Adopt

October 25, 2016 by Tricia Goyer 2 Comments

My Journey to Adoption {Listen to my Interview on the Restory Show}

Recently I had the joy of chatting with Mary DeMuth on her Restory Show. We talked about my story: growing up needing love, finding it in boys, being a pregnant teen, then turning my life over to Jesus. The bulk of the episode we talk about my family’s journey of adoption. Click here to listen our chat, and keep reading to learn a little more about how my adoption story began!

I first thought about adoption around 1999 when I was reading an article about orphanages in China filled with baby girls. At the time, John and I had three young kids ages 10, 7, and 5. I had also just gotten my first book contract.

I talked to John about adopting an orphan, but he didn’t think it was a good idea. The idea of adding more kids into our chaotic life wasn’t appealing to him. Not to mention the cost, which was $20,000+. Oh, and I should mention my propensity to take on more than I can chew. One of John’s roles in life is to protect me from my good intentions.

Years later the kids grew up, and John was the one to bring up the idea of adoption with me. I jumped on the chance. I was SO excited about adopting a baby girl from China, but just as we turned in our paperwork, in 2008, things changed. They slowed down the number of adoptions. It looked like a 4-5 year process. I was heartbroken.

I clearly remember one day when I was crying out to God, “Why did you even put this on my heart if it’s not going to happen?” (And by “happen” I meant in the way I wanted, with the beautiful, Chinese baby girl that I imagined.)

I mentioned children from the Heart Gallery a few times in passing, but I didn’t think much more about it until I read a book called Kisses for Katie. It was about a young woman who adopted thirteen children in Uganda. I read the book on the way to a MomLife retreat, and I was moved.

I felt God speaking to me, “If she can adopt thirteen children in a third-world country, can’t you open your home to a few more?” I felt led to ask a few friends to pray that John’s heart would be open to adopting from the foster care system.

Later that night, when I called home, these were the first words out of John’s mouth, “Did you know that adopting from the foster care system is free?” As I heard my husband’s words, my faith grew. Adoption wasn’t “my” thing that I needed to “talk my husband into.” Adoption was on God’s heart.

For more posts and information on adoption, check out my adoption directory!

Hear @TriciaGoyer share about her foster-to-adoption experience on Restory Show with @MaryDeMuth

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November 7, 2013 by Tricia Goyer 7 Comments

Don’t Adopt! | Guest Post by Dr. Russell Moore

November is National Adoption Month, and I’ve invited some experts to guest post on my blog throughout the month! Today, please give a warm welcome to Dr. Russell Moore!

Don’t Adopt!

If you want your “dream baby,” do not adopt or foster a child: buy a cat and make-believe. Adopting an orphan isn’t ordering a consumer item or buying a pet. Such a mindset hurts the child, and countless other children and families. Adoption is about taking on risk as cross-bearing love.
For years, I’ve called Christian churches and families to our James 1:27 mandate to care for widows and orphans in their distress, to live out the adoption we’ve received in the gospel by adopting and fostering children. At the same time, I’ve maintained that, while every Christian is called to care for orphans and widows, not every Christian is called to adopt or foster. As a matter of fact, there are many who, and I say this emphatically, should not.
Love of any kind brings risk, and, in a fallen world, brings hurt. Simeon tells our Lord’s mother, the Blessed Virgin Mary, that a sword would pierce her heart. That’s true, in some sense, for every mother and every father. Even beyond that, every adoption, every orphan, represents a tragedy. Someone was killed, someone left, someone was impoverished or someone was diseased. Wrapped up in each situation is some kind of hurt, and all that accompanies that. That’s the reason there really is no adoption that is not a “special needs” adoption; you just might not know on the front end what those special needs are.
We live in a time in which our commitments have become the opportunity often for simply a narcissistic self-realization. Weddings have become events for planners and photographers putting on what seems to be a state dinner honoring the “love of the couple.” Children often become props in a life of parents who are seeking to grasp whatever they believe the world owes them. It’s easier to pull off that kind of an illusion of self-centrality with your engagement photos and wedding party than it is with children, though. Children are alive. Children are persons, with individuality that can’t ultimately be suppressed. Children, of all sorts, are, by definition, unpredictable. Children shatter your life-plan. Adoption certainly does.
It’s worth it.

#Adoption might shatter your life-plan. But it’s worth it. @drmoore @TriciaGoyer

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But Jesus tells us we ought to know that a king going into battle must measure his troops, a tower-builder must count the expenses of the project (Lk. 14:28-31). Those who see adoption as a warm, sentimental way of having a baby are mistaken and dangerous. There are far too many who plunge in without counsel, without a commitment to fidelity no matter what. They search around for a baby who fits their specifications. And babies never fit your specifications…at least not when they grow up.
If what’s behind all of this isn’t crucified, war-fighting, eyes-open commitment, you are going to wind up with a child who is twice orphaned. He or she will be abandoned the first time by fatherlessness and the second time by the rejection of failing to live up to the expectations of parents who had no business imposing such expectations in the first place.
We need a battalion of Christians ready to adopt, foster, and minister to orphans. But that means we need Christians ready to care for real orphans, with all the brokenness and risk that comes with it. We need Christians who can reflect the adopting power of the gospel, which didn’t seek out a boutique nursery but a household of ex-orphans who were found wallowing in our own blood, with Satan’s genes in our bloodstreams.

Are you ready for #adoption? @drmoore shares his advice with @TriciaGoyer:

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If what you like is the idea of a baby who fulfills your needs and meets your expectations, just buy a cat. Decorate the nursery, if you’d like. Dress it up in pink or blue, and take pictures. But adopting a child—that calls for more. It calls for love, for commitment, for your whole life.
Read the original post here.

About Dr. Moore

Dr. Moore earned a B.S. in history and political science from the University of Southern Mississippi. He also received the M.Div. in biblical studies from New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary, and the Ph.D. in systematic theology from The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.
A widely-sought cultural commentator, Dr. Moore speaks frequently to issues of theology, culture, and public policy, having been quoted or published by many of the nation’s leading news agencies and periodicals—including the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, USA Today, and the Associated Press.
He blogs frequently at his “Moore to the Point” website, and is the author or editor of five books, including Tempted and Tried: Temptation and the Triumph of Christ, Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families and Churches, and The Kingdom of Christ: The New Evangelical Perspective. In addition to these, Dr. Moore is also the author of dozens of academic articles and essays within the field of systematic theology and Christian ethics. He also serves as Senior Editor of Touchstone: A Journal of Mere Christianity.
An ordained Southern Baptist minister, Dr. Moore has served as a pastor for a number of Southern Baptist churches—most recently serving as preaching pastor at Highview Baptist Church from 2008-2012. More broadly, Dr. Moore has served his denomination at-large, as chairman and four-time member of the SBC Resolutions Committee, and as a regular columnist for Baptist Press.
Prior to entering ministry, Dr. Moore was an aide to U.S. Congressman Gene Taylor. A native Mississippian, he and his wife Maria are the parents of five boys.
Connect with Dr. Moore on his website and on Facebook and Twitter.

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September 25, 2013 by Tricia Goyer 27 Comments

Choosing to Adopt: Our Story (Plus a Giveaway)

She said:
John and I always told ourselves it was a good thing we had kids while we were young, that way we’d still be young when they were out of the house. We made lot of plans, to travel, to enjoy quiet evenings together, to have a clean house not cluttered with toys.

Then I saw a magazine article about orphans, and that got me thinking about adding another child to our home. John wasn’t interested when I first mentioned it. I didn’t prod. Instead I just prayed. I didn’t know if it was God’s plan for our family that God would bring both of our hearts into agreement. He did. We didn’t get the China baby we first planned on, but we have three new Goyers in our home. We don’t travel as much as we like. We are exhausted during the evenings. And the house is cluttered with toys. But we stepped out and followed God’s call, and we couldn’t imagine life without these kids.

Looking forward to an empty nest? Maybe God is calling you to adopt. @TriciaGoyer

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He said:
We never had that empty nest feeling in our home. When Tricia and I started dating, there was already a baby in tow. Those “easy to get away for the weekend” adventures were something other people got to enjoy. I will admit I was looking forward to those days. I love the kids, but I really longed for the ease of the empty nest. Since we would be in our forties when the last one left for college, we would still be young enough to enjoy an easier life of a smaller home, smaller cars, and less to arrange when we want to play on the weekend.

Then I felt conviction about that attitude. God did not call me to a life of ease. We get one shot at this life, to make a difference in the lives of others. Following a hedonistic philosophy of pleasing myself does not honor God or the sacrifice he made for me. God placed a new desire in my heart. True worship is this: to care for the widow and the orphan. So now we have Tricia’s grandma in our home and three little ones. They are work, and they are joy, and they are an opportunity to share the love of the Father to those who need someone who will get out of their easy chair and love.

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August 6, 2013 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

Sometimes A Homeschooling Mom’s Role Is Finding Help Beyond Her Home

As a wife, a mom, a sinner-saved-by-grace, and a servant of God, I have peace knowing God has a plan for my life. That He’s always had a plan. And that He’s here to guide me to His path for me. This is one of my favorite verses:

All the stages of my life were spread out before you, the days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day. Psalm 139:16

I look to this verse because I need the reminder that God isn’t finished with me yet. I’m thankful I’m a work-in-progress. I’m happy to put (and keep) my life in my hands. Yet, when I think of my kids’ lives, I want to be more of an active participant. I forget God has all my children’s days planned, too. For some reason I try to wrangle the responsibility out of His hands and put it into mine. I try to figure out the “best path” for my kids and then pray and ask God to help me achieve it.

I’m thankful I’m a work-in-progress. I’m happy to put (and keep) my life in my hands.

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Recently my husband and I started the process of adopting two children, ages two and five years old, from the foster care system. I knew that we’d have challenges, but my mind never swayed from my educational choice to homeschool them. After all, I’ve been a homeschooling mom for twenty years!

Yet right away I discovered my children’s numerous issues, due to abuse and neglect. Issues more complex than I could handle. I knew how to be a mom (even a homeschooling mom), but they needed help with behavior, speech, and occupational and speech therapy. Within a few weeks I realized I needed help outside our home . . . lots of it!

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July 27, 2013 by Tricia Goyer 5 Comments

The Child God Chose for Us

Eleven years ago, I was reading a “Woman’s World” magazine, and one article changed my thoughts on how many children is “enough.” At the time, I thought three was plenty. My kids were ten, seven, and five. I was homeschooling them, and we had a very busy life.

Then I read an article about all the girls growing up in orphanages in China. I wept when I read the article and realized my heart had room for more. That night after dinner, I showed John the article and brought up the idea of adoption. At the time, John wasn’t interested. “These three are a handful. How can we deal with more?” Then there was the thought of cost. Adoption was/is expensive. I was disappointed, but I let the matter drop. I’ve learned over the years that nagging never works, and if God desires John’s heart to change, then He’ll do the change.

Years passed, and I mentioned adoption a few more times. I was still interested, and John was still not. Then around 2005, John surprised me by asking me if I still was interested in adoption. My eyes grew wide, and I exclaimed, “Yes!”

Over the years, God had softened John’s heart. Maybe it was due to the fact our kids were older and easier to deal with. Maybe it was because I was mentoring teen moms and we had their little kids around often (and enjoyed that!). Or maybe because God decided the time was right.

It took almost three years for us to fill out the paperwork for a Chinese adoption . . . just in time for the wait for a Chinese baby to greatly increase. We still don’t have that beautiful little Chinese girl I felt called to add to our home. We’re still waiting, and we know that the child God chooses to bring into our home in this way is going to be pretty special. And, like the way God works, there have been other surprises along the way.

Read the rest of this post on Somona Christian Home!

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July 17, 2013 by Tricia Goyer 49 Comments

Adoption Final! Meet the New Goyer Children

The Call To Adopt

January 2012 John and I were 1,000 miles apart, and God spoke to both our hearts the same day: “I want you to adopt children from the foster care system.”

Yes, “children.” As in plural.

We didn’t have time in our schedules to think of adding on more kids. We had full lives. Yet we were obedient. (I’m so thankful!)

After months of paperwork, foster care training, and home studies, our house was declared “open” November 2012.

On January 9, 2013, we meet “Sissy” and “Buddy.”

On January 10, 2013, we brought them home.

For the last six months we’ve all be in transition. The kids have been learning what a family is like. And we have been learning all types of new parenting tricks (with the help of awesome behavioral therapists). We’ve also been expanding our hearts.

July 16, 2013, the judge declared these children as Goyers. I’d like you to meet them! <click to tweet>

Alyssa is now three and LOVES having an older sister and younger brother!

Welcome to our family . . . forever!

Celebrate!

Real personalities — Our beautiful children

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