friendships

November 15, 2023 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

5 Simple Ways to Love A Friend Who’s Grieving {by Rachel Wojo}

You wanted to say something. Do something. Help in some way. But you just weren’t sure what to do. So you said nothing. Did nothing. Helped no one.

People experiencing grief need understanding and compassion no matter the reason for their grief. Whether the loss of a loved one, loss of a pet, divorce, or the list could go on, grief is experienced in various stages and phases. There is no right or wrong way; grief is a process of losing someone or something you love mixed with the reality that things will never be the same again.

How can you help a friend through this valley?

Today I wanted to share 5 simple ways to love a friend who’s grieving.

1. Give your eyes.

Be watching for ways you can help or suggest to others to help. A grieving person may not even know what they need. Look for a meal plan in place. Watch for things that you know need to be accomplished—like grass that needs mowed, a car that needs washed, or a bathroom that needs cleaned. A few years ago, I was working on a church Helping Hands team and each week, I cleaned an elderly lady’s bathroom. Every week she told me it was the nicest thing anyone had done for her since her husband’s death. Her pain was eased tremendously all because one person gave with their eyes and saw her need.

2. Love with your heart.

Filter your conversation to allow everything to flow with love. Years ago, I was honest about something with a grieving friend. She didn’t need my honesty at that moment; only I didn’t know any better. I don’t feel that our friendship ever fully recovered, though I really had the best intentions with what I had to say. Love a grieving friend with a bigger love than you’ve ever shown before. Be the one willing to give more grace. Use your words sparingly and make sure they are saturated in love.

3. Offer your hands to love a friend that’s grieving

The first time they may say no. But don’t let that hinder you from setting a reminder on your phone to ask again a few days later or in one week. “Is there anything at all I can do for you?” “Could you use a gift card to bring dinner home one night after work?” “Could I stop by and clean your bathroom on Saturday?” The simple act of making the griever aware of your willingness is a wonderful way to help and love them, whether they choose to accept your offers or not.

4. Be their feet.

Errands do not stop for grief. There is still trash to be disposed of, mail to pick up, groceries to shop for, and meals to cook. Helping a friend through grief is an opportunity to be their feet—the doing mechanism for all things routine.

5. Lend an ear.

Some time may need to pass before your friend is ready for a listening ear, but when that time comes, be the one who will be there. Listening doesn’t always have to be directly with our ears. Modern communication affords the opportunity to text a short, but intentional message. “I’m sorry you are going through this. Please let me know if you need someone just to listen.”

Listening is an enormous gift to love a friend who’s grieving. I believe it is such a gift that I’ve deemed it “the permission to ache freely.”

Permission to ache freely is simply allowing someone to grieve by giving them as much time as they need.

A huge part of that is stating that you understand and giving them space to breathe, never rushing the process.

Isn’t this what Christ does for us as Christians? He loves us so much that he died for us. But even after we’ve accepted him as our Savior, he tells us to come. He calls us to bring our burdens to Him and leave them there. He gives us the opportunity to choose His will, yet always gently shows us the way.

Maybe your friend could use a tool to help her navigate the emotions of grief or hurt. She needs to find a source of strength and discover the assurance that she has the ability to keep going, even when everything just keeps going wrong.

Maybe this post wasn’t meant to share with a friend. Maybe this post was meant for you.

Enjoy the first chapter of my book, One More Step, for FREE, or download the FREE Stepping Stones resource as a tool to discover how to find strength when you feel like giving up.

How do you feel about the “permission to ache freely?

More About Rachel:

Rachel “Wojo” Wojnarowski is wife to Matt and mom to seven wonderful kids. Her greatest passion is inspiring others to welcome Jesus into their lives and enjoy the abundant life He offers. As a sought-after blogger and writer, she sees thousands of readers visit her blog daily. Rachel leads community ladies’ Bible studies in central Ohio and serves as a Bible study teacher, leader, and event speaker.

In her “free time,” she crochets, knits, and sews handmade clothing. Ok, not really. She enjoys running and she’s a tech geek at heart. Reader, writer, speaker, and dreamer, you can find Rachel on her website at

Rachel Wojo at RachelWojo.com.

Additional Resources

You’ve heard the phrase Trust God. It’s easy to say but can be hard to do. But what if you did it. What if you did the things that God asked you to do and solely relied on Him? Women often pack their lives with family, friends, and faithful service, yet still feel empty and unfilled. Bestselling author Tricia Goyer has been where you are. She gets it and knows that the only way to live a fulfilling life is to walk it out with God.

Walk It Out: The Radical Result of Living God’s Word One Step at a Time is a resource that teaches women how walking out the mandates of Scripture will allow God to spark passion and mission within them. Goyer teaches women, of all ages, how to:

1. Use your healed heart to love and serve
Create space and craft purpose
Give generously without question
Be vulnerable
Truly love your family
Do the work that God has given you to do

This book is for women:

struggling with anxiety or depression
feeling like they lost their way and are living by comparison
who feel like they’re never enough and always too much
searching for ways to develop a closer relationship with God
raising families while facing crossroads

Sometimes the steps we take in our faith are easy, but many times they require a move outside of what feels safe or secure. When women stop focusing on their own dreams and purposes, and instead focus on God’s dreams and purposes, everything changes. Get your copy of Walk It Out today!

July 10, 2023 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

How Do You Build Deep Friendships?

Once a year, I am blessed to hang out with some of my favorite friends for four days on a writing retreat. As I’ve mentioned before, every year I get together with a group of Christian novelists to plot, play, and pray together. Each person gets one hour and fifteen minutes of plotting time. They share their book ideas, and everyone else helps them come up with ideas for their plots, characters, and conflicts. (Below I have links to some of the books we’ve plotted if you are looking for great, end-of-summer reads!)

While plotting books is fun, and I enjoy the time playing, the most meaningful part of our time together is connecting and praying together. Every evening after dinner we go around the room and share our lives—what’s going well, what’s not going well, and our deep inner struggles. It’s a time of confession. It’s a time of rejoicing. It’s a time of peeling back the layers and being completely real. It’s a time of knowing that I am loved even as I share some of my biggest hang-ups. I leave our retreat renewed as if my soul has just been given a long shower with lots of scrubbing.

It sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? Wouldn’t it be great to have more of those types of relationships? I agree it would, but the key to building those deep friendships comes down to one thing: T-I-M-E. We’ve been meeting together, praying together, and investing our hearts for fifteen years. In addition to our in-the-flesh retreats, we also have an email prayer group where we share everything from light-hearted moments to gut-wrenching conflicts. But our ability to share with open hearts only came after years of being real and building trust. Our ability to share the deep things in 2023 only happened because we were able to share the not-so-deep things in 2003, 2007, 2011, 2017, and all the other years!

Isn’t that how things work in so many areas of our lives? We get out of it what we put into it. When I first started attending this novelist retreat I had no idea what it would become, but I’m thankful. It’s also a reminder to invest in others. The wonderful thing is, when I give of myself to other trusted friends, I can experience other deep relationships, too.

Perhaps reading this message leaves an ache in your heart because you wish you had friendships like this. I encourage you today to just do one thing: reach out to another person today—someone you trust and want to get to know better. Then, reach out to her tomorrow and the next day. Take time to invest.

In our lives we can get busy with so many things, but let’s not forget the people God’s placed around us. My life is different because of the friendships I’ve built, and I can see now that every moment given to drawing closer to trusted friends has been worth it.

A few novels from Plot, Play, and Pray:

A Bridge to Haven by Francine Rivers
A Note Yet Unsung by Tamera Alexander
Love Without End by Robin Lee Hatcher
Fatal Vendetta by Sharon Dunn
Vain Empires by Brandilyn Collins
Arms of Deliverance by Tricia Goyer

June 12, 2023 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

Diverse Friendships | Why It’s Important to Be Friends With All Types of People

In an increasingly diverse and interconnected world, it’s essential to recognize the value of inclusivity and acceptance of differences. Our differences should be celebrated, not tolerated. Learning from people of different backgrounds and cultures can broaden our perspectives and deepen our understanding of the world. More importantly, to love others is to love God; to accept others is to accept His diverse creation.

Diverse Friendships

Why It’s Important to Be Friends with All Types of People

Last week my friend from the Czech Republic was in town. My kids and I went to lunch with her and visited an alligator farm. (Yes, there is such a thing.) Zuzana told my children there weren’t alligators in her country. She shared other things that were different, and the kids were amazed. We went to get frozen yogurt, and she taught my kids some words in Czech.

Ultimately, my children discovered that although Zuzana lived far away, we enjoyed similar things.

A few weeks before that, another friend and her daughter, who has autism, came to visit. Rachel is much older than my young kids, but they played together well. Even though Rachel can say very few words, one of my daughters started a game of hide-and-go-seek. Soon all four children were laughing and playing. My kids hated to see their new friend leave, and Rachel’s mom was so thankful they were welcoming. My kids can’t wait to have her over again!

It’s easy to gravitate toward people who are like us. Yet when we do this, we miss out on so much. Here are five reasons our children need to be taught to be friends with all types of people:

We can all learn something from people from different communities and backgrounds. There are no right or wrong cultures—there are just different ones. Children learn to appreciate others by being around them. Learning from people from different backgrounds and communities can broaden our understanding of the world, enrich our perspectives, and help us develop empathy and respect for others. Recognizing that there is no hierarchy of cultures is crucial, and diversity should be celebrated and embraced.
When we meet people ethnically, economically, and physically different from us, we discover how similar we are. Laughter is something we all enjoy. Love crosses boundary lines. Children, in particular, can benefit significantly from exposure to diverse communities. It helps them develop a sense of curiosity, appreciation, and understanding of other’s beliefs, customs, and traditions. Children learn that people may look, sound, or think differently, but ultimately, we all share everyday human experiences and emotions.
Our world is becoming a global community. When our children are adults, they will work and communicate with people worldwide. As the world becomes more interconnected, our ability to communicate and work with people from different cultures and backgrounds becomes increasingly essential. By fostering an appreciation for diversity in our children, we prepare our children to thrive in a global community.
Heaven is a place for all tongues, all nations. In heaven, there will be people from throughout history, worldwide, and from all countries. In heaven, there will be more people who are different from us than similar. How amazing is that?! The idea that heaven is a place for all tongues and nations emphasizes the importance of inclusivity and acceptance of differences. When we love and accept others, we demonstrate the values of compassion and kindness, which are essential to God’s kingdom.

When we love people different from us, we give others a glimpse of God’s love. When we love others with the love of God, others will take notice. They’ll see the difference and wonder about the God we serve. Ultimately, when we love others with the love of God, we reflect His character and values to the world. Our actions can be powerful witnesses to those around us, inspiring curiosity and interest in knowing more about our faith.

Start today by considering how to help your children have more diverse friendships. Everyone will benefit!

Takeaways

Diversity should be celebrated, not tolerated.
Our differences make us unique, but our similarities make us human.
Love knows no boundaries or borders.
The world is our classroom, and diversity is our teacher.
Our differences are our strengths, not our weaknesses.
To love others is to love God; to accept others is to accept His diverse creation.
Our diversity reflects God’s creativity and love for all His creation.
The power of God’s love transcends language, culture, and borders.

Prayer

Heavenly Father, thank you for the diverse and colorful world you’ve created. Remind us to daily celebrate that beauty and seek to connect with others from different backgrounds. Thank you so much for the gift of community and giving us a glimpse of what Heaven will be like one day!

Additional Resources:

I have a question to ask. So, how is your friend’s situation? If you’re like many women you might feel as if you know a lot of people, but you have very few close friends—you know the kind where you can show up without makeup or your hairbrush and know you won’t be judged. Maybe you’ve asked yourself, Am I the only one who’s lonely? Am I the only one without friends?

If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions, Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston, founders of the widely popular “Sister, I Am with You,” are raising their hands to say, “Yeah, us too.” In this podcast, we’re going to talk about what it takes to find a friend and be a friend. Hopefully, you’ll be encouraged, equipped, and reassured as you discover what it takes to build the kind of friendships you want.

It’s time you felt completely accepted as you are—from the top of your messy bun to the tips of your unpedicured toes. Let’s start making friendships a priority—together. And let’s do that by enjoying this podcast!

Click here to listen to this conversation with Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston