My biggest struggle as a young(er) mom had nothing to do with the kids. Yes, diapers were a pain. Potty training seemed hopeless. And housework was, well, work. But my nemesis was myself.
As long as I can remember, I have looked at life as if I had something to prove. Born to a single mom, I didn’t even know my biological father’s name growing up. I felt different from everyone else. Incomplete.
In high school, I wanted to “show them.” Show them that I could play the role of good girl. Show them I could excel. I only wish I could’ve put my finger on who “them” was. And when enough would be enough.
Things didn’t change much after high school. Even though I’d heard a zillion times that God loved me, flaws and all, as a mom I struggled with wanting to please Him and everyone else. Unfortunately most attempts—despite my well-meaning efforts and good intentions—resulted more often in a buzzer than a “ding, ding, ding, you are correct.” I worried that I disciplined my kids too much. Or maybe not enough. That I fed them the wrong foods or allowed their brains to be filled with too much mindless entertainment. I worried I wasn’t the helpmate my husband deserved or the friend and church volunteer I ought to be. Was I focusing on the right things? Would I look back with regrets on these key developmental years? What did people see when they looked at me?
How have you been your own worst enemy?
Excerpt © Tricia Goyer, Blue Like Play Dough
Yes, I remember the self-imposed stress of raising my kids. Somewhere along the way, I began to recognize that with God’s help, and the terrific Dad he sent for them, they were turning out pretty well. I guess sometimes it just takes a deep breath, and stepping back a little. Of course a hug from another Mom who understands helps a lot, too.
Hi Tricia,
I don’t think there’s a mom alive who hasn’t second-guessed herself or felt mom-guilt. But I’d have to say that a general lack of confidence did it for me. I didn’t have positive parental role models, and there were days (and still are, though 2 of my kids are grown) that ALL I could do is cry out to God for wisdom.
I truly do not know how anyone raises a child apart from Jesus.
Grateful for His grace,
Julie
For the first 50 years of my life I worried too much about what other people thought of me. I was liberated when I learned that this is my life. I live with a relationship with Him, and everything else falls in place behind that. I do my best to be a good wife, friend, and person, but I am no longer trying to please others. That is definitely self-defeating, making a person their own “worst enemy.”
Wow. Today, while I sit at my computer I hear the screams of my children over my shoulder. I stop, pull them apart, send them to their corners…and try to work again. Inner struggle; I have to work to finish column for deadline or I should have planned ahead and not tried to work knowing they would be home? I don’t think I’ll ever have this figured out! But now I realize that it is something most parents struggle with. Thanks bunches..and now back to work.
Worrying over decisions. I would agonize over decision making and whether or not God wanted me to move right or left. I am (slowly) learning that God has promised to keep us on His path if we invite Him into our decision making. It’s as simple as “God, what should I do? Let me not stray from your plan.” And then TRUST that He will indeed direct my desires and decision making. I don’t have to agonize over whether or not I’ve heard Him clearly or I’ve prayed enough about it.
Thanks for your post.
Before we had our daughter, I thought parenting would be more black and white. Motherly intuition would kick in high gear and everything would become clearer. Since becoming a mother, I feel more confused than ever, wondering, “is this really the best approach to [ ]?” Sometimes the guilt feels so overwhelming. Even though I make mistakes daily–hourly even–the expectation is that I’ll be a loving mom all the time. Sometimes, I’m just ugly. I hate that about myself, but I think the bottom line is that I put too much focus on myself as a mother. After all, I’m not God, nor do I want to replace Him in my children’s eyes. I shouldn’t be on a perfect platform, because heaven knows, I don’t belong there. I think the heart of a mother should be one of humble acceptance and dependence on God. Yes, I’m going to make mistakes (God, please don’t let them be too big) and my children will find fault in me, but ultimately, I should be asking something different. An assessment of my perfectionistic tendencies is only going to make me feel defeated, but if I am pointing (even through my failures) to God through my actions than I am a successful mother.
Without a doubt, striving to be Supermom is how I’ve become my own worst enemy. I strive to be the perfect everything to everyone and it often leaves me unable to do anything for anyone.