Are you facing the Hard Places in Adoption and wondering How Prayer Changes Things? I hope my words might offer you a lifeline when you’re drifting into doubt.
Hard Places in Adoption and How Prayer Changes Things
From the beginning of our adoption journey, John reminded me it wouldn’t be easy. After all, our kids had childhoods marked with trauma before they entered our home. I’d nod as he reminded me of those things, but deep down I believed the right therapy, the right environment, and all the right love would bring miraculous transformations. And all these have in a way, but the fact is no matter how many right things I do it doesn’t erase what my kids have been through.
More than that, my right actions as a mom do not equal my children making good choices as they near or enter adulthood—that’s never guaranteed for any parent.
“Even if they turn eighteen and walk away from us, they’ll always know our love and hopefully God’s love,” John would tell me. I’d smile and agree, but still, I had unrealistic expectations. I couldn’t imagine after all I was pouring into these kids that they’d choose anything other than to stick around and accept the love and help we offered as parents.
There were three things I hadn’t taken into account though, things that I can’t control.
1. Healing from past trauma takes longer than anticipated.
I believe now that the only place my children will be fully healed is in heaven. The pain they faced on so many levels has changed how they developed mentally, emotionally, and even physically. It was foolish of me to think that the four years in our home could undo the twelve, thirteen or fourteen years of battering done to their minds, hearts, souls, and bodies.
2. Sometimes actions or reactions aren’t something kids from hard places can control.
Kids from hard places have learned to fight, freeze or flee as a way to protect themselves, and they may continue to do so in any situation they perceive as unsafe. Triggers don’t make sense to observers, but they set off very real emotions—emotions that are hard for anyone to control, especially young adults.
3. Every young adult makes mistakes—adopted or not.
I made stupid and destructive decisions when I was a teen and young adult, and I didn’t face even of the fraction of the hurtful experiences that my kids faced. No matter how well we parent, kids—all kids—must make their own choices. And very often they make poor ones.
I’ve been thinking about all these things because I do have teens and young adults making choices I don’t agree with. I ache because no matter how much I want to fix things…
Read the rest of Hard Places in Adoption and How Prayer Changes Things here:
https://www.thebettermom.com/blog/2020/3/4/hard-places-in-adoption-and-how-prayer-changes-things
Hard Places in Adoption and How Prayer Changes Things
The more I’m willing to open my heart and life to my children, the more willing they are to open theirs to me. And that is what all this healing is about. It’s opening up our hearts to our kids with a “me first” attitude and dealing with our kids’ anger by dealing with ours. It’s understanding that just as God has transformed us, He will do the same with our kids. And it’s realizing that dealing with the hard stuff of anger leads us to all the good places God’s wanted us to go to all along. It’s a journey of healing and of hope. It’s a hard journey but one I’m thankful I embarked on.
(Excerpt from Calming Angry Kids by Tricia Goyer)
Calming Angry Kids
If you have a child who struggles with anger, or if you know a family that does, be sure to order Calming Angry Kids today. Each of us needs to wake up with hope and lay down in peace—you do, your kids do. Each of us needs to discover that with the right tools, overcoming anger is possible.
There is help. There is hope. And there can be calm.
“I felt as though Tricia was sitting next to me sharing her personal stories and giving me help, guidance, and encouragement for my own parenting journey. If you have a child who struggles with anger, sit with Tricia and let her encourage you as well.”
Jamie Ivey
Bestselling author of If You Only Knew, host of the podcast The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey
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