an abortion at age fifteen weighed heavy on my heart. During years of attending church, I had no idea other women also dealt with the same heartache.

Women Like Me. Each year, about 50 million women worldwide have abortions. In the U.S. alone, 43 percent of women will have an abortion by the time they are 45 years old. Yet for a Christian woman, it may feel like she’s the only one dealing with this issue. And so often, church leaders don’t know how to approach the subject of abortion for fear of stirring “controversy.” Instead, leaders need to realize that these women need hope. They need to hear that others have faced the same pain and have found healing.

Post-Abortion Healing. After having an abortion, many women cope through the defense mechanisms of repression and denial. Oftentimes, this helps women avoid the pain for 5, 10, even 20 years. But during a woman’s life, events such having children or facing infertility, can bring these negative feelings to light.

Yet even before a woman realizes her pain, suppressed shame and guilt express themselves in many ways, including low self-esteem, insomnia, nightmares, and flashbacks. It is also common for women to turn to alcohol or drugs to numb the ache.

Steps to healing. Still, women do not need to remain prisoner to their silent suffering. According to J. Willke, there are five steps in the healing process:

(1) Counter the denial. A woman must take responsibility and admit she killed her baby.

(2) Grieve over her lost child. Releasing pent-up tears often brings healing.

(3) Seek divine forgiveness. In my case, it helped to realize Jesus’ grace was greater than my sin.

(4) Forgive others. There are many people I resented for their part, including family members and my old boyfriend. But I soon realized that this hatred hurt me the most.

(5) Forgive herself. Romans 6:16 states that “sin leads to death.” When I was able to forgive myself for believing Satan’s lies, I found inner peace that I’d not experienced in years. And afterwards, I knew I had to help others find the same peace.

Reaching Out. After my own healing, I began to lead post-abortion groups using the book, Forgiven and Set Free by Linda Cochrane. I also share my testimony in person and through writing. I know my words of hope maybe exactly what the women listening in the pew–or the one reading my blog–may need. Just like another woman’s words had once helped me.

Even though my abortion happened nineteen years ago, a part of me has forever been changed. My life reflects it. My writing reflects it. In fact, I feel it’s no coincidence that themes of bondage, forgiveness, and hope are found within the pages of the novels I write.

How about you? How has your Real Life Pain and Real Life Healing transformed your ministry?

Footnote: J. Willke, P.A.S. Five Steps on How You Can Help, Life Issues Connector, Mar. 1996

I love March. Well, at least this March. I love the air that hints of spring. The grass starting to turn shades of green. The rays of dawn that tint the snowy mountains with a hint of pink every morning.

I love walking my dog on our bike trail. I love taking my mini-van through the car wash (thus, no muddy snow on the roads), and I love watching the neighbor kids bounce on their trampoline out my window.

Spring means fresh, new life. It’s a time for new beginnings.

For me, this includes working on the first book of a three-book series, The Spanish Civil War Chronicles. The title of this first book is Valley of Betrayal.

I’m still in the process of wrapping my mind around my story, but I do know a few things. I know that sometimes love doesn’t turn out as we’d hoped. Yet we can each become a better person because of our hearts that love.

The funny thing about reading novels is that we glimpse into a part of the author’s heart, whether we realize it or not. Think about your favorite novel. What did you learn about the author’s hopes, dreams, memories, and loves?

I often don’t realize how much of “me” makes it’s way into my stories until the book is already on the shelf. But that’s okay, I suppose. For it’s through my words that I let my heart be known.

And for the book to come, my heart will share how true love is found even under the most difficult circumstances. A true love that is never forgotten. Forever embraced.

Today, obviously, is a day when our country focuses on love. How?

candy hearts
chocolate
flowers
romantic greeting cards
naughty nightwear
dinner out
teddy bears

How did God show love?

His very Word spoken.
The Word come to live among us.
Sacrifice.
His death for our life.
Christ in me.

We can pursue, purchase, and present our love . . . or at least try. Yet true love gives, changes, and transforms from the inside out.

“The contrast between God’s way of doing things and our way is never more acute than in this area of human change and transformation,” says Richard Foster. We focus on specific actions; God focuses on us. We work from the out outside in; God works from the inside out. We try; God transforms.”

Do you desire to be transformed by love today? Begin by opening your Bible to the book of John. It is there you will see Love sent down to live among us. He has changed my heart into something more beautiful than anything I could have ever dreamed.

In fact, if I could imprint one of those candy hearts to relate the message left on on mine, it would say one thing:

Forever His.

In the book, Mr. Jones Meet Your Maker, Peter Marshall prays the following prayer:

O God our Father, history and experience have given us so many evidences of Thy guidance to nations and to individuals that we should not doubt Thy power of Thy willingness to direct us. Give us the faith to believe that when God wants us to do or not to do any particular thing, God finds a way of letting us know.
May we not make it more difficult for Thee to guide us, but be willing to be led of Thee, that Thy will may be done in us and through us for the good of America and all mankind. This we ask in Jesus’ name. AMEN.

I was remind of this prayer as I watched End of the Spear this afternoon. Years ago, five men ventured out to share the good news of Jesus with a vicious tribe of people. At the time, making contact and sharing the Good News with a few men and women was all they hoped for. These missionaries had no idea that years later millions of people would know their story, and moviegoers would be hearing their message over and over again.

Personally, I’ve come to trust that Marshall’s words are true, ” . . . when God wants us to do or not to do any particular thing, God finds a way of letting us know.” I trust that because it has become true in my life.

There are many instances when God places something on my heart, and sometimes I’ll never know why. Then there are other times I listen, obey, and am allowed a glimpse of what God is up to.

Last summer that very thing happened to me. After conversations with other moms and coming across amazing statistics, God placed it on my heart to write a book for Generation X Parents. I had another book under deadline, a conference to prepare for, schoolwork to organize for my kids, but I couldn’t shake the thought. Putting together a proposal for this book was something I had to do NOW.

Within a month, I had a proposal submitted to my agent. Within another month we received word that a few publishers were interested. And by November 15th we heard that Multnomah Publishers was offering a contract. (One of the best in the business!) Due to the grace of God, the manuscript has been written and is currently being edited. It will hit the shelves September 15, 2006 . . . one year from the time God placed the idea on my heart.

I have no clue how many people the message of this book will touch, and that’s okay. I can’t do much concerning results, but I can be obedient in following God in the areas He calls me to.

Years ago, five missionaries walked in obedience and it cost them their lives. But, oh, how many hearts have been touched by their story.

This year, God is leading me down numerous paths of publication . . . yet I’m leaving the results to Him.

Now, what about you? Are you willing to pray the same prayer?

Give me the faith to believe that when You want me to do or not to do any particular thing, You will find a way of letting me know.

I guarantee if you expect and believe, listen and obey, you will not be disappointed.

This morning I was honored to be interviewed by Jack Jacobs from KJTY: Topeka, Kansas. Jack is one of my favorite interviewers. He always has great questions and is excited about my books. How could I not like that?

It’s weird, though, to think the people I’ll most likely never meet listened to my voice over the radio. As I sat in my computer chair, overlooking the Montana Rocky Mountains, people in their car, or at work, or maybe making breakfast were listening to my words.

It’s humbling really. I mean the other 99% of my day is completely ordinary. I’m ordinary . . . or at least I was until God decided to use me for His purposes.

Today, when I was cleaning off my desk I came upon this verse I’d written on a notecard. Acts 20:24 reads, “But my life is worth nothing unless I use it for doing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus–the work of telling others the Good News about God’s wonderful kindness and love.”

It’s a good reminder for me, because there are days like today when I’m able to share the Good News over the radio. Then there are other days when the sharing is more subtle . . . but either way, my life is worth nothing unless I use it to do the work assigned to me by the Lord Jesus.