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2. What was the saddest moment?
The saddest moment was when I finally allowed myself to own the responsibility, feel the totality and finality of what I’d done and repent for killing my own babies. In that moment I was set free to grieve for them with a mother’s heart, and though I was afraid I’d never stop crying, I was relieved to feel my love for them . . . denying that love had been hurting all along . . . allowing it to surface was the beginning of God healing my heart.
3. What was the happiest moment?
The moment that has resulted in my most constant joy came to pass on November 13, 2007, when I realized my life was none of my business and I surrendered it fully to live for Jesus Christ. I’d been saved a long time, but I had never lived for Him fully until that moment. There was serenity in that moment that I’d never had before. God was in control, and I finally knew and understood it. I would not be doing what I’m doing now if both of these things hadn’t happened. I’m glad God can finally use me for His glory.
4. Or what was the most difficult decision you have ever had to make? Why? How did you make it and what happened?
The decision to separate from my husband of eleven years—we were both Christians, but we’d gotten together when we were both drinking alcoholically and we’d never learned how to communicate after we got sober about two and a half years into the marriage. We hardly spoke by the time our last child left home—that’s when he got involved with Internet chat rooms/pictures/etc. That discovery was the final straw for me. We’d had counseling, sought help, etc., but it only helped for a little while. I was tired and wanted out. Fortunately our new church family and pastor got behind us to help us make it work. It was the first time a church fellowship had done that.
We were apart, working on the relationship more than a year, but when God restored us to each other, we had the kind of marriage He’d always wanted us to have and we’ve been happy ever since.
5. How did you experience God during this event?
6. What hope or encouragement do you have for others who may be facing the same situation?
Women can be healed from the pain, grief, shame, and regret of abortion if they will let God and those He has to help them help them through it—and it is possible to save a marriage that is as dead as Lazarus and make it amazing!