healthy marriages

August 30, 2023 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

Letting Your Husband Lead

I have to say it wasn’t always easy for me to let John lead. When he and I married in 1990, I was a single mom of a little boy. I was used to making all the rules, so allowing John to lead was really a struggle.

I wanted to set Cory’s bedtime. I wanted to set the rules for discipline. I thought I knew best; after all, I was the mom, and I read all the parenting magazines.

Over time, I realized Cory needed his dad to be a leader. (Otherwise, how would he know how to lead his own family someday?) So I stepped back, and John led the way. He was firmer than I was but also full of grace and compassion. He made our son toe the line, and amazingly Cory started acting better and obeying better, and all of our relationships grew!

It was harder, though, letting John lead me spiritually.

I was the one who listened to Christian music all day. I was the one who attended Bible study at church. I was the one who had shelves full of devotional books. I made suggestions of how we should do devotions, or pray at dinner, or have family worship time, but the louder I got with my suggestions, the more John pulled away. This frustrated me to no end!

I clearly remember one morning during my personal quiet time when I felt God’s whispers, telling me I was doing a horrible job at being John’s personal Holy Spirit. What?! I was just trying to help … wasn’t I?

I knew then I needed to pray—and to keep my mouth shut. So I did. And things got better. When I stepped back, John stepped forward. He didn’t do things my way, but he was leading and we were drawing closer to God and each other.

Even today, there is a struggle, but I’m working at it. These are things that allow me to help my husband lead on a daily basis:

Praying for God to give John wisdom and praying for my tender heart, so I’ll follow.
Instead of giving my opinion, asking John for his advice. He’s a very smart guy when I take time to listen!
Encouraging my husband when he’s making great choices. For example, when John suggested we read and pray together in the morning, I made sure I was ready and available to do that … even if kids were running around and dozens of other things needed to be done.
Providing courage. I’ve learned the men in our lives are often afraid of failing, so it’s easier for them to do nothing than step out of their comfort zone. I try to let John know I’m willing to stick by him and to cheer him on. I also ask what I can to do support him, and I try to follow through.

It’s also a great example to our kids as they see me giving preference to my husband, and they see John loving and providing as only he can.

P.S. That little boy? Well, he’s grown now, too. And he’s leading his wife and baby son, just like he saw his daddy do.

Are you looking to make praying together with your husband a priority in your marriage?

Give my book Praying Through the Bible in One Year a try! It’s a great resource for your own time alone with God or as a way to build a strong prayer foundation with your partner. God can bring real transformation into your heart and life when you daily commit to reading your Bible and praying through God’s Word. Praying through the Bible in One Year offers a guided reading plan and a daily prayer starter to help you make God’s Word applicable to your life. Discover the inspiration for real-life transformation. Get yours today here!

October 9, 2014 by Tricia Goyer 5 Comments

30 Cheap & Fun Date Ideas

Have your date nights turned into a routine dinner and a movie? Remember how much fun you used to have when you first started dating? I asked friends for suggestions and came up with a list of 30 great date ideas.

Spice up date night with a few of these ideas! @TriciaGoyer

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Download and print the checklist!

Click here for the .pdf

Here are some ideas to bring fun back into your dates — without going broke!

1.

My husband and I do bike dates. After riding our bikes for an hour or so, we stop at KFC and get it to go. Then we ride to our local park where we eat and play Yahtzee. It’s alot of fun. ~Suzanne

2.

You can put a different twist on the ho-hum dinner date by having one spouse kidnap his/her mate. I did this one time—kidnapped my hubby from work (I set it up ahead of time with his boss). Made him get into the car and I started driving. He didn’t know where we were going. We drove for well over an hour and pulled into a lovely lake-side park (I had scouted out the location weeks earlier). Then I pulled a picnic basket, packed with all his favorites, out of the trunk. I even stuck in a loaf of day-old bread for feeding the ducks. ~Connie

3.

Sometimes we like to send our kids to the grandparents, and get our favorite take out and watch movies at home. ~Erin

4.

Geocaching ~Betsy

5.

Star gazing. Watch websites like space weather or NASA’s Hubble pictures for a good event coming up. Plan ahead for a clear night, get blankets, binoculars, and, perhaps, a picnic basket of yummies and spend an evening under the stars with your love. ~Robert

6.

A local arboretum has night hikes once a month & then go for coffee & donuts. ~Lisa

7.

As recent newlyweds, the hubs and I have discovered that dates don’t have to happen exclusively at night. We combine a picturesque drive with either a picnic or a meal at a restaurant (often one from Diners, Drive Ins and Dives) depending on the budget and time constraints. We bring along the camera and take lots of pictures. Even if we only have a couple of hours, we make the most of them. ~Kathleen

8.

One time I surprised my husband by taking him to the local high school basketball game. It was winter and I just wanted to get out of the house without spending a lot—and the school was three blocks away. We had toddler children, so we aren’t plugged into HS sports at all, but it was fun to watch the antics of the high school kids and cheer on the school that my girls will eventually go to HS at. He totally didn’t see that one coming. ~Tabitha

9.

Barnes and Noble. Read to your heart’s content. ~Trisha

10.

A ballroom dance class. Bowling. Museum. Arcade/billiards. One of those ceramic paint-it-yourself places. Live music (usually free at parks in the summer). ~Sandra

11.

One year, I had talked about wanting to take ballroom dancing, but our funds were really low. My husband downloaded a bunch of free music into a playlist and found dance steps online, printed them, and put them in my stocking for Christmas. Free and thoughtful! Can even do it after children are in bed if you can’t pay babysitter! ~Sarah

12.

Our inexpensive take on dinner-and-a-movie dates has been fast food and then browsing through the free stacks of movies at the local library for a fun show to take home. Popcorn and chocolate milk round out the night with a fun but inexpensive treat! ~Arlene

13.

You know i’m super girlie and I know this sounds so redneck but going to a shooting range. Sometimes doing something boyish isn’t so bad. They have pretty guns to choose from and they have targets that you can play games on like battleship or hangman. ~Liz

14.

We often play miniature golf. Loser buys ice cream! ~Carrie

15.

A walk, that’s what I want, a nice long walk and some conversation. ~Jennifer

16.

Riding 4 wheelers or horses. And my son just got a Rzr, which is really cool. ~Pam

17.

We usual will go out to eat and then go to a local park with walking trails and we walk together and talk. ~Beth

18.

Going to the gym then hanging out in the pool & hot tub. ~Naila

19.

Can’t do this everywhere . . . but one of my favorite dates in the winter is a day on the snowmobile with my husband! It’s so beautiful and peaceful. I love it!! ~Denice

20.

Rent snow shoes and go for a walk! Beautiful, peaceful and a great form of exercise. ~Jane

21.

We’ve gone to a Home & Garden Show and then had dinner and talked about what we dreamed we could do; same with going to an RV/Camping Show and talked about “when we retire.” ~Cindy

22.

This takes some advance planning/saving: Take your piggy bank that’s been collecting loose change for a few months, empty it into a Coinstar machine, and collect the cash. The challenge is to do on your date something fun that will be covered by whatever amount of money you came up with…no more. One time we went to Walmart and each person had to choose the most random, funny item that cost half the amount of money we had. We compared, then the winner got to choose a place for dessert or some other small treat. We still have a couple of the items we’ve found! ~Alison

23.

Hubby and I will just jump on the motorcycle and take it somewhere new on a sunny day. We have also (when we were younger) taken the car and driven through some residential developments and “dream” with each other what our favorite house would be. ~Kelly

24.

We love looking around in flea markets and antique stores together, so sometimes we’ll each take a small amount of money (like $5 each) and we’ll pick something out for each other. We have to be sneaky while we’re shopping so the other person doesn’t see what we buy (kind of like Christmas!) Then we drive somewhere else and swap gifts–maybe over a cup of coffee or a shared dessert. You can end up with some really random stuff this way (and some fun memories!) ~Jayna

25.

We like to go to local museums and use the coupons out of the entertainment books. ~Celena

26.

Oh, that’s easy—something active. Like tennis, racquet ball, biking the Big Dam Bridge, or working out together is fun and can be quite romantic and physical. Always a hit with Jon and I. ~Jennifer

27.

My husband and I have great fun when we each take a digital camera and head outdoors for a photo shoot of nature, architecture, etc. In fun, we compete for who can take the best shot. We spend little or no money, and in the process, we find new ways to look at everyday things–including our marriage. ~Diana

28.

My hubby and I may go on an eagle sighting excursion … maybe something similar in the great outdoors. ~Ellen

29.

Community theater is great (and usually free if you volunteer to usher or help with concessions!). Also, a neighborhood coffee shop with (or without) board games. ~Helene

30.

My husband and I love to go to a pottery painting place and make mugs for each other (with hidden messages) or paint project that takes contributions from both of us (we made a turn table with several tiles) and we’ve made all kinds of things. It’s relaxing, we can talk while we do it, yet it’s not face-to-face which is WAY more up a masculine alley! ~Carla

Prayer

God, thank you for the ones I love. Give me the creativity to spend time with them and creatively invest in those relationships.

More Resources

Little Book of Great Dates: 52 Creative Ideas to Make Your Marriage Fun (Focus on the Family Books) by Erin & Greg Smalley

Generation NeXt Marriage: The Couple’s Guide to Keeping It Together by Tricia Goyer

Date Your Wife by Justin Buzzard

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June 12, 2014 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

27 Ways to Show Your Husband Respect

When John swept into my life, I was a teenage mom, and I saw him as a godly man who worked hard and made good choices. I could tell he loved God and cared for people. I looked up to him with respect.

Then came marriage . . .

It wasn’t that I stopped respecting John, but I saw more of his flaws. I also had more expectations. As the years passed, I was quick to point out John’s faults instead of his strengths.

We’ve had tough spots in our marriage. . . and I’ve learned that the harder I work to show my husband respect, the closer we become.

I don’t show my husband respect to manipulate. Instead, I respect my husband because I love him. And I know that the more I care for him in ways he feels respected, the more love is returned.

27 Ways to Show Your Husband Respect

Ask about his job. Listen to his joys and struggles at work. Thank him for working so hard for your family.
Invite some of his co-workers over for lunch. Get to know some of the people with whom your husband spends his day.
Attend company gatherings with him.
Ask your spouse about his dreams. What would he like to do? Where would he like to travel?
Offer to run an errand for your husband.
Send him encouraging texts throughout the day
Talk positively about him to others.
Don’t interrupt him.
Give him time to think. Don’t expect an instant answer.
Talk over your family schedule with him.
Work as a team to guide and discipline your kids. Keep a “team front” in front of your kids, and talk to your husband in private if you disagree.
Pray for him.

Read the rest of this post over at For the Family!

@TriciaGoyer shares 27 ways to show your husband respect!

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Daily Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for providing me with a wonderful husband who provides and cares for me. I often take him for granted and forget to tell him how much he means to me. Help me make a conscious effort to show him the love and respect he deserves. Continue to bless our marriage and grow us closer together.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Resources You Might Like:

The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller
Generation NeXt Marriage by Tricia Goyer

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