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How to Have a Fulfilling Marriage

I knew I wanted to marry John on our first date. How? Even more than my physical attraction (he was cute!), I was impressed by our conversation. John told me about his growing-up years, his time in the Marine Corps, and his hopes for the future. I knew he was someone I could share a life with. We have been married for over three decades and built a fulfilling marriage together.

How do you joyfully share a life with your spouse? More than that, how do you have a fulfilling marriage?

Here are 7 ways.

  1. Share memories: Memories give us a glimpse into each other’s past. I understand my husband better because of the memories he shares. He understands me better, too.
  2. Share dreams: Ask your spouse, “If you could do anything, what would it be?” The answer may surprise you. Allow your spouse to dream without thinking about logistics and cost. Pray about how to make those dreams possible … or other similar {smaller} dreams.
  3. Share hopes: Dreams look outward, but hopes are what’s tucked deep inside. What does your spouse hope for his/her marriage, parenting, and job? Ask.
  4. Share pet peeves: My husband is bothered by sticky fingers and toys cluttering the living room. And he overlooks a lot of things that drive me crazy. Little annoyances can be avoided if you realize that pet peeves are not big issues, but they matter.
  5. Share laughs: Laughter can help couples face hard situations with grace. Recently we added two new children to our home (adopted from the foster care system), and sometimes we were so overwhelmed that all we could do was laugh! Laughter helped us overcome a lot of battles together.
  6. Share prayers: A dozen years ago, John and I started praying together in the morning. Those prayers mean so much to me. I confidently face the day when I hear my husband’s whispered prayers.
  7. Share a mission: In his book The Sacred Search, Gary Thomas had this to say about a shared mission:

“The old cliché is all too true: a good marriage is the closest two people will ever come to heaven this side of eternity; a bad marriage is the closest two people in an affluent society will ever come to hell.

“Such problems usually erupt from trying to build a life together without purpose, without mission, without something that not only establishes a connection but keeps you caring about each other for the next fifty to sixty years.” Gary Thomas

What is your mission as a couple?

Come up with 3-4 words that answer this statement: “This is what we’re about …”

John and I focus on service, evangelism, hospitality, and making memories. This is who “we” are; our life and choices reflect that. I’m thankful that I have this man to share my life with. Now … what about you?

What do you share with your spouse? What is your mission as a couple?

Additional Resources

Generation Next Marriage | Tricia Goyer
A Conversation with Dr. Gary Chapman on Love is a Choice
How to Give Your Marriage a Regular Check-up
A Conversation with Amber Lia on Marriage Triggers
Resources to Transform Your Marriage

 

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14 Ways to Create a Joyful Family

14 Ways to Create a Joyful Family

14 Ways to Create a Joyful Family

Discover the power of a joyful family! Join us as we explore 14 tried-and-tested ways to create a joyful family. From fostering a positive environment to embracing gratitude, let’s pave the way for happier and more fulfilling family experiences.

 

I didn’t realize what a miracle it is to have joyful children until we adopted two little children who didn’t know what joy was. When Buddy (two) and Sissy (five) came to live with us, they’d been in foster care for over two years. They had a lot of anger, and I missed our joyful family.

Buddy and Sissy had been moved from home to home. Some of their experiences were positive. Others were not. During the first few months, we saw a lot of tears, a lot of tantrums, and very erratic behavior.

Need #joy in your #family? Here are 14 tips from @TriciaGoyer and friends:

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Thankfully through wonderful therapy, many prayers, and a joyful family, they, too, found joy. I asked some friends for tips on creating a joyful family and added a few of my own. Here are fourteen ways to teach your child joy.

  1. Model joy. Emphasize service to others as joy-building activities. —Gina
  2. Show him or her how much he or she is loved. Every day. —Karen B
  3. Be a joyful parent. —Beki
  4. Treat those around you how you want your child to be treated and how you want your child to treat others. —Kristil
  5. The key to joy is contentment. Teach your child to be grateful and content; joy will come as an extension. “The fruit of the spirit is love, joy …” —Dayna
  6. Model how to trust God and rejoice… in all circumstances. And make every day FUN! —Karen P
  7. Be joyful in the really ugly moments of life yourself so you can come out victorious and give God the glory. —Traci
  8. Find wonder in the everyday world around you and teach them about God. Being happy may be fleeting, but the joy of the Lord is our strength. —Jenny
  9. Celebrate their uniqueness. —Lisa
  10. Love them and love your spouse. —Ronica

I love those tips! Here are four more ways to create joy—tips from the Goyer home:

  1. For our kids, joy came with stability. They knew that we were steadfast in our love and care for them.
  2. We also didn’t make a big deal from little issues: Spilt milk? No problem. Loud voices? We can deal with it. As we remained controlled and steady, our kids found joy in realizing that their little mistakes weren’t big deals and wouldn’t receive severe punishment.
  3. We praised more than we punished. When we caught our children being joyful and kind, we’d exclaim over their attitude and deeds. They loved getting praise and wanted it repeated.
  4. Finally, we turned all our anxiousness and fear to God. When we give Him our care, we leave more room for joy!

Creating a joyful family is a process that requires time, patience, and effort, but the rewards are immeasurable. By adopting some of these tips and making them part of our daily lives, we can foster a positive environment where joy thrives. Our children can learn the skills and habits that will help them navigate life’s challenges with a positive attitude. Remember, joy is not a fleeting emotion but a state of mind that can be cultivated and nurtured over time. Let’s commit to creating and prioritizing a joyful family in our lives.

Takeaway

  1. A joyful family takes time, patience, and effort, but the rewards are priceless!”
  2. Joy isn’t just an emotion, it’s a state of mind.
  3. From patience to positivity, you can learn the habits that create a joyful family and make your home happier!

Love thrilling fiction? My book The Swiss Courier (that I co-wrote with Mike Yorkey) is for you! 

If you’d rather read non-fiction, my book Balanced is available on Amazon.

 

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6 Ways to Find Joy in Your Day {Printable!}

6 Ways to bring joy to your day

6 Ways to Find Joy in Your Day {Printable!}

As a homeschooling mom, I’ve had kids at home for 32 years. This means noisy days, busy days, and these kids-are-giving-me-a-headache days.

I’ve been homeschooling for 28 years and still have another seven years to go! Does that seem overwhelming? It would have been if I hadn’t discovered something amazing: JOY!

Over the last year, God has spoken to my heart and encouraged me to find joy in everyday living.

Joy, even though the laundry is piled high.

Joy, even though the kids are cranky.

Joy when work deadlines are pressed.

Joy when I have a headache when my feet hurt, and when I just want a nap. (Which happens often!)

But how do you find joy in your day?

 

Here are 6 ways … and a Scripture verse for each!

1. Thank God for each new morning.

A thankful heart goes a long way. Daily when I wake God, instead of looking at everything I have to do, I thank him for who I am and what I have.

Thank you, God, that I’m your daughter, and I have a place in your eternal home.

Thank you, God, that I’m a wife and mother.

Thank you, God, for the pile of laundry and all the clothes you’ve provided for us.

Thank you, God, for the dishes still in the sink from last night. We went to bed with full bellies.

Printable Scriptures - TriciaGoyer.com

2. Turn on worship music.

I love listening to worship music as I read my Bible and journal in the morning. I put on popular Christian songs as we homeschool. I also listen to Christian music as I write. I love using apps like Spotify or Amazon Prime Music to help me find great music. I also sing along! Singing songs of joy helps sorrows (and frustrations) to disappear!

Printable Scriptures - TriciaGoyer.com3.  Ask God to remind me what His kingdom is all about.

In life, I want to be comfortable. I want my house to be Pinterest-worthy. I want my kids to shine. But when I think about God’s kingdom, He helps me understand Kingdom Work. Opening my door to neighbors. Sharing God’s truth with young moms. Calling a friend who’s going through a hard time. Playing a board game with my kids instead of putting away the laundry. The Kingdom is about people and hearts–not tasks!

Printable Scriptures - TriciaGoyer.com 4. Seek the Holy Spirit.

When did I ever start thinking that I have to handle life alone? God has given us His Holy Spirit to fill, work through, and give us peace. Stopping to pray and ask for God’s Holy Spirit to help me makes a huge difference. The Holy Spirit gives me joy when I have none.

The Holy Spirit gives me joy when I have none. @TriciaGoyer

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Printable Scriptures - TriciaGoyer.com

5. Join the kids in praising God.

The best thing about having three little kids is that they LOVE to praise God. We have “Jesus dance parties” often. We put on kids praise song, clap our hands and dance and sing. They love it, and seeing their joy makes me more joyful.

Printable Scriptures - TriciaGoyer.com

6. Thank God for troubles.

The honest truth is that without troubles, I wouldn’t need God. If everything went smoothly in life I wouldn’t pray or praise as often. When I thank God for troubles, I remind myself that He has everything in control. As the Scriptures say, troubles are an opportunity for joy!

Printable Scriptures - TriciaGoyer.com

I hope you print and use these Scriptures in your day. I’ve found them very helpful.

Download here.

How about you? What do you do to find joy in your day? What’s your favorite Scripture about joy?

Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father, today I pray for my friend. I pray that she may find joy in you. I pray that Your Word will draw her heart to you. I thank you for your Holy Spirit that can plant joy deep in our hearts, even when there are struggles all around.

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How to Find Joy When Your Life No Longer Seems Like Your Own

So this week my family had 20+ appointments. I wish I was joking. Five kids have three days of therapy, an appointment each day. One daughter had a tooth pulled and a cavity filled. Four kids had their yearly eye appointments. And, finally, two more kids had doctor's appointments. I suppose when you have seven kids at home that's to be expected. They all need check ups. And, even though we knew that most of them had physical and learning disabilities when we adopted them, that's a lot of weekly trips.
So this week my family had 20+ appointments. I wish I was joking. Five kids have three days of therapy, an appointment each day. One daughter had a tooth pulled and a cavity filled. Four kids had their yearly eye appointments. And, finally, two more kids had doctor’s appointments. I suppose when you have seven kids at home that’s to be expected. They all need check ups. And, even though we knew that most of them had physical and learning disabilities when we adopted them, that’s a lot of weekly trips.
Then, there was my book deadline. I turned in my new book, and Monday. AND there was the news that I needed to do more work on it before the editor could even begin her work. BIG SIGH.
Plus, I have a horrible head cold, and my husband has been out of town all week. Gee, this is starting to sound like Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day!
The thing is … it was a tiring week, but it wasn’t a bad one. We’ve gotten to the place where a lot of our kids’ behavior issues are manageable. The house is a MESS, but the kids are happy. They’re getting a long, and they’re excited that it’s December.
More than that, there’s some good news too. I got some good news from publishers, from audio book people, from my producers. AND I discovered that the contract is SIGNED and my book Praying for My Future Husband, which I wrote with my friend Robin Jones Gunn, will be published in CZECH!! Since my daughter Leslie is a missionary in the Czech Republic this is wonderful news!
I also applied for a program that could possibly provide home help for Grandma (which is needed), and my daughter Maria got her GORGEOUS Senior photos done. (Example below.) As you can see, there were spots of goodness mixed up with the busyness … and just isn’t that how life is?!
There are many days when my life DOES NOT feel like my own. I’m a cook, a cleaner, a taxi driver, a teacher and counselor. I pour myself out each day and drop into bed at night exhausted. And then I wake up and do it again.
Yet overall, I have joy. How?
1. I choose to be joyful. I choose to smile. I choose to be gentle. I choose to be kind. I choose to not worry about the mess. I choose to be thankful.
2. I focus on the truth. The truth is that God is at work. The truth is God is not surprised by the needs of these kids. The truth is God loves me even if the house is a mess. The truth is these kids have a home, and someone who takes care of them.

As we sneak into December, I pray that you can find joy even when your life is not your own. I pray you can focus on the truth, even when life is tiring. I pray that even when your life isn’t your own, you’ll know that it is HIS.

 

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Rejoice | Philippians 4:4

rejoice

Saturday Scripture

Philippians 4:4

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.

Prayer

Dear God,
You are Alpha and Omaha, beginning and end! You are all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving. You are gracious, creative, merciful, righteous, and forgiving. You provide, heal, redeem, and encourage. My words aren’t enough to give you the honor and glory you deserve. May my thoughts and actions each day, each hour, each moment, rejoice in who you are and what you’ve done!

Rejoice in the Lord always: again I will say, Rejoice! #Philippians 4:4 @TriciaGoyer

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Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

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Philippians 4:4 — Saturday Scripture

 

Philippians 4:4

Philippians 4:4

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice!

Prayer

Dear heavenly Father,
Lord, help me be always full of joy in You. Help me to always rejoice—in any situation.

Always be full of joy in the Lord. Philippians 4:4

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Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” Read full privacy policy here.

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How to Find More Joy This Christmas

Are you wondering how to find more joy This Christmas? Does the thought of Christmas stress you out? Are you more focused on your to-do list than the true meaning of the season? Do you stay up at night worrying about how you’re going to do it all? Are you ready to know how to find more joy this Christmas? Let’s talk about what you can do to focus on the true meaning of the season this year, friends.

 

How to Find More Joy This Christmas

I spent many years struggling with holiday anxiety–worrying about all the things I wasn’t doing “right”. The thought of Christmas brought dread, not joy. Then one year I decided to make a change. What’s the use of spending hours baking when I was cranky with my family? What was the point of attending tons of holiday events when I didn’t have time to celebrate simple, holiday traditions? That’s when I decided not to let myself get wrapped up with the busyness and instead, I began to focus on what would bring joy to my Christmas. Here are five ways to do that:

1. Focus on three favorite Christmas traditions, instead of trying to do everything.

Trying to do everything will make you tired and overwhelmed. By choosing your favorite traditions you can take time to really enjoy them. The three traditions we chose were decorating the Christmas tree together, driving around to look at Christmas lights, and decorating sugar cookies. Focusing on a few simple things was more fun for everyone.

2. Lower your expectations.

In our minds, we picture our time together as a family reflective of those holiday Hallmark commercials, and we’re highly disappointed when they don’t turn out that way. Realize that your kids will be messy when making cookies. Know that your opinionated aunt will still be opinionated at those holiday gatherings. Try to be realistic when making plans, instead of being a disappointment in the long run.

3. Put away your wallet and connect with your heart.

Instead of spending hours hunting down the perfect gift, spend that time with your kids. Kids love time with their parents playing and laughing. Let them choose the game or activity. Pick a holiday movie to watch together. Get on the floor and build a Santa’s workshop with Legos. Dance to your favorite holiday songs.

4. Focus on the true meaning of the season.

Too often we get distracted from what Christmas is all about. During the weeks before Christmas the one thing that settles my soul is centering my thoughts on Jesus. I do this through daily Bible reading and prayer. One great reading plan is FREE from BibleStudyTools.com. I love this plan because it includes Scriptures from the Old and New Testaments.

5. Memorize a Scripture verse. 

Whenever frantic thoughts try to invade you this season replace them with God’s truth. Here’s a verse to memorize: “For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace,” Isaiah 9:6 (NLT). Plant God’s Word in your heart and pull it up whenever you feel yourself becoming worried or fretful. God’s Word reminds us who the true gift of Christmas is. We can remember no matter what we have or don’t have this holiday season the gift of Jesus is always available, always free, and always just what we need to bring us joy.

How about you? What brings you Christmas joy?

Share your answer with me in the comments!

This post originally appeared at thebettermom.com

Don’t let the busyness of the season take away joy! Here are 5 ways how via @triciagoyer

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Clap for Joy! | Psalm 47:1

Clap for joy! Psalm 47:1

Saturday Scripture

Psalm 47:1

Come, everyone, and clap your hands for joy! Shout to God with joyful praise!

Prayer

Heavenly Father,
You are so good! I have endless reasons to celebrate and they are all because of you. Thank you for saving me, for your limitless grace, your creativity, your power, for your Word, for community with others, and so much more. You have blessed me more than I can fully know. May my life be a reflection of the joy and love I have because of YOU!

Clap your hands for joy! @TriciaGoyer’s verse of the week is Psalm 47:1

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Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” Read full privacy policy here.

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Joy in Your Presence | Psalm 16:11

psalm

Saturday Scripture

 

Psalm 16:11

You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

 

Prayer

Papa God, thank you for guiding me through this life. Help me cling to your Word and rely on the Holy Spirit for wisdom. In you, there is overwhelming and glorious joy!

You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence #psalm @TriciaGoyer

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Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

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Jesus Is the Key to Joy

joy

My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, Lord, I will seek. Psalm 27:8

Are you discouraged today? Is your to-do list long enough to wrap around the state of Arkansas five times? Our discouragement always comes from chasing something—chasing order, chasing enough money to get a little bit ahead, or chasing a sense of accomplishment.

We may chase accomplishments, or peace, or the dream life we’ve always wanted, but the thing is, in this life we’ll never catch what we’re chasing. Ask any actor if he’s had enough fame. Ask any billionaire if he’s content with his bank account. Ask any model if she’s happy with her body just the way it is.

Our souls are made for eternity—for a relationship with Jesus. @TriciaGoyer

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Our souls are made for eternity, for heaven, and for a relationship with Jesus. Our heart wants to connect with the One Who will make all the difference, yet the lures of this world draw us away. Author Jennie Allen says, “God is the only thing we will chase that doesn’t make us feel more empty.”

Pause for a moment and consider heaven. Think of the gates of pearl, the choirs of angels, and the throne where the Almighty sits. Can you picture the splendor and glory? It’s awe-inspiring, isn’t it? Then consider that what you imagine doesn’t come even close to the real thing.

Now think about what this world tells us to seek. The shiniest car on earth pales to the roads we’ll walk on in eternity. The finest meal looks like a sack lunch compared to Jesus’s banqueting table. The largest house on earth is a shack compared to Jesus’s home. And any praise you can receive will be like grumbling and mumbling when you think about Jesus’s eye meeting yours and His voice raising, “Well done, good and faithful servant!”mwj_2015_3d_nospine

What can you chase on earth that will bring you happiness? Jesus alone.

Faith step: Write a list of things you’d like to have and do on earth. Look over your list and then cross every item out, writing at the top: “Lord, Your face will I seek.”

 Read the original post at Guideposts.org. Want more devotions? Check out Mornings with Jesus 2015.

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Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

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Dear Weary Mom, Find the Joy

tricia

I’ve been changing diapers for twenty-four years. My oldest son is twenty-four, and the youngest of my kids is two years old. That’s many years of tantrums and defiant “no’s,” of not getting enough sleep and picking up toys, lots of toys. That’s many years of feeling run down and tired. It’s enough to make me weary.

Yet there is a reason my husband and I decided to adopt three little ones because along with the hard stuff, there is joy, too. And that’s the important thing . . . to focus on the joy. And sometimes that means hunting it down.

Yes there are tantrums, but there are also tickles. There are smiles that (can) beat out the tears. And even on weary days it’s important to focus on the bright spots, and often this starts with my thoughts.

Read the rest of this blog here!

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