How to be married, and how to stay married, are common questions. In a society that glories romance and finding “Mr. or Mrs. Right,” the divorce rates continue to skyrocket and we still don’t know how to be married. As a little girl growing up in the 70s and 80s, I often thought of my future groom. I dreamed about the wedding, but sometimes I forgot about the marriage to follow. There are days I’m awed with the fact that I’ve already been married for thirty years! There were so many years that I still felt like the unsure newlywed who was playing house. But, the Lord has been so gracious to me! Here are some top tips for how to be married.
How to Be Married
During the 80s, there were lots of songs about love. I clearly remember the episode of Days of Our Lives when Bo and Hope slept together and the song “Friends and Lovers” played. I thought it was the most romantic thing in the world. Of course, I didn’t think much about commitment or years and years of being with just one person. Love was more of a feeling than something real. And . . . like most people in my generation, I followed that feeling and ended up sleeping with my boyfriends. I didn’t think much of it, which saddens me now.
Yet, once I found the man I wanted to spend my life with, I grew serious. I’m not alone. For Gen Xers, divorce skyrocketed during our growing-up years. We grew up in families with stepmoms and half-siblings and living every other weekend with a different parent—how could this not affect our marriages? I can relate. That was my life, I didn’t want the same for my family. I wanted to do things better.
And you know what? Looking around, I see that there are a lot of people like me. The generation that once bore labels such as “slacker” and “grungy” has gone G-rated. Once we got serious about life, the family now means the most to us. And marriage matters. We don’t want an OK marriage–we want one filled with love, commitment, and care.
We want to know how to be married.
When writing my book Generation NeXt Marriage, I wanted to connect with fellow Gen Xers in a medium we would all understand—80s music. Here are some chapter titles: “White Wedding” (sung by Billy Idol, of course), “Together Forever” (by Rick Astley—remember him?), and “I Think We’re Alone Now” (the song sung by Tiffany—the teen idol every girl wanted to be). Does that take you back?
In addition to sharing how God has molded me in marriage, I also included comments from other Gen Xers. And you can be sure we don’t dance around the issues; it’s soul-bearing stuff.
Does this sound like a book for you? Do you want to know how to be married? If so, it may take you a few days to order in your copy from Amazon, or to run down to your local bookstore. In the meantime, here are some tips to tide you over until then:
Top Tips on How to Be Married:
- Discover your God-given dreams together. Couples are happiest when we’re following God’s purposes for our lives. Be your spouse’s biggest fan.
- Find balance. Put first things first. Plug in the most important stuff into your calendar first, then fill in around it.
- Nix the unrealistic expectations. Marriage is different than dating. We cannot change the other person. Look in the mirror first. Love your spouse anyway.
- Don’t be afraid to fight. Romans 5:3-4 says, “Let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings.” It’s better to engage than to give up. Author Madeleine L’Engle once said, “There are a lot of marriages today that break up just at the point where they could mature and deepen.” Pain makes us take note of the problem. We are forced to pray and repent and try again.
Has any of this encouraged you? Comment below and share: I love to hear from you!
Women often pack their lives with family, friends, and faithful service, yet still end up feeling empty and unfulfilled. In Walk It Out, Tricia Goyer demonstrates to women that walking out the mandates of Scripture allows God to spark passion and mission within them.
Whether believers realize it or not, God intended for them to do what the Bible says: adopt the orphan, take the gospel into all the world, and care for the needy. These are mandates that point believers down the path of true living and eternal life. Walk it Out
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Our Vintage Life says
I love your tips — especially the one about expectations. They sure can get in the way of letting us appreciate what we do have. 🙂
thank you !!
Lori Alexander says
I was so hooked on Soap Operas when i was young! They sure set me up for failure in my marriage. Thankfully, I was able to turn the ship around before it was too late. We’ve been married almost 34 years. My best friend has been married twice. Her first husband died of a brain tumor. Both of her marriages have been amazing from the get go because of something she read on her honeymoon. I wrote about it here if you’re interested!