I’ve been known as someone who tends to get her way in marriage. I know how to ask the right way or hint at the right time. I’ve perfected the pout. But as the years have passed, I’ve realized maybe getting my way isn’t always the best thing. (Shocking, I know!) I’ve learned that there are times my husband is right. I’ve also learned not to press and urge–that it’s better John and I come a mutual decision and we both have peace about whatever steps we’re taking.
I can give many examples of when I’ve regretted getting my way. There was a couch we had for years that was very cute, but also very uncomfortable to sit on. My back is still paying the price.
Then there is the puppy I just “had to have.” I begged and pleaded for weeks until my husband gave in. To say that dog is trouble is an understatement. Our dog Jake is four years old and if we leave him alone in the house uncrated he’ll destroy everything in sight. If we don’t watch him he still wanders off and leaves stinky tootsie rolls in my closet, AND if there is any access to the kitchen counter (like a chair scooted up against it), he has no problem finishing off any food we have up there. He’s a little dog and once he ate a whole cake!
I could bring up more examples, but you’re getting the picture. My husband warned me about the couch. He warned me about the breed of dog, and I hate to admit he was right about both.
Of course there are those decisions where I KNOW I’m right. In some cases I’ve even felt called by God. Adoption is one of those things. I was interested in adopting seven years before John. To give myself credit I didn’t urge him or push. Instead, I just mentioned it, prayed, and let God do the talking. I figured if it was God’s will He’d be able to let John know. (And He did.)
For the big things I understood that we both needed peace before we stepped forward, but lately I’ve been realizing mutual peace works with the smaller things, too.
Recently there was a housing decision that I felt was a good move for us, but John wasn’t quite sure. Instead of trying to talk John into my point-of-view I said simply, “I appreciate your thoughts on this and I don’t feel we should make any decisions until we both have peace.” I felt so proud of myself at that moment! If I would have had a gold star I would have pinned it to my chest.
A few days later John told me he also had peace about the decision and I was happy. My happiness didn’t come from getting my way. It came from doing things GOD’S way and reaping the rewards.
Now if the decision was wrong, we’re both wrong … and I’m not the one who gets the lifted eyebrow that says, “I told you so.”