for the family

December 11, 2018 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

Advice for a new Homeschooling Mom: 33 Things I’ve Learned in 25 years of homeschooling!

When I first started homeschooling I had an idea of what it would look like. I ordered a huge box of curriculum, bought old school desks and prepared to do school at home. I’ve learned many things along the way. Here are things I wish I’d known 25 years ago:

Don’t compare! Don’t compare yourself with other moms or your kids with other kids.
Seek joy in each day, don’t stress over the small stuff.
Remember that kids learn by play. Give them time and space to be creative without electronics.
Listen to your kids. What do they need from you? Sometimes kids act out because they want your attention. They may just need a hug or five minutes of face time with you to feel settled and at peace.
Figure out how your homeschooling day/week works best for you. Someone’s perfect plan might not be right for your homeschool.
Don’t push your kids to do too much too soon. Preschoolers and kindergartners don’t need a full curriculum. Read aloud lots of good books. Let your kids get enough sleep. Spend time outdoors enjoying nature.
Feed your soul with God’s Word, and strengthen yourself daily with God’s strength.
Give yourself grace. You will mess up. Every homeschooling mom does.
Don’t feel what you’re doing is insignificant. Training your kids to follow God is a great work.
Every child is different. What works for one child might not work for another. Learn what helps your kids to focus and what motivates them. Know their passions. This will help you teach in ways they can understand.
Choose a curriculum that you enjoy. Your kids will learn even better when you’re teaching in a way that you’re excited about.
Some days the housework and grocery shopping is school. Life skills are important for kids to learn, too.
Don’t feel as if you need to do every assignment in the teacher’s guide or complete every worksheet in every workbook. Public school teachers don’t finish everything either.
Take days off without guilt. Homeschooling allows for a flexible schedule.
Also … don’t become lazy. Do what you can to develop a hunger for learning within your kids.
Invite your kids to help you pick out things to study. Foster their interests.
Even more important than the school books is teaching your children about God and His ways.
Character training is important. Don’t rush past important character training moments to simply get the work done.
Don’t attempt to replicate a school classroom or schedule at home.
Writing down YOUR reasons and goals for homeschooling is important. Whenever your discouraged go back and read them.
Connect with other homeschoolers for friendship.
There will be bad days but focus on the good ones. Take a deep breath and tell yourself tomorrow can be great.
Pray about everything. It’s okay to pray about multiplication tables.
Don’t worry about algebra or essay writing when your kids are still small. When the time comes seek others to help you fill in your weak spots.
Understand you’ll be learning right along with your kids.
It’s okay to let your kids sleep in. Kids need rest to grow, and their attitudes are much better when they are rested.
School doesn’t have to be done sitting down at a table. Boys especially need to be able to run, play and move.
Time builds family bonds. At the end of your homeschooling journey, you’ll have a storehouse of wonderful memories.
Attend a homeschooling conference. Teach Them Diligently conferences are great!
Seek veteran homeschool moms for support and encouragement. Check out Homeschool Basics written by two veteran homeschool moms.
Embrace freedom and flexibility.
Fill your kids’ love tanks before you start the homeschooling day. The whole day will go better.
It all comes down to eternity. Someday your children will stand before God. Don’t neglect the heart stuff to get the book stuff done. Remember the only thing vital is that they learn to love Jesus and love others. Everything else is secondary.

I still have ten years of homeschooling to go—after twenty-five years completed—I’m a much more relaxed homeschooling mom. Homeschooling has worked wonderfully, and I’ve graduated four students who are doing great! I’m so glad that God has taught me so much along the way.

Hope and Refreshment for Homeschooling Parents

Need more ideas and advice on homeschooling? Pick up a copy of Homeschool Basics. Receive tried-and-true homeschool advice from veteran homeschooling moms Tricia Goyer and Kristi Clover. We dish out practical help on getting started and staying the course. Homeschool Basics will remind you that the best homeschooling starts with the heart. Packed with ideas to help you push aside your fears and raise kids who will grow to be life-long learners.

Kristi and I believe that homeschooling can transform your life, your home, and your family. Mostly, we believe homeschool can truly prepare your children for the life God’s called them to live.

Don’t let doubts hold you back any longer.

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This post was originally featured on ForTheFamily.org

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Here is my welcome module to give you a glimpse of this course!

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September 25, 2018 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

Staying Strong When Your Heart Feels Weak

I’ve never thought of myself as a weak person. That is until the day I crumbled onto the floor of my bedroom, feeling as if I had nothing left to give. Tears had flowed earlier that day, but not now. I’d been trying to reach out to my angry daughter throughout the day but to no avail.

Although her anger was directed toward me, I knew I wasn’t the source of her mad. Her “mad” had built over the years: from early trauma, being put into foster care, and feeling like a burden, rather than part of a family, part of a home. And although my mind had compassion for her, my heart felt weak, as if it had been pulled out of my chest, wrung out, and tossed to the side.

Lord, I’m not sure I can keep doing this, I whispered into the carpet. I don’t think my heart can take anymore.

7 Prayers to Say for Your Children

So many times I find myself praying for the same things for my children.

That they are healthy.

They they are safe.

That they are obedient.

The other day I was reading the Bible, and I came upon Philippians 1:9-11:

I pray that your love will overflow more and more,
and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding.
For I want you to understand what really matters,
so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return.
May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation—
the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ—
for this will bring much glory and praise to God. (NLT)

As I read it I thought: This is a perfect Scripture to pray for my kids.

I’ve broken this prayer into seven days, and I found other Scriptures to pray too. Won’t you join me?

Sunday: Pray for love that overflows

Lord, may the love of _______ increase and overflow for those in our family and for everyone else. (1 Thessalonians 3:12)

Monday: Pray for growth in knowledge

Lord, may _______ grow to love your Word. May the heart of _______ trust your commands. May _______ seek good judgment. Fill _______ with the knowledge of your will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives. (Psalm 119:66, Colossians 1:9)

Tuesday: Pray for understanding of what really matters

Lord, may _______ know your will and understand what is right because of your law. May _______ not copy the behavior and customs of this world, but be transformed into a new person through changed thoughts and through knowing your perfect and pleasing will. (Romans 2:18, Romans 12:2)

Wednesday: Pray for a pure and blameless life

Lord, may _______ keep firm in faith, staying pure and blameless, until the end. May the good work you started in _______ carry on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. May _______ hold firmly to the word of life, so life’s labor will not be in vain. (1 Corinthians 1:8, Philippians 1:6, Philippians 2:6)

Thursday: Pray for the fruit of salvation

Lord, may _______ be like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. May _______ delight in the law of the Lord, meditating on it day and night. And because of your word planted deep, may whatever _______ do prosper. (Psalm 1:2-3)

Friday: Pray for righteous character and for a life in Jesus

Lord, may _____ be a peacemaker who sows in peace and reaps a harvest of righteousness. Lord, may your name be honored because of the life of _______. I know this is only possible because of your grace. May love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control flow of the life of _______ because of your spirit within. (James 3:18 2 Thessalonians 1:12, Galatians 5:22-23)

Saturday: Pray for glory and praise to God

Lord, may _______ produce much fruit so that you may be glorified. May the life of _______ be for your praise and glory, because of hope put in you. (John 15:8, Ephesians 1:14)

As parents, it’s important to pray for our kids, and I’m so thankful that God has given us His Word as a foundation to do just that!

More Resources from Tricia Goyer

Prayers the Changed History (pre-order today!)

Praying for Your Future Husband (for teens girls)

Whit’s End Mealtime Devotions (for families)

Balanced (for busy moms)

Download the printable and keep it near your Bible as a reminder how to pray for your kids!

@TriciaGoyer breaks down Philippians 1 into 7 prayers to say for your kids!

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August 30, 2018 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

Finding Quiet Times in a Noisy, Busy House

I share six ways I find quiet times in a noisy, busy house.

We have ten people who live in our house. Me, my husband, my grandmother (she’s 88!) and our youngest seven kids. Not only that, I also homeschool. There are always people around. There is always noise. And believe it or not, I’m an introvert. I thrive on quiet. So how do I find quiet times in a noisy, busy house? How can you, too?

Click here to read the six ways I find quiet times in a noisy, busy house on FortheFamily.org!

July 31, 2018 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

What’s Behind Your Child’s “Mad”?

As a parent, it’s easy for me to get upset when my children get angry. I want them to control their emotions. I want them to control themselves. But through the years I’ve discovered that one of the best ways to deal with anger is to figure out where it comes from. Once we figure out what thoughts are taking place in our kids’ minds, the better we can help them.

The best place to start is by simply asking the question, “What’s making you angry?” (You might be able to guess what makes them angry, but it’ll be helpful to hear their thoughts.)

Visit For the Family to see the reasons your kids might come up with for being angry, and how to help your kids through that anger.

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Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” Read full privacy policy here.

May 22, 2018 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

Creating a Happy Bedtime Routine for Kids

Want to learn how to create a happy bedtime routine? I share three tips sure to help you to create a happy routine that doesn’t leave you stressed out.

The fast way to get happy kids is to get rested kids, yet getting kids to go to sleep is often one of the hardest things in parenting. Just when we get kids to bed they want a drink, need a hug, or have to go to the bathroom. They’re up, and we have to put them back down. And the whole time we just want a little bit of peace in our evening.

Here are three steps to help:

1. Prepare for sleep. We have to prepare our kids for sleep hours before it’s time to go to bed. First, make sure kids don’t have caffeine in the evening. Second, it’s important to cut off electronics: iPads, computer games, and television an hour before bedtime. The unnatural brightness of screens makes it hard for the body to prepare for sleep. A body’s melatonin is released by darkness, and unnatural light makes it hard to wind down.

2. Set up a routine. Kids love routine. Set up a schedule that is easy. Before you start the routine, take time to explain it to the kids. For my kids, they always look forward to the snack, and then the reading time.

Here are some steps that you can take. We follow this routine:

– Give a warning 15 minutes ahead of time

– Relaxing bath

– Put on pajamas

– Snack

– Brush teeth

– Small drink and bathroom

– Diffuse lavender essential oil

– Give kids a chance to talk about their day. (I’ve found that if I give them 5-10 minutes to share about their day then they have an easier time quieting down during reading time.)

– Prayer

– Hugs

– Reading

I read a few picture books to my younger kids, and then I turn off the light and read a longer chapter book on my Kindle or phone in the dark. Most of the time the kids are asleep (or close to asleep) by the time I get to the end of the chapter. (See below for our favorite chapter books to help create a happy bedtime routine.)

3. Be consistent. It might take time for kids to get used to the routine, but the more you are consistent, the more kids will look forward to the routine. You will be able to look forward to a peaceful evening with your kids and after they’re asleep. After all, rested kids are happy kids … and that makes happy parents.

Favorite Chapter Books for a Happy Bedtime Routine

For girls:

The Little House series by Laura Ingalls Wilder

The Betsy Tacy Series by Maud Mart Lovelace

Anne of Green Gables Series by LM Montgomery

For boys:

The Henry Huggins books by Beverly Cleary

Wings of Dawn by Sigmund Brouwer

For both:

The Chronicles of Naria by C.S. Lewis

Mr. Poppers Penguins’ by Richard and Florence Atwater

April 17, 2018 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

Why Are Kids Impatient and Mouthy?

Too often I’m a bad example, and then when I find my kids impatient or mouthy I demand they change. Now.

I sat in the doctor’s office and watched as another mom hurried in with two kids. She made sure to let the front desk clerk know she was early and expected to be able to get in right away. She also let them know (about a dozen times) that she wasn’t happy with having to fill out the necessary paperwork for herself and her kids.

“I would have picked this up ahead of time, filled it all out, and made a copy. This is all the same information. This is such a waste of time,” she grumbled over and over again, making sure everyone in the waiting room heard her.

This mom’s kids sat on either side of her with impatient, frustrated looks on their faces, too. And while I don’t know this family I know two things:

1. Kids do what they see and…

2. Too often I act just like this other mom did. I have things to do, and I don’t like to wait for anyone. I also don’t like it when something unexpected comes up, robbing me of my time. And … when I feel as if I’ve been wronged—by anyone from a service provider or even one of my kids—I make my displeasure known.

Too often I’m a bad example, and then when my kids are impatient or mouthy I demand they change. Now.

What’s up with impatience?

Impatience usually comes because we have lots to do and we don’t give ourselves enough time to do it. We fill our schedules, and we try to plow through as much as possible so we don’t get behind. While this may look like a scheduling issue, it really comes down to our hearts. As parents, we base our worth on what we accomplish. And then we teach our kids to do the same.

We don’t trust fully that we belong to God and that we don’t need to do anything to prove ourselves. Instead, we set unrealistic expectations in our minds and attempt to live up to them. We act as if we need to do more and more. We live by the world’s standards and try to keep up.

What’s up with being mouthy?

To make matters worse, we not only run ourselves ragged but we get upset and impatient with others when they disrupt our plans. I may not share my annoyance with someone at the dentist’s office, but I’m quick to share it with my kids. “Hurry, hurry. Why are you so slow? Pick up the pace we need to get going …” I get frustrated with them as if they were the ones who packed my schedule.

Then, following my example, my kids end up impatient and mouthy not only with each other but also with me. I don’t like what I see and deep down I know I’m partly to blame.

So what’s a solution?

1. Tune in to Jesus and walk in step with him. When we take time to walk with Jesus we will be reminded of how valuable we are to him. When we feel his peace then we don’t have to strive to keep up. In Matthew 11:28-30 we read, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

2. Take a serious look at your schedules and trim it down. One verse that convicted me to do this is Ecclesiastes 4:6, “Better one handful with tranquillity than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind.” When I try to do too much not only am I overwhelmed but I mistreat others because of it. Look at our schedule. What can you strip out to make it one handful instead of two?

3. Realize that I can be the best example for my kids. When I find peace, treat others with understanding and care, and watch my tongue I’m training my kids how to act. If I want my kids to act right I need to start by acting right first. I know why my kids are impatient and mouthy, and with God’s help, I can help us all to do better.

July 12, 2017 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

5 Simple Prayers That Will Make You a Better Parent

Being a parent is hard. It’s easy to get focus on the daily struggles and frustrations and forget that each day is an opportunity to teach, guide and grow my children into the unique people God created them to be.

I often come up with goals for how to relate and react to me kids, but goals only go so far. I usually end up ditching them before one day passes. Instead, I’ve discovered the best action for becoming a better parent is sinking to my knees.

Below are five simple prayers that I’ve prayed, inviting God to change me so that I can change how I see my kids and how I handle each day.

1. Lord, give me new eyes. Help me see each challenge as an opportunity to train my children toward right thinking and right living. Proverbs 1:8 says, “My child, listen when your father corrects you. Don’t neglect your mother’s instruction” (NLT). Lord, this is a reminder that it is my job to instruct. I shouldn’t expect my children to understand right and wrong. Lord, help me not to let opportunities for training slip by because I don’t want to take the time to teach my children what is right and good. Help me to remember that the small things I teach my children now will be the foundation for all to come in their lives.

2. Lord, give me a new attitude. Remind me that any moment of the day can be a “start over” moment and a chance for an attitude adjustment. My bad attitude comes when I want my way or when I feel others are intruding in my comfort or peace. As Ephesians 4:2 says, “Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love,” (NLT). I know, Lord, that it’s impossible to be humble, gentle, patient and loving and have a bad attitude at the same time. Change me on the inside, Lord, so I can change my mind and actions.

Click over to For the Family to read three more prayers, inviting God to change you!

Want to be a better parents? Here are 5 prayers from @TriciaGoyer.

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April 28, 2016 by Tricia Goyer 3 Comments

4 Ways to Teach Your Children to Take Leaps of Faith

From the time my daughter was eight years old she told me she wanted to be a missionary. That’s sweet when you’re looking into the eager eyes of a child. Much harder is peering into the eager eyes of a young adult, realizing this was soon to be a VERY. REAL. THING.

Leslie’s plan was to live in the Czech Republic for a year and work with the local church. She needed approximately $19,000, a nice chunk of change to raise. Most startling was her approach. “Mom, I really feel that God is telling me not to do any fundraisers. He’s telling me that He wants to provide.”

My ideas of support letters, spaghetti dinners, and bake sales were dashed.

She just needs a dose of reality, I thought.

Then I felt my Father’s still, small voice. Isn’t this what you taught her to do . . . to take leaps of faith?

God’s voice stilled my frantic musings. Well, I suppose I had. And here is how you can teach your child to do the same. {But be warned: Faith takes just that—FAITH.}

4 WAYS TO TEACH YOUR CHILD TO TAKE LEAPS OF FAITH

Model It. I modeled faith when God called me to launch a crisis pregnancy center. I modeled faith when God asked me to mentor young moms. I modeled faith when I said yes to our first mission trip to the Czech Republic—leading a trip when I hadn’t even been on one! My daughter was with every step of the way, and she witnessed God showing up time after time.
Step Out of the Safety Zone. I always wanted to keep my kids safe, but allowing my daughter to attend a secular college in an urban area was hard. She was not safe. It was far from a safe area, and most of the students were bad examples! Yet I saw Leslie’s character and her love for God, and I told her she could make a difference. She did. The relationships she built still continue—relationships with those who would have never stepped into a church, except for their relationship with my daughter. I stepped out of the safety zone when I allowed my daughter to step into dangerous territory, and she steps out of her safety zone every day and realizes there is no place she’d rather be.
Become a Person of Prayer. We are weak people. We need God, and prayers give us access to Him. Through the years we’ve tried to pray for needs as they come upon us—whether it is the accident on the highway, the lady down the street, or our own failings. When we teach our children to pray, we teach them how to access the answer for all their needs. My daughter is a person of prayer because I realized it was the only way for me to be an overcomer in this life, and I told her that time and time again. And as she prayed she discovered the same thing.
Join the Jump. When our children want to take leaps of faith, we need to join the jump. Sending my daughter to an atheistic country for one year wasn’t easy, but I poured myself into being her biggest support and cheerleader. Does your heart pound when you consider what God might call your child to do? Parent, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and take a leap of faith, letting your child know that you trust God’s perfect will and that you expect Him to do great things!

Now, back to that fundraising, I’m happy to say that EVERY penny my daughter needed came in, without support letters, without spaghetti dinners, and without twenty-five-cent cookies. Customers at her work would slip her checks, and an international friend sent her a large sum. Money came in in unexpected ways from unexpected places . . . which means it just grew my daughter’s faith for the future callings God puts on her life!

Read the original post on forthefamily.org

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March 6, 2015 by Tricia Goyer 1 Comment

Have a Positive Outlook on Life . . . in 3 Minutes!

Are you a glass half-empty or glass half-full type of person? Do you always look to the negative or try to find the positive?

For many years I swayed toward Miss Negativity. I could have an almost-clean house, and I’d mope over the one area not yet sparkling. Or I’d read a dozen great reviews of my books and then cry over the one negative comment. For years I battled this, and it was only recently I realized how far I’ve come.

Through the years I’ve developed a habit that has guided me to to having a more positive outlook, and it has brought joy and thankfulness to my soul. My work and home life is better for it too! And the habit only takes three minutes!

See God . . . as ruler over all

As a homeschooling mom, support group coordinator, and author, I get overwhelmed often. Whether it’s a kid’s bad attitude, worries about one of the teen moms I mentor, or an impeding deadline, I tend to carry the world’s weights as heavy chains around my neck and heart. (Or at least I used to!)

One day, unable to function in the midst of all my numerous concerns, I rushed to my room, climbed under my duvet, and cried. Then, realizing the crying wasn’t to get me very far, I focused on God instead. I pictured God on His throne and Jesus by His side. I pictured those bowed before Him declaring, “Holy, holy, holy.” I pictured the earth spinning under His direction and His gaze of love looking down at me in my miserable state. And I imagined a look of love and compassion in His gaze.

When I climbed out from my bed, my heart was changed. My burdens were lifted, and I had a more positive outlook on life. And when I looked at the clock, I realized it had only been three minutes.

Three minutes reminded me of God’s place and His power. It took my thoughts off myself and my worries, and it put those thoughts on Him.

I’m sure my limited imagination barely grasped the awesomeness of being in His presence, but that exercise helped me. Seeing God—imagining Him—put my mind at ease. He is a great and loving ruler. My tasks and worries are tiny in comparison to Him! The next time I took my three-minute escape I pictured myself lifting my small concerns and handing them over.

First Chronicles 29:11 says,

“Yours, O LORD, is the greatness, the power, the glory, the victory, and the majesty. Everything in the heavens and on earth is yours, O LORD, and this is your kingdom. We adore you as the one who is over all things.”

Once we attempt to wrap our minds around the Lord’s greatness, power, glory, victory, and majesty, it’s easy to adore Him, and if we’re busy adoring Him, then it takes our mind off our concerns.

It also helps me to realize that God’s in control. He can guide me, help me, and give me peace. And He does all that as I fix my mind on Him!

Read the rest of this post over at forthefamily.org.

3 minutes is all you need to change your outlook. Find out how on @TriciaGoyer’s blog

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Need a more positive outlook? Spend three minutes reading over these Scriptures and picturing God on His throve. Then picture yourself, with palms facing up, offering all your cares, worries, and burdens up to Him.

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January 6, 2015 by Tricia Goyer 3 Comments

6 {Easy} Habits To Transform Your Year

Every year I think I’m going to do better and be different—about to-do lists, cleaning, cooking, and spiritual pursuits. I see where I’m falling short, but my efforts only last so long. That’s usually because I try to do too much. Can you relate?

My solution is to incorporate easy habits that make a big difference. None of the things on this list will take a lot of work . . . but each will reap big rewards!

Some weeks it seems as though I’m constantly busy, but I never get the important things done. Can you relate? Solution: Come up with the ONE important thing you need to do that day, and do it. It might be to make a phone call, to make a shopping list for the grocery store, or to spend an hour finishing a work project or cleaning out your closet. Making a long list is overwhelming. Also, we often get so busy doing the easy/urgent things that we don’t get the important things done. When you focus on the one important thing, you’ll be amazed by how much you’ll get done.
Are you ever embarrassed when you need to give someone a ride? “Please excuse the drink cups and junk mail!” The solution? Clean out the car every time you get out of it. You have to start with a clean car (of course). But it only takes an extra minute to clean out the car when you exit. We train our kids to do this too. Yes, crumbs and dust build up, but this one-minute habit will make you not be embarrassed when you have to give someone a ride, and you’ll feel good about it too!
There’s nothing worse than trying to figure out what to make at 5:00 p.m. Want to do better? Plan what you’re having for dinner while you make your breakfast. We try to have dinner together most nights. I’d love to be one of those people who has weekly menu plans, but I’ve never been able to be that organized for more than a week. Yet when I think of what I’m making for dinner, I have time to thaw and prep.

Read the 3 other habits and the rest of this post over at forthefamily.org.

Make your goals stick & incorporate easy habits that make a big difference. @TriciaGoyer

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