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3 Ways You’re a Leader- And How to Be a Better One

3 Ways You're a Leader - And How to Be a Better One
3 Ways You’re a Leader – And How to Be a Better One

Many people are confused about the term “family leader.” As I’ve blogged about moms being leaders, I’ve had both men and women pipe up, “But wait, the man’s supposed to be the leader in the home, right?” Yes, but women are leaders, too, in many ways you may not realize.

1. In your role as spouse –
Yes, friends, I believe in the “S” word: submission. I believe God has called men to be the spiritual head of the home and the ones to care for and provide for his wife and family and lead the family unit. I believe wives come under their headship in willing submission . . . yet women are leaders, too.

Any time you strive to guide the thoughts, behavior, or direction of another person, you are leading! Or, as John Quincy Adams said, “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, you are a leader.”

Go ahead, read that again. Mom, you are a leader! Wife, you are a leader! Your thoughts and attitudes guide your closest relationships. Family leadership can be as intimate as offering words of guidance and encouragement to a discouraged loved one, or it can be as directive as issuing specific instructions on how to drive the family car.

2. In your community –
A man or a woman’s role in leadership also extends beyond the four walls of the home. Just think of your roles at your work, at your child’s school, and in your neighborhood. Influence can also be exhibited in your roles as church volunteers and community leaders. These are important roles in our everyday lives, especially since many couples today are often not well-connected with siblings and parents. Many families are spread out, living far from extended family members. This causes many couples to create their own “family units” with like-minded friends. These are the people they vacation with and spend free time with. Seeking God in these roles is important; it’s then that couples realize they can be a positive influence in their church and community outside of their own home.

3. In your extended family –
Sometimes this is the hardest place to be a leader. We can’t choose our relatives, and sometimes the relationships with parents, siblings, aunts, uncle, and cousins can be the hardest. Often people are put into “roles” within their family. Yet in your actions and reactions, you are showing leadership—whether you like it or not.

In each of these areas, you make an impact! As a leader you . . . 

  • Build enduring relationships within the home that can have far-reaching impact beyond the home
  • Set the basic direction of life values, character development, and relational behavior
  • Involve seasons of personal sacrifice to promote the spiritual and physical well-being of others
  • Sustain love, loyalty, trust, mercy, forbearance, forgiveness, and sacrifice
  • Mature and grow
  • Foster values of love, compassion, trust, commitment, honesty, and grace within its members.

Think your role in leadership doesn’t matter? Think again. The number-one way you can be better in each of these areas is to pray.

Today take a few minutes to pray for your role as a leader.

  • Pray for your leadership in your family.
  • Pray for your leadership in your church.
  • Pray for your leadership in your neighborhood.
  • Pray for your leadership at work and school.
  • Pray that God will show you how to lead.
  • 
Pray you will submit to His leadership in your life.

The impact we can have in the lives of people around us can’t be underestimated . . . and only prayer prepares us for the work ahead!

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How to Breathe God-Messages and Find Inspiration

 

How to Breathe God-Messages and Find Inspiration

How to Breathe God-Messages

Where do you go for inspiration? Sometimes I sit down with my journal. Other times I take a walk or take a bath. Today I found inspiration from Facebook and hymns. Honestly!

Facebook is always interesting, but when I read through my feed today I noticed a few things:

Death, loss, and moms struggling with anxiety. I saw needs . . . lots of needs. I saw friends and acquaintances who need a fresh dose of encouragement and hope.

Inspiration means “breath of God.” Sometimes when inspiration hits I’m able to do fun work. I’m able to write a moving chapter in my novel or pen a short story for a magazine. But sometimes God’s breath takes me to harder places where I feel others’ hurt deep in my chest.

Inspiration isn’t always light and fluffy. (Don’t we wish it was!) And sometimes creativity comes so that we can offer just the right words, messages, or images to hurting friends.

Here are 5 ways to breathe God-messages:

  1. Start with God’s Word. God’s Word is truth and is where all creativity comes from. Read meaningful passages and delve into the creativity of God’s Word. I love the poetry of Psalms. The word images always inspire me!
  2. Pray for God’s inspiration. “The Sovereign LORD has given me a well-instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being instructed,” Isaiah 50:4 (NIV). Pray that God will give you a well-instructed tongue to inspire and bless someone else.
  3. Fill yourself up first. Before I even opened Facebook I spent time with God. I read numerous chapters from the book of John. I marveled at the compassion Jesus had for those who dared to trust Him. My heart grew thankful over His compassion for me, and soon my full heart was ready to spill out.
  4. Pray for words, messages, or images that can be a gift to others. “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver,” we read in Proverbs 25:11. Those “words” can be shared in numerous ways!
  5. Find creative ways to share God’s truth. This morning my heart was drawn to creating a visual message for so hurting friends. This is what I came up with:

childofGod

I don’t know who is going to see this graphic. I don’t know how these words will speak to hurting hearts. All I know is that God inspired me this morning, and creativity flowed. From the stirring that I feel deep within, I imagine it’ll keep flowing. That’s how creativity works, isn’t it? Once you prime the pump, it’s amazing what comes out!

What about you? How do you get inspired? How many God-messages has He given you lately to share?

Steps You can Take

  1. Spend time with God, praying for God’s inspiration.
  2. Do something to feed your creative soul.
  3. Let the creativity spill out through words, through music, through art.
  4. Share your message (God’s message through you) with others.

Daily Prayer

Dear Lord,

Thank you for the creativity and inspiration you give us. I pray that you would continue to inspire me daily so that I can breathe your messages to those around me in need. 

In Jesus name, amen.

Resources You Might Like:

The Creative Life
A Million Little Ways

 

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Just Be Available to God

Just Be Available to God
Just Be Available to God

Just Be Available

If you want God to work in your life, then just be available! Be available AND believe He will move on your behalf. You have to believe this. If you don’t believe in a BIG God with BIG dreams there’s no use being available. When you learn to trust God completely and trust in His dreams, THEN you can also trust Him to lead you down the right path. Let me tell you how I know!

Fifty-two years ago, there was a woman about to give birth. She was young and didn’t know how she could afford a child without her parent’s help. She hadn’t talked to her former boyfriend in months–she didn’t even know how to reach him. How could she tell him she was having his child?

This young woman attended church some, yet her dialogue with God was stilted. How could God let this happen to her? What would her life be like now?

A baby girl was born, and upon holding her child this young lady knew things would be okay. Perhaps this baby was a gift, not a burden as she supposed. So this woman raised her daughter the best she could, and while she wanted to give her child more than she had…

History has a way of repeating itself.

When the daughter became a young woman she found herself in the same situation—living at home, pregnant, scared. The daughter knew she could raise this child. After all, her mom had done it. But what would her life be like? How could God let this happen to her?

If you haven’t guessed already – I was the daughter.

I was born to a single mom, becoming a single mom myself as a teenager. At age seventeen, God gave me a son. My boyfriend was out of the picture, and I faced raising a child alone with little education, no money, and – maybe, according to the world – little hope for my future.

Now if you take this story at face value, I am nothing more than a statistic.

According to government research, most daughters of young mothers go on to be teen mothers themselves. They face lives of hardship, living on welfare for the most part—becoming a burden rather than an asset to society.

Yet, I am not a statistic. And you know why I’m not a statistic? Because God doesn’t do statistics.

Did you hear that?

God doesn’t do statistics. In fact, He likes to blow them out of the water.

You see, God has a history of seeing something that no one else does. Like seeing a king in a shepherd boy named David, seeing an apostle in a young zealot named Paul, and seeing a mighty warrior in a frightened nobody named Gideon.

God has X-ray eyes that see right through any outward characteristics or any national statistics. His X-ray eyes scan down to the heart.

And what did God see? He must have seen something worthwhile. Because . . .

At age 52, I’m a multi-published author of magazine articles, Bible study notes, curriculum, and many books. My book for teenage mothers was nominated for a prestigious award. I’m a national speaker, traveling to share God’s good news.

While in my twenties I helped to launch a Crisis Pregnancy Center, helped start numerous abstinence programs, and launched support groups for Teen Moms.

Just Be Available

Now, if I were not a believer, all these would be things I could really tout. But honestly, I can say that it doesn’t have to do with me at all.

It’s about:

  • A BIG God with BIG dreams.
  • A God who has made an agreement with me that is eternal, final, and sealed.
  • A God who is constantly looking after my safety and success.
  • A God who is strong in my weakness.
  • A God who sees the future sees the past and has a perfect plan for me.

Well, I guess the whole truth is that I do have something to do with it. It’s only a little something, but I guess it makes a pretty big difference.

See, God can be all those things in my life, but only if I let Him.

There is one thing I must do . . . and that is Be Available. Of course, I didn’t just wake up one day and say, “Here I am, God – use me.” I didn’t just clear my schedule and wait for God to show up.

Rather, the steps toward my availability were a work in progress. They started on the day I was six months pregnant and accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Savior. I like to look at that as Day One.

In those 34 years from then to now, I’ve learned a lot.

Lesson #1: Sometimes being available means stepping away from the status quo.

For me, that meant moving 1,000 miles away. Seriously, 1,000 miles. You see after I gave my heart to the Lord, I birthed a beautiful son. Not too long later, God gave me an amazing, Christian husband and two more children. Then He asked us to move . . . (in a roundabout way.)

First, God put us into a community of like-minded people. Our friends longed for a simple life away from the hurry and worry in California.

Next, He placed a desire in our hearts to raise our children in a better place – a place called Montana. We’d talked about it with our friends, we’d dreamt about it, and hoped that many someday it would come true.

Then, we decided to pray. My husband and I got on our knees and prayed that IF it was God’s desire He would make it clear. John had just graduated from college, and I was raising three small children under the age of 5.

We knew we’d be leaving our families, leaving our friends, leaving everything we knew. We had no job in Montana, no money to move; in fact, we’d never even been there before! Still, we had a desire. One we couldn’t shake.

At the time, my husband sold computers on commission in a small store. He’d usually sell 1-2 a week. He went to work the next day after our joint-prayer, and sold 11 computers! Enough to pay off our current bills with enough left over to move and live on. It was the confirmation we’d been looking for.

So we did it. We packed up our three kids and moved. Our families thought we were crazy.

They were sure we were joining some commune or something. We saw Kalispell for the first time as we drove in with our stuff. Within the week, we were renting a house. Within three weeks, my husband had a far better job than he had in California. And within six months, we’d purchased our first house. In less than a year, we were plugged into an amazing church and ministering to children in ways we’d always dreamed of.

Beautiful quote from Tricia Goyer's 3 Part Series- Just be available to God

We serve a BIG God with BIG dreams.

You have to believe this. If you don’t believe in a BIG God with BIG dreams there’s no use being available. But when you trust that fact. Trust God completely. Trust His dreams, THEN you can also trust Him to lead you to the right path.

Seeing God at work and what He did with our lives when we were available made me hungry for more. I wanted to experience God at work like that again.

Henry and Mel Blackaby say, “Watching the activity of God from a distance can never compare with the thrill of being fully involved in the Spirit’s active work.”

You have to want God. Not just want to work for Him or learn about Him, but truly want Him. You have to want to experience Him at work in your life. You have to be hungry for what only He can give—a hope and a future.

Prayer

God, I want to trust you. I want to be available for the big plans you have for me. Lead me to the right path. I am hungry for a hope and a future.

What BIG DREAM is God whispering into your heart? Maybe, like me, you feel God pulling you towards words, towards writing and speaking and sharing His message. If that sounds familiar then maybe you need to join me in the Write That Book club!

Making your writing dreams become a reality is tough. You have ideas but you wonder if any of them are good. You have no idea how to connect with agents and editors, and what in the world is book proposal anyway?

I’m here to help, and I’ve invited some of my friends to help you, too. They are professional agents, editors, authors, and marketing and publicity team members. They’re the best of the best in the Christian publishing industry. Together, we want to help you reach your dreams.

To help you do this, I’ve created Write That Book. This premier group provides education, inspiration, and connection with other writers and experts. Learn all the tricks of the trade while getting your personal questions answered.

Over thirty experts will be available throughout the month to answer your questions. Their decades of experience will be at your fingertips. They not only want to help you, but they also want to get to know you better. After all, your words might just be the ones they’re looking for!

Learn more here:

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Learning to Face the Truth

 

As I often share, being transparent can free your soul (read Part 1 HERE). Your shame can also be your testimony. And, as hard as telling others may be, when we learn to face the truth, it’s our hard stories that lead others to real freedom.

It's our hard stories that lead others to real freedom. Tricia shares her journey in learning how to be transparent in healing from her abortion.

It was a story I did not want to tell. But as Sanctity of Life Sunday approached, my pastor asked me to share my story I had kept secret for many years with the church—my abortion story. And while I understood this message could help other women find forgiveness, I also knew it meant I’d have to face the truth and tell my kids—something I dreaded.

My kids were ages ten, seven, and five. Although I was their mom, I thought they’d hate me when they knew the truth. After all, just how do you tell your kids they’d have another brother or sister if it weren’t for their mom’s bad decision?

John and I prayed about how to tell our children. We knew that although they’d heard the word abortion before, they most likely didn’t understand what it was. Since they were still young, they didn’t need to know the details. We also wanted them to know why many women terminate their pregnancies—because of fear, worry, or pressure from other people.

A few days later, my husband and I explained to our kids that abortion meant a woman did not want to be pregnant and had an operation to end the life of her baby. I could tell from my kids’ faces they were horrified. John shared why a woman might do this, and they expressed sadness for those women. Then, with tears in my eyes, I told them my story.

When Sin is Allowed to Grow

With a shaky voice, I explained that when I was in high school, I had become pregnant. I said that when I visited a clinic, the workers told me it really wasn’t a baby yet and that everything would be better if I had the procedure. I told my kids that I had always wanted to be a mom, but I was afraid of having a baby as a fifteen-year-old. I was worried about what people would think.

I told my kids I wanted to believe what the clinic worker said was true because it seemed like an easy way out. So I ignored the nagging voice in my head that told me I was ending a life. After the abortion, I was heartbroken and numb. It took many years for the emotional pain to go away.

John and I also explained I had not been following Jesus, and that I had wanted things my own way. I read James 1:14–15 to my children: “But your own evil longings tempt you. They lead you on and drag you away. When they are allowed to grow, they give birth to sin. When sin has grown up, it gives birth to death” (NIRV). In this case, my sin led to the death of their brother or sister. My kids listened, and I could see the sadness on their faces.

Finding Forgiveness

Months after my abortion, I saw a woman wearing a Precious Feet pin on her sweater. When I commented about it, she told me that her pin represented the size of the feet of a ten-week-old fetus. I knew then that my baby had a body, feet, hands, and a beating heart. The reality of my decision became clear. Overwhelmed with guilt, I became self-destructive and made more bad decisions.

But when I was seventeen, I accepted Jesus. I realized I’d been making the wrong choices, and I asked God to do something with my life.

 

Tricia Goyer shares about her repentance and healing from her abortion in her blog post: Learning to Face The Truth

 

I told my kids I had asked Jesus to forgive me. I asked for their forgiveness, too, for ending the life of the sibling they’d never know on earth.

It only took a few seconds for three sets of arms to wrap around me. “It’s OK, Mom. We love you, and we forgive you!” they told me.

It was like a dam broke within my soul. For so long this secret had been swelling against the wall I had built. To share and face the truth and seeing they still loved me made my chest light and warm. Tears spilled as I held them in my arms. As a mom, the last people I wanted to disappoint were my kids.

Their hurt was evident, but their love was even greater.

Facing the Truth by Sharing the Story

Whenever my children brought up the subject, whether it was weeks, months, or even years later, we would talk about it. A few times they told me about friends who asked them about what I’d shared at church, and they were able to explain my story. Later, when I told my story to other groups, I shared with my kids how my story helped those who needed to know about Jesus’ forgiveness, too. We would talk about how God could use even the painful stuff in our lives to help others.

When my daughter was sixteen, she returned from a youth social gathering and told me that the subject of abortion came up.

“Mom, many of them said a woman should have a choice,” she reported, “but then I told them your story.”

My daughter had shared with her peers about my heartache and pain. “Many women do not know what they are choosing, and they suffer for years afterward,” she told them, “just like my mom.”

Originally, keeping my secret seemed like the right thing to do, but sharing my experience has allowed others, my children included, to better understand decisions and consequences—and the truth about pain, loss, and regret.

 

What a blessed promise to those who repent! Tricia Goyer's blog post: Learning to Face The Truth (her story of abortion and healing)

 

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1 ESV

Steps You Can Take:

1. Pray, pray pray.

2. Write down key points you want to make before you share your story

3. Be open to other opportunities to face the truth and share your story—and for others to share their stories with you.

Today’s Prayer

God, thank you for your forgiveness and for your forgiveness exemplified in others. Please give me courage as I share my story, and give me a heart of understanding toward others and their stories.

Additional Resources

These are some books I have written that might bless you as well:

 

My life Unscripted

Young people (and old) earn the importance of “scripting” their own responses BEFORE challenging life situations arise so they are able to think about, pray about, and consider how to face these situations before the scene begins. By contrasting real life with TV or movies, teens will understand they don’t have to get caught up in the drama.
My Life Unscripted

Praying For Your Future Husband
From when we were small girls, most of us dream of “The One,” our future husband. We think about what it would be like to be a bride. We wonder who that special guy is and when we’ll find him. The great news is that what you do now can make a difference in your life and the life of your future husband!
walk it out
Women often pack their lives with family, friends, and faithful service, yet still end up feeling empty and unfulfilled. In Walk It Out, Tricia Goyer demonstrates to women that walking out the mandates of Scripture allows God to spark passion and mission within them.
sewn with joy
Can I work in a woman finding forgiveness in an Amish novel? Oh yes, I can. 😂
Joy Miller wanted nothing more than to be a wife and mother—especially now that her relationship with Matthew Slagel, the bishop’s son, was deepening. But when a television crew rolls into Pinecraft, Florida, to film a new show about the Amish, tension threatens to rip apart their relationship…and the entire Amish community

 

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How to be Transparent: Telling Someone About My Abortion Freed My Soul

How to be Transparent

Do you have a secret? I did… and it weighed me down for years. Today I want to talk about how to be transparent because I wasn’t for a very long time.

My abortion was my biggest shame, and only my husband and my mother (and my ex-boyfriend, of course) knew about it.

I remember sitting in Bible study and the other women talking about abortion. I thought I was going to be sick. I was sure everyone saw the pain and shame on my face–and these were my closest friends. I knew that if I told them they’d hate me. I hated me.

Then, about ten years after my abortion, I was at church and heard a woman talk about a Bible study for women who’d had abortions. I was shocked that she exposed her darkest sin. I needed the freedom she had. The hardest thing I ever did was go to that Bible study. But I did, and I found healing. More healing than I ever imagined I could.

Satan can only keep us captive if we’re silent. If we shrink back from the sin. If we try to “handle it” ourselves.

Jesus is truth. Jesus brought us into a body of believers to depend on each other. When we share the truth, Satan no longer has a hold on us.

 

How to be Transparent
How to be Transparent: Tricia Goyer’s story of healing from abortion.

Your “secret” is different than mine, but the enemy of our souls would like nothing more than for you to keep your struggle to yourself. To keep silent. We need to learn how to be transparent.

Steps to learning how to be transparent:

To start taking steps toward transparency, find a Bible study or some type of support group near you. Then confess to others who have the same issue. Care for each other. Pray for each other. Confession brings freedom; your burden will be lighter when you share it. I remember after I went to my first Bible study class, I started confessing other issues I had. I sought forgiveness from those I’d hurt, and the shackles fell from my heart.

Seek God, and write out your prayers to Him. Know that your struggle is not hidden from His view. God knows your issues and still LOVES YOU COMPLETELY. Read Psalm 139. His thoughts of you are greater than the sand on the seashore.

Then, when the time is right, God will lead you to share your story with others. God will transform your trials into your testimony. He’ll also help you in your struggle. Turn to Him. Let Him guide Your steps. Jesus will lead you into freedom—trust that.

Read more about my abortion story in Part Two: Learning to Face the Truth

 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17-18 ESV
How to be Transparent: Tricia Goyer’s story of healing from abortion.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.

The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

2 Corinthians 5:17-18 ESV

Steps you can take to be transparent:

1. Find a Bible Study or prayer group for women in a like-minded situation.

2. Confess your sin or shame to someone who you trust.

3. Seek God. Understand He loves you completely.

4. After you find freedom, share your story with someone who needs to hear it.

Today’s Prayer

God, please give me the confidence to share my story with others. Use it to further your kingdom and to bring glory to your name, no matter how scared I am to share my past with others.

Additional Resources

These are some books I have written that can help you as well!

My life Unscripted- life-impacting testimony

Young people (and old) earn the importance of “scripting” their own responses BEFORE challenging life situations arise so they are able to think about, pray about, and consider how to face these situations before the scene begins. By contrasting real life with TV or movies, teens will understand they don’t have to get caught up in the drama.

 

 

 

 

 

Praying For Your Future Husband will be a part of your life-impacting testimony

 

 

From when we were small girls, most of us dream of “The One,” our future husband. We think about what it would be like to be a bride. We wonder who that special guy is and when we’ll find him. The great news is that what you do now can make a difference in your life and the life of your future husband! Praying For Your Future Husband

 

 

 

walking it out is part of your life-impacting testimony

 

 

Women often pack their lives with family, friends, and faithful service, yet still end up feeling empty and unfulfilled. In Walk It Out, Tricia Goyer demonstrates to women that walking out the mandates of Scripture allows God to spark passion and mission within them. Walk It Out

 

 

 

 

sewn with joy- suggestion for blog post about life-impacting testimony

Can I work in a woman finding forgiveness into an Amish novel? Oh yes, I can! 😂

Joy Miller wanted nothing more than to be a wife and mother—especially now that her relationship with Matthew Slagel, the bishop’s son, was deepening. But when a television crew rolls into Pinecraft, Florida, to film a new show about the Amish, tension threatens to rip apart their relationship…and the entire Amish community. Sewn With Joy

 

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3 Ways to Lose Guilt and Find Joy

3 Ways to Lose Guilt and Find Joy
3 Ways to Lose Guilt and Find Joy

Guilt is a common emotion that many women struggle with on a daily basis. It’s easy to get caught up in the demands of life and feel like we’re not doing enough, or that we’re not doing things perfectly. But the truth is, we are all imperfect beings, and it’s important to learn how to lose guilt and find joy in our lives.

One of the first steps to losing guilt is acknowledging that we are not perfect. We all make mistakes, and it’s okay to do so. It’s important to learn from our mistakes and move on rather than dwelling on them and feeling guilty. Apologizing when we’ve hurt someone is important, but forgiving ourselves and moving forward guilt-free is also important.

Another key to losing guilt is recognizing that there are things in life we have no control over. Whether it’s our children’s sports injuries or something else entirely, it’s important to trust that God has a plan and that everything happens for a reason. When we let go of our need to control everything, we can find peace and joy in the present moment.

Lastly, it’s important to remember that we can’t do it all. We must prioritize our time and focus on what’s most important. It’s okay to ask for help when we need it, and it’s okay to let some things go in order to focus on what truly matters. By doing so, we can find more joy and fulfillment in our lives rather than feeling guilty for not being able to do everything perfectly.

Guilt is a common emotion many women struggle with, but learning how to let go of it and find joy in our lives is important. By acknowledging that we’re not perfect, recognizing that there are things we can’t control, and prioritizing our time, we can live a more joyful and fulfilling life.

There’s another place we need to turn when dealing with guilt too.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” – Matthew 11:28-29. This Scripture reminds us that we don’t have to carry the burden of guilt alone. By coming to Jesus and learning from him, we can find rest for our souls and live a more joyful and fulfilling life.

Perfection is impossible, so don’t let guilt hold you back. Learn how to lose guilt and find joy in life. Acknowledge imperfection, forgive yourself, trust God’s plan, and prioritize your time.

Takeaways:

  1. Let go of guilt and embrace joy in your life.
  2. Perfection is impossible, so don’t let guilt hold you back.
  3. Trust in God’s plan and let go of your need to control everything.
  4. Prioritize what’s important and let go of the rest to find more joy.
  5. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and move forward guilt-free.

Additional Resources:

Looking for a way to let go of guilt and embrace joy in your life? Look no further than Heart Happy by Tricia Goyer! In this must-read book, Tricia shares powerful insights on how to break free from the burdens of guilt and find true happiness. With practical tips on how to let go of the need for perfection, trust in God’s plan, prioritize what’s truly important, and forgive yourself for your mistakes, Heart Happy is the ultimate guide to living a guilt-free life. Don’t let guilt hold you back any longer – order your copy of Heart Happy today and start living your best life!

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Honoring Black History Month

In February we’re honoring Black History Month and I believe the best place to start is by educating ourselves. I’m sharing these resources with you in hopes that they foster the hope and reconciliation our culture so desperately needs. Learning is a great place to connect and these resources are a great place to start.

In Peace~ Tricia.

honoring black history

Honoring Black History Month

As a white person growing up in California I had black friends, and I thought I understood black history, just from things I’d learned in school. Then, in 2010, my family moved to Little Rock, Arkansas, I started a support group for inner-city teen moms, and we started attending a multi-ethnic church, and I realized I knew nothing at all.

So, what did I do? I began to read and study. I asked questions tough questions and sought out honest answers. Instead of standing by idly, I pushed in to learn the hard facts.

What grew in me then was a deep respect and appreciation for the battle our brothers and sisters have fought. I pray that the following resources help you find the answers too. But, moreover, I hope they lead us to a better understanding and build a bond of unity among us all.

Honoring Black History Month

honoring Black History month

We live near Central High School, and I take everyone who visits to experience the museum, commemorating the Little Rock Nine, and discover a part of history they don’t know. Recently I hosted an online virtual tour sharing this location with the world. While the capital city of Arkansas looks idyllic now, this city is a site of many of history’s heartaches.  During the tour I shared about the Civil Rights battle that took place here when a group of nine black students were blocked from entering the formerly all-white Central High School by the Arkansas National Guard, drawing national attention to the civil rights movement.

One resource I recommend to help you learn from a first-hand account is Warriors Don’t Cry: An innocent teenager. An unexpected hero by Melba Pattiollo Beals.

In 1957, Melba Pattillo turned sixteen. That was also the year she became a warrior on the front lines of a civil rights firestorm. Following the landmark 1954 Supreme Court ruling, Brown v. Board of Education, Melba was one of nine teenagers chosen to integrate Little Rock’s Central High School.

(From Amazon)

“In this essential autobiographical account by one of the Civil Rights Movement’s most powerful figures, Melba Pattillo Beals of the Little Rock Nine explores not only the oppressive force of racism, but the ability of young people to change ideas of race and identity.

In 1957, well before Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech, Melba Pattillo Beals and eight other teenagers became iconic symbols for the Civil Rights Movement and the dismantling of Jim Crow in the American South as they integrated Little Rock’s Central High School in the wake of the landmark 1954 Supreme Court ruling, Brown v. Board of Education.

Throughout her harrowing ordeal, Melba was taunted by her schoolmates and their parents, threatened by a lynch mob’s rope, attacked with lighted sticks of dynamite, and injured by acid sprayed in her eyes. But through it all, she acted with dignity and courage, and refused to back down.

Warriors Don’t Cry is, at times, a difficult but necessary reminder of the valuable lessons we can learn from our nation’s past. It is a story of courage and the bravery of a handful of young, black students who used their voices to influence change during a turbulent time.

Honoring Black History Month

Want to learn more and see the site of this historical landmark? Join me on a LIVE tour of Little Rock on Wednesday, February 10th at 2:00 pm or Friday, February 12th at 2:00 pm with www.virtualtrips.io
The tour shows Little Rock as being on the pathway for the Trail of Tears. On this trail, the Cherokee, Choctaw, Creek, Chickasaw, and Seminole tribes traveled through the state in the 1830s to new lands in the Indian Territory in modern-day Oklahoma. Visitors will also see a Civil War river crossing location. This tour will take place in Riverside Park, visiting local landmarks and markers. These include an Indian head carving, a Civil War marker, and a historical sculpture garden. We’ll also see the Clinton Presidential Park Bridge, and the tour will end in Downtown Little Rock for a glimpse of the city.
The tour is free and but accepts tips. I hope you’ll join me for this fun and informative tour of Little Rock.

 

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Be a Voice for Change {In Honor of Martin Luther King Jr.}

Be a voice for change

Be a Voice for Change

We are facing an all-time high of strained race relations in our culture. Even with all that was accomplished by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. over sixty years ago, we are still fighting a disease of racism.

Maybe, you know there is a problem, but you don’t know what to do to help. You want to be a voice for change, but you aren’t sure you have that power.

Let me assure you, friend, you DO!

There are many ways you can build friendships and connect with others across ethnic and cultural lines. Here are seven ways you can be the answer to the race problem, taken from my book Walk It Out.

  1. Ask God to change your heart. Pray and ask that He helps you see the joy of unity and diversity in relationships. Ask Him to help you notice.
  2. Get to know your neighbors. My neighbor Tracey is much better at this than I am. She owns a boxer and walks him in the morning and at night. As she walks, she stops and talks to people also out walking or who are working in their yards. She knows people all around our neighborhood, and she’s been key in bringing people together.

Who lives in your community? Who is being included and who is being excluded? Whose voices are loud, and whose voices are silent? What are their challenges? What are their needs? Who might you take a step toward to build or grow a friendship? Can you invite someone into your home or join a new friend in an activity you both enjoy?

  1. Reach out to your local college or university. Every year in the United States over one million international students come to study here. They attend small community colleges and large universities and often struggle to connect with people beyond their campuses.

According to one study, 40 percent of students report they have no close American friends. A statistic I’ve often heard quoted says that 80 to 90 percent of international students visiting the United States never enter an American home. The world is coming to our door, and we’re ignoring it.

  1. Connect with a coworker. Do you have a coworker whose race or cultural background differs from yours? Go out of your way to open up conversations and build a friendship.
  2. Host an exchange student. Our family hosted an exchange student from the Czech Republic the year after our first mission trip there. She lived in our home for nine months, during the school year. Andrea is forever considered one of our kids, and our family learned so much about her life and culture during her stay with us.
  3. Build family relationships with the families of kids on your child’s sports team or in their school. Make an effort to reach out to families whose children have similar ages and hobbies as yours. Most children naturally look beyond race and cultures when making friends, and we should follow their example.
  4. Try to understand another’s history. See your new friend as an individual and not a stereotype. And even if you mess up and commit a cultural faux pas, the relationship you’ve created will make it easier for both of you to laugh off your mistakes. One of my favorite books of recent years was The Warmth of Other Suns by Isabel Wilkerson. This book chronicles the decades-long migration of black citizens who fled the South for northern and western cities, in search of a better life. The stories shared were lovely, heartbreaking, and shocking.

Reading books like this has helped me understand the injustice and fear in my community and my country. The racial and socio-economic issues in the news today didn’t happen overnight. Instead, they are old issues that society has pushed under the surface for too long. Laws or government programs won’t fix them. They will only be solved by individual people changing and asking God to show them His heart. When our awareness of God’s heart for diversity and unity expands, we realize reconciliation is not someone else’s problem, but ours.

Unity within the body of Christ—and within our communities—isn’t something to tack on; it must become who we are. And what happens when we make this a priority? We become light to a dark world. A world that since the beginning of recorded history has been divided by race and social status.

Purchase a copy of Walk It Out. Awareness is the first step toward solving the problem.

Eight ways you can be the answer to the race problem from @TriciaGoyer

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Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” Read full privacy policy here.

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How to Bring About Racial Reconciliation- Wisdom and Resources

As I learn more and more about how my Christian brothers and sisters of color have struggled, I search for more ways to share How to Bring About Racial Reconciliation. My hope is that this post will give you ideas and sources of inspiration to reach out in love to the world around you. We are better together.

Tricia Goyer shares wisdom and resources to help to bring Racial Reconciliation 

How to Bring About Racial Reconciliation

As a white person growing up in California I had black friends, and I thought I understood black history, just from things I’d learned in school. Then, in 2010, my family moved to Little Rock, Arkansas. When I started a support group for inner-city teen moms, and we started attending a multi-ethnic church, I realized I knew nothing at all.

But, what to do next?

I knew I needed to educate myself if I wanted to help bring about racial reconciliation.

These are some resources I’ve discovered to help me understand the true history of my black brothers and sisters. By learning, I can build better friendships and have better conversations.

As we approach Martin Luther King Jr. Day (Monday, January 20th, 2020) I wanted to share several resources I highly recommend. I truly believe that once when we take time to understand another’s history, we are one step closer to the reconciliation our country needs.

 

How to Bring About Racial Reconciliation

I highly recommend these books to help us grown in understanding.

racial reconciliation1. The Warmth of Other Suns | Isabel Wilkerson

This book was mentioned by my Pastor Harry Li over the pulpit and I ordered the Audible book during the sermon, and I’m so thankful I did. Have you ever heard of the Great Migration? Yeah, I hadn’t either. It’s the decades-long migration of black citizens who fled the South for northern and western cities, in search of a better life. The book is told through three lives, Ida Mae Brandon Gladney, George Swanson Starlin, and Robert Joseph Pershing Foster, with drama and poignancy that captivated me and also broke my heart about what “a better life” often brought. I think every American should read this book and learn the history they were never taught.

More about The Warmth of Other Suns: From 1915 to 1970, this exodus of almost six million people changed the face of America. Wilkerson compares this epic migration to the migrations of other peoples in history. She interviewed more than a thousand people and gained access to new data and official records. This definitive and vividly dramatic account will pierce you.

With stunning historical detail, Wilkerson tells this story through the lives of three unique individuals: Ida Mae Gladney, who in 1937 left sharecropping and prejudice in Mississippi for Chicago. She achieved quiet blue-collar success and, in old age, voted for Barack Obama when he ran for an Illinois Senate seat. Sharp and quick-tempered George Starling, fled Florida for Harlem. Where, in 1945, he endangered his job fighting for civil rights, saw his family fall, and finally found peace in God. Robert Foster left Louisiana in 1953 to pursue a medical career. He became the personal physician to Ray Charles as part of a glitteringly successful medical career. One which allowed him to purchase a grand home where he often threw exuberant parties.

Wilkerson brilliantly captures their first treacherous and exhausting cross-country trips by car and train. She exposes how new lives, in colonies that grew into ghettos, changed these cities with southern food, faith, and culture. They also improved them with discipline, drive, and hard work. Both a riveting microcosm and a major assessment, The Warmth of Other Suns is a bold, remarkable, and riveting work. The story is a superb account of an “unrecognized immigration” within our country. Through the breadth of its narrative, the beauty of the writing, the depth of its research, and the fullness of the people and lives portrayed herein, this book is destined to become a classic.

 

racial reconciliation2. Between the World and Me | Ta-Nehisi Coates

I cried at times hearing the things a black father had to teach his son about living in American and the past and current treatment of black bodies. Ta-Nehisi Coates’ words are poetic and impactful towards racial reconciliation.

More about Between the World and Me: A profound work that pivots from the biggest questions about American history and ideals to the most intimate concerns of a father for his son. Ta-Nehisi Coates offers a powerful new framework for understanding our nation’s history and current crisis. Americans have built an empire on the idea of “race.” This falsehood damages us all but falls most heavily on the bodies of black women and men. These same bodies were exploited through slavery and segregation. Today, they are threatened, locked up, and murdered out of all proportion. What is it like to inhabit a black body and find a way to live within it? And how can we all honestly reckon with this fraught history and free ourselves from its burden?

Between the World and Me is Ta-Nehisi Coates’s attempt to answer these questions in a letter to his adolescent son. Coates shares with his son—and readers—the story of his awakening to the truth about his place in the world through a series of revelatory experiences. Coates shares from Howard University to Civil War battlefields, from the South Side of Chicago to Paris, from his childhood home to the living rooms of mothers whose children’s lives were taken as American plunder. Beautifully woven from personal narrative, reimagined history, and fresh, emotionally charged reportage, Between the World and Me illuminates the past, bracingly confronts our present, and offers a transcendent vision for a way forward.

Novels:

racial reconciliation3. The Kitchen House | Kathleen Grissom

This novel is rough and raw and hard to read, especially about the treatment of black slaves … which is exactly why you need to read it.

More about The Kitchen House: Kathleen Grissom, New York Times bestselling author of the highly anticipated Glory Over Everything, established herself as a remarkable new talent with The Kitchen House, now a contemporary classic. In this gripping novel, a dark secret threatens to expose the best and worst in everyone tied to the estate at a thriving plantation in Virginia in the decades before the Civil War.

Orphaned during her passage from Ireland, young, white Lavinia arrives on the steps of the kitchen house and is placed, as an indentured servant, under the care of Belle, the master’s illegitimate slave daughter. Lavinia learns to cook, clean, and serve food, while guided by the quiet strength and love of her new family.

In time, Lavinia is accepted into the world of the big house, caring for the master’s opium-addicted wife and befriending his dangerous yet protective son. She attempts to straddle the worlds of the kitchen and big house, but her skin color will forever set her apart from Belle and the other slaves.

Through the unique eyes of Lavinia and Belle, Grissom’s debut novel unfolds in a heartbreaking and ultimately hopeful story of class, race, dignity, deep-buried secrets, and familial bonds.

 

racial reconciliation4. The Help | Kathryn Stockett

My favorite novel from a few years ago about black maids in 1962 Jackson, Mississippi. Even if you saw the movie and liked it (or didn’t!) You need to read the book.

More about The Help: Aibileen is a black maid in 1962 Jackson, Mississippi, who’s always taken orders quietly. Lately, she’s unable to hold her bitterness back. Her friend Minny has never held her tongue but now must somehow keep secrets about her employer that leave her speechless. White socialite Skeeter just graduated college. She’s full of ambition, but without a husband, she’s considered a failure. These seemingly different women join together to write a tell-all book about work as a black maid in the South. A story that could forever alter their destinies and the life of a small town…

 

racial reconciliation5. A Light to My Path | Lynn Austin

One of my favorite Christian novels. The sympathetic characters helped me to understand history better.

More about A Light to My Path: “You don’t have to go with Missy Claire. She can’t make you go with her.”

Kitty, a house slave, has always obeyed Missy Claire and followed orders. But when word arrives that the Yankees are coming, Kitty is faced with a decision. Will she continue serving Missy Claire and her household? Or will she listen to Grady and embrace this chance for freedom? Even wise Delia says Kitty has to decide for herself—that nobody except the Lord can tell her which way to go.

Kitty has always lived in a world where authority is not questioned. She never has learned to make up her mind any more than she has learned to read or write.

But now Kitty has a daunting choice: How does she want her story to end?

 

How to Bring About Racial Reconciliation

Movies:

racial reconciliation6. Hidden Figures

One of my favorite movies. The story is about brilliant women who changed history.

 

 

 

 

 

racial reconciliation

 

7. Just Mercy

Free to stream right now, this movie is one you NEED to watch. The book is even better! I cannot tell you how heartbreaking and shocking it was to hear these true stories.

 

 

 

 

Harriet

8. Harriet

I thought I understood about Harriet Tubman and the Underground Railroad, but this movie blew me away. Harriet has moved to the top of the list in my “Hero” category.

 

 

 

 

How to Bring About Racial Reconciliation

Podcasts

9. Truth’s Table

racial reconciliation

“Midwives of culture for grace and truth.” Truth’s Table is hosted by Michelle Higgins, Christina Edmondson, and Ekemini Uwan–Black Christian women who love the truth and seek it out wherever it leads us. We will share our perspectives on race, politics, gender, current events, and pop culture that are filtered through our Christian faith. So pull up a chair and have a seat at the table with us. Learn more at TruthsTable.com

 

8. Jamie Ivey’s podcast

Jamie Ivey is my favorite podcast. She’s not afraid to talk about hard, yet important topics. Here are some great podcasts that talk about diversity:

racial reconciliation

Latoria Wilson

racial reconciliation
Virginia Cumberbatch

racial reconciliation
Latasha Morrison

How to Bring About Racial Reconciliation

Videos:

Here’s one of my favorite Ted Talks about injustice and racial reconciliation.

Bryan Stevenson: We need to talk about an injustice.

An engaging and personal talk with human rights lawyer Bryan Stevenson. He shares some hard truths about America’s justice system. Starting with a massive imbalance along racial lines: a third of the country’s black male population has been incarcerated at some point in their lives. These issues are wrapped up in America’s unexamined history. They are rarely talked about with this level of candor, insight, and persuasiveness.

Engaging Resources to Help with Racial Reconciliation from @TriciaGoyer

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How to Enjoy Motherhood Without the Mom Guilt

Enjoy Motherhood Without the Mom Guilt

How to Enjoy Motherhood Without the Mom Guilt

Recently I had the opportunity to chat with Jennifer Blossom of Blossoming Mom & Baby about how to enjoy motherhood without the mom guilt. It was a great conversation full of help and hope for moms in the trenches.

Blossoming Mom and Baby is all about supporting moms through the journey of motherhood.

Their belief is that you were created to THRIVE in your motherhood journey and not just going through the motions or mundane. No more complaining your way through motherhood. And no more fueling your body and mind with things that have zero (or negative) value. They believe it’s time to get on the right path for your life and motherhood. AND it’s never (EVER!) too late to start. They’re there right now with a fresh cup of coffee and a welcoming hand to invite you into the most supportive motherhood community in the world.

Jennifer and her team want you to remember, the way you show up and care for yourself MATTERS. When you learn how to take care of yourself mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, and within your home~ your life (and the life of those around you) will forever change.

Listen in here:

https://www.blossomingmommyandbaby.com/podcast/2019/8/12/416-motherhood-without-the-mom-guilt-with-tricia-goyer

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Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” Read full privacy policy here.

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Cultivate A Redesigned Life {A Guest Post}

Today on the blog we welcome Tracy Steel, author of A Redesigned Life.

Enter below for a chance to win a copy of A Redesigned Life! Winner will be e-mailed. Note: This post contains affiliate links.

Cultivating A Redesigned Life

All of us are living a life we did not design, but one that God is redesigning for us. Like a human interior designer or artist uses a set of design principles to help them create, God uses his own set of codes to create a couture life for each of us. Recognizing what these are is key to uncovering the purposes of God when life doesn’t go as planned.

In her new book, A Redesigned Life, author Tracy Steel considers six principles of design and how God also uses the principles of movement, emphasis, pattern, contrast, balance, and space to redesign our lives. Each of these principles enable us to uncover something spectacular about the purposes of our creative God. The following excerpt from her new book focuses on the principle of emphasis and how it helps us to see the no’s of God differently.

 

Pops of color and the no’s of God

Emphasis creates a focal point in a design which brings attention to the element or area that is most important. . . .

If everything is emphasized (all the text is large and bold, all the images are animated, everything is in bright colors) nothing will stand out, and grab the viewer’s attention. If everything is emphasized, nothing is.[i]

I love simple and elegant design. We’ve all seen pictures of a living room with its crisp white walls and cream sofa. Imagine a coffee table in the middle of that living room. On top of the table sits a glass vase filled with a bouquet of orange tulips or powder blue hydrangeas. Or perhaps there is a turquoise-and-white paisley pattern rug under the coffee table. Maybe there is a large abstract oil painting hanging on the wall composed of green, blue, and purple horizontal stripes. Our eyes are drawn to the flowers, to the rug, or to the oil painting because of the pop of color they provide among all the white. This is the essence of emphasis as a design principle. Emphasis makes us stop, helping us focus. A designer uses shapes, texture, or color to create emphasis.

Imagine the same living room but now everything in it is red—from the couch to the walls to the flowers to the rug. I don’t want to linger or enjoy the space because it’s overwhelming and nothing grabs my attention. There’s too much red. Nothing is emphasized.

White Space

In the same way, our world is pressing us to be like an all-red room. We must be all things to all people all the time, it seems. Good at everything. Involved in everything. Know everyone. I’m tired of the pressure, of all the striving, competition, and backbiting. Give me some white space, please. I need God to give me emphasis and so do you.

God is not asking us to be all things to all people all the time. He’s the one who is capable of doing and being this. He’s the one who is all-knowing. God alone is our ever-present help and shield. We’re only to add our little pop of color into the corner of the world in which he places us. We do this through the emphasis that God has designed for each of us. The beautiful thing is, all our emphases or callings will look different. However different they may be, our little pops of color should cause others to rest the eyes of their hearts and minds upon God. And if we are doing too many things, we will be way too red or stressed out and no one will want to linger around us either.

When God Says No

But what if we really feel like we found our calling or purpose, and then it doesn’t happen? Sometimes the emphasis we wish for or desire in our hearts will not come to pass because God will say no and not allow it to happen. We may assume this is because God is not good or fair. Or maybe we believe we are not good enough for God to use us, or that God doesn’t care about the dreams or passions that we feel inside us. But this isn’t true.

Look at God’s no from a different perspective. God, because he is good and is in the process of sanctifying us, could be saying no to our good desires simply because they are not in line with the emphasis he has designed for our overall life. And God’s no enables our pop of color to be a beneficial and beautiful one. Here it is in a nutshell:

God’s no = not our emphasis.

God’s no = the revealing of his emphasis for us.

God’s no = his protection, preventing us from becoming an all-red room.

And when God says no, that means we will have the opportunity to say yes to something that he has decided is better for us, because in his providence he knows and has already designed what is to come. So if you ever thought that by now you’d be living in the city or home of your dreams and making one million dollars and, well . . . you aren’t, it’s okay to admit your disappointment or feelings of failure to yourself and to your God. Ask him to heal you of those feelings. Realize that you’re beautifully gifted to do something else with your life and that God is redesigning you so you can bless the lives of others and bring glory to him.

Don’t be all things, just be you-things.

Your emphasis matters in God’s eyes. May this encourage you whenever your life doesn’t go as planned.

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Tracy Steel graduated from Kansas State University with a BS in interior design in 1998 and has a master’s degree in biblical and theological studies from Phoenix Seminary. As a project designer, Tracy created and coordinated the design and space planning of commercial spaces for clients such as Bank One, Wells Fargo, Express Scripts, DHS, and Lockheed Martin. Moving from one type of interior design to another, Tracy then worked in full-time youth ministry, serving as the director of female students at Scottsdale Bible Church. God’s true design for Tracy now involves improving the interior space of the hearts and minds of women around her. Currently stationed in Washington, DC, this military wife and mother of two enjoys linking up with other bloggers, leading Bible studies at her local church, and speaking at various moms’ groups and women’s ministries events nationwide. She is also the author of Images of His Beauty, a 10-week Bible study for young women that focuses on identity, overcoming and healing through Christ, and bearing the image of Christ.
  

Connect with Tricia

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Chapter 3  Living Out Your Pop of Color for God [i] Donna Tersiisky, “The ABCs of Visual Design: Emphasis,” accessed June 23, 2018▲, http://www.tersiiska.com/design/principles/.
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