adoption

September 29, 2015 by Tricia Goyer 2 Comments

The Tricia Goyer books you probably haven’t read … but should!

I love writing books, and I love when readers are able to walk into bookstores and pick up a copy just as it comes out, yet I’ve written some books where doing that hasn’t been so easy. In fact many readers haven’t purchased books from my Home to Heather Creek series because for many years these books were only available through the Guidepost book club.

If you’re one of those people I have great news! My Home to Heather Creek books are now available on Amazon, including Sweet September! In fact you can get the whole Home to Heather Creek series there! Here is the order of the books in the series:

Before the Dawn by Carolyne Aarsen
Sweet September by Tricia Goyer
Circle of Grace by Leslie Gould
Homespun Harvest by Robert Elmer
A Patchwork Christmas by Kristin Eckhardt
An Abundance of Blessings by Carolyn Aarsen
Every Sunrise by Tricia Goyer
The Promise of Spring by Leslie Gould
April’s Hope by Robert Elmer
Seeds of Faith by Kristin Eckhardt
On the Right Path by Diann Hunt
Sunflower Serenade by Tricia Goyer
Second Chances by Leslie Gould
Prayers and Promises by Robert Elmer
Giving Thanks by Kristin Eckhardt
Holiday Homecoming by Carolyne Aarsen
Family Matters by Diann Hunt
All Things Hidden by Tricia Goyer
To Love and Cherish by Leslie Gould
A Time to Grow by Robert Elmer
Sentimental Journey by Kristin Eckhardt
Helping Hands by Carolyne Aarsen
Growing Pains by Diann Hunt
In God’s Hands by Leslie Gould

Want to know more about these stories? Here’s something I wrote about my experience writing Sweet September. Of course I wrote this before we opened our home to four girls … so our “garden” is still growing!

How a Garden (and a Family) Grows

I love gardening. Well, let me clarify … I love writing about gardening. It seems both down-to-earth and oddly romantic to live on a farm like Bob and Charlotte in Sweet September. The idea of planting seeds, watching their progress and then eating of our labor delights me—which is why my husband and I planted a garden this year.

It was only our second attempt at a garden. The last one we had was more than 15 years ago. We had just moved to Montana and we’d bought our first home. Before the grass was in, I staked out a large spot and planted everything I could think of. Row after row after row.

The produce had come in thick, but so did the weeds! My kids and I would literally dig through the weeds to find the green beans and tomatoes. It was work! Maybe that’s why it took me so long to attempt gardening again.

This year my husband and I decided to be more realistic. We planted two types of tomatoes, squash and cantaloupe. And as we watched the small plants grow, we dreamed of the harvest. Every day we peeked at the growing plants and invited our new children to do the same.

Just like Bob and Charlotte, we opened our home to three little ones, children who came to us through adoption. We adopted Alyssa in 2010 as a newborn, and this year we added Bella and Casey to our family by adopting from the foster care system.

As summer days stretched their warm rays, our plants and our family took root and grew. Then reality set in.

Our squash got nibbled by bugs and some of our tomatoes got bud-end rot. Our children had struggles, too, with bonding, being able to trust and opening up their hearts. There were days I questioned if my hard work was going to produce anything good. Yet what I discovered is that both growing a garden and growing a family takes time, dedication and patience. Both are harder than one would think … but worth the effort!

I’m thankful that in both cases we turned to God for help, and he was gracious to do so. Our Creator designed the plants and growing seasons. He also designed our family.

As summer comes to an end I’m enjoyed many fine meals with our produce. I’m also enjoying the new smiling faces around the table and the family that God continues to grow!

Originally published at Guideposts.org

I hope you have a chance to enjoy these stories from Heather Creek! I had a joy writing them and I know the other authors did too!

Discover the books by @TriciaGoyer you probably haven’t read, but should! #amreading

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July 16, 2015 by Tricia Goyer 1 Comment

Adoption in Fiction and in Life

When I think about adoption in fiction and in real life, I realize God has been moving through my heart for a long time. Even before I knew it, He was weaving his love for adoption into the stories I wrote. Let me share more about how I came to see His hand on my words. I hope it blesses you!

Adoption in Fiction and in Life

Do you ever look back and can see how God is working and are amazed? Have you ever had a moment when you have an “ah-ha” moment and the only thing you can do is praise God?

That happened to me today. That happened to me when I was writing this post.

I sat down to write about a few of the books that include adoption. I was going to share first about my novel Love Finds You in Lonesome Prairie, Montana and the adoption theme. Its theme is very clear:

(1894) A young woman, Julia, was an orphan and she works in an orphanage in New York. Her life changes when she is asked to take children on the orphan train across the West to take them to their new homes. Her trip goes well until the last stop when she discovers she’s not only there to drop off the orphans, but she has a letter from a stranger stating that she’s going to be his mail order bride!

Adoption in Fiction and in Life

The theme of adoption is very clear in this book. It’s also very prominent in a few of the others I’ve written: Love Finds You in Glacier Bay, Alaska and The Promise Box.

In both of these novels, the main character is adopted and she must deal with feelings of loss and unworthiness before she can open her heart up to romantic love.

As I tried to consider if any of my other novels have adoption themes, I realized nearly all of them do! Some are novels I wrote YEARS before John and I ever planned to adopt. Realizing that (just this moment!) caused me to see God’s been working on my heart for a while, even though I didn’t realize it.

Some of my other novels that include an element of adoption:

From Dust and Ashes

Night Song

Arms of Deliverance

A Christmas Gift for Rose

All Things Hidden (and the other two books in the Home to Heather Creek Series)

Beside Still Waters (and the other two books in the Big Sky Series)

By the Light of the Silvery Moon

Adoption in Fiction and in Life

When you think about it, that’s a lot of novels for one author to write about an adoption theme. But it only makes sense, when you look at my home . . . there’s a lot of adopting taking place!

The first Goyer adoption happened with John adopted Cory. When we met in 1989, I was a single mom. So John has been there since Cory was a baby. John adopted him when he was young and we had two biological children after that. For many years I thought we were done adding children to our home.

As our older kids entered their teen years, John and I felt led to adopt. We adopted Alyssa in 2010 as an infant. In January 2013, we welcomed two children from the foster care system into our home. Their adoption was finalized in July of that year. Then, in 2016, we opened our home to four more children (all girls!) from the foster care system. Our home and our hearts are so full.

I honestly believe my heart for adoption began when I started praying, “Lord, show me your heart” and “Lord, give me your heart.” As I prayed He did…

This post was originally posted on inspiredbylifeandfiction.com and you can read the rest of this post and learn more about what God taught me through adoption there.

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Adoption in Fiction and in Life

My Big Sky Amish series has the theme of our adoption in Christ’s family. Marianna Sommer comes to understand the true peace of Christ through the struggle of moving from Indiana to living among the Englishers in Montana. Even though she faces trials, she feels the peace of God, like still waters, in her soul.

Right now Beside Still Waters is FREE on eBook and Along Wooded Paths is .99 and Beyond Hope’s Valley is only 1.99. That means the entire series is less than $3.00! I hope you’ll take the opportunity to grab this series. The sale will last from today, December 28th, 2020, through January 2nd, 2021.

Get the series here: Big Sky Series

June 30, 2015 by Tricia Goyer 9 Comments

What It’s Really Like Adopting Teens from Foster Care …

As I write this, we’ve had our new girls in our home for twenty days. Twenty glorious, noisy, dramatic, wonderful days. As parents for 26 years, John and I are used to noise, to mess, and to drama, but adopting teens from foster care takes this to a whole new level … in a good way.

Currently, John is out of town for work and last night we Skyped with him. In addition to our new teens ages 15, 12, and 12, we also have three little ones at home ages 7, 5, and 4. So please picture six excited faces (mine makes seven) crowded in front of the computer trying to chat with Dad. From the other side of the world, John was soaking it all in.

“There is so much life at home,” he said with a smile.

That’s a good way to sum it up.

When John and I first thought about adopting again, we knew we wanted older kids who would soon be aging out of foster care. We also knew we wanted to adopt a sibling group. We knew that sibling groups are harder to place. We also knew we wanted some of those siblings to be girls, because girls are SO vulnerable when they age out of foster care. And while we thought in generalities, God had four specific girls in mind. (The fourth will be moving in later this summer.) We have no doubt God put that desire on our hearts for a reason. We can’t imagine our life without these girls.

So what is it really like adopting teens from foster care?

1. It’s emotional.

My heart aches when I hear about the pain in their past. I’m sad that I wasn’t there to hold them during hurts. I’m sorry they had to go through what they did, while at the same time, I’m thankful that I can hear their stories and attempt to understand. That sadness is mixed with excitement of discovering the personalities of each kid. There is joy in feeling the connections and bonds growing. There is hope that our family unit will continue to grow strong. There is love. Growing, intertwining, deepening love.

2. It’s dramatic.

There are many relationships that are interacting all at the same time. There are teen siblings who’ve been through a lot together and other kids in the family who are trying to adjust to all these new people, too. Each relationship has unique interactions, some I don’t completely understand yet. The drama comes from fun and fights, from pulling together and at times pushing apart. It’s as if eleven pinballs have been released into a pinball game at once and everyone bounces off everyone else (while staying within the confines of who “the Goyers” are). The drama isn’t bad. Instead it’s a sign that everyone is still getting used to everyone else. Even in this short time, it’s fun to see how individual relationships are changing and growing. (Then there is the dynamic of having twins! I never really understood the twin bond before. These girls are screaming at each other one minute and hugging each other the next. I’m in awe.)

3. It’s holy.

I can’t think of a better word to describe it. Despite the emotions and drama, despite the paperwork, the DHS visits, the check-ins and home studies, there’s a sense that this is good, this is right, and this new sense of family makes God smile. Those who were once not-a-family are now a family. Those who were orphans—wards of the state—are now cherished children. Those were apart are now together, with God in the center. His Spirit is here in the midst of the noise and mess, and He is pleased. I feel that pleasure.

Those are the three top things that came to mind when I thought about how this adoption is going.

Do I have any regrets in choosing to adopt teens? Not one.

Am I falling in love with these kids? Yes, very much.

Do I get overwhelmed and tired at times? Everyone would nod yes to this one. Mom does get tired and cranky!

Is it hard figuring out how to deal with teen issues in today’s world? Yes! Even though I’ve raised three kids to adulthood, raising teens today is different than ten years ago. Each personality is different, too. I’m still trying to figure it out!

Will I have to give up some of me to make more room for them? I already have.

Is it expensive? Yes, they eat a lot and like clothes!

Is it worth it? Yes, yes, yes!

What it’s really like adopting teens from foster care is seeing that God had something more wonderful planned than I ever could have imagined. It’s seeing His way of caring for orphans is hard but beautiful. It’s understanding that while we’re giving a lot we’ve been given some pretty amazing gifts. I’m so thankful that these gifts now call me mom.

What’s it really like adopting teens from foster care? @TriciaGoyer share her top 3 insights here:

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May 4, 2015 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

Count Your Blessings

Is there such thing as “too much of a good thing?” Yes! In fact that’s what my life feels like right now. There are a lot of good things happening:

I’m celebrating the 70th reunion of the liberation of Mauthausen camp during the whole month of May with a special WWII series hosted on my blog and social media. Stayed tuned for book giveaways, veteran interviews, WWII recipes, and more!
I’m enjoying homeschooling my three little ones. I’m especially excited because they are starting to grasp reading and basic math. (What a journey this has been with two kids who came from tough beginnings.)
I’m working on my next Pinecraft Amish novel. It’s due May 17. Why May 17? (See next point.)
On May 18th John, Nathan and I are flying to the Czech Republic for Leslie and Honza’s wedding. We return in time to set up her reception here in Arkansas! So happy for them!
I have another co-written book due in July, too! (Because, obviously, I have nothing else to do.)
Early June the girls that we are adopting will be moving in with us! We’ve been doing weekend visits and we’re excited to have them full time! (Prayers appreciated!)
Early June Cory’s family is planning to move to Hawaii. They are following God’s calling and desire to be in ministry to children and youth there. We’re proud of them, but we’re going to miss them!
I have two books releasing this summer. (More details coming soon.)

My grandson Clayton at the theme park with me.

Casey and Alyssa with their friend Donovan.

Daughter Bella pushing granddaughter Chloe on the swing.

Little kids, big kids, and new kids. A wedding and a moves. Books to write and books to share . . . it seems TOO MUCH at times. But I’m learning to count my blessings instead of items on my to-do list.

What’s too much for me is NOT too much for God! @TriciaGoyer

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I’m also thankful that what’s too much for me is NOT too much for God. He holds me up, strengthens me, and gives me wisdom. I’m thankful for ALL the good gifts that God gives to me!

Where do you need God’s help? What are you thankful for?

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April 30, 2015 by Tricia Goyer 3 Comments

Adoption, A Mother’s Greatest Gift

I held the small baby in my arms, wrapped up in a receiving blanket to keep her warm from the chill of the delivery room, and a voice spoke to me. “Congratulations, Mom.”

The congratulations came from an unlikely source—the grandmother of this child, the mother of the sweet birth mother who chose adoption for her baby girl.

To say I was overwhelmed is an understatement. Thankfulness filled my heart—to God who’d answered my prayers and to the birth mom who’d chosen our family for her daughter. I also ached that my joy would be another’s heartache. Working with teen moms for ten years, I was often an advocate for the young mother. I knew that while the weeks and months ahead would be a time of celebration for our family, they would be ones of heartache and grieving for this woman.

Adoption is a wonder and the beauty, and the sacrifice of it is never so clear as on Mother’s Day. We’ve adopted three children, and they are a huge part of my heart. Their lives are a gift to my days and their smiles can make even the most dreary afternoon bright. I can honestly say there is no difference in the love I feel between my adopted children and my three other children.

The sacrifice of adoption makes my heart ache, for I know on this Mother’s Day another woman will be thinking about my daughter—her daughter. As I rejoice, I’ll be crying tears for her. I’ll also be sending up prayers that God will wrap His arms around her in a special way.

This Mother’s Day, I cannot help to think about Christ’s sacrifice to make our adoption into God’s family possible. Maybe it’s because just a few weeks ago we were celebrating Easter, but I’m reminded anew that my gain required His loss, His pain. The greatest love, it seems, is not shown with flowers, chocolate or a diamond bracelet. The greatest love is shown when, because of your love for another, your desires and comforts are laid down for the greater good of someone else.

The greatest love is shown when your desires & comforts are laid down for the good of another @TriciaGoyer

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As Ephesians 1:3 says, “How blessed is God! And what a blessing he is! He’s the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in him. Long before he laid down earth’s foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son” (The Message).

Perhaps you know an adoptive mother. Take time this Mother’s Day to let her know that the beauty of her gift is not missed by you. Also, take time to thank God for adopting you into His forever family, thanking Jesus Christ for His sacrifice. I wouldn’t be the mother I am without this Gift of Love.

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April 2, 2015 by Tricia Goyer 3 Comments

My Forever Home | A Reminder from Orphans

I know my writing work is important because I get emails, tweets, and Facebook notes from online readers. But God reminds me often that my ministry isn’t just online … it’s offline, too. There are seasons when the most important heart I can touch is within arm’s reach.

My ministry isn’t just online…it’s offline & in arm’s reach @TriciaGoyer #adoption

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I open my arms and the small girl steps forward and enters my embrace. I expect her to be more hesitant, but she asks me to hold her. I cradle her thin, frail frame and peer into her blue eyes. Just five years old but her eyes are filled with stories . . . ones she’s not yet able to tell me. Maybe over time she will.

I thought of my life and became unsettled when my husband and I welcomed two foster children to join our family. I don’t think I know “unsettled.” Not really. Not like this sweet girl.

“It’s always scary going to a new home,” she confided in me just a few days after joining us. Tears fill my eyes as I hear her words, but I try not to let them show. The file the social worker gave me is three inches thick, and after reading the reports I discover our home is only one of many in recent months. Those homes were only meant to be temporary, but ours is meant to be her “forever.” Our words tell her that. When will her heart start to believe it?

She is the older one, and she cares for her younger brother still. She alerts me when he’s waking from his nap. His voice is barely a squeak as it calls for “Mama,” but she hears it.

I tell her that she can just be a kid now; I’ll watch out for her brother. That’s a concern she’ll no longer have to carry. She nods, but I can tell she’s waiting to see if she can really believe that, trust that.

Some of her emotions are hidden, and others are displayed too loudly, too vocally, too wildly. She cries over the smallest problem and then looks to me for help. I can read the question in her eyes, “Are you going to help me with this? And this? And this?” She wants to make sure. She’s has a hard time believing it’s true. Believing that I’ll be there. That I’ll care.

And even when she’s naughty I don’t get angry. Compassion seeps out. I know what she’s gone through . . . at no fault of her own. She was innocent and so many others have wounded her.

I open my arms to my new daughter. She has given me a glimpse of the love of God as I’ve never known.

I understand His love for me better. I know His compassion for me more. He knows the pain I carry, too, often at no fault of my own. And when I act out, or cry out, or reach out, He—my God—wants nothing more than to open His arms of love. And He CANNOT wait for the day when I’m ushered into His forever home.

I thought we were opening our home to help the orphans, but I am the one who is helped.

I’ve never felt so weak as a mom, unsure of my words and actions. And yet I’ve also never felt so strong, for it is God’s strength that fills me. It is His love that pours through me as my brown eyes meet her blue ones and radiate one message, “Daughter, trust me. This is your forever home.”

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for the sweet little lives you’ve blessed me with and the constant reminders they show me of Your love. May my parenting point them to you, the perfect Father. What a comfort to know my forever home is in your loving arms!

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March 26, 2015 by Tricia Goyer 1 Comment

Live Your Life’s Dream… Inspired by God

No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him. 1 Corinthians 2:9 (NIV)

As a speaker, one of my favorite things to do is encourage the audience to “dream big.” Too many times we put God in a box.

Dream big. Don’t put God in a box. @TriciaGoyer

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We’re afraid to step out of our comfort zones. We forget that God created the universe, so surely He can help us with our small dreams. There are many dreams God has helped me fulfill: starting a crisis pregnancy center, leading a mission team to Europe, and writing books for a living, to name a few.

So I like to encourage others to dream big since I’ve seen dreams come true in my life. Yet lately I’ve been adding a P.S. to my message. Why? Because in my good intentions, I may have led people to become discouraged instead.

One of the problems with the message “dream big” is that we let our human minds measure what “big” is. We think it has to be fame or success or a huge blog. We think it has to involve starting a ministry or sharing Christ in an atheistic country.

This doesn’t always have to be the case. What is “big” to God? The “big” thing to God is obeying what He asks you to do. You could become famous, make it big, and become well-known—and it would amount to nothing. Or you can ask God what big is to Him. You might be surprised.

A few years ago, my husband and I felt God telling us to walk away from some of our ministry opportunities in order to adopt two children from the foster care system. I will not become famous wiping noses, playing mommy, or pushing a swing, but to God this is a big thing. And now we are in the process of adopting four beautiful girls from foster care!

What is big to God in your life? It’s a question you need to ask. It’s wonderful to dream big …. just as long as you are sure you know that the direction of your dream was inspired by your loving heavenly Father.

Faith step: Take a minute and think about the dreams God has been speaking to your heart. Write them down, even though they may not seem big to the world’s eyes. Now, what is one step you can take toward them? Write that down too.

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March 24, 2015 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

Books: Snapshots of Our Lives

John and I are in the process of adopting four girls, ages 14, 12, 12, and 10, from the foster care system. They are beautiful, smart, and funny. We’ve had two day visits and one weekend visit with them, and John and I are just scratching the surface at discovering who these amazing young women are. At the same time John and I are trying to share our lives, our likes, our values, . . . and our books.

A few weeks ago we were heading out for our first visit, and on a whim I decided to take them some of the books I wrote for the girls. I was in the garage loading up, so I went to the nearest box and picked out My Life, Unscripted and two of my novels, The Promise Box andThe Kissing Bridge. They girls were so excited to read them, and I was excited over the fact they’d know a little about my work. What I hadn’t expected is how many conversations those books would spark in the upcoming weeks.

When we arrived for the second visit, one of the twins ran up to me. “I read your books.” She was so excited, yet at the same time her eyes seemed to be full of questions. Later, when the family went on a walk, she asked if she could hang back and talk just with me. She then asked me about My Life, Unscripted. She wanted to know how much of it was really true about my life. I admitted to her I changed the names and sometimes the circumstances, but the stories were true. For the next hour we talked about true friendships, boyfriends, and insecurities. And when we finished talking about that, she asked about where I got the ideas for my novels.

She wanted to know where the ideas for the characters and about Montana where those books were set. I enjoyed telling her about my son Cory playing logger sports and about my friend’s near loss that inspired The Kissing Bridge. I enjoyed sharing snippets of my life, and I also asked about hers.

Authors often think we’re creative when we write. The truth is all creativity starts with observation. I pay attention to my life, the people around me, and their stories. I never know when an experience and an idea will merge to create a perfect template.

All creativity starts with observation! @TriciaGoyer #amwriting

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Read the original post at Inspired by Life… & Fiction.

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March 17, 2015 by Tricia Goyer 4 Comments

How to Homeschool Adopted Kids

When John and I planned on adopting children, I knew that I wanted to homeschool them. I homeschooled our oldest three from preschool through high school and it was a wonderful experience. Yet homeschooling my adopted kids didn’t happen as easy (or as quickly) as I thought.

Homeschooling Alyssa from preschool age was no problem. We adopted her as a newborn from a private placement. Yet adopting from the foster care system, and homeschooling Casey and Bella, has been a different story.

Our state had a say. The State of Arkansas told me that homeschooling foster children is not allowed. Even though we had an adoption plan for Casey and Bella, they were considered foster children until the adoption was final. For us, this took just over six months. This meant I couldn’t homeschool for six months.
We used private school to start. Since I couldn’t homeschool Bella, I found a wonderful private school, Aspire Christian Academy, for special needs kids. Because of all she faced in her past, Bella was considered special needs. The teachers were godly, wonderful people who poured in to her life. They knew how to handle her unique needs and they cared for her greatly. We saw Bella grow and heal in her time there. It was a great schooling choice for us.
We tried not to change too much, too soon. When we got Casey he’d been in an all-day daycare. I was used to having my children at home, and it seemed unnatural to me to take him to daycare for most of the day. Instead of daycare—with the help of our social worker—I found an all-day center where Casey could get all of his therapy (speech, occupational, and physical). It took a lot of self-talk to remind myself this was okay. Casey needed the therapy. It also helped him to keep things “familiar” for a while. To him, going to preschool all day was normal, even though it didn’t feel that way for me. Gradually, I kept him home more and more until home became the familiar and safe place. After nine months Casey didn’t need as much therapy, and he was home full-time!
I had to ax the guilt. Of course, making these schooling choices for my kids meant I had to ax the guilt. It was okay that my daughter was being educated outside of the home. I wasn’t compromising by enrolling her in school. Instead of feeling guilty, I looked at this school choice as something we were doing for a season. Casey was receiving the therapy help he needed and Bella was too … in a Christian classroom. When this season came to a close, Bella came home, and we were both ready for it.
We took things slow. It’s been 2 years since we brought Casey and Bella home and this school year I started homeschooling all three of my little kids, all day, at home. I’m so glad now that I took things slow. I realize the most important thing was that we all had time to adjust. Bringing new children into a home takes a lot of adjustment. Homeschooling them does, too.

Just because you believe homeschooling is the best choice doesn’t mean it’s the best choice for your adopted kids, today. Seek God and ask Him to help you with your children’s unique path. Just like homeschool curriculum, your adopted child’s journey to homeschooling can be tailor-fit to their needs.

The best way to homeschool adopted kids is in a way that meets their unique needs and allows them to adjust to your family and your homeschooling lifestyle over time.

@TriciaGoyer shares 5 tips for #homeschooling adopted kids here:

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Want more information on homeschooling and adoption? Visit my how-to pages:

How to Homeschool

How to Adopt/Foster

Are you a homeschooling parent of adopted kids? What tips have you learned along the way? Share in the comment section below!

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March 12, 2015 by Tricia Goyer 1 Comment

Adoption | He Said, She Said

This post is part of For the Family’s He Said/She Said series. My husband, John, and I shared our perspectives on our adoption journey. Keep reading for both sides of the story!

He Said {John’s Perspective}

When I met Tricia she was the young mother of a baby boy, so we’ve had children in our relationship since our first date. We never got a honeymoon phase, and I always said that we were getting an early start. I set my mind on the someday when we’d be empty nesters and get our lengthy one-on-one time together on the other end of the intense parenting years.

Then, as our children started getting older, I kept thinking about what it would mean to have an empty nest. There would be fewer complications and more free time to pursue other interests, like going to work in an orphanage in a third world country. But Tricia wasn’t up for that idea at all. The idea of no running water or flushing toilets didn’t appeal to her.

God began taking our focus off of “self” and opened my eyes to my family. As I prayed, I realized that maybe the call to care for more children wasn’t a call to an orphanage, but to orphans.

Then one day Tricia approached me about adopting a little girl from China. We prayed about it, thought about it, and decided to pursue it.

It took a lot of time and money to get our paperwork in for a Chinese adoption, and then — miraculously — God stopped our process. What should have taken months took years. And this adoption still isn’t completed. It was hard to see my wife cry in frustration when things didn’t go as planned, but there was nothing we could do. This adoption was in God’s hands.

Then, Tricia’s friend approached her one day and asked if we would consider adopting domestically. We were interested but cautious. I was fearful Tricia would get her heart broken again. We met with the birth mother and shared with her our thoughts on family. A few weeks later she told us that she chose us. We were overjoyed!

After adopting Alyssa, I thought our family was complete, but God had other plans: He had more children in mind for us.

God placed it upon my heart that there were lots of children right here in Arkansas who needed a mom and a dad. The problem was we had the capacity to care for children, but we couldn’t afford it. With the expenses we’d already paid with both the China and the private adoption—and a job change with a lower income—we couldn’t find extra money to pursue another adoption.

Then, when talking to a friend, I learned that it didn’t cost anything to adopt from the state foster care system. That night when Tricia called me from the MomLife Retreat, I was excited to share the news, and that’s what started the ball rolling.

But I had concerns.

The concerns are real.

As a man, my biggest concern with adoption had to do with the logistics. I considered my stage in my career, the work of caring for small children, ensuring I had an adequate home and cars that were large enough, etc. I also wanted to make sure that my health was good—that I’d be around as they grew into adulthood.

Additionally, I struggled with not having that “empty nest” time. I looked forward to that time, but I still felt adoption was the right thing to do.

I felt God challenging me to live beyond my selfishness.

For example, I enjoy watching movies, woodworking, and bike riding. I also like to relax, but all the self-indulgent idle time for which I long will not produce anything of equal value in comparison to loving, raising and discipling children for the kingdom.

Even though I had concerns about basic care, nurturing, feeding, and educating these kids, I came to understand that I don’t have to have the best or the most perfect. The most important thing that we can give to orphans is a commitment to love them and give them a forever family.

The most important things to give to orphans is commitment to love them! #adoption @TriciaGoyer

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Of course this is easy to talk about but hard to do. When it came to adopting from the foster care system, things happened fast. In a couple of days we went from not knowing these kids, to picking them up to make them part of this forever family.

The night before we picked them up I could hardly sleep. I was worried about what I was doing to my wife, myself, my other children. Would the needs of these new kids be too much? Was this the right decision?

That morning while reading the Bible, Tricia and I came to James 1:27:

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you (NLT).

God gave us this verse at the perfect moment; His Word calmed our fears and told us we were on the right path.

Tricia and I praised God and worshiped Him that morning, knowing that He was calling us to adopt. It was a moment we’ll look back on for a long time. Because of that verse given to us at that moment, we never wavered that God called us to these children, even during dark days.

From man to man:

Men, you don’t have to be perfect to be a parent. You just need to commit to and invest in a child. You don’t have to have a big house. (You’ll never a house that’s big enough.) You don’t have to wait until you have enough money. (You’ll never have enough money.)

Instead, take a step of faith. That’s where God will meet you, and He’ll take care of the logistics.

Blessings,
John

She Said {Tricia’s Perspective}

I first thought about adoption around 1999 when I was reading an article about orphanages in China filled with baby girls. At the time, John and I had three young kids ages 10, 7, and 5. I had also just gotten my first book contract.

I talked to John about adopting an orphan, but he didn’t think it was a good idea. The idea of adding more kids into our chaotic life wasn’t appealing to him. Not to mention the cost, which was $20,000+. Oh, and I should mention my propensity to take on more than I can chew. One of John’s roles in life is to protect me from my good intentions.

Years later the kids grew up, and John was the one to bring up the idea of adoption with me. I jumped on the chance. I was SO excited about adopting a baby girl from China, but just as we turned in our paperwork, in 2008, things changed. They slowed down the number of adoptions. It looked like a 4-5 year process. I was heartbroken.

I clearly remember one day when I was crying out to God, “Why did you even put this on my heart if it’s not going to happen?” (And by “happen” I meant in the way I wanted, with the beautiful, Chinese baby girl that I imagined.) And God taught me a few things in the process:

Relinquishment. Peace came as I surrendered my will to His. I wanted a baby girl from China, asap. Instead, I relinquished my dreams to Him. I started praying, “Lord, give us the child you desire for us at the right time.” It wasn’t about a cute baby. It wasn’t about me. It was about God’s perfect purposes for His men and women — and children — on earth.

Trust. When I relinquished my will, God began to work. We were approached (through a friend) by a birth mom about a newborn. Were we interested? Yes! In March 2010 God gave us the most beautiful baby girl I’ve ever seen. She wasn’t the child for whom we had worked so hard, but she was a gift.

Faith. Two years later I was confronted by the idea of adoption again when our church hosted the “Arkansas Heart Gallery.” Our foyer was lined with photos of kids who needed forever homes. These were older kids; many were ethnically diverse. They were kids from the foster care system, and their parents had lost their rights. They were now wards of the state. My heart was tugged, but I questioned how interested John would be. This was a whole new thing. Adopting children with baggage and attachment issues was different than adopting a baby.

I mentioned children from the Heart Gallery a few times in passing, but I didn’t think much more about it until I read a book called Kisses for Katie. It was about a young woman who adopted thirteen children in Uganda. I read the book on the way to a MomLife retreat, and I was moved.

I felt God speaking to me, “If she can adopt thirteen children in a third-world country, can’t you open your home to a few more?” I felt led to ask a few friends to pray that John’s heart would be open to adopting from the foster care system.

Later that night, when I called home, these were the first words out of John’s mouth, “Did you know that adopting from the foster care system is free?” As I heard my husband’s words, my faith grew. Adoption wasn’t “my” thing that I needed to “talk my husband into.” Adoption was on God’s heart.

Since then we’ve adopted two children from the foster care system, and our home is currently open to adopt more! And as I wait to hear about our new placement, God’s speaking the same things to me again:

Relinquish
Trust
Have faith

God is the one who creates families, and I’m honored to be on this journey with God and my husband. With each step God is teaching me to trust Him — not my own ideas — about adoption.

Blessings,

Tricia

When is comes to adoption: Relinquish. Trust. Have faith. @TriciaGoyer

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Read the original He Said, She Said posts here and here!

If you are interested in adopting, here are other blogs I’ve written about our journey:

Adoption: Sometimes Love Grows

How to Adopt for {Almost} Free

Adoption from Foster Care: Your Questions Answered, Part 1

Adoption from Foster Care: Your Questions Answered, Part 2

Adoption from Foster Care: Your Questions Answered, Part 3

Adoption from Foster Care: Your Questions Answered, Part 4

Choosing to Adopt: One Couple’s Story

Adoption {She Said}

Adoption {He Said}

The Sad News About Adoption in Our World

Meet the New Goyer Children (our announcement in 2013!)

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February 26, 2015 by Tricia Goyer 1 Comment

Adoption: Sometimes Love Grows

In my 25 years as a mom there have been many homecomings as I brought my children home for the first times. When Cory was born, I was a 17-year-old single mom, and we returned to my parents’ house. With Leslie and Nathan, John and I lived in low-income housing while he was in school. There was no designer nursery, but I did have room for a bassinet next to our bed.

We adopted Alyssa as a baby. She was six days old, and we knew for two and a half months that she’d be coming. Yet again there was no nursery, no crib set, nor any wall hangings. We brought Alyssa home just a few days before our family moved 2,000 miles from Montana to Arkansas. The first days of getting acquainted with our new daughter were spent in the front of a U-Haul.

In 2013, we had another homecoming. We adopted five-year-old “Sissy” and two-year-old “Buddy” from the foster care system. Instead of two months of preparation, we had two days. Bunk beds were set up, and dresser drawers were filled with clothes, but how can you really prepare for two children who’ve faced trauma, lived in numerous homes, and have already set up walls around their hurting hearts? John and I had gone through months of training, but then there was the moment when there were two kids sitting in car seats in the back seat. Could we really do this? Would love come?

I’d like to say the love was instantaneous, but that’s the thing of fairy tales. When it comes to welcoming in new foster or adoptive kids love grows one day at a time. Love is a choice—a choice that’s made even in the middle of fits, or crying in the night, or anger that flows from gazes. Anger that other people caused, and anger that is now my job to ease.

Sometimes, love grows one day at a time #adoption @TriciaGoyer

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With my newborns the love seemed to be instantaneous. With these older ones, it’s something that builds and grows. And that’s OK. Love is a verb. And a love that grows is just as beautiful as love that emerges.

Have you thought about adopting but question if you’ll be able to love them as much as your biological children? It’s a good question to ask.

Love may not happen within minutes or days, but when you give of your home, your family, and your heart . . . love finds its way in ordinary times and on ordinary days.