Two years after Rick Astley (one of my 80’s favs!)
released Together Forever, John and I married. And it was then I promised, “until death do we part.” Of course, those were easy words to say as I stood there in my white dress with ruffled train and the flash of cameras brightened John’s smile even more (zing*) . . . but living out the ideal has challenged me more than I ever imagined.
While I wanted to believe (like Rick Astley sang) it was “something to last for all time.” As the years go by I’ve had to move beyond all my romantic notions concerning marriage, and I’ve had to work hard to make it last.
Like anything I’ve really wanted to succeed at, such as getting good grades in college, becoming a published author, or raising godly kids, I’ve had to put in the time to train myself to be successful. Hard work doesn’t sound romantic, but neither does going through a divorce, or trying to split our assets, or sharing the kids 50/50.
Jim Burns, author of Creating an Intimate Marriage, compares the work that goes into a healthy marriage as similar to training for a marathon.
“If we want to have a healthy relationship, we have to put in the training and do what it takes to make it work. Despite the way Hollywood depicts intimacy, good things don’t just “happen”; proper training is vital to accomplishing any goal. Contentment is a result of our proper training! Just like running a marathon, an intimate marriage takes an investment of time, energy, focus, and sometimes the help and coaching of others. It may mean something as simple as setting up daily routines that you know in the long run will produce more intimacy in the relationship. Sure there are sacrifices to make, but the result of intimacy and contentment make the effort worthwhile.”
Jim Burns, Creating an Intimate Marriage (Minneapolis, Minnesota: Bethany House Publishers, 2006), p. 51.
What are some ways that you maintain and prioritize a healthy relationship with your spouse?
© Tricia Goyer author of Generation NeXt Marriage
http://triciagoyer.com/nonfiction.html#GenerationNextMarriage
Talk, talk, talk! Talking prevents seeds of doubt or anger from growing into large scale problems.
Jennifer Arrington
My husband and I were talking about the state of our marriage just the other day. I started reading a book that first dealt with women that were having problems in their marriage. I was trying to get past that part to what really pertained to me in my marriage.
As I was discussing that section of the book with my husband he said, “We’ve never had trouble in our marriage. Difficulties? Yes, sometimes, but nothing that just sent us into angry fits. We have a problem, we talk it out and its over and done with.”
I agree with the above commenter, talk, talk, talk.
I will add that a frequent date night does wonders too.
Oh…one more thing…flirt with EACH OTHER! 🙂
Stop reading books about marriage and ask your spouse if he or she really things the way the stereotypes in the books think. You might be surprised!
Talk
Ask questions
LISTEN
Be you and let your spouse be himself
Remember you can only change YOU
Speak postively about your spouse in public
Hmm. Tricky to answer. Firstly, I’ve always been hugely disappointed that the Romantic myth is a myth. LOL
Talking is hard at this end. We really are from other planets on almost every subject and my partner is CLOSED when it comes to Counseling because of past experiences.
So we are constantly in a state of stalemate or it often feels that way, which is unacceptable to me.
I am working on myself with affirmations in the hope that it will calm me and the different me will have a knock on effect in the relationship. Does that make sense? I can’t change my partner, but I can change myself.
Just read the same from Ruth in the Desert as I was previewing my post here 🙂
Romance isn’t a myth for everyone. 🙂
The first important thing in my husband’s and my relationship is to maintain our relationship with the Lord. We try to pray and be in His word together daily.
The next thing we try to do is to keep short accounts; not let anything build up that could cause our relationship to stagnate. I’m not saying it’s easy. Nothing is easy, but if we keep our focus in the right place, we get along a lot better.