Since sharing my story about being attracted to an old flame in my book Generation NeXt Marriage, I’ve received several emails from women (and men) about how to handle unwanted attraction. Some have written in because they are attracted to a married man (or woman) or because they’re married and are either involved in (or considering) an emotional or physical relationship with someone other than their spouse.
This was my suggestion to one such person who was single and attracted to a married man:
Thanks so much for writing.
First of all, attractions (she was attracted to a married man) like the one you mentioned are normal. There will ALWAYS be people we’re most attracted to. Whether we are single or married there will be those who have looks or a personality that we like. These feelings can be fostered when we are single and when they are single, but the hard part is turning them off.
There are a few things that you can do. If those feelings are there don’t dwell on them. When you are near him and feel those feeling emerging, start praying for this man’s marriage and family, as hard as it can be.
Pray even more for your future husband. Pray he can overcome temptation and attractions where ever he is.
I also highly recommend the book, Every Single Woman’s Battle. There are other books by Shannon Ethridge I highly recommend, too–just check out her website. She gives great tips on how to deal with our crazy emotions!
Also, know that like weeds, unhealthy emotions will die if we don’t nurture and water them. Pray that Jesus will help you keep every thought captive in obedience to Him!
What about you? What advice would you give? Or if you found yourself attracted to someone already married (or someone other than your spouse), what did you do?
This is something I’ve battled throughout my entire marriage. I’ve prayed, I’ve admitted it to my husband, and I’ve done what I can to minimize my contact with the man I’m attracted to–which is difficult when we have many, many mutual friends and are involved in some of the same activities that we’re both very passionate about.
One thing I know that’s helped me–especially when I’m feeling that illicit pull a little too hard–is to turn my desires to my husband. While it doesn’t help completely, having that intimate connection with him refocuses me on what’s important–our marriage.
And, I pray a lot, usually along the lines of help, or ordering the Devil out of my head.
Laura Chapman says
You are such a blessing Tricia!!! I love your vulnerability!!!
Tricia Goyer says
Thank you! It’s hard to share the truth, but the truth sets us free! I love what you wrote on your blog, too, Laura. We need to support each other!