Staying Sexually Pure
I had a young woman recently write me through my website. She’s eighteen and a university student and wanted to know how to stay pure. She said that people give advice to guys, but they’re not the only ones who struggle with sexual desires. I’m glad she pointed that out. I agree! This is what I wrote her. Maybe it will help you, too:
Thank you so much for your note. I love that you’re asking this question. The first thing that popped into my head was … stay away from boys. Don’t go on any single dates. Ask friends to keep you accountable! 🙂 All those things are good things, but there’s a deeper issue and that’s the desires of our hearts.
You’re so right, girls do have sexual desire. We want to be held and kissed and be intimate. It’s not just the guys who are thinking about those things. Girls also want to be loved, appreciated, and made to feel they’re attractive. We want to see a sparkle in a guy’s eye when he looks at us.
The truth is… that never stops. Ideally when we get married all our desire is to be toward our husbands, but I’ve even struggled with wanting to feel attractive to other men too … we all want to be adored!
The thing is, what we do with our bodies starts with our minds and hearts. We think it. Then we dwell on it. Then we want to act it out. When I struggle with something, it’s because my heart isn’t where it should be. My first priority is to love Jesus with everything in me–to ask Him to satisfy me. To realize that I may be “missing out” but in the end I’ll get the best. Those rules are good boundaries, but too many times we set them and then we like to dance on the line. We like to stick our toes across and see how far we can get.
Instead, it’s better to ask Jesus to show us His way. After Bible reading, prayer, and counseling with adults you respect (and who live righteous lives) your decisions will be just that… your decisions and boundaries.
Pray and ask God to change you from the inside out. Pray Psalm 139:23-24 and ask God to search your heart. If you find your mind wandering where it shouldn’t be, pray 1 Corinthians 2:14-16. Ask for God to give you the mind of Christ.
Also, remember the God who created the universe can strengthen you (Isaiah 40:28-31). He can help you through this! Finally, pray for your future husband.
Pray for his purity, his strength, and his desires to be saved for you. I guarantee that if you’re praying for him to be strong it will encourage you to do the same. I have a book I co-wrote with Robin Jones Gunn, Praying for Your Future Husband. Hopefully it will be a good guide to help you until you marry “The One.”
Praying for you,
(*name has been changed)
Print These Out!
(as many times as you want! Right-click on the image to download the .pdf)
Printable Prayer Journal for Your Future Husband
Download – Praying For Your Future Husband Printable – TriciaGoyer.com
Printable Scriptures for Praying for Your Future Husband
Download – Printable Scriptures for Praying for Your Future Husband – TriciaGoyer.com
Praying for Your Future Husband by Robin Jones Gunn and Tricia Goyer
Lady in Waiting: Becoming God’s Best While Waiting For Mr. Right by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones
When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric Ludy and Leslie Ludy
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Anna Topal says
Boy, am I relived I am not the only girl who finds it hard at times to keep my actions as well as my thoughts pure. This post served as a great blessing for me. Thank you so much for the encouragement. 🙂
Tricia Goyer says
Anna, you’re not the only one!! It’s something that’s a huge struggle for so many! God will help you!
Tricia, what an AWESOME response. Truly, truly we need more of this taught in our churches and youth groups and young women need to hear that admittance from “old women” that we still struggle even as married women! You hit the nail right on the head. God BLESS you for taking that answer deeper than all of the other advice we give our young men and women.