How to Have a Fulfilling Marriage

I knew I wanted to marry John on our first date. How? Even more than my physical attraction (he was cute!), I was impressed by our conversation. John told me about his growing-up years, his time in the Marine Corps, and his hopes for the future. I knew he was someone I could share a life with. We have been married for over three decades and built a fulfilling marriage together.

How do you joyfully share a life with your spouse? More than that, how do you have a fulfilling marriage?

Here are 7 ways.

1. Share memories: Memories give us a glimpse into each other’s past. I understand my husband better because of the memories he shares. He understands me better, too.
2. Share dreams: Ask your spouse, “If you could do anything, what would it be?” The answer may surprise you. Allow your spouse to dream without thinking about logistics and cost. Pray about how to make those dreams possible … or other similar {smaller} dreams.
3. Share hopes: Dreams look outward, but hopes are what’s tucked deep inside. What does your spouse hope for his/her marriage, parenting, and job? Ask.
4. Share pet peeves: My husband is bothered by sticky fingers and toys cluttering the living room. And he overlooks a lot of things that drive me crazy. Little annoyances can be avoided if you realize that pet peeves are not big issues, but they matter.
5. Share laughs: Laughter can help couples face hard situations with grace. Recently we added two new children to our home (adopted from the foster care system), and sometimes we were so overwhelmed that all we could do was laugh! Laughter helped us overcome a lot of battles together.
6. Share prayers: A dozen years ago, John and I started praying together in the morning. Those prayers mean so much to me. I confidently face the day when I hear my husband’s whispered prayers.
7. Share a mission: In his book The Sacred Search, Gary Thomas had this to say about a shared mission:

“The old cliché is all too true: a good marriage is the closest two people will ever come to heaven this side of eternity; a bad marriage is the closest two people in an affluent society will ever come to hell.

“Such problems usually erupt from trying to build a life together without purpose, without mission, without something that not only establishes a connection but keeps you caring about each other for the next fifty to sixty years.” Gary Thomas

What is your mission as a couple?

Come up with 3-4 words that answer this statement: “This is what we’re about …”

John and I focus on service, evangelism, hospitality, and making memories. This is who “we” are; our life and choices reflect that. I’m thankful that I have this man to share my life with. Now … what about you?

What do you share with your spouse? What is your mission as a couple?

Additional Resources

Generation Next Marriage | Tricia Goyer
A Conversation with Dr. Gary Chapman on Love is a Choice
How to Give Your Marriage a Regular Check-up
A Conversation with Amber Lia on Marriage Triggers
Resources to Transform Your Marriage