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August 16, 2018 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

Three Keys to Parenting Teens Through Sexual Chaos | Dr. Juli Slattery

Dr. Juli Slattery shares 3 keys to parenting teens through today’s sexual chaos.

Do you remember the days when your parents worried about you talking to your boyfriend on the family phone? Or the outrage against the sexual messages portrayed on MTV? Although our parents had legitimate concerns, the issues they faced seem laughable compared to the challenge of raising children in 2018. Sexting, pornography, hooking up, gender confusion, sexual predators …these are the overwhelming fears that haunt today’s parents.

As a mom of three teen/young adult sons, I cling to biblical promises like: Fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am your God. These promises remind me that God is neither surprised nor overwhelmed by the challenges facing our families. I believe He is able and willing to equip us to navigate the sexual chaos of our time. Here are three important things to keep in mind as you strive to become a mom fully engaged in the real-life issues your teen is facing.

Think discipleship, not sex ed.

Sometimes we get the cart before the horse. We so badly want to insulate our kids from the evils of the world that we forget the great commission. Your primary job as a parent is not to raise well-behaved kids who walk down the aisle as virgins. God has called you to make disciples. What does that mean? It means teaching, modeling, and walking with your children in such a way that they will want to follow Jesus Christ. Discipleship is not primarily about behavior. It’s about the direction of your teen’s heart. The goal is not just to keep your kids from sex and porn. It is to shape their hearts and affections to want what is good and hate what is evil. Discipleship is continual, not just an annual conversation about sex. It is a relationship, not a curriculum. It is authentic, wrestling with real-life issues, not simply presenting an ideal. Your teen needs a safe place to talk about sexual longings, God’s love for homosexuals, and the world’s persistent messages that everyone is having sex. Discipleship means you create that safe place.

Remember the gospel.

While the average Christian parent is well-equipped to explain “the gospel,” rarely do we apply the foundational principles of what we believe to practical challenges in parenting. Here’s an example. The Bible tells us that we are sinful and rebellious in nature. Given the choice, none of us will choose to worship and serve God. It is only through the supernatural work of the Holy Spirit and the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross that we can be cleansed by sin. So why are we shocked that 13-year-old Josh who goes to youth group and loves his parents still chooses to look at naked girls? When our teenagers choose sin, this gives us the chance to share the message of salvation in a way that intersects with their real-life experiences. God’s grace is just a churchy concept until our children actually encounter it. I believe that the sexual temptations and struggles our sons and daughters face are very practical ways to teach them the truth that they cannot be “good” in their own strength. They need God’s grace and the forgiveness He offers.

You can’t pass on what you don’t possess.

As William Wallace’s famous poem proclaims, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” Sexual healing and truth will not infiltrate our world until it first impacts the hearts of women. Traveling around the US, I’ve met thousands of godly, Christian moms who carry secrets, shame, and questions about their own sexuality. These obstacles keep us from effectively ministering to our families. To be change agents, we must first be changed by God’s grace and rooted in biblical truth. God will use you to impact your children, your husband, and your community in profound ways, but not until He has first redeemed your sexuality.

You may be alarmed at the shifting landscape of what is considered normal and moral related to sexual choices. But let’s be honest. Christian parents (and even churches) have historically been limited and ineffective in how they approach sexual issues. The current sexual culture demands that we proactively pursue and then teach a comprehensive biblical view of sexuality. It’s time to raise the level of our game. We are, perhaps, more aware than ever of our need to know God, to understand His design for sexuality, and to experience in our lives His saving power and grace.

More about Rethinking Sexuality

Rethinking Sexuality by Dr. Juli Slattery

Sexual abuse, sex addiction, gender confusion, brokenness, and shame plague today’s world, and people are seeking clarity and hope. By contesting long-held cultural paradigms, this book equips you to see how sexuality is rooted in the broader context of God’s heart and his work for us on earth.

It provides a framework from which to understand the big picture of sexual challenges and wholeness and helps you recognize that every sexual question is ultimately a spiritual one. It shifts the paradigm from combating sexual problems to confidently proclaiming and modeling the road to sacred sexuality.

Instead of arguing with the world about what’s right and wrong about sexual choices, this practical resource equips you to share the love and grace of Jesus as you encounter the pain of sexual brokenness – your own or someone else’s.

Purchase a copy of Rethinking Sexuality
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Dr. Juli Slattery author of Rethinking Sexuality

Dr. Juli Slattery is a clinical psychologist, author, speaker and the president/co-founder of Authentic Intimacy. Juli earned her college degree at Wheaton College, an MA in psychology from Biola University, an MS and a Doctorate degree in Clinical Psychology from Florida Institute of Technology.

From 2008-2012, Dr. Slattery served at Focus on the Family writing, teaching, and co-hosting the Daly Focus on the Family broadcast. In 2012, she left Focus on the Family to start Authentic Intimacy, a ministry devoted to reclaiming God’s design for intimacy.

Juli is the author of ten books, the host of the weekly podcast “Java with Juli” and a member of the board of trustees for Moody Bible Institute. Juli and her husband Mike are the parents of 3 sons; they live in Akron, Ohio.

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June 9, 2016 by Tricia Goyer 25 Comments

5 Things Your Daughter Should Know About Chasing Boys {by Kari Kampakis}

I love reading aloud to my older girls, and this year I came upon a book that we all loved! 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know by Kari Kampakis was one of our favorite reads of the year. I loved it so much that I asked Kari to write a guest post for my blog. 5 things your daughter should know about chasing boys. If you have a preteen or teen girls you don’t want to miss this book!

There are certain things in life worth waiting for.

A really awesome guy is one of them.

Unfortunately, our world has devalued the art of waiting. We want our heart’s desire now. And for teenage girls eager to fall in love, that eagerness can get the best of them. They may chase the boys they like instead of waiting for the right boys to chase them – and then wonder why their relationships are empty, short, and shallow.

If you have a daughter (I have four!) it may frustrate you to see the new breed of aggressive females being cultivated by our society. They are bold and forward in interacting with the opposite sex. They text boys constantly and seek attention in all the wrong ways.

The world tells girls it’s empowering to take charge and make advances on males, but I believe it hurts them. It can lead girls to lower their standards and behave in ways that make them look bad and, ultimately, feel bad about themselves.

Chasing boys can also make boys run the other way. One thing I hear often from moms of boys is how quickly their sons lose interest when a girl is pushy or constantly checking in. They don’t like it and usually aren’t sure what to do with the excessive attention.

If you’re like me and my husband, and you want your daughter to buck the rising trend of girls chasing boys, here are five talking points to start a conversation with her.

1) You were made to chase your dreams, not boys.

You are so talented, sweet girl! You are smart, energetic, and equipped to change the world with your God-given gifts.

So rather than chasing boys and making a boy the center of your universe, keep God at the center. Listen to His call and pursue the passions He plants in your heart. The right boy will show up at the right time. God will make sure of that!

You don’t need a boyfriend to make your life great. You build a great life for yourself by cultivating strong relationships with family and friends, developing your potential, and living out your purpose.

When you find fulfillment before a boy ever enters the picture, you become the kind of girl who lives with such joy and peace that the right guys will inevitably take notice and think, “Wow. She’s cool. I want to know her better. I want more of what she has.”

2) The way a relationship begins sets the tone.

So if you start in a role reversal, catching your heart’s desire by chasing him, expect to continue taking the lead. A boyfriend who had to be hunted down is very unlikely to court you, plan special dates, and initiate contact. Rather than being smitten, he’ll probably be passive and lukewarm in his feelings toward you.

Girls often complain about boys being lazy daters, but in this day and age, they can be lazy. Why ask girls out when girls will ask them? Why make dinner reservations when your girlfriend agrees to meet up with friends and count it as a “date”?

If you want a boy to court you, let him work a little. Set reasonable standards that require some effort. If he wants a date, have him pick you up and meet your parents. If he waits until Friday afternoon to ask you out for Friday night, keep your plans with friends and suggest he plan ahead next time.

Am I saying it’s wrong to speak or interact with boys? Of course not. I think it’s fine to initiate conversation, smile, make eye contact, and express enough interest to let a boy know you’re interested once you’re of dating age. If he calls first, call him back. If he texts you, text him back. But don’t be desperate or make the common mistake of building your life around a boy. Besides hurting your relationship, it holds you back from achieving your own goals and pursuing your interests.

A guy worth having will rise to the challenge. He’ll figure out quickly how to improve his chances with you and find ways to spend time together.

3) Chasing boys might capture their attention, but it won’t capture their heart.

God created you to guard your heart, not freely give it away to every boy who comes and goes. Chasing boys might make them notice you, but it won’t make them love you. It might lead to dates, but probably not healthy long-term relationships.

God wired boys to be the pursuer, not the pursued. He wants them to take the lead because it cultivates them into young men and prepares them for their future role as husbands, providers, and leaders of the home. You aren’t doing boys a favor by taking the risk of rejection off them; if anything; you’re depriving them of an experience that helps them grow up and mature.

There is something attractive and desirable to a boy about a girl who is humble and confident yet not aggressive. That is the kind of girl the good guys – the protectors, not the predators – are most likely to be interested in.

4) The best way to approach boys is as potential friends, not potential boyfriends.

My goal with my daughters is to teach them how to be good friends with boys. If you master the art of friendship with the opposite sex, I believe the right romances will follow.

In dating and marriage, friendship is essential. It’s the glue that holds a couple together when times get hard and the fireworks fade. When chasing boys, girls skip over friendship and plunge straight into passion. But passion without friendship won’t last. Passion without friendship makes a girl (and a guy) easy to replace once the novelty and excitement die down.

Seeing boys as prizes to be won – rather than friends to be made – makes you feel the need to impress them. And the harder you try to impress someone, the less you are yourself. This will make you come across as fake, and as my husband tells our daughters, who wants to date an imposter? What boy will be interested in dating a girl who isn’t comfortable being herself?

The better approach is to focus on friendship first, even when you have a crush. Let boys see the real you. Friendship offers a safe way to get to know each other, and if the chemistry does exist, the romance can evolve naturally from there.

**5) The right guy won’t need to be chased. Give it time and he’ll come after you.**

Right now, God is working on you and your peers. He’s orchestrating big changes from one birthday to the next, giving you big bodies, big emotions, and big thoughts to grow into. The teen years bring major transformation, and if you compare a 13-year-old with an 18-year-old, you’ll notice how much can happen in a relatively short time.

The boy you’ll eventually date or marry may not be ready for you yet. You may not be ready for him. Only time and maturity can bring you both to a place where you’re ready to give your heart fully and jump into a serious relationship.

In the meantime, have fun. Develop strong friendships with boys who make you laugh and feel good about yourself. Surround yourself with people who bring out your best, and bring out the best in others. Most importantly, grow your relationship with God. Get to know Him so well that when the right guy comes along, you’ll recognize God’s voice telling you this is the guy worth waiting for.

Find out 5 things your daughter should know about chasing boys from @KariKampakis

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As for us parents, let’s recognize the trends of today’s dating scene and understand how hard it may be for girls to wait for boys when it seems like all the girls getting dates do not.

Our daughters are better than the lifestyle this world ubiquitously pushes on them. They shouldn’t have to compromise their values to win a boy over. And what every girl must believe is that she is worth the wait. She is a great catch. She has a lot to offer to anyone smart enough to notice.

In matters of the heart, patience pays off. My prayer for my daughters and yours is that they learn to love their lives regardless of what their love lives bring. The guys worth knowing will show up at the right time, and until that day comes, there’s still plenty of fun to be had, dreams to be chased, and friendships to be made.

4 Ideas to Improve Your Lovemaking

I like using the term lovemaking when talking about sex in marriage. Any two consenting adults can have sex, but it takes committed-for-life marriage partners to make love.

Lovemaking comforts because it releases tension. A back rub is good for tense bodies, a sexual release even better. God was ingenious in His creation. Through lovemaking we can create life, experience one-flesh intimacy and deep knowledge, enjoy deep pleasure, and even comfort each other in times of stress or sorrow.

These are just a few of the benefits of lovemaking. But of course, before you reap the rewards, you have to prepare the fields for harvest, so to speak.

Here are a few things that help:

1. Understand passion.

Passion ebbs and flows, and there are times when sex becomes routine for married couples. But if you chase excitement, you chase the wind. What you have to look for is meaning. Passion is not only a hot and tingling feeling. In fact, passion can be a person . . . your spouse. One of the definitions of passion according to Dictionary.com is: “a person toward whom one feels strong love or sexual desire.”

How would your view of lovemaking change if you focused not on the feelings, emotions, or result, but instead on the person—your spouse?

According to Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, the authors of Intimate Issues, “The Hebrew word for ‘sexual intercourse’ is the word ‘to know.’ Through God’s gift of sex, a husband and wife receive an intimate knowing of one another that they have with no one else.”

So while the connection and physical sensations are a bonus, true passion comes from knowing another person like no other, and that person knowing you. This is something to be passionate about.

Sex can be an oasis for your #marriage. @TriciaGoyer

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2. Be available.

The apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:2–5 that you are not to deny your spouse the benefit of your body for sex. You wouldn’t want your spouse to become vulnerable toward another, would you? And your relationship will be smoother in all areas if he or she is sexually satisfied.

When we marry, we actually participate in a gift exchange. The wife gives the gift of her body to her husband, and he gives the gift of his body to her. Each gives up the right to his or her own body and turns that authority over to the other.

This is an awesome concept. Sadly, we quickly learn that one of the easiest ways to hurt a spouse is to withhold the gift of your body. But God makes it clear that we do not have this right.

I don’t know about you, but when I give someone a present, I give the best gift when I know that person and what makes him or her light up. The same is true when spouses take time to understand male and female differences (or take time to understand and appreciate a spouse who doesn’t fit in the typical mold).

For your husband, sex is more than just a physical need. Lack of sex is as emotionally serious to him as, say, his sudden silence would be to you. It is just as wounding to him, just as much a legitimate grievance—and just as dangerous to your marriage.

Making love with you assures him that you find him desirable, salves a deep sense of loneliness, and gives him the strength and well-being necessary to face the world with confidence. And, of course, sex also makes him feel loved—in fact, he can’t feel completely loved without it.

Likewise it helps for men to understand what makes a woman tick. Here are a few general truths from the book For Men Only, by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn:

Truth #1: She has a lower sex drive than you—and she’d change that fact if she could.
Truth #2: She needs more warm-up time than you.
Truth #3: Your body (no matter how much of a stud you are) does not by itself turn her on.
Truth #4: For her, sex starts in her heart.

3. Plan it.

Once, my friend and I were chatting about sexual intimacy, and she was complaining about lack of time in her day.

“It’s easy,” I told her. “Plan time for sex just like you plan to brush your teeth at night. You wouldn’t go to sleep without brushing, would you?”

You should have seen her jaw drop.

Yes, sex does take more time than brushing your teeth. And, no, I personally can’t claim I follow as rigorous a schedule. But the benefits to regular lovemaking are similar to those that come with brushing or flossing—like your dentist says, it’s the daily care and maintenance that makes all the difference. And truly, when we look at each day, we make time and place priorities on a wide variety of things . . . why not sex?

“In marriage, sex is the spice that rescues our relationships from becoming mundane pursuits of chores, “say Bill and Pam Farrel, authors of Red Hot Monogamy. “Adult life is filled with responsibilities. We have mortgages to pay, yard work to maintain, laundry to clean, cars to service, and so on. But none of us got married so we could load up on chores. We got married out of hope. We got married because we believed there was some kind of magic between us.”

I have been speaking and writing for years about how the overcommitted pace of American families is killing us socially, relationally, and psychologically. We are simply too busy. Many families I work with could easily cut out fifty percent of their activities and still be tired. That’s not an exaggeration. Most families who see me are often shocked at the way I can take a meat clever to their schedule.

When we live life at the pace of a NASCAR race, sex is one of the first things to go. If you want to improve your sex life as a couple, you need to examine your relationship outside the bedroom. What are you doing that is keeping you from sexual intimacy?

Redbook magazine ran a poll on its website asking, “What would you do with an hour’s worth of free time?” More than 10,000 men and women responded. Eighty-five percent of men and fifty-nine percent of women answered “sex”—wide majorities in both cases. Just 12 percent of women chose shopping or extra sleep, followed by watching TV, exercising, reading, and eating.

So . . . you could wait until daylight saving time for that extra hour, or you could do some rearranging with your schedule. After all, you are the one in control of your calendar.

And, while you’re at it, schedule the next interlude, and the next. Perhaps a heart on the bottom corner of your calendar would be a good symbol. If you did this, just imagine how easy it would be to get your mind and emotions ready. And think how connected you’d feel with your spouse by the end of the month. Can’t you imagine the smiles?

Want to improve your lovemaking? Here are 4 ideas: @TriciaGoyer #marriage

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4. Find fulfillment.

Take time to pause and truly appreciate the joy of sex and the awe of what takes place as your body combines with that of your spouse.

God wants your sexual relationship to be an oasis for the two of you. He desires that the two of you find relief from routine and a refuge from stress by splashing around in the springs of sexual refreshment. But if you are to discover the refreshment that sexual love can bring, it may require that you make a change in attitude (how you view your intimate times together) as well as changes in your environment (the place where you make love).

Maybe you decide to change your attitude or environment. Or prepare yourself during the day. Or even pick up a book to give you tips and tricks. Or schedule lovemaking into your calendar.

The ultimate goal is fulfillment. Take time to enjoy it. Be refreshed. And before you flip off the light, look at the light in your spouse’s eyes and the smile on your spouse’s face. Also, take note of the peace and contentment in your own soul.

Now, wasn’t that worth it?

Steps You can Take

Understand passion.
Be available.
Plan it.
Find fulfillment.

Daily Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for the gift of marriage and the gift of sex. I pray that you would help me and my spouse to understand passion, to be available, to plan a time for sex, and to find fulfillment, all to your glory. Help our marriage to become stronger and use it to glorify you.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

Resources You Might Like:

Real Marriage: The Truth about Sex, Friendship, and Life Together
Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More than to Make Us Happy?
Covenant Marriage: Building Communication and Intimacy

I have a few books on sale right now! The Swiss Courier and Chasing Mona Lisa are only $1.99! The Promise Box is only $3.99! And Generation NeXt Marriage is $2.99. You can also get my four World War II novels in the Liberators Series for $13.99.

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July 26, 2012 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

Seeking the God who Proves to be Good

Read the following excerpt from the book I co-wrote with Robin Jones Gunn (pictured below goofing off with me) called Praying for Your Future Husband: Preparing Your Heart for His, and see if you know anyone like this:

“All it took was that one kiss after the archery lesson, and I readily agreed to be Steven’s girlfriend. We spent a lot of time together. We hiked in the hills behind our houses. We swung on the swings at the park. At night I would sneak out of my house to go to his. He would sneak out too, and we would sit on the grass in the warm summer night and watch the moon. And we always kissed.

When Steven wanted to go further than kissing, it only made sense. That’s how things worked, right? I thought about the movies I had watched. The characters in them fell in love just like me, and then they slept together. Deep down I knew it wasn’t right, but I didn’t want to lose him. I didn’t want him to find another girlfriend. I was sure if I gave Steven everything he wanted, we would stay together forever. Since I was so sure that I loved him and he loved me, I willingly gave myself to him.

But before the summer was over, Steven gave me some awful news. ‘My family is moving away.'”

Lamentations 3:25-29 in The Message says, “God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face. The ‘worst’ is never the worst.”

If you know a young woman who is pursuing a Steven in her life, take the time to write out Lamentations 3:25-29 for her. Take her out for coffee, give her the verse, and pray with her. Make her feel cherished and loved, not only by you, but by the One who created her.

I was the woman in Lamentations who diligently sought, but I sought the wrong thing. I was seeking after was a worldly, impatient love. I wasn’t seeking the never-ending, no-strings-attached love from my heavenly Father. But God proved to be good to me even though I didn’t deserve it. And He is continuing to prove Himself good to me every day.

Encourage the young woman to pursue the only One who continually proves Himself good. Let her know that He can turn those who are diligently seeking what is wrong (as I once was) into young women who diligently seek His good and perfect will.

June 28, 2012 by Tricia Goyer 21 Comments

Our Job is to Protect Our Children’s Innocence | One Mom’s Opinion

I can remember the first horror film I watched was when I was a third- or fourth-grader. The plot line was about a man who moved into a haunted house, and then he uncovers all the horror that happened there. I’m scarred for life, seriously. Who let me watch that? (Sorry, Mom and Dad, but it’s true.) I thought about that movie many times over the years. It didn’t leave me. That movie (and others that followed) brought fears and dark thoughts.

I’m sure at the time I begged to watch it and other movies I also still remember—those with sex and violence and foul language. When I was a kid, MTV and HBO had just shown up on the scene. Television was no longer a “safe” place . . . and I was drawn to all the smut. What kid isn’t? I wanted to feel grown-up. I liked being scared and having my heart race at both romance and danger.

The thing is, as a kid, I didn’t know what to do with buds of the sinful desires that were also stirred up. Sure, I’d watch Fraggle Rock during the day, but at night when my friends were staying over, we’d turn the TV down and watch movies I’m too embarrassed to name. Then there were the popular songs at the time. How many times could one sing “Like a Virgin” by Madonna without the words making an impact? (I’m sure glad that I didn’t grow up with the Internet; kids today have many more temptations!)

So where did that leave me? At thirteen when I got my first boyfriend, my innocence was already gone—or at least that’s what it felt like. So when I started dating a handsome, older boyfriend, getting caught up in the emotion was easy. After all that’s what those people on those movies did.

I don’t think I consciously made an effort to surrender my innocence. It was never that simple. By the time my boyfriend gave me my first kiss my innocence had been stripped away one movie, one lusty song at a time. I didn’t have a sense of should I do this? Instead, I thought finally. After all those years of watching “romance,” I finally was experiencing a bit of it myself.

As a mom, I went to the extreme with protecting my kids, or so some people thought. They couldn’t listen to secular music, and I monitored all their television. They couldn’t watch Jurassic Park until they were in junior high, and Wizard of Oz was pretty much off limits until then.

I even homeschooled my kids so I could be the gatekeeper of what entered their lives. I’m thankful I did. My intention at the time may have been to protect my kids’ innocence, but the close relationships built during those years—and mostly their relationships with God—are our reward.

If you’re familiar with my blog and read “Breaking out of the Christian Bubble,” you may be confused because in it I mention that we need to step out of our Christian circles and impact the world. I believe that. There’s a difference between my daughter accidentally overhearing a conversation between two pregnant teens than me allowing a movie with sexually promiscuity into our home. If you’ve reached out to and are walking with others, in a dirty world you’re going to get messy at times. Though we should model grace and compassion for our kids, we should never risk their innocence for the sake of entertainment.

Did protecting my kids’ innocence work? No and yes. In their growing-up years they still watched things they shouldn’t (when I didn’t know), and one of my children as a teen found a way to get around some of the safety protections we set up on the Internet and was drawn into places this teen should never have been. So I wasn’t able to protect my kids completely. But in many ways they were allowed to stay kids longer. Their minds weren’t filled with the smut, and it gave more room for God’s word and a relationship with Jesus to grow.

Protecting your child’s innocence may call you to higher standards for yourself. You might even need to make sacrifices of money and time (especially if God calls you to homeschooling, too). But know that your effort will pay off. We only have a short season when we’re able to protect our children. Don’t let the world’s standards influence you. Instead turn to God for strength and wisdom for guidance in leading your kids toward all things pure.

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8 (NLT)

“I will refuse to look at anything vile and vulgar. I hate all who deal crookedly; I will have nothing to do with them.” Psalm 101:3 (NLT)

November 17, 2006 by Tricia Goyer 5 Comments

Top 10 Reasons to Save Sex for Marriage

No one doubts that sexual activity is physically, emotionally, and socially dangerous.

What are the risks? Here is . . .

The Top 10 List

10. The risk of death. More than 600,000 cases of AIDS have been reported in the United States since 1981, and as many as 900,000 Americans may be infected with HIV.

1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.”

9. The risk of lost relationships. When you choose to develop a sexual relationship with someone, you’ve immediately changed the definition of the relationship. There is no such thing as casual sex. Once you have developed a sexual relationship, that relationship turns a critical corner. After the relationship ends, you and your partner will experience that guilt and pain of promises broken.

Hebrews 12:16 says, “See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son.”

8. Risks of incurable disease. Imagine that you have found that one special person with whom you want to share your life … and now you are forced to break the news that you have an incurable disease. Even though such diseases like herpes are generally not considered life threatening, there are no cures. Not only is it incurable, it fills a life with worries, awkward revelations, and continuous need for medication.

1 Corinthians 6:13 says, “The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.”

7. The risk of damaging the destiny of your future marriage. There is no way that premarital sex of any kind could be a positive thing for your future marriage. (Just ask my husband how he feels “knowing” about my past.) It only causes suspicion, mistrust, and regret.

Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”

6. The risk of permanently damaging your testimony as a Christian. You’ll never be able to honestly say, “I was a virgin before I was married.” You’ll never be able to live as an example of committed purity.

Ephesians 5:3 says, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.”5. The risk of depression. Those who participate in premarital sex experience emotional damage that may lead to an increased chance of mental depression and emotional despair.

2 Corinthians 12:21 says, “I am afraid that when I come again my God will humble me before you, and I will be grieved over many who have sinned earlier and have not repented of the impurity, sexual sin and debauchery in which they have indulged.”

4. The risk of placing your future children in spiritual harm’s way. The Bible clearly speaks of the concept of generational sin. What you sow (plant) spiritually may be reaped in the life of your children. Remain pure before God and you’ll be tenaciously guarding the future of the next generation.

Proverbs 20:7 says, “The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him.”

3. The risk of sexual dysfunction. People spend millions of dollars to correct sexual dysfunction through drugs and psychotherapy. Why? Because they entered marriage with unresolved sexual issues. For example, a man may think that he will be free from the curse of pornography once he gets married, only to find that the problems are even more noticeable and controlling. Sexual purity before marriage is the first step to incredible sexual fulfillment after marriage.

Mark 7:21 says, “For from within, out of men’s hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery,”

2. The risk of shame. Premarital sex imputes a spiritual state of shame that becomes a major weapon for our enemy. God forgives you, but you will still be vulnerable to Satan’s whispering accusations on your worth.

1 Corinthians 5:1-2 says, “It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you . . . Shouldn’t you rather have been filled with grief?”

1. The risk of disobeying God and letting Satan get a foothold. The Bible, time after time tells us to flee sexual sins. Why? Because it is a major strategy of the devil to sabotage God’s work on Earth. How can God work through you, when you aren’t living up to His standards?

1 Thessalonians 4:3 says, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality.”

So, what do you think?