marriage goals Archives

I have to say it wasn’t always easy for me to let John lead. When he and I married in 1990, I was a single mom of a little boy. I was used to making all the rules, so allowing John to lead was really a struggle.

I wanted to set Cory’s bedtime. I wanted to set the rules for discipline. I thought I knew best; after all, I was the mom, and I read all the parenting magazines.

Over time, I realized Cory needed his dad to be a leader. (Otherwise, how would he know how to lead his own family someday?) So I stepped back, and John led the way. He was firmer than I was but also full of grace and compassion. He made our son toe the line, and amazingly Cory started acting better and obeying better, and all of our relationships grew!

It was harder, though, letting John lead me spiritually.

I was the one who listened to Christian music all day. I was the one who attended Bible study at church. I was the one who had shelves full of devotional books. I made suggestions of how we should do devotions, or pray at dinner, or have family worship time, but the louder I got with my suggestions, the more John pulled away. This frustrated me to no end!

I clearly remember one morning during my personal quiet time when I felt God’s whispers, telling me I was doing a horrible job at being John’s personal Holy Spirit. What?! I was just trying to help … wasn’t I?

I knew then I needed to pray—and to keep my mouth shut. So I did. And things got better. When I stepped back, John stepped forward. He didn’t do things my way, but he was leading and we were drawing closer to God and each other.

Even today, there is a struggle, but I’m working at it. These are things that allow me to help my husband lead on a daily basis:

Praying for God to give John wisdom and praying for my tender heart, so I’ll follow.
Instead of giving my opinion, asking John for his advice. He’s a very smart guy when I take time to listen!
Encouraging my husband when he’s making great choices. For example, when John suggested we read and pray together in the morning, I made sure I was ready and available to do that … even if kids were running around and dozens of other things needed to be done.
Providing courage. I’ve learned the men in our lives are often afraid of failing, so it’s easier for them to do nothing than step out of their comfort zone. I try to let John know I’m willing to stick by him and to cheer him on. I also ask what I can to do support him, and I try to follow through.

It’s also a great example to our kids as they see me giving preference to my husband, and they see John loving and providing as only he can.

P.S. That little boy? Well, he’s grown now, too. And he’s leading his wife and baby son, just like he saw his daddy do.

Are you looking to make praying together with your husband a priority in your marriage?

Give my book Praying Through the Bible in One Year a try! It’s a great resource for your own time alone with God or as a way to build a strong prayer foundation with your partner. God can bring real transformation into your heart and life when you daily commit to reading your Bible and praying through God’s Word. Praying through the Bible in One Year offers a guided reading plan and a daily prayer starter to help you make God’s Word applicable to your life. Discover the inspiration for real-life transformation. Get yours today here!

Are You Helping Your Husband Follow His Dreams?

What are your husband’s dreams? Do you know them? If you do, what are you doing to help him reach his dreams? If you’re not… have you thought about starting?

Today is the day to start helping your husband reach your dreams. Why today? Because time doesn’t stop and wait for us to catch up! I realize this every time I look in the mirror. I’m a bit rounder than I was when we got married – so is my husband, John. We both have more wrinkles. His hair is speckled with gray. (My hair would have more speckles, too, if it weren’t for Clairol.)

We’re both still pretty young, yet our bodies are softening in all the wrong places, and my realization was that time is just going to continue. We will be those gray-haired, wobbly, elderly people holding hands as they cross the street. Yes, it may be in 2031, but it’s coming!

Of course, I also realized something else. I think my husband is sexier than ever. No, I’m not going to be talking about sex. Instead, I will focus on passion, and passion isn’t designed for just the bedroom.

On our very first date, the first thing that impressed me about John was his passion for life. He had traveled the world in the Marine Corps, and now he had plans for college and dreamed of a bright future. He also had a real passion for God.

Looking back on our 30-plus years together, I realize now that our toughest times in marriage were those when we both became stuck in the busy ruts of life. We didn’t share our dreams; we didn’t make plans for what we could do. Instead, we filled our days with busyness and both felt overwhelmed and unfilled.

In 2010, our family moved 1,950 miles from Montana to Arkansas and many people asked why. “Why would you leave a good job, a nice home, and the prettiest place on earth to move to Little Rock?” (No, offense Arkansas. You’re pretty too, but…) The truth is, I saw a spark of passion in my husband’s gaze that hadn’t been there for a while. He knew his skills could be used in the amazing ministry of Family Life. He wanted his work to matter for eternity, and I jumped on board with that.

Passion in life isn’t just something that happens; rather, it must be sought. As wives, we can help our husbands do just that.

1. Pay attention.

When we first moved to Little Rock my husband talked (and talked and talked) about all the cool bike trails. I realized he wanted to explore them but needed a better bike to do it. We tightened our belt in other areas and got him a good bike… and soon our then-teen son got one, too, so Dad could have a biking partner. Wouldn’t you know, just a few months ago I got one, too, and we’re exploring those trails together. My husband loves biking, and he’s energized for the rest of the day after a ride. Because I was paying attention I knew it was something he’d enjoy. Turns out I also found something I enjoy!

2. Sacrifice.

When we bought a nice bicycle for John it was a sacrifice to our checkbooks. When we moved 1,950 miles, the sacrifice was much greater. Sure, we left a lot—our church, our home, our friends, and family—but we’ve gotten many of those things in new ways. More than that, I have a husband who’s excited about his job and is a joy to be around. His passion for life is evident, and it’s worth the sacrifice.

3. Pray.

We’ve made these sacrifices with a lot of prayers. We’ve followed the passions of our hearts while also keeping in step with God. There are other things we’d both love to do, but we take all things before God and seek His timing. We also understand that maybe the passion He’s placed in our hearts may not play out as we imagine. I’ll give you some examples.

First, I love the Czech Republic. I’ve been there many times, both on mission trips and to visit my daughter, Leslie. If you gave me an all-expense-paid trip today, I’d go there again. My dream is to live there for an extended period with my family as short-term missionaries. I dream of meeting people as I walk along the cobblestone streets, and of opening our home for English lessons and Bible studies. We have no plans for that in the future, but we’ve gone on two mission trips to the Czech Republic and we’ve helped dozens of others go there, too.

Second, John’s big dream is to open an orphanage in a South American country. We have no immediate plans to do that, but we’ve adopted seven beautiful children – who knows if we’ll need to open an orphanage after all!

4. Dream together often.

Today, ask your husband, “If you could do anything and know it would succeed, what would it be?” John and I talk about—and dream about—many things that would take a miracle to happen, yet we still keep sharing them.

Passion for life, we’ve discovered, isn’t just about making things happen. It’s also about dreaming and planning together about “what could someday be.” How can you help your spouse follow their dreams?

Additional Resources

Listen to the podcast episode with Guy and Amber Lia about their book Marriage Triggers.
Thankful Listening — The Importance of Listening in Your Marriage
12 Tips to Make Your Marriage Rock
Kim Kardashian’s 72-Day Marriage
Generation Next: Marriage | Tricia Goyer