I knew I wanted to marry John on our first date. How? Even more than my physical attraction (he was cute!), I was impressed by our conversation. John told me about his growing-up years, his time in the Marine Corps, and his hopes for the future. I knew he was someone I could share a life with. We have been married for over three decades and built a fulfilling marriage together.

How do you joyfully share a life with your spouse? More than that, how do you have a fulfilling marriage?

Here are 7 ways.

Share memories: Memories give us a glimpse into each other’s past. I understand my husband better because of the memories he shares. He understands me better, too.
Share dreams: Ask your spouse, “If you could do anything, what would it be?” The answer may surprise you. Allow your spouse to dream without thinking about logistics and cost. Pray about how to make those dreams possible … or other similar {smaller} dreams.
Share hopes: Dreams look outward, but hopes are what’s tucked deep inside. What does your spouse hope for his/her marriage, parenting, and job? Ask.
Share pet peeves: My husband is bothered by sticky fingers and toys cluttering the living room. And he overlooks a lot of things that drive me crazy. Little annoyances can be avoided if you realize that pet peeves are not big issues, but they matter.
Share laughs: Laughter can help couples face hard situations with grace. Recently we added two new children to our home (adopted from the foster care system), and sometimes we were so overwhelmed that all we could do was laugh! Laughter helped us overcome a lot of battles together.
Share prayers: A dozen years ago, John and I started praying together in the morning. Those prayers mean so much to me. I confidently face the day when I hear my husband’s whispered prayers.
Share a mission: In his book The Sacred Search, Gary Thomas had this to say about a shared mission:

“The old cliché is all too true: a good marriage is the closest two people will ever come to heaven this side of eternity; a bad marriage is the closest two people in an affluent society will ever come to hell.

“Such problems usually erupt from trying to build a life together without purpose, without mission, without something that not only establishes a connection but keeps you caring about each other for the next fifty to sixty years.” Gary Thomas

What is your mission as a couple?

Come up with 3-4 words that answer this statement: “This is what we’re about …”

John and I focus on service, evangelism, hospitality, and making memories. This is who “we” are; our life and choices reflect that. I’m thankful that I have this man to share my life with. Now … what about you?

What do you share with your spouse? What is your mission as a couple?

Additional Resources

Generation Next Marriage | Tricia Goyer
A Conversation with Dr. Gary Chapman on Love is a Choice
How to Give Your Marriage a Regular Check-up
A Conversation with Amber Lia on Marriage Triggers
Resources to Transform Your Marriage

14 Ways to Create a Joyful Family

Discover the power of a joyful family! Join us as we explore 14 tried-and-tested ways to create a joyful family. From fostering a positive environment to embracing gratitude, let’s pave the way for happier and more fulfilling family experiences.

I didn’t realize what a miracle it is to have joyful children until we adopted two little children who didn’t know what joy was. When Buddy (two) and Sissy (five) came to live with us, they’d been in foster care for over two years. They had a lot of anger, and I missed our joyful family.

Buddy and Sissy had been moved from home to home. Some of their experiences were positive. Others were not. During the first few months, we saw a lot of tears, a lot of tantrums, and very erratic behavior.

Need #joy in your #family? Here are 14 tips from @TriciaGoyer and friends:

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Thankfully through wonderful therapy, many prayers, and a joyful family, they, too, found joy. I asked some friends for tips on creating a joyful family and added a few of my own. Here are fourteen ways to teach your child joy.

Model joy. Emphasize service to others as joy-building activities. —Gina
Show him or her how much he or she is loved. Every day. —Karen B
Be a joyful parent. —Beki
Treat those around you how you want your child to be treated and how you want your child to treat others. —Kristil
The key to joy is contentment. Teach your child to be grateful and content; joy will come as an extension. “The fruit of the spirit is love, joy …” —Dayna
Model how to trust God and rejoice… in all circumstances. And make every day FUN! —Karen P
Be joyful in the really ugly moments of life yourself so you can come out victorious and give God the glory. —Traci
Find wonder in the everyday world around you and teach them about God. Being happy may be fleeting, but the joy of the Lord is our strength. —Jenny
Celebrate their uniqueness. —Lisa
Love them and love your spouse. —Ronica

I love those tips! Here are four more ways to create joy—tips from the Goyer home:

For our kids, joy came with stability. They knew that we were steadfast in our love and care for them.
We also didn’t make a big deal from little issues: Spilt milk? No problem. Loud voices? We can deal with it. As we remained controlled and steady, our kids found joy in realizing that their little mistakes weren’t big deals and wouldn’t receive severe punishment.
We praised more than we punished. When we caught our children being joyful and kind, we’d exclaim over their attitude and deeds. They loved getting praise and wanted it repeated.
Finally, we turned all our anxiousness and fear to God. When we give Him our care, we leave more room for joy!

Creating a joyful family is a process that requires time, patience, and effort, but the rewards are immeasurable. By adopting some of these tips and making them part of our daily lives, we can foster a positive environment where joy thrives. Our children can learn the skills and habits that will help them navigate life’s challenges with a positive attitude. Remember, joy is not a fleeting emotion but a state of mind that can be cultivated and nurtured over time. Let’s commit to creating and prioritizing a joyful family in our lives.

Takeaway

A joyful family takes time, patience, and effort, but the rewards are priceless!”
Joy isn’t just an emotion, it’s a state of mind.
From patience to positivity, you can learn the habits that create a joyful family and make your home happier!

Love thrilling fiction? My book The Swiss Courier (that I co-wrote with Mike Yorkey) is for you!

If you’d rather read non-fiction, my book Balanced is available on Amazon.