Tricia Goyer HomepageTricia Goyer

Living God’s Word One Step at a Time

You are here: Home / Archives for Foster Care

Foster Care

by 1 Comment

Live Your Life’s Dream… Inspired by God

No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him. 1 Corinthians 2:9 (NIV)

As a speaker, one of my favorite things to do is encourage the audience to “dream big.” Too many times we put God in a box.

We’re afraid to step out of our comfort zones. We forget that God created the universe and can surely He can help us with our small dreams. There are many dreams God has helped me fulfill: starting a crisis pregnancy center, leading a mission team to Europe, and writing books for a living, to name a few.

Since I’ve seen dreams come true in my own life, I like to encourage others to dream big. Yet, lately I’ve been adding a P.S. to my message. Why? Because in my good intentions, I may have led people to become discouraged instead.

One of the problems with the message “dream big” is that we let our human minds measure what “big” is. We think it has to be fame or success or a huge blog. We think it has to involve starting a ministry or sharing Christ in an atheistic country.

This doesn’t always have to be the case. What is “big” to God? The “big” thing to God is obeying what He asks you to do. You could become famous, make it big, and become well-known—and it would amount to nothing. Or you can ask God what big is to Him – you might just be surprised.

Many years ago, my husband and I felt God telling us to walk away from some of our ministry opportunities in order to adopt several children from the foster care system. I will not become famous leading family Bible studies, watching my kids play soccer, or carting kids to homeschool co-ops. But after seven adoptions, I realize that to God, these are big things.

What dream is big to God in your life?

It’s a question you need to ask. It’s wonderful to dream big… just as long as you are sure you know that the direction of your dream was inspired by your loving heavenly Father.

Faith step: Take a minute and think about the dreams God has been speaking to your heart. Write them down, even though they may not seem big to the world’s eyes. Now, what is one step you can take toward them? Write that down too.

Are you new here? You might want to subscribe to my email updates, or follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+, or Instagram.


Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

by Leave a Comment

Sleep as a Benefit of Homeschooling

Sleep as a Benefit of Homeschooling

I’d been a homeschooling mom for twenty years when I was forced to have kids in the public school system. I say “forced” because we had kids in foster care and DHS would not let me homeschool them. So for the first time ever I filled out paperwork and had to figure out the schedules of three different schools.

During this time I was homeschooling three children at home. And our new daughters were between the ages of 11 and 15-years-old. Suddenly, I had kids in homeschool, elementary school, junior high, and high school. There were many challenges. I had to figure out how to help kids with homework and how to communicate with various teachers. We had to figure out school lunches and schedules, but

by far the hardest thing to deal with was my kids’ lack of sleep.

You see, on most days my kids wake up around 8:00 a.m., and we start school around 9:00 a.m. This is a far cry from what we’d experienced when they went to public school. I usually had to wake them up around 6:15 a.m. and had to get them to school by 7:40. The mornings were chaos with everyone getting dressed, making lunches, and fighting. There was a lot of fighting because it was a big hassle to get everyone out of bed.

My kids were extremely tired because they often came home with homework. Sometimes we stayed up late finishing it. And on days when they finished homework before 8:00 p.m. we tried to squeeze in family time by hanging out. After all, we hadn’t seen our kids all day.

Sleep as a Benefit of Homeschooling

Because my homeschooling kids finish all their schoolwork during the day there is no homework at night. We have dinner together and participate in taekwondo. Then we hang out and everyone goes to bed at a decent hour. And then, they get to sleep in. With this schedule, my kids get 9-10 hours a night, which is what they need.

Years ago, I was interviewing a doctor, and she told me that most of the problems that parents have with tweens and teens have to do with lack of sleep. Teens are staying up too late and waking up too early. Because they are growing so much, tweens and teens actually need the same amount of sleep as toddlers. And when they don’t get it, they’re like a whole bunch of BIG cranky toddlers running around. I’ve found this to be true.

There are many benefits to homeschooling, and sleep is one of them.

By the time we start school at 9:00 a.m. my kids are awake and ready to learn. We sit down with our Bible Study and our Sonlight Curriculum. There is no rushing out the door. There are no cranky kids … well, if they are it usually isn’t because of lack of sleep. And for that I am thankful.

 

Are you ready to learn how to have True Homeschool Success?

Let me show you what has worked for our family for over two and a half decades. I want to share what’s given us the power so you too can lead your family through home education. Learn more here: True Homeschool Success

 

 

 

by 2 Comments

#WALKITOUT 010: Jason Weber

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | RSS

In today’s episode we’re chatting with Jason Weber.

Jason Weber, and his wife, Trisha, have been caring for children from U.S. foster care since 2001 and have had the privilege of adopting their five children from foster care.  Jason has helped to produce and write several books, bible studies, and other tools all created to serve churches as they care for hurting kids including the recent children’s book, Farmer Herman and the Flooding Barn (BroadStreet Publishing).  Jason writes a regular column for Fostering Families Today magazine and is the host of the Foster Movement Podcast, which highlights the stories of former foster youth and national foster care advocates.  Jason and Trisha were recently recognized by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute with the Angels in Adoption award.  Jason serves as the National Director of Foster Care Initiatives for the Christian Alliance for Orphans and currently lives in Plano, Texas.

I hope you enjoys today’s show. You can listen above or on iTunes! I’d love it if you shared with your friends!

Links from the show

Christian Alliance for Orphans
GoFundMe
Walk it Out Scripture Reading Journey
Adoption Resources
Farmer Herman and the Flooding Barn

a Rafflecopter giveaway

This Week’s Walk It Out Scripture
James 1:27

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

Connect with Jason Weber:
Meet Jason | Be Inspired by Jason | Foster Movement Podcast

Connect with Tricia
Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram

Sponsors
Walk It Out

A special thanks to Life Worship for the use of their song Wide Open Space for my theme song!

by 3 Comments

Just Because Gifts … Let’s Take the Time to Be Thankful

Just Because Gifts . . . Let's Take the Time to be thankful

Do you have someone in your life who has been a shining light? Someone who has given of themselves and really made a difference?

Whenever I consider who has been this for me, I think of my friend Christie Erwin. Christie is the founder and director of Project Zero. Project Zero’s mission is this: 1+1=0. One waiting child plus one welcoming family equals zero kids in foster care waiting for forever homes. Christie works hand-in-hand with Arkansas Division of Children and Family Services to accomplish this mission. And the Goyers personally know that this equation works.

Christie and her daughter, Cara, raising money for waiting kids.

When John and I felt called to adopt from foster care a second time we felt that God had specifically placed something on our hearts. We felt drawn to adopt a sibling group of two or three older girls who would soon be aging out. Why this specifically? In my work with teen moms I’ve seen so many young women who aged out of foster care and who were pregnant within a few months. Vulnerable and alone, they turned to young men for love and to create a family unit they didn’t have. They often found themselves in the family way, but without the love they were looking for.

Other young women who aged out of foster care also became victims of sex trafficking. We felt God telling us that we needed to do something to solve this problem before it became a problem, even in a small way. We couldn’t help every young woman, but hopefully we could help a few.

This is the first photo we saw of the girls—the one that never made it to the Project Zero Heart Gallery.
Click here for more information about Project Zero.

I shared our heart with Christie through an email, and she responded right away. Christie said it “just so happened” that she heard about a sibling group of old girls just the day prior. They’d just faced a failed adoption, but their adoption specialist still had hope for these girls. She’d contacted Christie in hopes of getting their photo on the website and Heart Gallery. It turns out the girls’ photos—a sibling group of four girls ages 10-14—never made it to the website. After talking to their adoption specialist John and I felt these were our girls. And over the next many months we worked to do the home studies and paperwork to make that happen.

Whenever I look at my girls—who are now 100% Goyers—I think of Christie. If it hadn’t been for her relentless work for the cause of the orphan we would have never had this connection.

I considered buying a gift for Christie for an upcoming holiday, but then wondered, “Why wait?” So after talking with my girls, we decided to get Christie flowers just because. We ordered a bouquet from ProFlowers, and the girls and I delivered in one chilly, February night. Christie was in bed sick, but she sent us a photo the next day with her thanks.

Who has impacted your life? Who do you need to thank? Who needs a Just Because vase of flowers from you? Who’s day do you need to bless?

It’s important to be thankful, but it’s even more more important to show our thanks in small ways. I’d love to hear who you’re thankful for and how you want to thank them! Today is a good day to show your thankfulness.

Who needs a “just because” gift from you?. @TriciaGoyer

Click To Tweet

Are you new here? You might want to subscribe to my email updates, or follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+, or Instagram.

Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” Read full privacy policy here.

by Leave a Comment

Ask Tricia | Adoption

Ask Tricia | Adoption

I get asked questions all the time. As a wife of twenty-six years, a mom of ten—seven having been adopted, a homeschooler and a writer of over 60 books people want to know how my life works. Here is one of those questions and my short answer. More to come in the coming weeks!

My husband and I are considering adopting, we’d like to know which type of adoption have you liked the most? —Elaine

Congratulations! Adoption is an amazing experience. For us the easiest, by far, was adopting Alyssa from a birth mom as a baby. It was also the most expensive, but having her since she was an infant has helped with the bonding. Also, she doesn’t have as many issues. BUT it’s also been amazingly rewarding to adopt from foster care and it’s completely free! (Also, in some cases families can continue to get financial support for the children until they turn 18.) All our kids were special needs in some way and it’s been amazing to see them finding healing on so many levels. We’ve found great therapists and we’ve given a lot of time, attention and love, but I wouldn’t change a thing!

Which type of adoption have you liked the most? #AskTricia @TriciaGoyer

Click To Tweet

Do you have a question for Tricia?
Email amy@triciagoyer.com with the subject “Ask Tricia”

 

Are you new here? You might want to subscribe to my email updates, or follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+, or Instagram.

Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” Read full privacy policy here.

by Leave a Comment

5 {Life-Transforming} Stories to Share with Your Kids

sometimesthemostpowerfulstorieswecansharewithourchildrenarentnecessarilyinstorybooks

In the last year my husband, John, and I have adopted four girls, ages 11–16, from foster care. When they first started doing weekend visits we learned a lot about them—their likes and dislikes, their hopes and their fears. How? Often something in our home would trigger a memory, and they would launch into a story. We learned about how they ended up in foster care, their first days of school, and the events that molded their personalities.

In addition to sharing their stories, our girls often asked us to share ours. It never failed that after they got ready for bed they’d want to hear a story. They didn’t want us to read from a fictional book (although that often happened, too). They wanted to hear about us, about our lives.

Throughout the last year, the stories have not only been entertaining, but they helped our children understand us and our family culture. These stories have bonded us and have helped our children understand why we became who we are. Have you shared important stories from your life with your kids? If not, here are ones to start with:

1. The story of your salvation.

Your children may think you always believed in God, never struggled, or never questioned your need for God in your life. Later when they have doubts, struggles, and questions they may think they are all alone. Share about your journey believing in Jesus and dedicating your life to Him. If you became a Christian at a young age, share about other faith steps as you grew older. How did your faith change and grow throughout the years?

2. A story of a vivid childhood memory.

It’s hard for our children to picture us a kids, yet it’s our childhood that shaped who we are. One vivid memory I’ve shared is how my stepdad dropped me off at the wrong house for a birthday party when I was 5 years old. I didn’t know the strangers and had no way to contact my parents. I ended up walking a few miles to my aunt’s house with the person from the house driving behind me the whole way. That story gives a hint about my childhood, and it also explains a bit of my independence. Finally, that story explains why I’m so cautious with my own children. It’s amazing how much about me can be explained by one vivid, impactful event.

Click here to read the rest of this post over at thebettermom.com!

The 5 life-transforming stories to share with you kids! via @triciagoyer @thebettermom

Click To Tweet

Are you new here? You might want to subscribe to my email updates, or follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+, or Instagram.

Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” Read full privacy policy here.

by 1 Comment

How to Help Foster and Adoptive Parents

how to help foster and adoptive parents

One of the most overwhelming times in my life is when we welcomed new kids into our home by adopting through foster care. Having them in our home was new for us, and it’s new for them. There were all types of fears and both positive and negative behaviors. I was weary, but my load was lightened greatly when neighbors, friends and our church family pitched in to help. We received some meals, a few gifts, and some gift cards. Even recently we’ve had friends and church members step up to offer childcare. (And childcare for seven kids is a lot!) Also, there were so many kind words, text messages for encouragement, and prayers. It really lifted me up!

Here are ways my friends were blessed, too. Take notes on ways you can bless foster and adoptive families who you know!

Friends brought over food, diapers and formula and other necessities while we got settled. Kids are often dropped off with nothing. Also, bringing coffee and doing meal dropoffs for our family were a big help. They didn’t ask … they just DID. Just show up! It’s hard to even know sometimes what to ask for. People who don’t wait to be asked are awesome. —Krystie

Friends threw us an “adoption” shower. We took the money and bought our three adopted kids a new wooden swing set. They enjoyed it for many years! —Sherrie

People helped by throwing baby showers, giving hand-me-down clothes, loaning or giving baby equipment, having a positive attitude and enthusiasm, and not treating our children differently or calling them “adopted children.” —Heidi

Our church prayed for us! Also, when we fostered, they helped us get clothes for the kids. —Becky

My husband’s job threw a shower for our first two kids. Our best friends threw a shower for first three. For the last three in my new city, my new friends brought meals for a week. —Karla

We are foster parents and my mom’s group at church made meals for us the first two weeks and donated toys and baby supplies. They have been such a huge blessing! —Charity

Friends just show up. We had a couple who came out to California where we were adopting and celebrated with us and served as a hand to hold after the emotional roller coaster we had gone through. —LeighAnn

My church threw me a baby shower. I had nothing, and we were surprised to have only 24 hours to get ready for her. Our family kept her so we could celebrate our first anniversary away for a couple days. —Laura

I remember when I was fostering and running a daycare, I had a local foster mom who offered to go to the foster Christmas toy giveaway for me since I couldn’t take the day off. She was like Mrs Claus delivering toys to my kids! —Lesley

Loved my child. I can still list the names of people who accepted my 4-year-old son with open arms from the moment he stepped off the plane. —Trisha

The most important thing in my opinion is having a village of friends, family and fellow foster/adopt families to surround you and your kiddos, for support. Fostering as well as adoption is a roller coaster of emotional challenges and to have a lot support is by far what kept us afloat! —Niki

Meals for the family is so helpful. —Shannan

Prayer was huge. A shower was very helpful, and just loving support was amazing. —Susan

The first week we got our children, people brought meals to us and gave us financial gifts, which was totally surprising but so helpful with all the costs we incurred setting up bedrooms, etc. Later, people willing to babysit, attend birthday parties so the kids felt connected, and most importantly, acceptance and love from others so they felt a part of our lives right away. —Julie

The system can be heartbreaking. Having other foster/adoptive parents as support and a sounding board got us through so many years. Others, even family members, cannot fully empathize, even though well intended. Prayer is the key for the daily strength and wisdom in parenting these very special kids. —Christy

We were very thankful that each of our children, adopted as infants, were always accepted as OURS–not as outsiders, not as someone else’s child or family member. Our church friends gave us a baby shower, which was wonderful! Everyone always accepted our adoption in the same way they would have a biological child of ours. —Karen

One adoptive mom wrote a beautiful note to our baby sharing how wanted she was and how prayed for she was. The perfect keepsake we’ll cherish forever. Other things that meant a lot:

  • Being excited with us was huge.
  • Loving our child immediately, even before it was final and safe.
  • Gift cards for diapers/formula, sharing baby clothes, etc. was a huge help financially.
  • Meals to help the first couple of weeks were a blessing.
  • Telling us throughout the process they were praying for us and asking for updates or asking to understand the process.
  • Wanting to visit but being respectful of time/holding/feeding especially at first.
  • Not expecting food/entertainment if they came to visit.
  • Offering to help with dishes (or giving paper products).
  • Financial support.
  • Celebrating when it’s final but being cautious to be appropriate if kids are older.

—Sarah

Respite care, meals, activities with individual kids, clothes, Christmas gifts, mentor individual children. Something that really touched me was when my biological kids were included, too… Their world has been turned upside down as well and it is nice for them to feel supported and treated similarly to their new siblings. —Kimberly

Friends washed laundry while watching my little guy, seven weeks of free childcare until he could go to daycare, watched him while I had a nap after being sick all night, praying over him, clothes given, furniture given, listening when it is hard, encouraging, and some meals. —Andrea

Our church enlisted some of us who have grown children and more free time on our hands to be foster companions. We shop, run errands, hunt down stuff, make phone calls, pray, and whatever else we can do within the parameters of foster care rules, in order to free the foster parents to do what only they can do. As a family, we have also included our nephew’s foster kids in our family get-togethers. —Betty

Prayed, listened, encouraged, let me cry, brought meals. —Tonya

***

As you can see these signs of care and love mean A LOT to foster and adoptive parents. Also, don’t ask WHAT is needed … just do something. Everything means a lot. I know!

How can you help foster/adoptive parents? Find out on @triciagoyer’s blog!

Click To Tweet

Are you new here? You might want to subscribe to my email updates, or follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+, or Instagram.


Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” Read full privacy policy here.

by 10 Comments

Introducing the New Goyer Girls!

Goyer Adoption Day January 11, 2016
Goyer Adoption Day January 11, 2016

13 questions to ask about adoption. triciagoyer.com

We are so blessed to officially have four more kids in our family. Making John and I the parents of 10 kids. Yes, 10 kids!

You can read more about their adoption here.

And now what everyone has been waiting for … photos!

LeslieHonzaWedding163
photo from Leslie’s wedding, May 2015—back row: Katie, Maria, Cory (and Chloe), Leslie, Honza, John, Tricia, Jordan, Lauren, Nathan, Grandma. front row: Clayton, Casey, Alyssa and Bella
0817150714b
photo in front of the house, August 2015—back row: Florentina, Jordan, Lauren, and Maria! Front row: Casey (making a funny face), Alyssa, and Bella

We also get a BONUS daughter, son-in-law and grandbaby!

Our girls have an older sister. She is married to Regi and they have a sweet new baby girl.

photo from Thanksgiving on couch, November 2015 We also get a BONUS daughter, son-in-law and grandbaby! Our girls have an old sister. She is married to Regi and they have a sweet new baby girl On couch from left to right: Regi, Lauren, Jordan Lili, Maria, Floentina, and Nathan on laps: Alyssa, Maya, Bella and Casey
photo from Thanksgiving on couch, November 2015—left to right on couch: Regi, Lauren, Jordan Lili, Maria, Floentina, and Nathan. On laps: Alyssa, Maya, Bella and Casey

 

We love these girls so much, and we are so thankful God brought them into our lives. Adopting kids from hard places isn’t easy, but we wouldn’t trade them for anything. I love how God places orphans and families … especially ours!

New the new Goyer girls! @TriciaGoyer #adoption

Click To Tweet

Are you new here? You might want to subscribe to my email updates, or follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+, or Instagram.


Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” Read full privacy policy here.

by 1 Comment

Adoption in Fiction and in Life

When I think about adoption in fiction and in real life, I realize God has been moving through my heart for a long time. Even before I knew it, He was weaving his love for adoption into the stories I wrote. Let me share more about how I came to see His hand on my words. I hope it blesses you!

Adoption in fiction and in life

 

Adoption in Fiction and in Life

Do you ever look back and can see how God is working and are amazed? Have you ever had a moment when you have an “ah-ha” moment and the only thing you can do is praise God?

That happened to me today. That happened to me when I was writing this post.

I sat down to write about a few of the books that include adoption. I was going to share first about my novel Love Finds You in Lonesome Prairie, Montana and the adoption theme. Its theme is very clear:

(1894) A young woman, Julia, was an orphan and she works in an orphanage in New York. Her life changes when she is asked to take children on the orphan train across the West to take them to their new homes. Her trip goes well until the last stop when she discovers she’s not only there to drop off the orphans, but she has a letter from a stranger stating that she’s going to be his mail order bride!

Adoption in Fiction and in Life

The theme of adoption is very clear in this book. It’s also very prominent in a few of the others I’ve written: Love Finds You in Glacier Bay, Alaska and The Promise Box.

In both of these novels, the main character is adopted and she must deal with feelings of loss and unworthiness before she can open her heart up to romantic love.

As I tried to consider if any of my other novels have adoption themes, I realized nearly all of them do! Some are novels I wrote YEARS before John and I ever planned to adopt. Realizing that (just this moment!) caused me to see God’s been working on my heart for a while, even though I didn’t realize it.

Some of my other novels that include an element of adoption:

From Dust and Ashes

Night Song

Arms of Deliverance

A Christmas Gift for Rose

All Things Hidden (and the other two books in the Home to Heather Creek Series)

Beside Still Waters (and the other two books in the Big Sky Series)

By the Light of the Silvery Moon

Adoption in Fiction and in Life

When you think about it, that’s a lot of novels for one author to write about an adoption theme. But it only makes sense, when you look at my home . . . there’s a lot of adopting taking place!

The first Goyer adoption happened with John adopted Cory. When we met in 1989, I was a single mom. So John has been there since Cory was a baby. John adopted him when he was young and we had two biological children after that. For many years I thought we were done adding children to our home.

As our older kids entered their teen years, John and I felt led to adopt. We adopted Alyssa in 2010 as an infant. In January 2013, we welcomed two children from the foster care system into our home. Their adoption was finalized in July of that year. Then, in 2016, we opened our home to four more children (all girls!) from the foster care system. Our home and our hearts are so full. 

I honestly believe my heart for adoption began when I started praying, “Lord, show me your heart” and “Lord, give me your heart.” As I prayed He did…

fiction in adoption and real life

This post was originally posted on inspiredbylifeandfiction.com     and you can read the rest of this post and learn more about what God taught me through adoption there.

Read about @TriciaGoyer’s journey of adoption in life & fiction:

Click To Tweet

 

Adoption in Fiction and in Life

My Big Sky Amish series has the theme of our adoption in Christ’s family. Marianna Sommer comes to understand the true peace of Christ through the struggle of moving from Indiana to living among the Englishers in Montana. Even though she faces trials, she feels the peace of God, like still waters, in her soul.

Right now Beside Still Waters is FREE on eBook and Along Wooded Paths is .99 and Beyond Hope’s Valley is only 1.99. That means the entire series is less than $3.00! I hope you’ll take the opportunity to grab this series. The sale will last from today, December 28th, 2020, through January 2nd, 2021.

Get the series here: Big Sky Series 

 

Adoption in fiction and in life

 

by 9 Comments

What It’s Really Like Adopting Teens from Foster Care …

teen adoption

As I write this, we’ve had our new girls in our home for twenty days. Twenty glorious, noisy, dramatic, wonderful days. As parents for 26 years, John and I are used to noise, to mess, and to drama, but adopting teens from foster care takes this to a whole new level … in a good way.

Currently, John is out of town for work and last night we Skyped with him. In addition to our new teens ages 15, 12, and 12, we also have three little ones at home ages 7, 5, and 4. So please picture six excited faces (mine makes seven) crowded in front of the computer trying to chat with Dad. From the other side of the world, John was soaking it all in.

“There is so much life at home,” he said with a smile.

That’s a good way to sum it up.

When John and I first thought about adopting again, we knew we wanted older kids who would soon be aging out of foster care. We also knew we wanted to adopt a sibling group. We knew that sibling groups are harder to place. We also knew we wanted some of those siblings to be girls, because girls are SO vulnerable when they age out of foster care. And while we thought in generalities, God had four specific girls in mind. (The fourth will be moving in later this summer.) We have no doubt God put that desire on our hearts for a reason. We can’t imagine our life without these girls.

So what is it really like adopting teens from foster care?

1. It’s emotional.

My heart aches when I hear about the pain in their past. I’m sad that I wasn’t there to hold them during hurts. I’m sorry they had to go through what they did, while at the same time, I’m thankful that I can hear their stories and attempt to understand. That sadness is mixed with excitement of discovering the personalities of each kid. There is joy in feeling the connections and bonds growing. There is hope that our family unit will continue to grow strong. There is love. Growing, intertwining, deepening love.

2. It’s dramatic.

There are many relationships that are interacting all at the same time. There are teen siblings who’ve been through a lot together and other kids in the family who are trying to adjust to all these new people, too. Each relationship has unique interactions, some I don’t completely understand yet. The drama comes from fun and fights, from pulling together and at times pushing apart. It’s as if eleven pinballs have been released into a pinball game at once and everyone bounces off everyone else (while staying within the confines of who “the Goyers” are). The drama isn’t bad. Instead it’s a sign that everyone is still getting used to everyone else. Even in this short time, it’s fun to see how individual relationships are changing and growing. (Then there is the dynamic of having twins! I never really understood the twin bond before. These girls are screaming at each other one minute and hugging each other the next. I’m in awe.)

3. It’s holy.

I can’t think of a better word to describe it. Despite the emotions and drama, despite the paperwork, the DHS visits, the check-ins and home studies, there’s a sense that this is good, this is right, and this new sense of family makes God smile. Those who were once not-a-family are now a family. Those who were orphans—wards of the state—are now cherished children. Those were apart are now together, with God in the center. His Spirit is here in the midst of the noise and mess, and He is pleased. I feel that pleasure.

Those are the three top things that came to mind when I thought about how this adoption is going.

Do I have any regrets in choosing to adopt teens? Not one.

Am I falling in love with these kids? Yes, very much.

Do I get overwhelmed and tired at times? Everyone would nod yes to this one. Mom does get tired and cranky!

Is it hard figuring out how to deal with teen issues in today’s world? Yes! Even though I’ve raised three kids to adulthood, raising teens today is different than ten years ago. Each personality is different, too. I’m still trying to figure it out!

Will I have to give up some of me to make more room for them? I already have.

Is it expensive? Yes, they eat a lot and like clothes!

Is it worth it? Yes, yes, yes!

What it’s really like adopting teens from foster care is seeing that God had something more wonderful planned than I ever could have imagined. It’s seeing His way of caring for orphans is hard but beautiful. It’s understanding that while we’re giving a lot we’ve been given some pretty amazing gifts. I’m so thankful that these gifts now call me mom.

What’s it really like adopting teens from foster care? @TriciaGoyer share her top 3 insights here:

Click To Tweet

Are you new here? You might want to subscribe to my email updates, or follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+, or Instagram.


Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

by 3 Comments

My Forever Home | A Reminder from Orphans

forever home

I know my writing work is important because I get emails, tweets, and Facebook notes from online readers. But God reminds me often that my ministry isn’t just online … it’s offline, too. There are seasons when the most important heart I can touch is within arm’s reach.

My ministry isn’t just online…it’s offline & in arm’s reach @TriciaGoyer #adoption

Click To Tweet

I open my arms and the small girl steps forward and enters my embrace. I expect her to be more hesitant, but she asks me to hold her. I cradle her thin, frail frame and peer into her blue eyes. Just five years old but her eyes are filled with stories . . . ones she’s not yet able to tell me. Maybe over time she will.

I thought of my life and became unsettled when my husband and I welcomed two foster children to join our family. I don’t think I know “unsettled.” Not really. Not like this sweet girl.

“It’s always scary going to a new home,” she confided in me just a few days after joining us. Tears fill my eyes as I hear her words, but I try not to let them show. The file the social worker gave me is three inches thick, and after reading the reports I discover our home is only one of many in recent months. Those homes were only meant to be temporary, but ours is meant to be her “forever.” Our words tell her that. When will her heart start to believe it?

She is the older one, and she cares for her younger brother still. She alerts me when he’s waking from his nap. His voice is barely a squeak as it calls for “Mama,” but she hears it.

I tell her that she can just be a kid now; I’ll watch out for her brother. That’s a concern she’ll no longer have to carry. She nods, but I can tell she’s waiting to see if she can really believe that, trust that.

Some of her emotions are hidden, and others are displayed too loudly, too vocally, too wildly. She cries over the smallest problem and then looks to me for help. I can read the question in her eyes, “Are you going to help me with this? And this? And this?” She wants to make sure. She’s has a hard time believing it’s true. Believing that I’ll be there. That I’ll care.

And even when she’s naughty I don’t get angry. Compassion seeps out. I know what she’s gone through . . . at no fault of her own. She was innocent and so many others have wounded her.

I open my arms to my new daughter. She has given me a glimpse of the love of God as I’ve never known.

I understand His love for me better. I know His compassion for me more. He knows the pain I carry, too, often at no fault of my own. And when I act out, or cry out, or reach out, He—my God—wants nothing more than to open His arms of love. And He CANNOT wait for the day when I’m ushered into His forever home.

I thought we were opening our home to help the orphans, but I am the one who is helped.

I’ve never felt so weak as a mom, unsure of my words and actions. And yet I’ve also never felt so strong, for it is God’s strength that fills me. It is His love that pours through me as my brown eyes meet her blue ones and radiate one message, “Daughter, trust me. This is your forever home.”

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for the sweet little lives you’ve blessed me with and the constant reminders they show me of Your love. May my parenting point them to you, the perfect Father. What a comfort to know my forever home is in your loving arms!

Are you new here? You might want to subscribe to my email updates, or follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+, or Instagram.


Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Verified by MonsterInsights