The heART of Love

We all know men speak another language than women. Husbands and wives naturally communicate in entirely different styles. But add to that mix, the fact my husband’s first language is Afrikaans. Although he speaks better and more eloquent English than me, I was convinced our marriage would never be hindered by any language barriers. Or at least that is what I thought!

About a year before my husband and I were engaged a friend asked me, “So are you going to learn Afrikaans?”

I muttered something like, “Well… someday… I hope… if I find the time. I do want our kids to be able to speak it, and I wouldn’t want the rest of my family speaking in Afrikaans behind my back!”

My friend was only slightly encouraged by my feeble desire to learn my husband’s native tongue. Her poignant response changed me forever, “You need to learn to speak Afrikaans Charissa. It’s his heart language.” {Gulp.} I swallowed hard. I knew the implications of this statement would prove to be difficult. Sacrifice would be a given. I also knew, deep down, she was right.

At this point, we are 8 months into marriage and the phrase “heart language” still rings in my mind. I try to ignore it by reasoning that I can demonstrate my love for him in countless other ways like serving, encouraging, kissing and hugging him. Is learning his language really that important? After all, he speaks, thinks, and reads in English most of the time. And, even I have learned to roll off the occasional, “Ek is lief vir jou” or “Jy is my sonskyn.” {Translation: “I love you” “You are my sunshine”}

Who said anything of a language barrier? Not here.

But the more I try to reason my way out of having to learn Afrikaans, the more I realize there is no getting around it. A few days ago, I decided to re-read the vows I spoke to my husband on our wedding day, and I was suddenly reminded that speaking English is simply not good enough.

The weeks prior to our wedding I had practiced several phrases in Afrikaans so I could surprise him at the altar. While looking into his eyes I declared my love for him through his heart language.

“Ek vertrou jou.{I trust you.} Ek begeer jou. {I desire you.} Ek het respekt vir jou. {I respect you.} Ek kyk op na jou.{I adore you.} Ek verbly my in jou. {I delight in you.}Ek staan in verwondering oor jou. {I am amazed by you.}Jy is my beminde. {You are my beloved.} Ek is lief vir jou. {I love you.}Ek gee my hart vir jou. {I give my heart to you.} Ek kies jou. { I choose you.}

My husband’s smile spoke a million words. Not only did his mom burst into tears as I stumbled my way through the end of my vows, but so did his friends watching our wedding through internet in South Africa.

Heart language. Important? The memories at the altar confirmed it! I did not need to look any further to escape what I already knew- I needed to learn Afrikaans.

In the midst of this revelation, I looked at my husband who was sitting at the table busy with work, and spoke softly, “Ek kyk op na jou.” Without hesitation, he stopped, reached across the table, and planted a huge kiss on my lips, “I love it when you speak to me in Afrikaans.”

He spoke my heart language. Why didn’t I speak his?

Now that I have acknowledged our language barrier is more than just our different genders, Afrikaans children’s books are stacked beside my bed, dictionaries are adorning my bookshelf, and online tutors are loaded up onto my computer.

I have begun the journey of demonstrating love to my husband in one the deepest ways imaginable –through learning heart language. Even though it may take a lifetime of practice, being able to communicate in Afrikaans to him on a daily basis will be worth every bit of time and effort.

Along with speaking Afrikaans to my husband on our wedding day, I also declared to him that I would demonstrate, “A love that seeks your good first and not my own- to love you the way you need to be loved.”

Although a couple says their vows at the altar, it does not stop there. Every day of married life should bring us back to the altar, where our selfish rights are laid down. Beyond just physical touch, encouraging words, a home-cooked meal, or even romantic date nights, the altar persuades us to do something more lasting- to learn one another’s heart language.

Walking in our brokenness, wearing our skin, Jesus was a living testimony to God’s desire to speak our heart language. God’s powerful way of communicating His love touches our hearts and transforms lives, but it can also revolutionize your marriage!

Although you may not need to learn Afrikaans, what barriers do you need to cross in order to practice speaking your spouse’s heart language?

Do you need to return to the altar where you promised selfless love to your spouse?

Even if it takes a lifetime, learning to speak their heart language will be worth every minute of practice!

Charissa Steyn lives in awe of God’s love. After searching desperately for her identity – in work, relationships, outer appearances-she has finally found her heart at home in Jesus Christ. While doing ministry in Austria for four years she met her South African sweetheart, Michal. They fell in love {several times!} and finally got married in August 2009. They now reside in South Africa. Charissa is currently working on her Masters degree in counseling. When she is not studying for school, or taking care of her new hubby, she can be found running, baking fattening {but yummy! }cookies, and writing about life’s unique little lessons on her blog, Everyday Adventures. She believes that everyday God draws us closer to His heart.