How to Stop Your Child’s Angry Cycle

How to Stop Your Child’s Angry Cycle

The flash of anger in my tween daughter’s eyes surprised me. We’d been camping, and Maddie’s 6-year-old sister, Aly, had just burned her finger on hot ash. As I treated the wound, Maddie strode up. “I hurt myself, too,” she said, with attitude. “Last night when we were making S’mores.”

“Hold on,” I said. As Aly screamed beside me, I tried not to show my frustration. “I need to help your sister first.” This was the first I’d heard of Maddie’s burn.

Maddie’s anger flared. “You always help her first! You don’t care for me at all!” She rushed back to our cabin as I finished bandaging Aly’s hand.

I walked back to the cabin, dreading the confrontation ahead. I could see how the next few minutes would play out: pleas and demands from me, mounting anger and accusations from her. There had to be a better way to manage these cycles of anger. It was making all of us weary, especially Maddie.

How to Stop Your Child’s Angry Cycle

Once a child is angry, it’s easy for him to stay in a cycle of thoughts, emotions and physical responses that feed his rage. Here’s what the angry cycle looks like:

1. An event creates pain or distress that sets off the child’s anger. This event can be something another person says or does, or an unmet expectation.
2. The pain triggers thoughts or memories that focus the child’s angry response on another person. For example, he may think you don’t understand his life or that you care more about a sibling.
3. These “trigger thoughts” lead to a negative emotional response. Your child feels frustrated, rejected, fearful or enraged.
4. These emotions cause a physical response, such as a flushed face, tense jaw, pounding heart and clenched fists. As anger takes control, a child finds it difficult to think rationally.
5. Finally, a behavioral response occurs. The trigger thoughts, emotions and physical reaction evoke a fight, flight or freeze response.

Stopping the angry cycle

We often try to lecture our children or teach them a lesson in the midst of their angry cycle — right when they cannot think rationally. Our best efforts at correction will likely not get through when our child is in this highly emotional state; harsh discipline often make things worse…

Read more at Focus On The Family here: https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/how-to-stop-your-childs-angry-cycle/

If you or someone you know needs to speak with a counselor, Focus On The Family offers a free hour of counseling with one of Focus on the Family’s licensed and TBRI-trained counselors at this link!  https://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/promos/counseling-services-and-referrals.  For ongoing counseling, they also offer a local counselor referral service to vetted Christian counselors.