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The Flicker of an Old Flame

 

I loved my husband and we had such a happy marriage, why then did my heart leap and I feel the flicker of an old flame when I opened my email and saw who it was from?

I worked at my desk, noting flakes of snow fluttering down outside my office window. On the windowsill, a family photograph warmed my heart. The “you’ve-got-mail” chime sounded, and I glanced at my email. Scanning the name, my heartbeat quickened. Steven, my first boyfriend. My first kiss. My first everything. I opened the email:

“Hi, Trish, I found you on this classmate site. Remember me? I’d love to reconnect.”

A few years after Steven and I ended our relationship, I became a Christian. I’d married a wonderful man, and we had three great kids. Yet right away, my curiosity about Steven—and my longing to reconnect—surprised me. Why did I feel the flicker of an old flame, when I was so happy with my John?

Someone Help Me

Steven and I emailed each other a few times that day, sharing about our lives and families. And that night, when I didn’t want to mention our communication to my husband, John, I knew there was a problem.

The second day, Steven admitted he was getting a divorce, confessed he’d never stopped caring for me, and told me he’d named his daughter after me. I was flattered. My chest warmed. And I knew all communication had to stop. I needed help.

I turned to my closest friends for help, spilling the details and confessing that I needed their prayer. They filled my inbox with Scripture verses, notes of concern, and similar stories. I was surprised by how many others had struggled with the flicker of an old flame at one time or another.

True Confessions

Feeling the strength of my friends’ support, on the third day, I approached John. I told him about Steven and confessed that the emails had stirred up old emotions.

John held me, he cried, then he did something I’ll never forget: He took my hands and prayed for me. He prayed that I would be strong and that God would heal my heart and that I would understand how much I was loved and adored by my family, especially him.

Even though feelings for Steven lingered, I’d never felt so loved by John. It’s one thing to do everything right and feel appreciated by my husband; it’s another to feel weak and confused yet see the obvious love in John’s eyes.

Revealing the Past

After talking with John, I emailed Steven and told him that I loved my husband. I put an end to all communication with Steven. The emails stopped, but the memories lingered. It was as though a memory box hidden deep in my heart had been reopened and its contents refused to be stuffed back inside. I prayed God would take the memories away, but I felt alone as I fought against them.

One night, my friends joined me for prayer, and afterward, I realized I’d been trying to hide my past from God. Sure, I’d confessed my sins after giving my heart to Christ, but I hadn’t specifically confessed this relationship. And I hadn’t confessed how much I still wanted to be adored by this person.

That night as I lay in bed, in my mind’s eye, I took Jesus’ hand and walked through those memories. With God’s help, I saw myself as a young, vulnerable teen who wanted to feel beautiful and loved. I wept as I realized Jesus had been right there waiting for me to turn to Him.

With each memory, I asked Jesus to give me an undivided heart for Him and my husband.

Guarding my Heart

Because we live in a world where we can Google anyone at any time, I now take steps to guard my heart. I tell John about contacts with people from my past, no matter how innocent. I also avoid building close friendships with anyone of the opposite sex.

I’ve continued to ask Jesus to filter my heart, praying Psalm 139:23-24,

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Yes, I was forgiven for the things I’d done, but Jesus didn’t want me to ignore the past. He wanted to redeem those experiences, to heal me.

The Flicker of an Old Flame

 

Nearly 25 years have passed since that day when I got the email. While the struggle was hard, today my prayer is the same that David prayed in Psalm 30:2, “O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.”

Steps You Can Take in Dealing With the Flicker of an Old Flame

  1. Pray for strength.
  2. Let your spouse know the whole story.
  3. Ask your friends to pray for you and to encourage you.
  4. Guard your heart and avoid building close relationships with those of the opposite sex.

Steps You Can Take in Dealing With the Flicker of an Old Flame

 

Daily Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father, 

Thank you for my marriage and for my spouse. Help me to continue to guard my heart and to keep it for you, for my husband, and for my family. Thank you for your gift of forgiveness and love.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen

 

Additional Resources

How to Give Your Marriage a Regular Check Up
Don’t Give Up Too Soon on Your Marriage
Kim Kardashian’s 72-Day Marriage
Generation Next: Marriage | Tricia Goyer

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Writer’s Desk: Dannah Gresh

Writer’s Desk with Dannah Gresh

Dannah Gresh is a best-selling author and sought-after speaker. Her best-selling titles include And the Bride Wore White, Lies Young Women Believe co-authored with Nancy Leigh DeMoss, and Lies Girls Believe. Dannah is the co-host of Revive Our Hearts, a daily podcast for women, and the founder of True Girl, which provides mom+daughter connection tools including the True Girl podcast.

Dannah has sold over 2 million books and reaches women and girls in more than 100 countries. She and her husband Bob live in State College, Pennsylvania on a small farm that could be confused as a petting zoo. Horses, llamas, peacocks, chickens, goats, dogs, and cats abound. The family pastime is chasing whoever— or whatever—might be loose.

Connect with Dannah on her website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and sign up for her newsletter.

More about Happily Even After

Is happily-ever-after a myth—or can you experience something even better?

Couples don’t ride off into the sunset after their honeymoon. The truth is marriage is hard. Maybe you’re in a place where you’re feeling that. You might even feel like this is the end.

Bob and Dannah Gresh have been there. But they decided to participate in God’s redemption story. Together they discovered something better than romance: a love that endures.

Whether your relationship is suffering from pornography, addiction, an affair, or just years of unhappiness, Jesus Christ can help you redeem the broken places of your marriage. In Happily Even After, Dannah is a friend who walks beside you and helps you:

  • stop pretending everything is okay
  • strengthen yourself in the Lord
  • fight for your husband instead of with him
  • discover 7 essential beliefs every marriage needs to survive broken places
  • participate in your husband’s redemption story

Dannah demonstrates how to forgive, live with joy, and hold your head high while you participate in His redemption story for your husband. You may feel like your story is over, but no one writes better—or happier—endings than Jesus.

Purchase a copy of Happily Even After here.

Scroll below to find out how you can enter to win one of five copies of Happily Even After! 

Q&A with Dannah Gresh

TG: Everyone always asks for an interesting fact, we’re going to flip the question. What is one boring fact about yourself?

DG: There are more boring than interesting facts about me. But I really like being home on a Friday night. How’s that for boring?

TG: Why did you write Happily Even After?

DG: Between 60-70% of men in the church could be classified by what the recovery world would say is sex addicts. While there are lots of books for those men, there are very few strong, biblically-based books for their wives. When I walked through this hardship with my own husband, I craved a guidebook that was full of God’s Truth and also compassionate and clinically informed. I needed help understanding my husband’s battle and my pain. And courage to rise up and become a victor.

TG: Did you have any surprises or learning moments while writing this title?

DG: In 2017, Bob and I shared our story for the first time publicly at an event for about 3,000 women. And for three hours women lined up hoping to talk with us about their own husband’s battle with lust and pornography! Bob said, “I knew then that this book needed to be written.”

I mean, you hear the stats but to see the tear-stained faces of women who needed hope culminated in a change in our hearts. We had reluctantly approached that first public testimony, but now we’re eager to see hearts experience the freedom and redemption that we have known through Jesus Christ!

TG: What do you hope readers take away from your book?

DG: Rather than pursuing “recovery,” we hope couples will pursue God’s redemption. Recovery patches up the damaged pieces of your relationship. But through Jesus Christ, we can be made into something stronger, better, and more whole. It’s not a repair, but a renewal.

And we want to shorten the length of time between disclosure and redemption. It can feel painful and lonely. Bob and I want to walk with other couples through those hard weeks and months.

TG: Do you have any habits or rituals as a writer?

DG: I love a cozy candle burning while I’m writing. And I take frequent walks to talk to the Lord on a writing retreat.

TG: What habits would you encourage others to take up to be a more productive writer?

DG: Read the book Deep Work by Cal Newport. And learn the power of long segments of time to think and create. I’ve always needed that, but Cal explains the science behind why we all need it if we’re going to find our best content.

TG: What do you snack on or drink while writing?

DG: I try to eat rather healthy when I’m writing. Years ago, I learned that the pilots of Stealth Bombers and Stealth Fighters often have to make 24-hour flights at a moment’s notice. When they are on call, they are instructed to eat “high protein, low residue” diets. In part, this is to keep the alert when they are on a mission. I’d like to think that I’m on a mission for the Lord on writing days and that my body needs to be in submission to that purpose. I think more clearly when I eat healthily.

I also celebrate the end of a writing retreat with carbs and sweets!

TG: How do you overcome writer’s block?

DG: It seems every project is full of Muses who refuse to be caught! Walking is part of my strategy to win that game of hide and seek! There’s incredible research revealing that walking helps us think and even calms us when we are frustrated. Both of those are useful when you’re stuck.

TG: Are you an “edit-as-you-go” writer or do you wait until the very end before you do any editing?

DG: A writer’s best tool is the proverbial razor blade. The best content is hard to see when it’s hiding in the midst of good writing. If you can cut out the good (and mourn it when you do), you’ll end up with a stronger piece. I edit as I go and then take brave, deep slices of content out at the end.

For Happily Even After, I cut out an entire section of the book in the final round of editing. It made the book dramatically easier to process. I hated doing it, but it was a good decision.

TG: What would you say is the most common mistake new writers make?

DG: Being fearful of an editor’s critique is a common mistake new writers often make. The process of being edited was so painful for me the first time. I could not believe how much needed work. I told my husband, “My editor hates my book!” He said, “No, she’s just making it better with you.” And that is the truth about collaboration.

Be alarmed if an editor just green-lights your work. Fresh eyes will surely see where you have not communicated clearly or have missed a nuance that’s important.

TG: What is the best piece of writing advice you’re ever received?

DG: “My story is my most valuable asset.” My husband, Bob, taught me that.

Revelation 12:11 describes the moment all of history longs for when Satan is thrown down and God’s people are victorious. Pay attention to how we will overcome:

They have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.

Because of Jesus, we have victory over enemies big and small. One of the weapons He has asked us to wield is our story.

Enter for a chance to win one of five copies of Happily Even After*

a Rafflecopter giveaway

*Due to shipping costs, the winner must have a US mailing address.

Don’t miss my chat with  Dannah Gresh! Click below to watch!

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How to Have a Fulfilling Marriage

I knew I wanted to marry John on our first date. How? Even more than my physical attraction (he was cute!), I was impressed by our conversation. John told me about his growing-up years, his time in the Marine Corps, and his hopes for the future. I knew he was someone I could share a life with. We have been married for over three decades and built a fulfilling marriage together.

How do you joyfully share a life with your spouse? More than that, how do you have a fulfilling marriage?

Here are 7 ways.

  1. Share memories: Memories give us a glimpse into each other’s past. I understand my husband better because of the memories he shares. He understands me better, too.
  2. Share dreams: Ask your spouse, “If you could do anything, what would it be?” The answer may surprise you. Allow your spouse to dream without thinking about logistics and cost. Pray about how to make those dreams possible … or other similar {smaller} dreams.
  3. Share hopes: Dreams look outward, but hopes are what’s tucked deep inside. What does your spouse hope for his/her marriage, parenting, and job? Ask.
  4. Share pet peeves: My husband is bothered by sticky fingers and toys cluttering the living room. And he overlooks a lot of things that drive me crazy. Little annoyances can be avoided if you realize that pet peeves are not big issues, but they matter.
  5. Share laughs: Laughter can help couples face hard situations with grace. Recently we added two new children to our home (adopted from the foster care system), and sometimes we were so overwhelmed that all we could do was laugh! Laughter helped us overcome a lot of battles together.
  6. Share prayers: A dozen years ago, John and I started praying together in the morning. Those prayers mean so much to me. I confidently face the day when I hear my husband’s whispered prayers.
  7. Share a mission: In his book The Sacred Search, Gary Thomas had this to say about a shared mission:

“The old cliché is all too true: a good marriage is the closest two people will ever come to heaven this side of eternity; a bad marriage is the closest two people in an affluent society will ever come to hell.

“Such problems usually erupt from trying to build a life together without purpose, without mission, without something that not only establishes a connection but keeps you caring about each other for the next fifty to sixty years.” Gary Thomas

What is your mission as a couple?

Come up with 3-4 words that answer this statement: “This is what we’re about …”

John and I focus on service, evangelism, hospitality, and making memories. This is who “we” are; our life and choices reflect that. I’m thankful that I have this man to share my life with. Now … what about you?

What do you share with your spouse? What is your mission as a couple?

Additional Resources

Generation Next Marriage | Tricia Goyer
A Conversation with Dr. Gary Chapman on Love is a Choice
How to Give Your Marriage a Regular Check-up
A Conversation with Amber Lia on Marriage Triggers
Resources to Transform Your Marriage

 

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My Review of the Movie Redeeming Love

Today I’m sharing my review of the movie Redeeming Love. Like many others, I’ve been anxiously awaiting the transition from book to movie. With such an important message it’s no wonder the movie is drawing lots of commentary. Let’s talk about the movie and how it might be a great retelling of a timely message from God to His people.

my review of the movie redeeming love

My Review of the Movie Redeeming Love

I saw Redeeming Love last night. I’ve previously read the novel by Francine Rivers. And, reading through the Bible 7-8 times, I’ve read the book Hosea numerous times, too.
For those who aren’t familiar with the biblical narrative, Hosea is a prophet of God who is asked to physically portray a message of repentance to a woman named Gomer. The name Hosea means “salvation,” and his life was a prophecy to the nation of Israel. Hosea’s wife was a prostitute who continued to return to her sin. Yet even then, Hosea would go to her and “redeem” her, repurchasing her from the darkness she had surrendered herself to.

Hosea’s life was a prophecy to the people of Israel, a statement that although God will bring judgment to sin, He will also always bring His people back to Himself through His love. The cycle of repentance, redemption, and restoration is evident in this story.

In 1991, my friend Francine Rivers published a book that follows this storyline. Although I started it many times, I only finished it last year because it’s a brutal story. In it, Angel is sold into prostitution as a child, and as an adult, she’s tried to escape, but she finds herself right back where she started: in prostitution.
Through the pain, Angel has lost her soul. There is no hope for a future until a man named Michael Hosea comes and tells her that God told him to take Angel as his wife.
I will not go into all the details, but this story is HARD and heartbreaking. With the tenderness of Christ, Michael loves Angel, yet she rejects him again and again.
Seeing Michael’s heartbreak is difficult. I wanted to shout, “Just accept his love! Why won’t you accept his love?” And that is when it hit me. This is Christ and me. So many times, I’ve tried to do things my way, yet Jesus is right there just wanting me to accept the love He has for me. THIS is what made me cry when I watched Redeeming Love. I saw Christ’s love displayed for me so clearly. But I’m getting ahead of myself …

My Review of the Movie Redeeming Love

I want to go back and say that I’ve known about this movie for the last four years or so. (Maybe longer.) You see, Frani is a good friend of mine. Over the previous eighteen years, we’ve both been part of a group of writers who have gotten together every summer to Plot, Pray, and Play. So I’ve prayed for this movie for many years, and I honestly think it turned out amazingly beautiful. Hard, yes, but amazingly beautiful. There isn’t one scene I would change. I know the purpose of every scene and why it’s essential to the story.
More than that, I know Frani is a woman of Scripture and prayer. On days when we were playing and plotting, Frani often sat pouring over Scripture at the dining room table. When she writes about a topic in fiction, Frani wants to know every place God speaks on that topic before writing one word. And you know what? God displayed what He had to say about redemption through the real-life story of Hosea marrying a prostitute.

When it comes to people speaking against this movie, their main concern is the sexual content, and I want to address that. (Let me remind you, this story is about a prostitute!)

First, the sexual scenes that hint at Angel’s abuse are AWFUL. Like my husband John told me, “No one should call those scenes pornography or worry they’ll bring arousal. Instead, what they bring is complete heartbreak.” Enough abuse is shown that Angel’s pain is clear, and it’s not pretty.
Second, there are scenes of married love–these are the hot and passionate ones. And do you know why they are essential to this story? Because as someone who was used and abused, sex was not a gift for Angel to give or receive until she allowed herself to love and be loved. When Michael and Angel, man and wife (finally!) come together, that’s how it’s displayed: as a beautiful gift. As healing. As hope.
Now you may say, “Well, that shouldn’t be shown in a movie.” My response is, “Okay, then close your eyes if you don’t want to see it.”
Actually, I had to go to the bathroom, and I missed the big sex scene. That works, too! (It’s funny how the timing worked out. I just really had to go.)
Yet when I asked my husband John about it later, he had something insightful to say,

“To deny the positive sexual experience is to accept the negative.”

Is that profound or what?
As horrible as sexual abuse is, married love and sex are beautiful. The fact that someone can find healing after such abuse is a true miracle. And that’s the whole point of this story: redemption.

True love, God’s love, can bring healing to the darkest of places.

Now, if you choose not to see Redeeming Love, that’s fine. It’s your choice. But I want you to know the heart behind this movie and this story. So then, if you choose to watch, you’ll see Francine’s heart. But more importantly, you’ll see God’s heart. No matter what you’ve done or how you’ve hurt Him, God’s love is faithful, and He longs to redeem you and make you His own. Now that’s a beautiful story.

-Tricia Goyer
Here is the trailer that might help you decide:

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How to Keep Love Alive with a House Full of Kids

How to Keep Love Alive with a House Full of Kids

Wondering How to Keep Love Alive with a House Full of Kids? It’s possible! After three decades of marriage, John and I have made our relationship a priority. There are no shortcuts to marital intimacy. But if you make the effort and take the time to keep connecting, you can stay close to your spouse–even with 10 kids and grandma in the house. Let me share what’s worked for us in this post.

 

How to Keep Love Alive with a House Full of Kids

 

 

 

How to Keep Love Alive with a House Full of Kids

Marriage is a challenge. Having time for intimacy with your spouse can be too. John and I have been married thirty-one years, and the priorities we’ve created to “keep love alive” have benefitted our marriage.

The closeness we’ve established has provided us with a habit of drawing close, even during challenging times in our lives. It hasn’t been easy to take time for each other, but it’s been worth it. Here are ways you can also keep love alive with a house full of kids.

1. Set boundaries.

I was an eighteen-year-old teen mom when John and I started dating. Our newlywed years included a toddler! Since I was a single mom at first, Cory was used to sleeping in bed with me, but things had to change once I got married. John and I set up boundaries right from the beginning.

  • No kids in our bed.

  • When our son was old enough to try to open the bedroom door, we locked it.

For me—and many women—feeling the freedom to be intimate with your spouse is important. We can’t relax if we worry a child is going to walk in at any moment! A few years in, John and I even started sleeping naked. Without that layer of clothes, a sense of closeness is fostered, even on nights when we go straight to sleep.

2. Keep distractions at bay.

Within three years of marriage, John and I had two additional kids. More kids mean more distractions and work, which also could have meant less time together. So we developed positive habits to ensure our evenings provided space and time for togetherness.

  • We always go to bed at the same time. And we try to make that not too late.

  • We never put a television in our bedroom. I insist on this. I’m not a TV person, and I know it can be a bad habit to have it on and miss moments of connection and intimacy. . .

Read the rest of this article at The Better Mom How to Keep Love Alive with a House Full of Kids

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Here’s a Secret about Your Sex Life

Psst . . . I Have a Secret. Your sex life can get better with time. It’s true! I know it might seem a bit taboo to bring this up, but the truth is, sex and marriage go hand-in-hand. That’s God’s design. God created our bodies in such a way that our intimacy is deepened through the beautiful use of our bodies in the marriage bed. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s Biblical! Don’t believe me? You only have to read the book of Songs to get a feel for the way our physical relationship is such a sweet part of our covenant relationship in a Christian marriage.

Sure, that’s not the cultural narrative. In fact, when it comes to sex in marriage, the status quo is just to assume everyone will just “figure it out” on their own. However, the complexity of relationships, parenting, work (especially work from home!), cultural conditions, and so much more can make it very difficult not only to maintain a healthy marital sex life but also to nurture it. That’s why I’ll be sharing How to Keep Love Alive with a House Full of Kids … and Grandma! 

But, until then, here are FOUR ways to make your sex life better that you can start doing today (and I’m excited to share more when I speak at the virtual Married Sex Conference  where we’re covering these in detail on SATURDAY!!!!!) 

 

FOUR Ways to Make Your Sex Life Better

1. Invest in the health of your relationship. So many sex problems are relationship problems in disguise. We will talk through all these in one of the seminars Saturday at the Married Sex Conference to help you identify which is which!

2. Guide Your Thoughts: Your brain is so powerful, and the thoughts you allow yourself to think (both sexually and non-sexually), as well as the beliefs you have about sex, can fuel your sex life, or destroy it. We’ll teach you how to get to the root, and begin changing your perspective.

3. Increase Your Awareness: One thing we’ve learned in writing this book and working with so many couples is that a majority of them truly don’t have insight into making sex good – because they’ve never been taught!!! We’re talking tips, tricks, techniques, positions, and anatomy in a way you may have not been taught!!

4. Spice Up Your Communication: We want to empower you with the words, phrases, and questions you need to ask as you start talking about this important area of your life. We’re giving you a guide to make it easier because talking about sex is so important. And you should do it regularly!

Here’s a secret about your sex life, you can always improve the heart relationship that drives the physical relationship. And honestly, vice-versa. I know that my physical relationship with John has heightened and deepened our emotional bond. God made us this way for a reason. That’s why sex is designated as holy only in the marriage bed. He has blessed it there. Sex is a beautiful picture of the two becoming one. So let’s dig in and see all that God has designed for us and the wonderful ways He has endowed us with this intimate gift of love.

Are you ready?

This virtual conference is loaded with information, and is the perfect evening activity for you and your spouse to watch and discuss….and then practice!

Forget Netflix! 

We believe that the virtual #MarriedSexConference is going to have a significant impact on your marriage and your sex life.

Check out some of the topics you’ll hear covered at the conference:

  • How to Prioritize Sex in Busy Seasons — Levi and Jennie Lusko
  • How to WOW Your Spouse: Sexual techniques, tips, and tricks — Ruth Beuzis
  • Awesome Sex For a Lifetime! — Dr. Kim Kimberling
  • Dealing with a High Drive vs. Low Drive Spouse — Dr. Corey Allan
  • How Porn Impacts Marriage — Dave & Ashley Willis
  • A Great Sex Life in the Stage of Raising Young Kids! — Cait & Cole Zick
  • How Your Past Bagagge Impacts Your Sex Life, and How to Break Free- Lisa & John Bevere
  • Why God Says Sex is Good – Christine Caine
  • The Five Senses of Sex – Gary Thomas
  • Your Sex Problem Might Be a Relationship Problem IF… – Debra Fileta
  • AND SO MUCH MORE!!!

Not only that but in the new book Married Sex (that you’ll get for free!) we cover topics like:

  • The top problem spots in Sex and how to overcome them (including sex drive issues, vaginismus, erectile dysfunction, pornography issues, etc.)
  • What Get’s HER going
  • What Get’s HIM going
  • The false expectations we bring into sex
  • The anatomy of a great sex life — how to touch your spouse in the way that means the most to them.
  • How to build an emotional and spiritual connection that leads to fulfilling sex
  • The theology of a beautiful sex life.
  • How to deal with the baggage from the past
  • What’s okay/not okay to do in marriage?
  • And so much more….

We’re covering ALL THIS and so much more, this Saturday, October 2nd at the ONLINE Married Sex Conference !

 

You get 25 seminars with 12 months access to stream!!

There are only 5 days left to register + you get a FREE copy of the book Married Sex along with your registration.

 

Don’t hesitate to make this area of your life even better. Sign up today! And we’ll see you Saturday!!
FOR A LIMITED TIME USE CODE MARRIEDSEX10 FOR 10% OFF REGISTRATION!!

 

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6 Ways to Craft a Family of Purpose

Do you want to craft a family of purpose and chase God together? That doesn’t just happen by accident. Living a lifestyle with the freedom to follow God’s call requires us to be intentional. Let me share the steps we took to order our family so we could make an impact on the world for Jesus.

6 Ways to Craft a Family of Purpose

Many years ago my husband John and I set up a framework for our family. Identifying our priorities and eliminating what didn’t fit helped us to establish a family life filled with meaning and purpose, one that included the space to follow God wherever He would lead. Stated another way, we formed (created) our family value system and framework before we filled (added things into our lives.) The idea of forming and filling isn’t something we came up with on our own. It came from the first pages of the Bible.

In the first three days of creation, God “formed.” He established supportive systems necessary for life and humankind‘s existence. He created the heavens and the earth. He separated the waters from the land. He built the framework that would sustain his creation. The last three days, God “filled.” He filled his creative world with plants, flowers, animals, and humankind.

Problems come when we fill our weekly and monthly schedules before we build a structure for them. We make decisions out of our emotions or desires without contemplating their impact on us or our family. But as I’ve experienced, this never works. Few good things ever happened by accident. As John and I consider the type of people we wanted to be in the type of children we wanted to raise, Six priorities rose to the top.

Identifying our priorities and eliminating what didn’t fit helped us to establish a family life filled with meaning and purpose . . .

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6 Ways to Craft a Family of Purpose

1. Attending Church

For us, church attendance has never been optional. God‘s Word is clear on this. We read in Hebrews 10:25  “And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near” (NLT).

Attending church is important for our family and we are happy to set aside time to honor the Lord and gather with other believers.

2. Serving Others Together

We wanted our kids to learn how to serve, even from a young age. When I launched Hope Pregnancy Center, they helped remodel our ministry building by pulling up carpet and picking up trash. They folded baby clothes and stacked diapers. My daughter Leslie even babysat for a teen mom support group. At first I felt guilty. Other kids were outside playing or hanging out with friends, but I soon discovered that our kids were proud of their efforts, and it became easier for them to serve in other ways.

3. Reading the Bible and Praying Together

Every school Day morning we read from the Bible and a devotional book, then pray together. We do this first thing. I want to show my kids that reading the Bible is always a priority.

John and I also read the Bible and pray with each other in the mornings. We don’t succeed every day, but we do it most days. Our youngest children are often awake at that time, and though they know they can’t interrupt, they love watching us. Sometimes when I open my eyes after praying I find three little kids sitting at our feet, listening to every word. It is especially sweet when later, during their prayer time, I hear my words repeated as they pray for family members and concerns. Although having kids watch me while I pray sometimes feels awkward, I know it’s important.
It models for them what a healthy spiritual life can look like.

4. Eating Family Dinner Together

John and I decided our kids knowing each other and us was important, as well as face-to-face connection while eating a meal around the table. During family dinners we talk about our day and enjoy the conversation. We expect our kids to help out with these meals. Some of them help cook dinner, others set the table. Afterward our kids help clear the table and put away food, unload and load the dishwasher, wash pots and pans, wipe down the counters and sweep the floor. Together all these activities teach our children what being part of a family is all Out.

Reading at bedtime together one of my favorite times of the day is when I get the little kids settled in at night and it’s time to read. We turn off all electronics, the kids get ready for bed, and then we sit down together. Our adult kids still look back on reading time with fondness. We’ve never regretted the time we spent together within the pages of a book.

6. Supporting Everyone’s Talents and Activities Together.

Whenever one of our children is involved in an activity, we show up as a family to support them. This has included attending football games to watch our daughter in the marching band we’re going to statewide basketball games for our son. We want our children to know they are uniquely special and their whole family is cheering them on. These priorities lead to habits that fostered a more focused and settled spirit as a family.

I have no doubt that if John hadn’t stepped in and helped me learn to create white space and consider our family priorities and foundation, at least part of the foundation would’ve been built on sand. You can only be blown in so many different directions for so long without collapsing like a house of cards. Thankfully our family is now strongly structured and focused on the purposes God has for us together.

What causes you to add activities to your schedule? Do you worry about what others will think or fear that you’re not doing enough? Feelings of inadequacy and a desire to prove yourself can lead to disappointment. This week name one thing God is asked you to join him in but you have been unable to do because you haven’t had the time and space. How could you re-order your priorities and what activities or commitments could you give up to make room for God‘s calling on your life?

6 Ways to Craft a Family of Purpose

Want to learn more about how our family has made choices that support our goal of following God together? You might enjoy my book Walk It Out! Available now in my online shop: Walk It Out

Women often pack their lives with family, friends, and faithful service, yet still, end up feeling empty and unfulfilled. In Walk It Out, Tricia Goyer demonstrates to women that walking out the mandates of Scripture allows God to spark passion and mission within them.

Whether believers realize it or not, God intended for them to do what the Bible says: adopt the orphan, take the gospel into all the world, and care for the needy. These are mandates that point believers down the path of true living and eternal life.

Sometimes those steps are easy, but many times they require a move outside of what feels safe or secure. When women stop focusing on their own dreams and purposes and instead focus on God’s dreams and purposes, everything changes.

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Keep Praying for Your Future Husband

Even if you feel as if God isn’t listening, I want to encourage you to keep praying for your future husband. Maybe you started praying in your teens and you’re in your 20s, 30s, or 40s now. Perhaps you’ve started to believe that your prayers are doing NOTHING. Sometimes it may seem like that’s true, but it’s not. Your prayers are working … but in ways you may not see for years and years to come. Let me encourage you today!

 

 

Keep Praying for Your Future Husband

Robin Jones Gunn and I wrote the book Praying for Your Future Husband a few years back, and one of our favorite things is receiving letters from women of all ages. Some of these letters include wedding photos! And many more of these women simply thank us for encouraging them on the journey.

With Valentines Day is approaching I wanted to speak to those who may still be feeling lonely. The holiday of red roses and boxes of chocolate can be one of the most difficult days for those who long for love. But, Dear One, find peace in this–God hasn’t forgotten you. He is holding your sweet heart in His tender hands and in the perfect time He will bring you the love you desire. Even if that time seems it will never come, don’t lose hope. Don’t despair in the wait.

If you’re still waiting … then keep praying! Here’s some encouragement for you to do just that:

Keep Praying for Your Future Husband

Robin:

robin_pic_aboutPrayer is an extraordinary mystery.

This sacred privilege of communicating with our heavenly Father is more than a cozy, open invitation to come to Him anytime, anywhere. Even though His ears are open to the cries of His children 24/7, prayer is more than that. Prayer is also an act of obedience. We are exhorted to pray for others and to pray without ceasing.

Neither Tricia nor I pretend to have prayer all figured out. What we do know is that God hears. He sees. He knows. And He cares more than we can ever comprehend. And most important of all, God answers prayer.

Perhaps you’ve noticed that the way God answers prayers often isn’t what we expect. We look back years later and see that what God did was oh so much better than what we first envisioned when we sent our heartfelt requests heavenward. He created us, and He desires the best for us. God always gives His best to those who leave the outcomes with Him.

 

Another, even more amazing mystery is that, when we pray for someone else, we change. All of us were made to be loved, to give and to receive love.

Keep Praying for Your Future Husband

When your heart connects through prayer to the One who is the source of true love, you’ll find that praying for your future husband will wondrously result in your heart being changed. And when your heart is changed, your life is transformed.

What sort of changes will God bring about in your future husband’s life as a result of your praying for him now? We don’t know.

Keep Praying for Your Future Husband

As you pray for him, what sort of changes will God initiate in your heart? We don’t know that either.

But we do know one thing:

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions: Wait for hope to appear (Lamentations 3:25-29, The Message).

Keep Praying for Your Future Husband

It’s a good thing to quietly hope for help from God! @robingunn

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Keep Praying for Your Future Husband

Tricia:

Screen Shot 2015-07-20 at 9.41.44 AMI love that last line: “Wait for hope to appear.” Isn’t that what you need most when you’re still praying for your future husband, especially when so many of your friends are married and have children?

Perhaps you’ve prayed and prayed, but God hasn’t answered. Your prayers seem like bulbs planted in a winter garden. Each time you check for results, all you see is barrenness, debris, and frost. You doubt the warmth of your faith when you first planted the prayers in a season of light and hope.

Patience, dear God Lover. Nothing is wrong with your prayers. Leave all of them safely hidden with the Lord. Hold fast to the hope that He has heard and is at work in the garden of your heart.

One bright spring morning you will be stunned when you see what God’s resurrection power has done with those requests you buried so long ago.

 

 

Keep Praying for Your Future Husband

Keep Praying for Your Future Husband

What is it that the Lord is asking you to work on in your life during this season? Please don’t compromise your standards. Don’t start making excuses to justify why you’re settling for actions or relationships that you know in your heart aren’t what you want your life to be about.

How can you change that destructive behavior today? What are the new choices you need to start making?

Most importantly, be at peace. See this time as an opportunity for God to develop His patience in you. And don’t forget: Love is patient.

Will you get married one day? Statistics say that you will. We all know that staying married is a whole lot more important than just getting married. How you spend this stretch of waiting and allowing God to develop His patience in you will only benefit you during the difficult times that all married couples go through.

And just as there are two people in every marriage, there are two people who are learning patience as they wait for each other. If you’re having a hard time, your future husband most likely will, too. Your prayers will make a difference.

How do I pray for God to develop patience in my future husband?

Pray: He will turn to God and that God’s peace will help him to be inwardly calm and willing to wait.
He will have a quiet and steady faithfulness to God.
He’ll be content in every state he finds himself in.

Pray: His eyes will be focused on things to come, rather than things he wished he had now.
He will not push for answers before the time is right.
He’ll trust God’s sense of timing.

Pray: He will be reminded of all the times God has been patient with him and he waits with hope and expectancy.

Of course, as you pray these things for your future husband, be sure to pray the same for yourself. Patience is like holding a closed bud of promise in your hand. Imagine that closed, white rose in your mind. Consider allowing each petal to unfold slowly, in its own way. Can you see the beauty of each stage? Can you see God’s hand wrapped around yours, watching the unfolding with you?

Keep Praying for Your Future Husband

Patience is like holding a closed bud of promise in your hand! @TriciaGoyer

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Keep Praying for Your Future Husband

Will your love story come true? For many of you, it will. Concerning your future husband, it could be in the near(er) future, or like some, it could be years in the distance. It could be a quick romance or a slow falling in love. It could be exactly like you pictured it or like nothing you ever dreamed. But when the day comes that your story is celebrated by your closest friends and family, you’ll know that every prayer was worth it. And you might even wish you’d prayed more because prayers are the first gifts you give to your future husband. Gifts that heaven participates in giving.

While we can’t guarantee every one of you will have that type of love story, there is another type we do believe will take place. Everyone, everywhere, can have a beautiful love story with her God. It begins the moment you look into His eyes, realize how much you are loved, and give your love and commitment in return.

While we cannot guarantee your prayers will lead you down the aisle to a waiting mate, we do know that every prayer whispered is precious to God. None of them are wasted. While we hope your prayers for the man of your dreams come true, we know that your prayers bring you closer to the God of your eternity. And seeing the love in His gaze is the most beautiful love story of all.
If you are to be committed to anything, be committed to preparing your heart for God’s — in this way — and in every other aspect of your life. The love you’ll experience will be life-changing, and the celebration in eternity is one to look forward to with all your heart.

Still praying for that future husband? Don’t give up! @TriciaGoyer

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Walk It Out #140: In a Boat in the Middle of a Lake with Patrick and Ruth Schwenk

WIO 140 In a Boat in the Middle of a Lake with Patrick and Ruth Schwenk. We are chatting about marriage during hard times. Enjoy!

In a Boat in the Middle of a Lake with Patrick and Ruth Schwenk

**GIVEAWAY** Be sure to enter to win one in five copies of Patrick and Ruth Schwenk’s In a Boat in the Middle of a Lake below! 

Our storm. Our boat.

The truth is at some point, we all find ourselves in a boat in the middle of a lake. We all find ourselves in water. In a storm. And far from shore. For some, it is the loss of a loved one. A disability. The revelation of an unfaithful spouse. The loss of financial prosperity and security. A miscarriage. And the list goes on.

WIO 140 In a Boat in the Middle of a Lake with Patrick and Ruth Schwenk. We are chatting about marriage during hard times. Enjoy!

For Patrick and Ruth Schwenk, their storm was one word, “CANCER.” They had been thrust into the deep. Darkness surrounded. And the shore was nowhere to be found. Or was it?

In their new book In a Boat in the Middle of a Lake, Patrick and Ruth weave together lessons from their experience with insightful Bible teaching. They help readers see that one of the greatest ways God transforms his children is through trials. They unpack why Jesus called his disciples into the middle of a lake when dry ground was so safe and comfortable.

WIO 140 In a Boat in the Middle of a Lake with Patrick and Ruth Schwenk. We are chatting about marriage during hard times. Enjoy!

In a Boat in the Middle of a Lake helps you:
•       understand why the depth of our hurt enables us to experience deep hope
•       learn to conquer fear to experience the freedom God has for us
•       discover how God uses chaos, and not just the classroom, to shape and work through us.

Today—in your confusion about God’s intentions, your disappointment over lost dreams, your disillusionment about prayer—God is offering hope, Jesus is still Lord over the water. And while he is not moved by the waves, he is moved by you.

WIO 140 In a Boat in the Middle of a Lake with Patrick and Ruth Schwenk. We are chatting about marriage during hard times. Enjoy!

Without the depth of our hurt, we would never know the depth of our hope in Christ.

If you too find yourself, disillusioned in the middle of your suffering, seeking to find God’s purpose in the midst of it all, you are going to be blessed by today’s podcast.

WIO 140 In a Boat in the Middle of a Lake with Patrick and Ruth Schwenk. We are chatting about marriage during hard times. Enjoy!

Who are Patrick and Ruth Schwenk?

Patrick and Ruth Schwenk have dedicated their lives to local church ministry, as well as online ministry, founding the popular blogs, FortheFamily.org and TheBetterMom.com, and also the brand-new podcast Rootlike Faith. Patrick Schwenk is a pastor of nearly twenty years and the coauthor of For Better or For Kids: A Vow to Love Your Spouse with Kids in the House. Ruth Schwenk is a well-known blogger and author of The Better Mom, The Better Mom Devotional, and co-author (with Karen Ehman) of Pressing Pause and Settle My Soul. Patrick and Ruth have been married for over twenty years and live in Ann Arbor, Michigan, with their four children, two hamsters, and a loyal Labrador retriever.

You can order In a Boat in the Middle of a Lake HERE.

About the Book:

Your Storm Doesn’t Have to Sink You

At some point in our lives, we all find ourselves in a boat in the middle of a lake. We might be there due to a job loss or the death of a loved one. Maybe disability, divorce, or financial insecurity has stranded us. Patrick and Ruth Schwenk found themselves feeling battered after five miscarriages and then surrounded by the waves with Patrick’s cancer diagnosis at age forty-three. They were alone. Drifting. And that’s when their transformation began.

In this compassionate and powerful book, the Schwenks weave together lessons from their own experience with insightful Bible teaching to remind us that one of the greatest ways God transforms us is through trials. As they unpack why Jesus called the disciples into the middle of a lake when dry ground was so safe and comfortable, they help us

  • understand why the depth of our hurt enables us to experience deep hope;
  • learn to conquer fear to experience the freedom God has for us; and
  • discover how God uses chaos, and not just the classroom, to shape and work through us.

Today—in your confusion about God’s intentions, your disappointment over lost dreams, your disillusionment about prayer—God is offering hope. Because Jesus is still Lord over the water. And while he is not moved by the waves, he is moved by you. And this flood might just be a path to abundance.

“A powerful reminder that our current reality is not our final reality, and God is Lord over all chaos and suffering!”

—Candace Cameron Bure, actress and New York Times bestselling author

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WIO 140 In a Boat in the Middle of a Lake with Patrick and Ruth Schwenk. We are chatting about marriage during hard times. Enjoy!

Walk It Out Scripture

Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O LORD, do not abandon those who search for you. Psalm 9:10

If you are enjoying the show, I have a quick favor to ask! If you haven’t yet hit the subscribe button and left a rating and a review on iTunes, please take a moment and do so! I love reading your reviews and it keeps the algorithms happy so new listeners can find the podcast as well!

WIO 140 In a Boat in the Middle of a Lake with Patrick and Ruth Schwenk. We are chatting about marriage during hard times. Enjoy!

Resources, books, and links mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Patrick and Ruth Schwenk

Patrick’s Instagram | Ruth’s Instagram | Ruth’s Facebook | Podcast

Connect with Tricia

Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | BookBub



See more of Tricia’s Favorites here!

 

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Walk it Out #123: Love Like You Mean It with Bob Lepine

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Love Like You Mean It with Bob Lepine

So excited to be chatting with Bob Lepine on this week’s episode.

How did your growing up years impact your view of marriage? Even if you didn’t have the best example (like many of us), how do you love in ways that will make your marriage last?

Bob Lepine is my guest on today’s podcast. You may know Bob from FamilyLife Today, where he’s been the co-host for 28 years. Yet today Bob allows us to peek into HIS heart. Bob’s decade-long focus on supporting families comes after heartache with his own parents.

“My dad was a veteran of World War II who was part of Operation Overlord, the D-Day invasion that was a turning point in the war,” Bob says. “Although he never talked about his combat experiences, I have to believe he experienced what we know today as PTSD.” As he headed to college, Bob’s parents were contemplating divorce. They decided to stay together, but it wasn’t always easy.

On this week's episode, I'm chatting marriage and relationships with Bob Lepine. I loved our chat so much wisdom! Enjoy!

Bob shares stories of his life, marriage, and some of his favorite advice he’s heard over the years. He knows to “love like you mean it” all comes back to loving as God does.

“In order for you to be a dispenser of the kind of love described in 1 Corinthians 13, you have to first be a receiver of God’s love for you,” Bob says.

On this week's episode, I'm chatting marriage and relationships with Bob Lepine. I loved our chat so much wisdom! Enjoy!

In his book, Love Like You Mean It, Bob wants all of us to recognize that God’s love for us has a dual purpose. It’s to bring us comfort and peace, yes, but it’s also to supply us with the love we need so that we can be dispensers of his love to others.

“We need to come to him every day, over and over again,” Bob says, “to be filled up with His love so that our cistern never runs out and we are able to love others with the love we’ve received from him.”

He adds, “Romance is nice, passion is fun, companionship makes it all easier, but at the end of the day, real love is about a commitment to one another and a willingness to die to self to serve each other.”

If you’re ready to see love lived out … you’re going to enjoy this podcast!

On this week's episode, I'm chatting marriage and relationships with Bob Lepine. I loved our chat so much wisdom! Enjoy!

Who is Bob Lepine?

Since 1992, Bob Lepine has served as the co-host of the nationally syndicated radio program FamilyLife Today, heard on more than 1,100 radio stations and outlets across the US. Bob and his wife Mary Ann are the parents of five adult children and live in Little Rock, AR, where Bob is the teaching pastor at Redeemer Community Church.

You can order Love Like You Mean It HERE.

About the Book:

Every year, millions of men and women stand before friends and family to pledge their lifelong love to each other. Do they know what they’re getting into?

Unfortunately, many people have a shallow, superficial idea of what marriage is. As a result, many marriages don’t last, and many more married couples are trudging along looking for something more.

Love Like You Mean It gives husbands and wives a biblical understanding of what real love looks like in marriage by unpacking the ten attributes of genuine love listed in 1 Corinthians 13. Bob Lepine, marriage and family expert and host of the nationally syndicated radio program FamilyLife Today, helps husbands and wives discover that it’s not primarily emotions that define marital love, but actions and decisions that fuel emotions and cause marital love to grow.

Every person who is married, would like to be married one day, or wants to understand more about the biblical vision of marriage will find what they’re looking for as they dive deep into Love Like You Mean It.

Walk It Out Scripture

“We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:19

On this week's episode, I'm chatting marriage and relationships with Bob Lepine. I loved our chat so much wisdom! Enjoy!

If you are enjoying the show, I have a quick favor to ask! If you haven’t yet hit the subscribe button and left a rating and a review on iTunes, please take a moment and do so! I love reading your reviews and it keeps the algorithms happy so new listeners can find the podcast as well!

Resources, books, and links mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Bob Lepine

Website

Connect with Tricia

Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | BookBub



See more of Tricia’s Favorites here!

Special thanks to this week’s sponsor

 

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Using July 4th to Teach Our Kids About Our True Freedom in Christ

As we celebrate July 4th let’s talk about what true freedom is…

 

Using July 4th to Teach Our Kids About Our True Freedom in Christ

 

What did freedom for our country mean?

On July 4, 1776, a group of American colonists united together and declared independence from Great Britain. Trouble started between Great Britain and the colonies in 1760 when the British king, George III, needed money to pay for a recent war against France and to help run the empire. The king decided to tax the colonies to raise money, but the colonist didn’t like that one bit. Why should they pay when they had no say in the British government? They rebelled against “taxation without representation” and war broke out. Around the same time, a committee was formed to create a constitution of laws and rights for the new country.

Yet even after the people declared their freedom, they still had to fight for it. They continued to fight the Revolutionary War until 1783. It was only after they won their freedom that they could follow the rules they’d designed for their own country. They finally had the FREEDOM to live the way they desired.

What does true freedom mean for our souls?

Personally, we are not ruled by a British king, but we have our own BIG problem…sin.

Sin makes us want to do things that are the opposite of what God wants.

It isn’t something we can control. We cannot “try harder” not to sin.

The only way we can NOT sin is to invite a different ruler into our life…and that ruler is Jesus.

July 4th is a time set apart to celebrate our country’s freedom. We can also use it as a time to celebrate the true freedom that Jesus brought.

 

July 4th is a time set apart to celebrate our country’s freedom. We can also use it as a time to celebrate the true freedom that Jesus brought.

4 Ways to Celebrate True Freedom in Christ

 

1. Teach kids that sin isn’t just about making the right choices. It’s a matter of the heart. (Matthew 15:18-19)

2. Teach kids that sin came from men rebelling against God’s original plan. (Genesis 3)

3. Teach kids that everyone sins and falls short of what God wants, and because of sin, we cannot spend eternity with God. (Romans 3:23)

4. Teach kids that God understood the problem with sin and made a way for us to have freedom from sin. The freedom comes from letting Jesus clean the sin from our hearts. John 3:16 says,

“For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.”

Before the big celebration begins, take time to pray and thank Jesus for the true freedom He brought. You can also read God Bless Our Country. God Bless Our Country teaches children the values of patriotism through July Fourth celebrations with fireworks, parades, picnics, and all the fun things families do together to celebrate America.

 

God Bless our Country

 

We have much to celebrate! And as the fireworks light up the sky, use that as a time to remember to celebrate all God has done.

YOUR TURN!

How have you used our patriotic holidays to teach kids about true freedom in Christ?

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