In His hands … where it all starts
There was a time in my life I was busy about many things. As a young wife and mom I wanted to get things right. I wanted to be right. I worked hard (very hard) to keep the house in tip-top shape. I did all the things I thought my husband would like. I took my kids to all the places that I believed would benefit their development and refine their character. I did a lot, yet I still felt like the “a lot” was not enough. At night I’d drop into bed and wonder where I’d gone wrong, and at what turn I’d missed happily-ever-after.
I can’t explain what happened then, but I think it came to the point when enough was enough. God let me go down the path of exhaustion/longing/missing-the-mark, until one day I realized I was toast without Him.
Even when I realized what I was doing wasn’t working it wasn’t like I instantly knew what the answer was. Was there a magic formula somewhere that could make everything click into place? I wondered. I hoped it was true. Hoped that out there, somewhere, was the right book, parenting curriculum, or marriage manual that would teach me what I needed to make life work.
I wanted a magic formula for my relationship with God, too. Surely there had to be some type of practice or discipline I could incorporate to make God take notice of me and to give me a little help?!
Okay, the truth is, I never voiced those things. Never prayed them, but that’s how I felt. I kept my eyes open for the one thing that would make life work, not realizing that my works would never achieve what I desired.
The transformation started with one verse.
Better one handful with tranquility
than two handfuls with toil
and chasing after the wind.
Ecclesiastes 4:6
I can’t say how I felt that morning reading that verse, except that those fifteen words seemed to sum up exactly how I felt. In my mind’s eye I pictured myself running in circles, attempting to grasp happiness, success, and joy from the air that rushed by. But no matter how I grasped and struggled, my hands came up empty. So much work, and no reward.
This verse was soon followed by another. (If I didn’t know any better I would have thought
Someone was trying to tell me something.)
Be still, and know that I am God.
Psalm 46:10
Those words popped up every where I looked—in books and on the radio, on stationary and even on the wall hanging my stepmom made me for Christmas. (I actually chuckled out loud when I opened my gift.)
It was clear from these two verses that there was something I needed to do: calm down. (I can clearly hear my mother’s voice telling me the same thing as a child, “Can’t you calm down?”)
The very idea frightened me. If I wasn’t doing a very good job with life running full speed ahead what would happened if I slowed? Without the numerous Bible studies, the volunteering, the kids’ extracurricular activities, and the busyness of work projects: Where would I be? Who would I be? If I couldn’t be known for what I did: What was left?
To be continued!
What about you … have you gotten to that point in your life? Are you there now? What did you do or what do you plan to do? How are you taking steps?
(photo credit here)
I’m at that point right now. Can’t wait to hear the rest of the story.
Thanks
I’ve been there at different times and toward different things. It’s hard to “Be Still” and let God take control. Right now there are two things that I’m trying to let go of and give to God. (my marriage and my future dreams) But both are a struggle to let go of. If I let go what will God do? Will he take me places I don’t want to go? Will He take certain things away for a time? These are the doubts that fill my mind at night, as I lay in bed. Oh, I know God is in control and has a purpose, but I don’t like not knowing what His plans are.
I can’t wait to hear the end of the story.
I feel much the same way. My husband and I do well most of the time. I understand his addictions, er…habits and he is open to let me do my thing. It works for us… My main problems with over stressing things come with my mom. She lives with us and emotionally, she needs to be close to family. The issues come with her trying to control things her way and a big part of her family and her best friend guilting me about NOT paying all my mom’s bills for her. We can’t even pay our own a lot of the time. I know what I want to do, but I’m afraid of the unknown, to an extent. I know that change is good and I know that we will be blessed, I just don’t want the darkness that logically looks like will come before the blessings….
I, too, await the end of the story. Thank you, Tricia, for sharing and inspiring!
I have two books that I HIGHLY recommend:
Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
and
Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas
Thomas talks about things wives should stand up for and things we should let go of.
Also, here is another thought:
God chooses EXACTLY what you would choose for your life if you knew everything as He does.
Hugs,
Tricia
Tricia, I’ve loved that Ecclesiastes verse for years. I found it when I was mired in mothering and burned out. I’ve cherished it ever since.
That verse turned me around and caused me to see the blessings in my life, that I already had what mattered most. I began to spot those things that are “chasing the wind” much more easily.
The bottom line for me is that nothing in life carries more lasting value than loving my husband, rearing my four children and striving to keep our home a happy place. That’s still true, even though I’ve written many articles and four books.
Tranquility is knowing Jesus and knowing what really matters in life.