As a mom of both young kids and older ones, I’ve learned how important it is for my children to find good friends. It’s been said that we are most like the five people we spend the most time with. This is especially true for our kids. Kids pick up characteristics they see. They repeat what they hear. Of course, this means that if we want our kids to seek out these qualities in friends, they also need to have them. Of course, this means that if we want our kids to seek out these qualities in friends, they also need to have them. So what character qualities are important to seek out … and important to help grow in our kids? Here are five traits of a good friend:

1. Truthfulness is #1 in my list of traits of a good friend.

It’s important for our kids to know that they can trust what their friends say is true. Nothing hurts as much as knowing you’ve been lied to. Teach your children to look for friends who always tell the truth. Also, teach your kids to be truth-tellers. One way to do this is to remind them that being truthful or untruthful reflects their character. “If you tell a lie about the small things how can I—or a friend—believe you in the big things?” Also, be sure to praise your kids when you catch them telling the truth. Remember that what is praised is repeated.

2. Kindness

Each of us likes to be treated with kindness. This is important when we look for the traits of a true friend. Kindness means treating people with respect and putting another person’s needs before your own. Kind friends make everything easier—from play to simple conversations. Teach your kids to be kind to others throughout the day, from their siblings to older men or women they meet at the grocery store. Point out to your children how much others appreciate when they are kind. Make sure to note how your child brings smiles to other’s faces.

3. Understanding differences

There are no two people alike, and friends need to know that different doesn’t mean bad. Friendship is not about picking friends who are the same as you but learning to understand and appreciate the differences of others. Find ways to help your child share their family and cultural background and traditions with their friends, and invite their friends to do the same. The more your child learns to appreciate other people the better prepared they will be to build all types of friendships throughout their lives.

4. Joy

No one likes to be around grumpy people, yet it’s hard to have a good attitude all the time. There will be times when our children’s friends may not have a good attitude. There are times all of us struggle with anger, frustration or disappointment, but in general we should look for friends who — for the most part — have an attitude that is filled with joy. We also need to model a joyful attitude for our kids. They model what they see. Finally, we can encourage good attitudes by telling our children how much we appreciate joyful attitudes. Reward like high-fives or hugs when we see them brightening up another person’s day with joy are a fun bonus!

5. Sharing

It’s important to share what we have with each other. Our children can be taught to thank their friends when their friends share with them. Also, they can learn  to look for opportunities to share with others. Children should not be expected to share every special toy or book they have. Instead, we parents can work with them to pick out toys or books that they’ll be eager to share.

One great book to read with friends is God Bless My Friends by Hannah Hall and Steve Whitlow. This adorable book teaches kids to appreciate their friends, showing how even our favorite friends are different than them. It’s a great book for kids to share together, taking note of what they appreciate most about the special friends in their lives.

Overall, the friends our children choose will impact them for the rest of their lives. And by seeking out these five traits — and developing them — our child’s friendships will be off to a good start!

Get the free printable here!

Are you ready to learn how to have True Homeschool Success?

Let me show you what has worked for our family for over two and a half decades. I want to share what’s given us the power so you too can lead your family through home education. Learn more here: True Homeschool Success

Have you wondered how to set up a school area in your home? As we prepare for a new year of school, setting up a school-at-home area can be both exciting and daunting.

Whether you are a veteran homeschooler or teaching your children at home is new to you, the new school year is a fresh start with an organization plan. Here are my tips for the hows and whys of setting up a schooling area in your home.

1. Remember, a school area gives kids security and stability.

Let’s face it, Covid-19 has changed things for everyone this school year. Many of you may be homeschooling for the first time ever. Others have been schooling at home for years, but your life is still very different because of the pandemic. Bringing a sense of order to space can help both parents and kids feel a sense of control.

2. Designate the best spot for setting up your school area.

When figuring out a place to do school, consider where your kids can work and focus. Many parents choose to have a designated area where their kids do their schoolwork, while others just have a common area. I know one mom who, when her kids were little, wanted a designated space to make fun and cute for her kids. She was limited in space and didn’t have a full room she could use, so she created a little schoolroom in their front entryway!

At the Goyer house, I teach my children around the kitchen table, and it works very well for our large family. The key is to have one area you congregate in—this will help your kids (and you!) get into a learning mode.

3. Declutter before you add in more.

Remember, less is more. Clutter causes stress to the brain and bright open spaces help for learning. Here are some steps you can take to get rid of the excess.

• Throw away old and unneeded papers or mail
• Only keep out the school books you are currently using.
• Don’t hang on to half crayons and millions of little disorganized colored pencils. Yes, it’s thrifty sometimes to hang on and recycle things, but many school supplies are so inexpensive that it’s worth the peace of mind to chuck them and start fresh.
• Use a rolling cart with bins to organize school supplies and books.
• Give each child a milk crate for their individual books and items.
• Get baskets or containers for loose items.

4. Ask yourself what your family would most enjoy in your space.

• Will you use a chalkboard or whiteboard? If you want to go all out, you can actually purchase whiteboard material and cover a whole area of your wall from floor to ceiling.
• Will you hang educational posters on the wall or keep the walls bare?
• Will you have a common area for supplies, or will each child have a cubby area?
• How will you organize your kids’ work? Some people have a bin specifically for each child to put their completed work. Pinterest has all kinds of fun ideas. You can even purchase a cable with clips on Amazon to display school posters or your children’s work. Have fun with it, but remember to stay simple.

5. When setting up your homeschool area, make sure it is a bright, positive place.

Here are some ideas to brighten up your space and breathe life into it:

• Add living things—such as plants or a fish aquarium.
• Have adequate light. Natural light is great for a student’s concentration and mood.
• Diffuse calming scents. I love diffusing essential oils in our schoolroom to help set us up for success.
• Display your kids’ work. If you can hang your kids’ excellent work on walls or cork boards, it helps them feel special and motivated.
• Turn on uplifting music
• Open the windows to let in the fresh air.

All these things can also be done throughout your home to bring peace beyond your school space.

For my last two tips for how to set up a school area in your home head over to Rooted Family. 

Are you ready to learn how to have True Homeschool Success?

Let me show you what has worked for our family for over two and a half decades. I want to share what’s given us the power so you too can lead your family through home education. Learn more here: True Homeschool Success

Want to Improve Your Writing Productivity? These 10 unexpected ways can help you get organized and focus on writing the book of your heart.

Improve Your Writing Productivity

After almost three decades as a writer, (and almost 80 books!) I’ve found what works–and what doesn’t–for me to be productive. In fact, some say I’m one of the most prolific writers they know. While that all seems encouraging and uplifting for me, the truth is I’ve learned lots of “tricks” along the way.

These aren’t shortcuts or practical magic–they’re tried and true ways to Improve Your Writing Productivity by doing what you can, when you can, in the best way you can. And I believe that anyone can use these productivity hacks to get going and finish their best work.

Here they are:

1. Choose your friends wisely. Surround yourself with encouraging and inspiring people who believe in your dream.

2. Consider what you read and what you watch. Is it uplifting, inspiring? (Catching the theme?) Do you feel energized after reading/watching or depressed and drained? (I don’t watch the news for the very reason it fills me with worry and fear.)

3. Read the Psalms and praise God. Fix your thoughts on Him!

4. Spend time alone with your spouse. Keep that relationship strong.

5. Get up and MOVE! I wake up before everyone else and ride my exercise bike for one hour. Just sitting without movement in my day drains me and makes me overwhelmed and tired.

6. Could you Improve Your Writing Productivity by being present with the people you are with? Yes! Take a break from your smartphone. When my family is around me, my phone is tucked away and I’m fully engaged with them. When they know I’m there for them they are much more supportive of me taking time away to write.

7. Clean out your emotions. Are you worried about something? Are you sad? Let the emotions out. Sometimes I have a good cry because I miss my son, daughter-in-law, and grandson who live 2,000 miles away. If I try to keep these emotions inside they come out in other ways. I’m gray for weeks and weeks . . . and unproductive.

8. Get a life coach. I’ve been able to talk through my life with someone who knows how to direct me with questions (and is familiar with the writing business). Without fail, there is some time within each session that I have a “light bulb” moment.

9. It might seem difficult to ask for help.  But it’s one of the ways to Improve Your Writing Productivity that has been a game-changer for me. It’s crazy how often I struggle without even thinking to ask for help. When I ask my husband or kids to make dinner, watch the toddler, or let me run to Panera for a few hours, they are usually happy to oblige. I just need to ask.

10. Focus on ONE THING. Pray and ask God for the “one thing” that you need to do at that moment. Sometimes it’s writing. Sometimes it’s something completely different, but whatever it is, do it with ALL your heart, serving God as you work! I hope and pray these 10 Unexpected Ways to Improve Your Writing Productivity can help you put in the time and effort needed to finish the book God has called you to write. Your words matter and the world needs to hear them. Don’t let your life pass you by and regret not sharing your message with the world.

I’ve learned so much in the last 30 years as an author. It would take me a lifetime to tell you everything. But the best piece of advice I can give you is to trust God. Ask Him for wisdom and guidance in whatever call He places on your heart.

Fulfill your call to write without sacrificing your family. Learn about the Christian publishing industry and discover your place in it … in 30 minutes a day?

It’s true! Let me help you find the right advice and the right community to build your career as a Christian author.

Hi–I’m Tricia! I’ve written over 75 books and I want to help you:

• learn from my expertise
• network with experts so you can cash in on what they know
• discover the community who needs to hear your message of hope

To help you do this, I’ve created Write That Book. This premier group provides education, inspiration, and connection with other writers and experts. Learn all the tricks of the trade while getting your personal questions answered.

Join Write that Book here!

Today I am sharing with you my secret strategy for homeschooling multiple grade levels at once. Join me on my unboxing of Sonlight Level E.

As homeschool moms, we only have so much time in the day. Teaching our children all the different subjects can be challenging, add to that homeschooling multiple grade levels at once, and it’s even more difficult. As a mom of 8, I have grown to LOVE Sonlight. I can teach three grades at one time. This year I am teaching grades 4, 5, and 6.

In this video, I walk you through the unboxing and the details of how I am using Sonlight Level E this year to homeschool multiple levels at once.

Watch the video to:

-See how inclusive this program is. Bible, History, Science, Reading, Grammar, Spelling, Writing, and even Math are all laid out for me!

-See how Sonlight brilliantly weaves the subjects together so that even while my kids are learning to spell, they are learning more about the historical period we are studying.

-See how we use real books rather than loads of textbooks to learn. Many of these are full color, beautiful stories that bring these things to life for our kids.

-See the activity sheets and worksheets that are included for the kids to use in the various subjects.

-Learn how I involve even my youngest guy, so that he is “learning up,” absorbing so much that might even seem beyond him.

In this video, you will hear how I don’t follow everything strictly by the book (excuse the pun ☺️) But, I feel comfortable tailoring it to our family’s needs.

Watch the video to see the 15 AMAZING gorgeous read-aloud books. You will also see the books that my guys are supposed to read on their own, but you will also see how I tailor these assignments for my struggling readers.

And finally, in this video, you will see the beautiful book that actually caused me to gasp as I unboxed it. I can’t WAIT to dig into it!

Pin this 👇

You might also like: Three Steps to Turn Grumbling into Gratitude In Your Homeschool

~Tricia

Also, don’t forget my Homeschool Success Course!

This was put together as an all in one, comprehensive help for you! And I have an AMAZING $40.00 coupon code available for a short time!

I asked my Facebook friends who have been married for at least twenty years what tips they’d offer for young, married couples, and I loved their answers! I have such wise friends. Pass this on to any young, married couples you know!

 40 Tips for Young, Married Couples

“I’ve been married for thirty-four years. Treat each other with love and respect. Be each other’s biggest cheerleaders. Put God in the center of your relationship by praying for each other. Don’t badmouth each other in front of others.” ~Tamera Lynn Warden Kraft

“Keep the cross at the center of your marriage. Be willing to lose disagreements. You don’t always have to be right. And laugh together as much as possible.” ~Diane Day

“Pray with each other every day. Out loud, holding hands. Keep dating long after the wedding and especially after the kids come along. Remember a good marriage doesn’t just happen. You have to work at it.” ~Michelle Shocklee

“Actively keep love alive. Set aside time to be together. Go on dates. Use creativity to spark romance and keep the embers burning.” ~Dana Arcuri

“Laugh, forgive, play . . . ” ~Kathleen O’Donnell Grone

“Put each other before extended family. If they (family, parents, etc.) really love you, they will agree.” ~Penny Raine

“Never, ever cut down or criticize your husband in public or in front of your children or close family. Husbands thrive on encouraging and uplifting words from their wives. You can actually see them stand or sit higher when getting compliments from their wives. I haven’t been perfect at this, but I know the importance of it after twenty-six years of marriage.” ~Elizabeth Wehman

“Always remember that when you married, you made a vow to your spouse and to God. When things get tough (and they will), honor your vow to God.” ~Lucy Ann Moll

“Your spouse is not your enemy.” ~Pam Halter

“Divorce is not an option. And love covers a multitude of sins.” ~Michelle Strite Hortenberry

“Keep the minor thing minor.” ~Carol Burton McLeod

“Respect, respect, respect. Don’t argue; discuss. Pray together about decisions. Don’t let the kids ‘play’ you off each other. Tickle often.” ~Lee S. King

“Always think longterm. In twenty years from now, will I be glad I fought for this? Will it be important in forty years that I got my way on this, or that he followed my advice, or that I didn’t really agree on this little thing? When I stand before God, will this be something I want to have come up and give account for on Judgment Day? How must I live with my man in order to hear God say to me, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy and rest of your Master’?” ~Carla Anne Funk Coroy

“Start out right, financially. Give every dollar a name before you spend it!” ~Regina Rudd Merrick

“Pray specifically for your husband, especially when you don’t feel like it.” ~Audra Krell

“Keep Christ first, maintain a sense of humor, look on the bright side (and there is always a bright side), and marriage is not 50/50—it’s 100/100.” ~Robin Bordwine Nichols

“After thirty-six years of marriage, I can honestly say that laughter—especially being able to laugh at yourself—plays a huge part in a marriage. Another biggie is to choose your friends wisely, i.e. don’t hang around with people who cut down their own or other spouses. Negativity breeds contempt. And finally, don’t give your man any reason to suspect you’re looking elsewhere because their insecurity leads to all sorts of unnecessary emotional trouble, to say the least.” ~Anita Mae Draper

“Don’t put anyone before your spouse . . . except Christ. Children come into your life and then they’re gone, but your spouse is forever. Laugh, laugh, and then laugh some more.” ~Annette O’Hare

“The three Cs: communicate, communicate, communicate. And the other three Cs: commitment, commitment, commitment.” ~Rachel Williams

“Be a servant to your spouse, put their needs above your own, just as Christ was a servant to us and laid down his very life for us. Cherish the spouse God specifically chose for you.” ~Laura Malear Bethuy

“Look to the needs of the other first. Marriage isn’t a contest where the most spoiled one wins.” ~Patti Hill

“Communicate, never go to bed angry at each other, and remember the couch is for sitting, not sleeping.” ~MamaPeaches Smith

“A marriage without God and the presence of Jesus is absent of everything else. Let the Lord be the center of your life and the foundation of your marriage.” ~Mary Susan Vaughn

“Treat your spouse as you want to be treated. It’s the little things you sometimes do for each other that shows you care.” ~Susan Conceicao

“Be loving, patient, understanding, and faithful. Be a good listener and put your spouses first. Consult the Lord and pray!” ~Susan Schrader Perrin

“Reaffirm commitment and love daily—leave no room for doubt.” ~Mary Ann Hake

“Don’t bring old arguments into new ones. The past is the past. Be willing to say you’re sorry and to forgive when you’ve been wronged.” ~Jan Jackson Peterson

“Your spouse is a gift from and still belongs to God. You are accountable to Him for the way you care for them. When both partners believe this and serve each other accordingly, there is a sweet peace and great pleasure in your marriage.” ~John D Seither

“Don’t compare your spouse to an unrealistic character from a book, movie, or TV show.” ~Stephanie Nickel

“Understand that marriage is hard work but the benefits are wonderful. And be prepared for hard times—as my husband of thirty years says, it’s during hard times that a couple grows into one.” ~Patty Smith Hall

“Form a long-term relationship with a godly counselor whom you both respect. Let that person ‘walk beside your marriage.” ~Ronna Jones Snyder

“If your spouse’s friend is stirring up trouble between you and your spouse, get rid of that friend.” ~Linda Rand Halbur

“Meet your in-laws first. (I eloped before I met my in-laws, and it created quite a bit of discord.)” ~Becky Wheeler Guinn

“Never, ever allow the word ‘divorce’ to be spoken aloud, and control the tongue during arguments. It’s hard to take back the ‘ugly’ stuff spoken.” ~Kim Shaw

“The feelings of love will fluctuate with time and circumstances, but with commitment, you will press through.” ~Golden Keyes Parsons

“As a couple, you make all the rules. When the rules no longer work, change them.” ~David A Ross

“Love, respect, and honesty are key. And always, always keep the Lord in the center of your marriage.” ~Ellen Crosby

“Never, ever stop trusting that God is in charge. And keep talking to each other.” ~Becky Jacoby

“Take the long view. What is happening now/today isn’t necessarily so for the long term. Always try to picture yourself on the same team, fighting against the Enemy of your soul.” ~Laurie Ostby Kehler

“Never give up and always stay beside each other, especially during trials, sickness, loss, or financial struggles.” ~Angie Kay Webb

Aren’t these tips for young, married couples just the best?  Do you have a tip for young, married couples?

Comment and share below!

~Tricia

Additional Resources:

Do you still find yourself humming the love songs of the 80s and 90s? Do you still believe that every marriage should be between soul mates? But…do you wonder how you can succeed at love and marriage when the generation you grew up in didn’t? Marriage isn’t what it used to be–it can be better than ever. If you are a Gen Xer, your marriage has challenges and potentials that no other generation has known. A Gen Xer herself, Tricia Goyer offers realistic help to achieve the God-honoring marriage you long for. Generation Next Marriage

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts

Love Talk

The Four Seasons of Marriage

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Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” Read full privacy policy here.

In a world where marriages break and end at the speed of light, let’s talk about how to give your marriage a regular checkup. Today, let’s find a way to make your marriage stronger.

How To Give Your Marriage a Regular Checkup

We heard the news via email–another husband and wife we knew were getting divorced.

They had seemed like the perfect couple. They both had thriving careers and great kids. There was no infidelity, and no financial woes burdened them down. They’d just grown apart. They’d become more like roommates than committed partners. Now they were going their separate ways.

News like this forces John and me to take a good look at our marriage. We love each other, but sometimes we find it easier to focus on pressing needs–such as the numerous demands of kids, work, and church–than on each other. Today let’s talk about how to give your marriage a regular checkup.

Cruise Control

Too often we put ourselves in cruise control, and this tendency, more than major problems, keeps us apart. When we’re in cruise control, we don’t actively seek to meet one another’s needs or communicate our own needs. Slowly, unknowingly, we drift in different directions.

Watch the Gauges

The need to assess our marriage shouldn’t come as a surprise. We check our car’s oil and change it regularly. We watch the fuel gauge to ensure we have enough gas. We also take note when the engine starts to whine, which might signal a problem. Just as we monitor and maintain our cars, we need to “watch the gauges” of our marriage if we want to keep it running smoothly. It’s so important for you to give your marriage a regular checkup.

Listen to Your Spouse

Assessing your marriage starts by listening to your spouse – and the words from your own mouth – for a hint of discord or discontent. “One of the things that we find revelatory is what we call the complaint quotient,” says Marie Johnston, married 29 years to Scott. “If one of us starts to complain a lot, it is time to reassess our relationship. We take note of amplitude and frequency,” Scott adds.

“The louder and/or the more often the complaint, the more desperate the need.”

The Johnstons recognize their voiced complaints as warning signals. If either hears things like “I really miss you” or “You’re too busy,” then they know it’s time to stop and take a closer look at their relationship.

“We focus more on the message behind the words than the words themselves,” Marie says. “Scott may not exactly know what to say to get my attention, but I know when he needs to talk. I can look beyond his complaints about my spending time with this group or that group, and I realize he just wants to be with me. Conversely, I could totally miss his heart or make matters worse by lecturing on how bad it is to complain.”

Like the whine of an engine, a little noise is a good indicator that your marriage needs attention.

Pay Attention to the Silence

Silence should be noted, too. My tendency toward silence has been one of the biggest struggles in my marriage. It’s not as if I want to hide the areas where I feel unsettled; it’s just that pushing these things to the back of my mind takes less effort than dealing with them. The pressures of caring for an elderly family member, working from home, and raising three children makes talking only about day-to-day existence easy to do. Easy, that is, until temptations and struggles increase the gulf between John and me. Thankfully, we realize the importance of building a bridge to span that gulf, which takes time, energy, and heartfelt sharing. We know how important it is for you to give your marriage a regular checkup.

Some couples may discover a combination of the above warning signs in their marriage.

“I tend to be really sarcastic in my remarks, whereas my husband likes to use the silent treatment,” says Lesley LaFuze, married eight years. “Both modes of communication hurt and are signs that we need to assess things ASAP.” As Lesley and her husband are figuring out, it’s never easier not to talk. “I think we avoid talking in order to put off what’s coming,” Lesley says. “But in the end, when the issue at hand is dealt with, we feel much more at ease.”

Ask questions to give your marriage a regular checkup.

Once you start your assessment, it’s only natural to discuss and deal with the most pressing issues first. But it’s also important to take the next step and consider the big picture.

Pam Farrel, co-author of Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti, believes assessing your marriage starts with taking time to ask a few questions.

Here are some examples:

* Are we spending enough time together to nurture our friendship and have fun?
* Are we addressing practical areas of money, family needs, home, and ministry?
* Are we in a major life transition or a tough circumstance? (Pam says, “[My husband] Bill and I often look at one another and say, ‘It’s not         you; it’s not me; it’s life!’ “)
* Am I desiring to be with my mate – and do we have time each week to be lovers?
* Are we each walking with Jesus so He can speak to our hearts?
* Are we avoiding obvious marriage killers: drugs, drinking, shopping addiction, gambling, porn, affairs, and so on?
* Are we praying together?

The Biggest Need To Give Your Marriage a Regular Checkup

In the end, the most important aspect of assessing your marriage is realizing the need for it. “There is no perfect marriage; it doesn’t exist, period,” says Melissa Marsh, married to Ron for seven years. “[My husband and I] have overcome difficulties in the past and things are better now, but we can never let it get to the point where we’re just passing time together.”

In every marriage, partners can travel only in two directions – growing closer together or growing apart. There is no middle ground.

So how is your marriage doing? Have you taken the time to really consider what direction you’re heading? Are you willing to talk through some of the questions Farrel recommends, or will you take an online assessment? Today is the perfect day to measure your marriage. After all, tomorrow’s journey will depend on what you discover today.

Originally published for Focus on the Family, Canada

Additional Resources:

Do you still find yourself humming the love songs of the 80s and 90s? Do you still believe that every marriage should be between soul mates? But…do you wonder how you can succeed at love and marriage when the generation you grew up in didn’t? Marriage isn’t what it used to be–it can be better than ever. If you are a Gen Xer, your marriage has challenges and potentials that no other generation has known. A Gen Xer herself, Tricia Goyer offers realistic help to achieve the God-honoring marriage you long for. Generation Next Marriage

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts

Love Talk

The Four Seasons of Marriage