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The Best Leaders Allow Themselves To Be Led

The Best Leaders Allow Themselves To Be Lead
The Best Leaders Allow Themselves To Be Lead

I have ten kids ages from middle-schoolers to adults. Four are still at home, and they look to me daily. They are watching me, listening. I often hear my words coming out of their mouths. They follow in my footsteps, and I know my good habits and bad habits may someday be theirs. How do I know? Many times I hear my mom’s words coming out of my mouth. I find myself following in her footsteps in numerous ways. Remembering this reminds me how much I am a leader. The best leaders allow themselves to be lead.

The best leaders aren’t strict rulers, but rather part of a greater mission.

This wasn’t always the case for me. I was a single mom, and I prayed for a future husband . . . and a godly dad for my son. I met and married a wonderful Christian man, yet I had high expectations. I expected John to have the passion of King David, the practicality of Paul, and lead with the gentleness of Jesus. I expected him to see all of life as a chance to relate Biblical truths and moral lessons to our family. My poor husband!

John was a great provider, and he always spent time with me and the kids, yet when he didn’t step forward and lead our family spiritually as I thought he should. I tried to “help” him along. I grumbled, prodded, and offered—ahem—encouragement. Yet the more I pushed, the more John retreated. When I prayed about John’s “issue,” God turned my pointing finger back on me.

God told me I didn’t make a very good personal Holy Spirit for my husband.

I took the hint. I stepped back and kept my mouth shut, and something amazing happened—John stepped forward. One day he asked if we could read the Bible and pray together in the mornings. Of course I answered, “Yes!”

Being a parent is the most important life-role leadership job I’ll ever have—you’ll ever have. If you’re married and your spouse isn’t the spiritual leader you dream of, close your mouth and pray. Trust that God can guide your husband in a better way than you ever could! Also lead your children as well as you can with God as your guide.

Wanting to set a good example for your children is important, but the most important part is keeping your eyes on God and asking Him to lead your path, while also praying for your spouse. Jesus was a servant-leader, not a demanding guide. We’ll do well if we do the same. The best leaders find joy in being led, rather than trying to force their way.

 

If you liked this post, check out these others about family leadership:

Leadership In The Home

Letting Your Husband Lead

6 Ways to Effectively Lead Young Children

 

 

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Letting Your Husband Lead

Letting Your Husband Lead

I have to say it wasn’t always easy for me to let John lead. When he and I married in 1990, I was a single mom of a little boy. I was used to making all the rules, so allowing John to lead was really a struggle.
I wanted to set Cory’s bedtime. I wanted to set the rules for discipline. I thought I knew best; after all, I was the mom, and I read all the parenting magazines.
Over time, I realized Cory needed his dad to be a leader. (Otherwise, how would he know how to lead his own family someday?) So I stepped back, and John led the way. He was firmer than I was but also full of grace and compassion. He made our son toe the line, and amazingly Cory started acting better and obeying better, and all of our relationships grew!

It was harder, though, letting John lead me spiritually.

I was the one who listened to Christian music all day. I was the one who attended Bible study at church. I was the one who had shelves full of devotional books. I made suggestions of how we should do devotions, or pray at dinner, or have family worship time, but the louder I got with my suggestions, the more John pulled away. This frustrated me to no end!
I clearly remember one morning during my personal quiet time when I felt God’s whispers, telling me I was doing a horrible job at being John’s personal Holy Spirit. What?! I was just trying to help … wasn’t I?

I knew then I needed to pray—and to keep my mouth shut. So I did. And things got better. When I stepped back, John stepped forward. He didn’t do things my way, but he was leading and we were drawing closer to God and each other.

Even today, there is a struggle, but I’m working at it. These are things that allow me to help my husband lead on a daily basis:

  1. Praying for God to give John wisdom and praying for my tender heart, so I’ll follow.
  2. Instead of giving my opinion, asking John for his advice. He’s a very smart guy when I take time to listen!
  3. Encouraging my husband when he’s making great choices. For example, when John suggested we read and pray together in the morning, I made sure I was ready and available to do that … even if kids were running around and dozens of other things needed to be done.
  4. Providing courage. I’ve learned the men in our lives are often afraid of failing, so it’s easier for them to do nothing than step out of their comfort zone. I try to let John know I’m willing to stick by him and to cheer him on. I also ask what I can to do support him, and I try to follow through.

It’s also a great example to our kids as they see me giving preference to my husband, and they see John loving and providing as only he can.

P.S. That little boy? Well, he’s grown now, too. And he’s leading his wife and baby son, just like he saw his daddy do.

Are you looking to make praying together with your husband a priority in your marriage?

Praying Through the Bible in One Year
Praying Through the Bible in One Year

Give my book Praying Through the Bible in One Year a try! It’s a great resource for your own time alone with God or as a way to build a strong prayer foundation with your partner. God can bring real transformation into your heart and life when you daily commit to reading your Bible and praying through God’s Word. Praying through the Bible in One Year offers a guided reading plan and a daily prayer starter to help you make God’s Word applicable to your life. Discover the inspiration for real-life transformation. Get yours today here!

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Just Be Available to God

Just Be Available to God
Just Be Available to God

Just Be Available

If you want God to work in your life, then just be available! Be available AND believe He will move on your behalf. You have to believe this. If you don’t believe in a BIG God with BIG dreams there’s no use being available. When you learn to trust God completely and trust in His dreams, THEN you can also trust Him to lead you down the right path. Let me tell you how I know!

Fifty-two years ago, there was a woman about to give birth. She was young and didn’t know how she could afford a child without her parent’s help. She hadn’t talked to her former boyfriend in months–she didn’t even know how to reach him. How could she tell him she was having his child?

This young woman attended church some, yet her dialogue with God was stilted. How could God let this happen to her? What would her life be like now?

A baby girl was born, and upon holding her child this young lady knew things would be okay. Perhaps this baby was a gift, not a burden as she supposed. So this woman raised her daughter the best she could, and while she wanted to give her child more than she had…

History has a way of repeating itself.

When the daughter became a young woman she found herself in the same situation—living at home, pregnant, scared. The daughter knew she could raise this child. After all, her mom had done it. But what would her life be like? How could God let this happen to her?

If you haven’t guessed already – I was the daughter.

I was born to a single mom, becoming a single mom myself as a teenager. At age seventeen, God gave me a son. My boyfriend was out of the picture, and I faced raising a child alone with little education, no money, and – maybe, according to the world – little hope for my future.

Now if you take this story at face value, I am nothing more than a statistic.

According to government research, most daughters of young mothers go on to be teen mothers themselves. They face lives of hardship, living on welfare for the most part—becoming a burden rather than an asset to society.

Yet, I am not a statistic. And you know why I’m not a statistic? Because God doesn’t do statistics.

Did you hear that?

God doesn’t do statistics. In fact, He likes to blow them out of the water.

You see, God has a history of seeing something that no one else does. Like seeing a king in a shepherd boy named David, seeing an apostle in a young zealot named Paul, and seeing a mighty warrior in a frightened nobody named Gideon.

God has X-ray eyes that see right through any outward characteristics or any national statistics. His X-ray eyes scan down to the heart.

And what did God see? He must have seen something worthwhile. Because . . .

At age 52, I’m a multi-published author of magazine articles, Bible study notes, curriculum, and many books. My book for teenage mothers was nominated for a prestigious award. I’m a national speaker, traveling to share God’s good news.

While in my twenties I helped to launch a Crisis Pregnancy Center, helped start numerous abstinence programs, and launched support groups for Teen Moms.

Just Be Available

Now, if I were not a believer, all these would be things I could really tout. But honestly, I can say that it doesn’t have to do with me at all.

It’s about:

  • A BIG God with BIG dreams.
  • A God who has made an agreement with me that is eternal, final, and sealed.
  • A God who is constantly looking after my safety and success.
  • A God who is strong in my weakness.
  • A God who sees the future sees the past and has a perfect plan for me.

Well, I guess the whole truth is that I do have something to do with it. It’s only a little something, but I guess it makes a pretty big difference.

See, God can be all those things in my life, but only if I let Him.

There is one thing I must do . . . and that is Be Available. Of course, I didn’t just wake up one day and say, “Here I am, God – use me.” I didn’t just clear my schedule and wait for God to show up.

Rather, the steps toward my availability were a work in progress. They started on the day I was six months pregnant and accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Savior. I like to look at that as Day One.

In those 34 years from then to now, I’ve learned a lot.

Lesson #1: Sometimes being available means stepping away from the status quo.

For me, that meant moving 1,000 miles away. Seriously, 1,000 miles. You see after I gave my heart to the Lord, I birthed a beautiful son. Not too long later, God gave me an amazing, Christian husband and two more children. Then He asked us to move . . . (in a roundabout way.)

First, God put us into a community of like-minded people. Our friends longed for a simple life away from the hurry and worry in California.

Next, He placed a desire in our hearts to raise our children in a better place – a place called Montana. We’d talked about it with our friends, we’d dreamt about it, and hoped that many someday it would come true.

Then, we decided to pray. My husband and I got on our knees and prayed that IF it was God’s desire He would make it clear. John had just graduated from college, and I was raising three small children under the age of 5.

We knew we’d be leaving our families, leaving our friends, leaving everything we knew. We had no job in Montana, no money to move; in fact, we’d never even been there before! Still, we had a desire. One we couldn’t shake.

At the time, my husband sold computers on commission in a small store. He’d usually sell 1-2 a week. He went to work the next day after our joint-prayer, and sold 11 computers! Enough to pay off our current bills with enough left over to move and live on. It was the confirmation we’d been looking for.

So we did it. We packed up our three kids and moved. Our families thought we were crazy.

They were sure we were joining some commune or something. We saw Kalispell for the first time as we drove in with our stuff. Within the week, we were renting a house. Within three weeks, my husband had a far better job than he had in California. And within six months, we’d purchased our first house. In less than a year, we were plugged into an amazing church and ministering to children in ways we’d always dreamed of.

Beautiful quote from Tricia Goyer's 3 Part Series- Just be available to God

We serve a BIG God with BIG dreams.

You have to believe this. If you don’t believe in a BIG God with BIG dreams there’s no use being available. But when you trust that fact. Trust God completely. Trust His dreams, THEN you can also trust Him to lead you to the right path.

Seeing God at work and what He did with our lives when we were available made me hungry for more. I wanted to experience God at work like that again.

Henry and Mel Blackaby say, “Watching the activity of God from a distance can never compare with the thrill of being fully involved in the Spirit’s active work.”

You have to want God. Not just want to work for Him or learn about Him, but truly want Him. You have to want to experience Him at work in your life. You have to be hungry for what only He can give—a hope and a future.

Prayer

God, I want to trust you. I want to be available for the big plans you have for me. Lead me to the right path. I am hungry for a hope and a future.

What BIG DREAM is God whispering into your heart? Maybe, like me, you feel God pulling you towards words, towards writing and speaking and sharing His message. If that sounds familiar then maybe you need to join me in the Write That Book club!

Making your writing dreams become a reality is tough. You have ideas but you wonder if any of them are good. You have no idea how to connect with agents and editors, and what in the world is book proposal anyway?

I’m here to help, and I’ve invited some of my friends to help you, too. They are professional agents, editors, authors, and marketing and publicity team members. They’re the best of the best in the Christian publishing industry. Together, we want to help you reach your dreams.

To help you do this, I’ve created Write That Book. This premier group provides education, inspiration, and connection with other writers and experts. Learn all the tricks of the trade while getting your personal questions answered.

Over thirty experts will be available throughout the month to answer your questions. Their decades of experience will be at your fingertips. They not only want to help you, but they also want to get to know you better. After all, your words might just be the ones they’re looking for!

Learn more here:

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The Flicker of an Old Flame

 

I loved my husband and we had such a happy marriage, why then did my heart leap and I feel the flicker of an old flame when I opened my email and saw who it was from?

I worked at my desk, noting flakes of snow fluttering down outside my office window. On the windowsill, a family photograph warmed my heart. The “you’ve-got-mail” chime sounded, and I glanced at my email. Scanning the name, my heartbeat quickened. Steven, my first boyfriend. My first kiss. My first everything. I opened the email:

“Hi, Trish, I found you on this classmate site. Remember me? I’d love to reconnect.”

A few years after Steven and I ended our relationship, I became a Christian. I’d married a wonderful man, and we had three great kids. Yet right away, my curiosity about Steven—and my longing to reconnect—surprised me. Why did I feel the flicker of an old flame, when I was so happy with my John?

Someone Help Me

Steven and I emailed each other a few times that day, sharing about our lives and families. And that night, when I didn’t want to mention our communication to my husband, John, I knew there was a problem.

The second day, Steven admitted he was getting a divorce, confessed he’d never stopped caring for me, and told me he’d named his daughter after me. I was flattered. My chest warmed. And I knew all communication had to stop. I needed help.

I turned to my closest friends for help, spilling the details and confessing that I needed their prayer. They filled my inbox with Scripture verses, notes of concern, and similar stories. I was surprised by how many others had struggled with the flicker of an old flame at one time or another.

True Confessions

Feeling the strength of my friends’ support, on the third day, I approached John. I told him about Steven and confessed that the emails had stirred up old emotions.

John held me, he cried, then he did something I’ll never forget: He took my hands and prayed for me. He prayed that I would be strong and that God would heal my heart and that I would understand how much I was loved and adored by my family, especially him.

Even though feelings for Steven lingered, I’d never felt so loved by John. It’s one thing to do everything right and feel appreciated by my husband; it’s another to feel weak and confused yet see the obvious love in John’s eyes.

Revealing the Past

After talking with John, I emailed Steven and told him that I loved my husband. I put an end to all communication with Steven. The emails stopped, but the memories lingered. It was as though a memory box hidden deep in my heart had been reopened and its contents refused to be stuffed back inside. I prayed God would take the memories away, but I felt alone as I fought against them.

One night, my friends joined me for prayer, and afterward, I realized I’d been trying to hide my past from God. Sure, I’d confessed my sins after giving my heart to Christ, but I hadn’t specifically confessed this relationship. And I hadn’t confessed how much I still wanted to be adored by this person.

That night as I lay in bed, in my mind’s eye, I took Jesus’ hand and walked through those memories. With God’s help, I saw myself as a young, vulnerable teen who wanted to feel beautiful and loved. I wept as I realized Jesus had been right there waiting for me to turn to Him.

With each memory, I asked Jesus to give me an undivided heart for Him and my husband.

Guarding my Heart

Because we live in a world where we can Google anyone at any time, I now take steps to guard my heart. I tell John about contacts with people from my past, no matter how innocent. I also avoid building close friendships with anyone of the opposite sex.

I’ve continued to ask Jesus to filter my heart, praying Psalm 139:23-24,

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Yes, I was forgiven for the things I’d done, but Jesus didn’t want me to ignore the past. He wanted to redeem those experiences, to heal me.

The Flicker of an Old Flame

 

Nearly 25 years have passed since that day when I got the email. While the struggle was hard, today my prayer is the same that David prayed in Psalm 30:2, “O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.”

Steps You Can Take in Dealing With the Flicker of an Old Flame

  1. Pray for strength.
  2. Let your spouse know the whole story.
  3. Ask your friends to pray for you and to encourage you.
  4. Guard your heart and avoid building close relationships with those of the opposite sex.

Steps You Can Take in Dealing With the Flicker of an Old Flame

 

Daily Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father, 

Thank you for my marriage and for my spouse. Help me to continue to guard my heart and to keep it for you, for my husband, and for my family. Thank you for your gift of forgiveness and love.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen

 

Additional Resources

How to Give Your Marriage a Regular Check Up
Don’t Give Up Too Soon on Your Marriage
Kim Kardashian’s 72-Day Marriage
Generation Next: Marriage | Tricia Goyer

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Learning to Face the Truth

 

As I often share, being transparent can free your soul (read Part 1 HERE). Your shame can also be your testimony. And, as hard as telling others may be, when we learn to face the truth, it’s our hard stories that lead others to real freedom.

It's our hard stories that lead others to real freedom. Tricia shares her journey in learning how to be transparent in healing from her abortion.

It was a story I did not want to tell. But as Sanctity of Life Sunday approached, my pastor asked me to share my story I had kept secret for many years with the church—my abortion story. And while I understood this message could help other women find forgiveness, I also knew it meant I’d have to face the truth and tell my kids—something I dreaded.

My kids were ages ten, seven, and five. Although I was their mom, I thought they’d hate me when they knew the truth. After all, just how do you tell your kids they’d have another brother or sister if it weren’t for their mom’s bad decision?

John and I prayed about how to tell our children. We knew that although they’d heard the word abortion before, they most likely didn’t understand what it was. Since they were still young, they didn’t need to know the details. We also wanted them to know why many women terminate their pregnancies—because of fear, worry, or pressure from other people.

A few days later, my husband and I explained to our kids that abortion meant a woman did not want to be pregnant and had an operation to end the life of her baby. I could tell from my kids’ faces they were horrified. John shared why a woman might do this, and they expressed sadness for those women. Then, with tears in my eyes, I told them my story.

When Sin is Allowed to Grow

With a shaky voice, I explained that when I was in high school, I had become pregnant. I said that when I visited a clinic, the workers told me it really wasn’t a baby yet and that everything would be better if I had the procedure. I told my kids that I had always wanted to be a mom, but I was afraid of having a baby as a fifteen-year-old. I was worried about what people would think.

I told my kids I wanted to believe what the clinic worker said was true because it seemed like an easy way out. So I ignored the nagging voice in my head that told me I was ending a life. After the abortion, I was heartbroken and numb. It took many years for the emotional pain to go away.

John and I also explained I had not been following Jesus, and that I had wanted things my own way. I read James 1:14–15 to my children: “But your own evil longings tempt you. They lead you on and drag you away. When they are allowed to grow, they give birth to sin. When sin has grown up, it gives birth to death” (NIRV). In this case, my sin led to the death of their brother or sister. My kids listened, and I could see the sadness on their faces.

Finding Forgiveness

Months after my abortion, I saw a woman wearing a Precious Feet pin on her sweater. When I commented about it, she told me that her pin represented the size of the feet of a ten-week-old fetus. I knew then that my baby had a body, feet, hands, and a beating heart. The reality of my decision became clear. Overwhelmed with guilt, I became self-destructive and made more bad decisions.

But when I was seventeen, I accepted Jesus. I realized I’d been making the wrong choices, and I asked God to do something with my life.

 

Tricia Goyer shares about her repentance and healing from her abortion in her blog post: Learning to Face The Truth

 

I told my kids I had asked Jesus to forgive me. I asked for their forgiveness, too, for ending the life of the sibling they’d never know on earth.

It only took a few seconds for three sets of arms to wrap around me. “It’s OK, Mom. We love you, and we forgive you!” they told me.

It was like a dam broke within my soul. For so long this secret had been swelling against the wall I had built. To share and face the truth and seeing they still loved me made my chest light and warm. Tears spilled as I held them in my arms. As a mom, the last people I wanted to disappoint were my kids.

Their hurt was evident, but their love was even greater.

Facing the Truth by Sharing the Story

Whenever my children brought up the subject, whether it was weeks, months, or even years later, we would talk about it. A few times they told me about friends who asked them about what I’d shared at church, and they were able to explain my story. Later, when I told my story to other groups, I shared with my kids how my story helped those who needed to know about Jesus’ forgiveness, too. We would talk about how God could use even the painful stuff in our lives to help others.

When my daughter was sixteen, she returned from a youth social gathering and told me that the subject of abortion came up.

“Mom, many of them said a woman should have a choice,” she reported, “but then I told them your story.”

My daughter had shared with her peers about my heartache and pain. “Many women do not know what they are choosing, and they suffer for years afterward,” she told them, “just like my mom.”

Originally, keeping my secret seemed like the right thing to do, but sharing my experience has allowed others, my children included, to better understand decisions and consequences—and the truth about pain, loss, and regret.

 

What a blessed promise to those who repent! Tricia Goyer's blog post: Learning to Face The Truth (her story of abortion and healing)

 

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1 ESV

Steps You Can Take:

1. Pray, pray pray.

2. Write down key points you want to make before you share your story

3. Be open to other opportunities to face the truth and share your story—and for others to share their stories with you.

Today’s Prayer

God, thank you for your forgiveness and for your forgiveness exemplified in others. Please give me courage as I share my story, and give me a heart of understanding toward others and their stories.

Additional Resources

These are some books I have written that might bless you as well:

 

My life Unscripted

Young people (and old) earn the importance of “scripting” their own responses BEFORE challenging life situations arise so they are able to think about, pray about, and consider how to face these situations before the scene begins. By contrasting real life with TV or movies, teens will understand they don’t have to get caught up in the drama.
My Life Unscripted

Praying For Your Future Husband
From when we were small girls, most of us dream of “The One,” our future husband. We think about what it would be like to be a bride. We wonder who that special guy is and when we’ll find him. The great news is that what you do now can make a difference in your life and the life of your future husband!
walk it out
Women often pack their lives with family, friends, and faithful service, yet still end up feeling empty and unfulfilled. In Walk It Out, Tricia Goyer demonstrates to women that walking out the mandates of Scripture allows God to spark passion and mission within them.
sewn with joy
Can I work in a woman finding forgiveness in an Amish novel? Oh yes, I can. 😂
Joy Miller wanted nothing more than to be a wife and mother—especially now that her relationship with Matthew Slagel, the bishop’s son, was deepening. But when a television crew rolls into Pinecraft, Florida, to film a new show about the Amish, tension threatens to rip apart their relationship…and the entire Amish community

 

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Are You Helping Your Husband Follow His Dreams?

 

Are You Helping Your Husband Follow His Dreams?
Are You Helping Your Husband Follow His Dreams?

What are your husband’s dreams? Do you know them? If you do, what are you doing to help him reach his dreams? If you’re not… have you thought about starting?

Today is the day to start helping your husband reach your dreams. Why today? Because time doesn’t stop and wait for us to catch up! I realize this every time I look in the mirror. I’m a bit rounder than I was when we got married – so is my husband, John. We both have more wrinkles. His hair is speckled with gray. (My hair would have more speckles, too, if it weren’t for Clairol.)

We’re both still pretty young, yet our bodies are softening in all the wrong places, and my realization was that time is just going to continue. We will be those gray-haired, wobbly, elderly people holding hands as they cross the street. Yes, it may be in 2031, but it’s coming!

Of course, I also realized something else. I think my husband is sexier than ever. No, I’m not going to be talking about sex. Instead, I will focus on passion, and passion isn’t designed for just the bedroom.

On our very first date, the first thing that impressed me about John was his passion for life. He had traveled the world in the Marine Corps, and now he had plans for college and dreamed of a bright future. He also had a real passion for God.

Looking back on our 30-plus years together, I realize now that our toughest times in marriage were those when we both became stuck in the busy ruts of life. We didn’t share our dreams; we didn’t make plans for what we could do. Instead, we filled our days with busyness and both felt overwhelmed and unfilled.

In 2010, our family moved 1,950 miles from Montana to Arkansas and many people asked why. “Why would you leave a good job, a nice home, and the prettiest place on earth to move to Little Rock?” (No, offense Arkansas. You’re pretty too, but…) The truth is, I saw a spark of passion in my husband’s gaze that hadn’t been there for a while. He knew his skills could be used in the amazing ministry of Family Life. He wanted his work to matter for eternity, and I jumped on board with that.

Passion in life isn’t just something that happens; rather, it must be sought. As wives, we can help our husbands do just that.

1. Pay attention.

When we first moved to Little Rock my husband talked (and talked and talked) about all the cool bike trails. I realized he wanted to explore them but needed a better bike to do it. We tightened our belt in other areas and got him a good bike… and soon our then-teen son got one, too, so Dad could have a biking partner. Wouldn’t you know, just a few months ago I got one, too, and we’re exploring those trails together. My husband loves biking, and he’s energized for the rest of the day after a ride. Because I was paying attention I knew it was something he’d enjoy. Turns out I also found something I enjoy!

2. Sacrifice.

When we bought a nice bicycle for John it was a sacrifice to our checkbooks. When we moved 1,950 miles, the sacrifice was much greater. Sure, we left a lot—our church, our home, our friends, and family—but we’ve gotten many of those things in new ways. More than that, I have a husband who’s excited about his job and is a joy to be around. His passion for life is evident, and it’s worth the sacrifice.

3. Pray.

We’ve made these sacrifices with a lot of prayers. We’ve followed the passions of our hearts while also keeping in step with God. There are other things we’d both love to do, but we take all things before God and seek His timing. We also understand that maybe the passion He’s placed in our hearts may not play out as we imagine. I’ll give you some examples.

First, I love the Czech Republic. I’ve been there many times, both on mission trips and to visit my daughter, Leslie. If you gave me an all-expense-paid trip today, I’d go there again. My dream is to live there for an extended period with my family as short-term missionaries. I dream of meeting people as I walk along the cobblestone streets, and of opening our home for English lessons and Bible studies. We have no plans for that in the future, but we’ve gone on two mission trips to the Czech Republic and we’ve helped dozens of others go there, too.

Second, John’s big dream is to open an orphanage in a South American country. We have no immediate plans to do that, but we’ve adopted seven beautiful children – who knows if we’ll need to open an orphanage after all!

4. Dream together often.

Today, ask your husband, “If you could do anything and know it would succeed, what would it be?” John and I talk about—and dream about—many things that would take a miracle to happen, yet we still keep sharing them.

Passion for life, we’ve discovered, isn’t just about making things happen. It’s also about dreaming and planning together about “what could someday be.” How can you help your spouse follow their dreams?

Additional Resources

Listen to the podcast episode with Guy and Amber Lia about their book Marriage Triggers.
Thankful Listening — The Importance of Listening in Your Marriage
12 Tips to Make Your Marriage Rock
Kim Kardashian’s 72-Day Marriage
Generation Next: Marriage | Tricia Goyer

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How to be Transparent: Telling Someone About My Abortion Freed My Soul

How to be Transparent

Do you have a secret? I did… and it weighed me down for years. Today I want to talk about how to be transparent because I wasn’t for a very long time.

My abortion was my biggest shame, and only my husband and my mother (and my ex-boyfriend, of course) knew about it.

I remember sitting in Bible study and the other women talking about abortion. I thought I was going to be sick. I was sure everyone saw the pain and shame on my face–and these were my closest friends. I knew that if I told them they’d hate me. I hated me.

Then, about ten years after my abortion, I was at church and heard a woman talk about a Bible study for women who’d had abortions. I was shocked that she exposed her darkest sin. I needed the freedom she had. The hardest thing I ever did was go to that Bible study. But I did, and I found healing. More healing than I ever imagined I could.

Satan can only keep us captive if we’re silent. If we shrink back from the sin. If we try to “handle it” ourselves.

Jesus is truth. Jesus brought us into a body of believers to depend on each other. When we share the truth, Satan no longer has a hold on us.

 

How to be Transparent
How to be Transparent: Tricia Goyer’s story of healing from abortion.

Your “secret” is different than mine, but the enemy of our souls would like nothing more than for you to keep your struggle to yourself. To keep silent. We need to learn how to be transparent.

Steps to learning how to be transparent:

To start taking steps toward transparency, find a Bible study or some type of support group near you. Then confess to others who have the same issue. Care for each other. Pray for each other. Confession brings freedom; your burden will be lighter when you share it. I remember after I went to my first Bible study class, I started confessing other issues I had. I sought forgiveness from those I’d hurt, and the shackles fell from my heart.

Seek God, and write out your prayers to Him. Know that your struggle is not hidden from His view. God knows your issues and still LOVES YOU COMPLETELY. Read Psalm 139. His thoughts of you are greater than the sand on the seashore.

Then, when the time is right, God will lead you to share your story with others. God will transform your trials into your testimony. He’ll also help you in your struggle. Turn to Him. Let Him guide Your steps. Jesus will lead you into freedom—trust that.

Read more about my abortion story in Part Two: Learning to Face the Truth

 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17-18 ESV
How to be Transparent: Tricia Goyer’s story of healing from abortion.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.

The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

2 Corinthians 5:17-18 ESV

Steps you can take to be transparent:

1. Find a Bible Study or prayer group for women in a like-minded situation.

2. Confess your sin or shame to someone who you trust.

3. Seek God. Understand He loves you completely.

4. After you find freedom, share your story with someone who needs to hear it.

Today’s Prayer

God, please give me the confidence to share my story with others. Use it to further your kingdom and to bring glory to your name, no matter how scared I am to share my past with others.

Additional Resources

These are some books I have written that can help you as well!

My life Unscripted- life-impacting testimony

Young people (and old) earn the importance of “scripting” their own responses BEFORE challenging life situations arise so they are able to think about, pray about, and consider how to face these situations before the scene begins. By contrasting real life with TV or movies, teens will understand they don’t have to get caught up in the drama.

 

 

 

 

 

Praying For Your Future Husband will be a part of your life-impacting testimony

 

 

From when we were small girls, most of us dream of “The One,” our future husband. We think about what it would be like to be a bride. We wonder who that special guy is and when we’ll find him. The great news is that what you do now can make a difference in your life and the life of your future husband! Praying For Your Future Husband

 

 

 

walking it out is part of your life-impacting testimony

 

 

Women often pack their lives with family, friends, and faithful service, yet still end up feeling empty and unfulfilled. In Walk It Out, Tricia Goyer demonstrates to women that walking out the mandates of Scripture allows God to spark passion and mission within them. Walk It Out

 

 

 

 

sewn with joy- suggestion for blog post about life-impacting testimony

Can I work in a woman finding forgiveness into an Amish novel? Oh yes, I can! 😂

Joy Miller wanted nothing more than to be a wife and mother—especially now that her relationship with Matthew Slagel, the bishop’s son, was deepening. But when a television crew rolls into Pinecraft, Florida, to film a new show about the Amish, tension threatens to rip apart their relationship…and the entire Amish community. Sewn With Joy

 

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How to Have a Fulfilling Marriage

I knew I wanted to marry John on our first date. How? Even more than my physical attraction (he was cute!), I was impressed by our conversation. John told me about his growing-up years, his time in the Marine Corps, and his hopes for the future. I knew he was someone I could share a life with. We have been married for over three decades and built a fulfilling marriage together.

How do you joyfully share a life with your spouse? More than that, how do you have a fulfilling marriage?

Here are 7 ways.

  1. Share memories: Memories give us a glimpse into each other’s past. I understand my husband better because of the memories he shares. He understands me better, too.
  2. Share dreams: Ask your spouse, “If you could do anything, what would it be?” The answer may surprise you. Allow your spouse to dream without thinking about logistics and cost. Pray about how to make those dreams possible … or other similar {smaller} dreams.
  3. Share hopes: Dreams look outward, but hopes are what’s tucked deep inside. What does your spouse hope for his/her marriage, parenting, and job? Ask.
  4. Share pet peeves: My husband is bothered by sticky fingers and toys cluttering the living room. And he overlooks a lot of things that drive me crazy. Little annoyances can be avoided if you realize that pet peeves are not big issues, but they matter.
  5. Share laughs: Laughter can help couples face hard situations with grace. Recently we added two new children to our home (adopted from the foster care system), and sometimes we were so overwhelmed that all we could do was laugh! Laughter helped us overcome a lot of battles together.
  6. Share prayers: A dozen years ago, John and I started praying together in the morning. Those prayers mean so much to me. I confidently face the day when I hear my husband’s whispered prayers.
  7. Share a mission: In his book The Sacred Search, Gary Thomas had this to say about a shared mission:

“The old cliché is all too true: a good marriage is the closest two people will ever come to heaven this side of eternity; a bad marriage is the closest two people in an affluent society will ever come to hell.

“Such problems usually erupt from trying to build a life together without purpose, without mission, without something that not only establishes a connection but keeps you caring about each other for the next fifty to sixty years.” Gary Thomas

What is your mission as a couple?

Come up with 3-4 words that answer this statement: “This is what we’re about …”

John and I focus on service, evangelism, hospitality, and making memories. This is who “we” are; our life and choices reflect that. I’m thankful that I have this man to share my life with. Now … what about you?

What do you share with your spouse? What is your mission as a couple?

Additional Resources

Generation Next Marriage | Tricia Goyer
A Conversation with Dr. Gary Chapman on Love is a Choice
How to Give Your Marriage a Regular Check-up
A Conversation with Amber Lia on Marriage Triggers
Resources to Transform Your Marriage

 

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How to Keep Love Alive with a House Full of Kids

How to Keep Love Alive with a House Full of Kids

Wondering How to Keep Love Alive with a House Full of Kids? It’s possible! After three decades of marriage, John and I have made our relationship a priority. There are no shortcuts to marital intimacy. But if you make the effort and take the time to keep connecting, you can stay close to your spouse–even with 10 kids and grandma in the house. Let me share what’s worked for us in this post.

 

How to Keep Love Alive with a House Full of Kids

 

 

 

How to Keep Love Alive with a House Full of Kids

Marriage is a challenge. Having time for intimacy with your spouse can be too. John and I have been married thirty-one years, and the priorities we’ve created to “keep love alive” have benefitted our marriage.

The closeness we’ve established has provided us with a habit of drawing close, even during challenging times in our lives. It hasn’t been easy to take time for each other, but it’s been worth it. Here are ways you can also keep love alive with a house full of kids.

1. Set boundaries.

I was an eighteen-year-old teen mom when John and I started dating. Our newlywed years included a toddler! Since I was a single mom at first, Cory was used to sleeping in bed with me, but things had to change once I got married. John and I set up boundaries right from the beginning.

  • No kids in our bed.

  • When our son was old enough to try to open the bedroom door, we locked it.

For me—and many women—feeling the freedom to be intimate with your spouse is important. We can’t relax if we worry a child is going to walk in at any moment! A few years in, John and I even started sleeping naked. Without that layer of clothes, a sense of closeness is fostered, even on nights when we go straight to sleep.

2. Keep distractions at bay.

Within three years of marriage, John and I had two additional kids. More kids mean more distractions and work, which also could have meant less time together. So we developed positive habits to ensure our evenings provided space and time for togetherness.

  • We always go to bed at the same time. And we try to make that not too late.

  • We never put a television in our bedroom. I insist on this. I’m not a TV person, and I know it can be a bad habit to have it on and miss moments of connection and intimacy. . .

Read the rest of this article at The Better Mom How to Keep Love Alive with a House Full of Kids

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Here’s a Secret about Your Sex Life

Psst . . . I Have a Secret. Your sex life can get better with time. It’s true! I know it might seem a bit taboo to bring this up, but the truth is, sex and marriage go hand-in-hand. That’s God’s design. God created our bodies in such a way that our intimacy is deepened through the beautiful use of our bodies in the marriage bed. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s Biblical! Don’t believe me? You only have to read the book of Songs to get a feel for the way our physical relationship is such a sweet part of our covenant relationship in a Christian marriage.

Sure, that’s not the cultural narrative. In fact, when it comes to sex in marriage, the status quo is just to assume everyone will just “figure it out” on their own. However, the complexity of relationships, parenting, work (especially work from home!), cultural conditions, and so much more can make it very difficult not only to maintain a healthy marital sex life but also to nurture it. That’s why I’ll be sharing How to Keep Love Alive with a House Full of Kids … and Grandma! 

But, until then, here are FOUR ways to make your sex life better that you can start doing today (and I’m excited to share more when I speak at the virtual Married Sex Conference  where we’re covering these in detail on SATURDAY!!!!!) 

 

FOUR Ways to Make Your Sex Life Better

1. Invest in the health of your relationship. So many sex problems are relationship problems in disguise. We will talk through all these in one of the seminars Saturday at the Married Sex Conference to help you identify which is which!

2. Guide Your Thoughts: Your brain is so powerful, and the thoughts you allow yourself to think (both sexually and non-sexually), as well as the beliefs you have about sex, can fuel your sex life, or destroy it. We’ll teach you how to get to the root, and begin changing your perspective.

3. Increase Your Awareness: One thing we’ve learned in writing this book and working with so many couples is that a majority of them truly don’t have insight into making sex good – because they’ve never been taught!!! We’re talking tips, tricks, techniques, positions, and anatomy in a way you may have not been taught!!

4. Spice Up Your Communication: We want to empower you with the words, phrases, and questions you need to ask as you start talking about this important area of your life. We’re giving you a guide to make it easier because talking about sex is so important. And you should do it regularly!

Here’s a secret about your sex life, you can always improve the heart relationship that drives the physical relationship. And honestly, vice-versa. I know that my physical relationship with John has heightened and deepened our emotional bond. God made us this way for a reason. That’s why sex is designated as holy only in the marriage bed. He has blessed it there. Sex is a beautiful picture of the two becoming one. So let’s dig in and see all that God has designed for us and the wonderful ways He has endowed us with this intimate gift of love.

Are you ready?

This virtual conference is loaded with information, and is the perfect evening activity for you and your spouse to watch and discuss….and then practice!

Forget Netflix! 

We believe that the virtual #MarriedSexConference is going to have a significant impact on your marriage and your sex life.

Check out some of the topics you’ll hear covered at the conference:

  • How to Prioritize Sex in Busy Seasons — Levi and Jennie Lusko
  • How to WOW Your Spouse: Sexual techniques, tips, and tricks — Ruth Beuzis
  • Awesome Sex For a Lifetime! — Dr. Kim Kimberling
  • Dealing with a High Drive vs. Low Drive Spouse — Dr. Corey Allan
  • How Porn Impacts Marriage — Dave & Ashley Willis
  • A Great Sex Life in the Stage of Raising Young Kids! — Cait & Cole Zick
  • How Your Past Bagagge Impacts Your Sex Life, and How to Break Free- Lisa & John Bevere
  • Why God Says Sex is Good – Christine Caine
  • The Five Senses of Sex – Gary Thomas
  • Your Sex Problem Might Be a Relationship Problem IF… – Debra Fileta
  • AND SO MUCH MORE!!!

Not only that but in the new book Married Sex (that you’ll get for free!) we cover topics like:

  • The top problem spots in Sex and how to overcome them (including sex drive issues, vaginismus, erectile dysfunction, pornography issues, etc.)
  • What Get’s HER going
  • What Get’s HIM going
  • The false expectations we bring into sex
  • The anatomy of a great sex life — how to touch your spouse in the way that means the most to them.
  • How to build an emotional and spiritual connection that leads to fulfilling sex
  • The theology of a beautiful sex life.
  • How to deal with the baggage from the past
  • What’s okay/not okay to do in marriage?
  • And so much more….

We’re covering ALL THIS and so much more, this Saturday, October 2nd at the ONLINE Married Sex Conference !

 

You get 25 seminars with 12 months access to stream!!

There are only 5 days left to register + you get a FREE copy of the book Married Sex along with your registration.

 

Don’t hesitate to make this area of your life even better. Sign up today! And we’ll see you Saturday!!
FOR A LIMITED TIME USE CODE MARRIEDSEX10 FOR 10% OFF REGISTRATION!!

 

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Keep Praying for Your Future Husband

Even if you feel as if God isn’t listening, I want to encourage you to keep praying for your future husband. Maybe you started praying in your teens and you’re in your 20s, 30s, or 40s now. Perhaps you’ve started to believe that your prayers are doing NOTHING. Sometimes it may seem like that’s true, but it’s not. Your prayers are working … but in ways you may not see for years and years to come. Let me encourage you today!

 

 

Keep Praying for Your Future Husband

Robin Jones Gunn and I wrote the book Praying for Your Future Husband a few years back, and one of our favorite things is receiving letters from women of all ages. Some of these letters include wedding photos! And many more of these women simply thank us for encouraging them on the journey.

With Valentines Day is approaching I wanted to speak to those who may still be feeling lonely. The holiday of red roses and boxes of chocolate can be one of the most difficult days for those who long for love. But, Dear One, find peace in this–God hasn’t forgotten you. He is holding your sweet heart in His tender hands and in the perfect time He will bring you the love you desire. Even if that time seems it will never come, don’t lose hope. Don’t despair in the wait.

If you’re still waiting … then keep praying! Here’s some encouragement for you to do just that:

Keep Praying for Your Future Husband

Robin:

robin_pic_aboutPrayer is an extraordinary mystery.

This sacred privilege of communicating with our heavenly Father is more than a cozy, open invitation to come to Him anytime, anywhere. Even though His ears are open to the cries of His children 24/7, prayer is more than that. Prayer is also an act of obedience. We are exhorted to pray for others and to pray without ceasing.

Neither Tricia nor I pretend to have prayer all figured out. What we do know is that God hears. He sees. He knows. And He cares more than we can ever comprehend. And most important of all, God answers prayer.

Perhaps you’ve noticed that the way God answers prayers often isn’t what we expect. We look back years later and see that what God did was oh so much better than what we first envisioned when we sent our heartfelt requests heavenward. He created us, and He desires the best for us. God always gives His best to those who leave the outcomes with Him.

 

Another, even more amazing mystery is that, when we pray for someone else, we change. All of us were made to be loved, to give and to receive love.

Keep Praying for Your Future Husband

When your heart connects through prayer to the One who is the source of true love, you’ll find that praying for your future husband will wondrously result in your heart being changed. And when your heart is changed, your life is transformed.

What sort of changes will God bring about in your future husband’s life as a result of your praying for him now? We don’t know.

Keep Praying for Your Future Husband

As you pray for him, what sort of changes will God initiate in your heart? We don’t know that either.

But we do know one thing:

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions: Wait for hope to appear (Lamentations 3:25-29, The Message).

Keep Praying for Your Future Husband

It’s a good thing to quietly hope for help from God! @robingunn

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Keep Praying for Your Future Husband

Tricia:

Screen Shot 2015-07-20 at 9.41.44 AMI love that last line: “Wait for hope to appear.” Isn’t that what you need most when you’re still praying for your future husband, especially when so many of your friends are married and have children?

Perhaps you’ve prayed and prayed, but God hasn’t answered. Your prayers seem like bulbs planted in a winter garden. Each time you check for results, all you see is barrenness, debris, and frost. You doubt the warmth of your faith when you first planted the prayers in a season of light and hope.

Patience, dear God Lover. Nothing is wrong with your prayers. Leave all of them safely hidden with the Lord. Hold fast to the hope that He has heard and is at work in the garden of your heart.

One bright spring morning you will be stunned when you see what God’s resurrection power has done with those requests you buried so long ago.

 

 

Keep Praying for Your Future Husband

Keep Praying for Your Future Husband

What is it that the Lord is asking you to work on in your life during this season? Please don’t compromise your standards. Don’t start making excuses to justify why you’re settling for actions or relationships that you know in your heart aren’t what you want your life to be about.

How can you change that destructive behavior today? What are the new choices you need to start making?

Most importantly, be at peace. See this time as an opportunity for God to develop His patience in you. And don’t forget: Love is patient.

Will you get married one day? Statistics say that you will. We all know that staying married is a whole lot more important than just getting married. How you spend this stretch of waiting and allowing God to develop His patience in you will only benefit you during the difficult times that all married couples go through.

And just as there are two people in every marriage, there are two people who are learning patience as they wait for each other. If you’re having a hard time, your future husband most likely will, too. Your prayers will make a difference.

How do I pray for God to develop patience in my future husband?

Pray: He will turn to God and that God’s peace will help him to be inwardly calm and willing to wait.
He will have a quiet and steady faithfulness to God.
He’ll be content in every state he finds himself in.

Pray: His eyes will be focused on things to come, rather than things he wished he had now.
He will not push for answers before the time is right.
He’ll trust God’s sense of timing.

Pray: He will be reminded of all the times God has been patient with him and he waits with hope and expectancy.

Of course, as you pray these things for your future husband, be sure to pray the same for yourself. Patience is like holding a closed bud of promise in your hand. Imagine that closed, white rose in your mind. Consider allowing each petal to unfold slowly, in its own way. Can you see the beauty of each stage? Can you see God’s hand wrapped around yours, watching the unfolding with you?

Keep Praying for Your Future Husband

Patience is like holding a closed bud of promise in your hand! @TriciaGoyer

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Keep Praying for Your Future Husband

Will your love story come true? For many of you, it will. Concerning your future husband, it could be in the near(er) future, or like some, it could be years in the distance. It could be a quick romance or a slow falling in love. It could be exactly like you pictured it or like nothing you ever dreamed. But when the day comes that your story is celebrated by your closest friends and family, you’ll know that every prayer was worth it. And you might even wish you’d prayed more because prayers are the first gifts you give to your future husband. Gifts that heaven participates in giving.

While we can’t guarantee every one of you will have that type of love story, there is another type we do believe will take place. Everyone, everywhere, can have a beautiful love story with her God. It begins the moment you look into His eyes, realize how much you are loved, and give your love and commitment in return.

While we cannot guarantee your prayers will lead you down the aisle to a waiting mate, we do know that every prayer whispered is precious to God. None of them are wasted. While we hope your prayers for the man of your dreams come true, we know that your prayers bring you closer to the God of your eternity. And seeing the love in His gaze is the most beautiful love story of all.
If you are to be committed to anything, be committed to preparing your heart for God’s — in this way — and in every other aspect of your life. The love you’ll experience will be life-changing, and the celebration in eternity is one to look forward to with all your heart.

Still praying for that future husband? Don’t give up! @TriciaGoyer

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