parenting advice

December 17, 2015 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

12 Ways to Stop Holiday Misbehaving Before it Starts

When the Christmas season comes around we can count on a few things: 1) lots of fun family time, and 2) lots of fun family time disrupted by kids’ bad behavior. Kids often misbehave A LOT during the holidays. Their schedules are messed up; they’re over-excited and over-stimulated. (Don’t even get me started on all the extra SUGAR.) If you’d like to stop holiday misbehaving before it starts, here are 12 ways to do that:

Prepare

1. Let your children know your expectations and what they can expect. Our kids are introduced to a lot of new people and activities, and they often don’t know how to act. Before you step through the door of Grandma’s house, give them a rundown of what’s to come. Also offer any special instructions: “I know it’s hard not to run and play loudly at Grandma’s house, she’s just not used to it. When we get home you’ll be able to have fun with your noisy toys.”

2. Fill them in on the schedule and details. Do you have numerous holiday events during the week? Tell your kids where you’re going and what you’ll be doing. If possible help them create their own calendar and mark off the days. Make notes on dates they’ll need extra preparation, such as picking out a nice outfit. Remind them of the schedule as the week progresses.

3. Pack a fun activity bag. Boredom is one leading cause of misbehavior. If you’re shopping or visiting family, allow your child to pack special things to play with or do.

4. Calm yourself first. If you’re stressed, overstimulated, or overwhelmed, your kids will be too. Prepare your own heart and emotions for everything that’s happening. When you feel yourself tensing up or getting frustrated, take care of those emotions; take a few deep breaths and remind yourself what’s truly important . . . otherwise you’ll be passing on those negative emotions.

Prepare. Plan. Practice. Pray. How to stop your kids from misbehaving! @TriciaGoyer

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Plan

5. Stick to the routine as much as possible. Make time for dinner as a family around the table even if you’re only having sandwiches. Get your children to bed on time as many nights as possible. Kids thrive on what’s familiar.

6. Create white space for your children to have a break. We sometimes think we have to fill the holidays with lots of extra-special events, but sometimes kids just want to chill out with a fun movie or play with their toys, and that’s OK.

7. Allow your kids to pick out their favorite activities. Ask, “What would your ideal holiday look like if you planned it?” Our family usually picks 2–3 favorite activities, such as baking cookies, looking at Christmas lights, and reading a few favorite Christmas stories. Don’t feel as if you have to do everything.

8. Understand kids can be stressed too. Give your kids permission to let you know when they need some quiet time. Are there too many people at Aunt Jennifer’s house? Make a plan ahead of time for a place your child can go for quiet—like cuddling on auntie’s bed—even for a few minutes.

Read the rest of this post at thebettermom.com.

It wasn’t always easy and the results weren’t immediate, but after a year of no grumbling, our life as a family has radically changed. Now, instead of finding fault and looking for excuses, we find joy in the journey–whether rain or sun. We have learned to laugh at our struggles and look for God in the small inconveniences. Day in and day out we are growing and becoming more thankful for all we have.

I’ve been looking forward to sharing this journey with you since the beginning and now its finally here. Get yours here: www.thegrumblefreeyear.com

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August 27, 2015 by Tricia Goyer 2 Comments

Am I Enough? Overcoming Feelings of Unworthiness as a Mom

Do you ever feel as if you aren’t enough? Do you struggle with feelings of unworthiness? I have for most of my life. I crave perfection, but I look in the mirror, around the house, and in my roles as wife and mom and I see all the shortcomings:

“Not disciplined enough,” my reflection tells me.
“Not clean or organized enough,” my house screams.
“Not loving or respectful enough,” I read in my husband’s eyes.
“Not fun enough, joyful enough, or compassionate enough,” my child’s actions or cries tell me.

If I was more—if I did more or gave more—then my life would be easier. That was the lie I believed, but I always, ALWAYS fell short.

As the years passed, I’d work and work on being more, but I’d get tangled over all the same shortcomings. Or, just when I’d get one area tackled, a new fault would simmer to the top . . . blazing in my conscious like a neon sign. I listened to the word that replayed in my mind: unworthy, unworthy, unworthy. Yet at the same time, I was also working to speak truth into the minds and hearts of my children because I wanted more for them. I wanted them to know:

God created you for a purpose.
He has good plans for your life.
You don’t need to be perfect; Jesus is there to love and forgive.
You are enough . . . just as you are.

The problem is our kids are insightful. They see and understand our feelings of ourselves—even if we try to hide them.

Our children pick up the way we put ourselves down, and it’s easier for them to follow us than to listen to us. Soon their little feet follow ours. They begin to step into our footprints and walk down the path of unworthiness, too.

As a mom for 26 years I’ve discovered one thing: If I want my children to live their lives a certain way, I need to model it.

If I want my kids to live a certain way, I need to model it! @TriciaGoyer

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Does your child feel unworthy? Maybe it’s time to model what feeling worthy in God’s eyes looks like.

If I want my children to live a life of meaning, purpose, and hope, I need to show my kids what that looks like . . . without letting my feelings of unworthiness get in the way. How can I do this? By understanding it myself. By knowing:

Jesus is only a whispered prayer away, and He loves me.
He longs to forgive me and remove all the burdens of pain and shame I carry.
Jesus wants me to know and FEEL His words of truth deep down: You are enough. Just as you are.

But how can we believe these words? How do we let them sink in? Here are two ways:

1. Overcome guilt with trust

There is both healthy and unhealthy guilt. Healthy guilt turns us to God. When we mess up, it urges us to get our hearts right with our Heavenly Father and ask Jesus for forgiveness. Unhealthy guilt points out our mistakes—like non-stop instant replay—even if we’ve been forgiven.

The only way to overcome unhealthy guilt is with trust. We have to TRUST we are forgiven. We have to thank God for our forgiveness. Then we need to live as those who have been forgiven.

And when we mess up again (which we all will do), we need to repeat the cycle, trusting God’s forgiveness is greater than our sins.

Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God. Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything. —1 John 3:18-20 NLT

God is greater than our feelings. If we feel guilty, it’s time to test and see where that guilt is coming from. It also may be time to trust God to know His forgiveness is enough.

2. Overcome unworthiness with awe

When we focus on our weakness it’s easy to feel unworthy. We often find ourselves comparing our weaknesses with other people’s strengths, and we wonder why we can’t be more and do more.

Yet if we never did one more good action, we would still be enough. If we believe in God, He lives in us . . . and that gives us something to be in awe about!

In the Old Testament 1 Kings 6 describes the elaborate temple God directed King Solomon to build. When it was complete God’s Spirit moved into the inner sanctuary, but today He lives in us. We are intricately beautiful in His sight. How amazing is that?!

Don’t you realize that all of you together are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God lives in you? —1 Corinthians 3:16 NLT

Instead of feeling unworthy, friend, take time to celebrate that the God of the universe has taken up residence in you. He finds you worthy, and knowing that—remembering that—will push out unwelcome thoughts.

As a mom, when we overcome guilt with trust and unworthiness with awe, we’ll start to live with more peace, more joy, and more purpose. And this is a great thing for our children to follow!

When you live in a way where your feel, “I am enough,” your children will learn to live that way, too. They’ll see themselves in God’s eyes as someone who is worthy. I can’t think of a more beautiful gift we can give the little ones in our home. It’s a gift that will carry them through life and take them closer to God’s throne.

Read the original post at thebettermom.com!

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August 13, 2015 by Tricia Goyer 3 Comments

Teen Parenting | Q&A with Girlz 4 Christ

Have you ever wondered what it’s like for teens to be a mom? As Christians we are supposed to be pro-life, right? But what happens when one of your friends or someone you know/have heard of becomes pregnant? Of course you want her to keep the baby! However, being pro-life isn’t enough, but it’s confusing to know how to handle the situation as a friend.

A few weeks ago I was interviewed by a dynamic young woman named Lily Garay about my book Teen Mom and about teen pregnancy in general. Lily is a young woman herself, and she has friends who have faced teen pregnancy. I loved the conversation with Lily because she was passionate about reaching out to other young women. Lily asked lots of questions because she wanted to help those around her. As we talked, I took Lily first hand into my life, telling her what it was like to be a teen mom. I also answered questions on how women can help and be loving, not judging.

Lily: Tricia, we want to know becoming a teen parent affected your life (both in youth and now as an adult).

Tricia: I was a cheerleader and an honor roll student so on the outside I looked like a good kid. I first became pregnant at 15 and had an abortion because I didn’t want anyone to find out, but at during my senior year of high school (at 17) I found I was pregnant again by the same boyfriend that got me pregnant at 15 and this time I knew I didn’t want an abortion. When I told him I was pregnant and keeping the baby, he broke up with me and started dating someone else. I was so embarrassed and ashamed by everything that I dropped out of public high school and finished at home since I only had a couple of credits left anyways. From staying at home all the time and not having a boyfriend, my life truly changed overnight and it was really depressing.

During that time that my mom and grandma’s Bible study group invited me in to their Bible study where they showed me that they loved me and were going to be there to support me. They even threw me a baby shower! God showed me that those women love me and I started thinking that maybe He does too. I grew up in church, but because of the love shown to me through these ladies, I dedicated my life to God again. I was 6 months pregnant and that was a huge turning point for me. My life again completely turned around from being depressed to now having hope, feeling like I could do college, and praying for my future husband. I decided to walk on stage for my high school graduation and three weeks later I had my first son, Corey. I started realizing that I needed to use my story to help other people so I started a teen mom support group. God showed me that – the thing I tried to hide is the thing I can use to help other people.

Lily: Your new book contains lots of great information not only for teen moms, but anyone who wants to help teen parents, adult parents, and teens who would like to become parents. What would you say is your overall best piece of advice?

My book is divided to the needs of teen moms, but overall the final chapter is what I want people to walk away with and that is hope in Christ. It doesn’t matter what you face – teen mom, cancer, etc. – Christ can be your strength.

Lily: If you could only spend thirty seconds with a girl who was unsure if she could carry her baby to term, what would you tell her?

Right now in this moment you may feel a lot of fear, but 5 or 10 years from now you are going be able to look at that child and see how God has shown up to help you and support you. No matter what happens or who leaves, God will never leave you.

Read the rest of the interview here!

Whatever you are facing, Christ can be your strength! @TriciaGoyer

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What about you? Do you have any questions about how to help a teen mom? Leave them in the comments! I’d love to answer them on a future blog post.

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July 28, 2015 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

There is No Shortcut to Parenting

If there was a shortcut to parenting, I thought I would have found it by now. I haven’t . . . not even close. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t tried. And it doesn’t mean I haven’t failed. Still we all keep looking and hoping, don’t we?

Baby music classes do not give our kids a fast-track to music scholarships in college. T-ball at age four doesn’t mean the pros at twenty. Reading a Bible story at bedtime every night won’t lead us to growing a godly teen. There are no quick fixes, perfect extracurricular actives, or even right methods of spiritual guidance that will result in perfect kids. We cannot skip the rough stuff in life and move directly to GO to collect our rewards of growing godly adults. Don’t we wish it was all that simple?

There are no parenting quick fixes that will result in perfect kids! @TriciaGoyer

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There are a few things we can cut out that will benefit our kids: the latest gadgets, pricey fashion, electronic games, and social interaction that cuts out face-to-face social life. But we parents often pile on those things when we can’t be there with time, attention, and connection. I’ve been guilty of it. “Here, play with my tablet for a while so I can finish this quick task.”

There are things we might think will help, but they are actually hurting our kids

The right preschool will not make up for time with parents, learning about life, relationships and caring for God.
The right moral stories will not make up for serving as a family, discovering there are real people behind the “issues” who need a helping hand, who need hope.
Even great biographies of heroes of the Christian faith cannot fill in for models of godliness. Instead, children need to see parents on their knees, crying out to God and discussing how God’s truth overcomes the world’s lies.

Yes, it’s important to share stories of Christian faith (I’ve even written a book for that!), but Mom and Dad—your story is the most important one your child will read . . . and they read it in real, living, breathing flesh.

Read the rest of this post over at thebettermom.com and download the printable!

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May 15, 2015 by Tricia Goyer 1 Comment

Never Say No | 5 Ways to Say Yes to your Kids {By Mark & Jan Foreman}

At a local cafe with a half dozen young leaders, Mark Foreman was recently asked, “Give us one nugget of parenting advice before you go.”

“Okay,” he responded, “Try out this one: Never say no.” The room erupted with laughter, as the dad looking for help reacted, “You are kidding right? That’s all I ever say–and my son needs one thousand more no’s.”

“No I’m not kidding,” Mark quietly responded. “Never say no to all the dreams and creative ideas your children have. Never say no to the realization you can become different than your mom or dad. Especially never say no to their requests to join them, like playing dress up with your little girl or going surfing with your teenager when the weather’s cold and windy. If you say no too often, they’ll stop asking.”

A week later that concerned dad tracked Mark down to say he had taken that advice and his home life had dramatically turned around. He said, “My son is suddenly easy to get along with just because I started saying yes to some things he wanted to do together. I’m not kidding,” he said with a big grin, “the change is dramatic.” As he walked away, he turned and pointed to Mark saying, “It’s hard, but never say no!”

A thousand no’s can be dwarfed by 1 yes! #parenting @markhforeman @janforeman

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No is a commanding word. It can be a denial, rejection, an expression of fear or an unintended statement of worth. But a thousand no’s can be dwarfed by the power of one yes. No is a brake while yes is an accelerator pedal. We say yes to the stuff and people we value.

Here are 5 ways parents can say yes to their kids.

1) Say Yes to a Greater Story:

Help your kids to discover a bigger story than the typical stories of safety, health, happiness and even success. Connecting them to God’s big story of redemption. We are raising children with this surpassing privilege: to reflect God’s loving face to others. Say “Yes” to the big story of God loving this world through them.

2) Say Yes to Time:

Children spell love tangibly: T-I-M-E. It’s is the currency of all relationships. Large deposits left early in lives will reap generous rewards later. It reverses Harry Chapin’s song, Cat’s In the Cradle.

3) Say Yes to Delight:

Children see themselves through their parent’s eyes, discovering their worth by reading our faces. Beyond loving our kids, it’s equally vital to really like them, enjoying who they uniquely are. Children who bask in these smiles of appreciation will pay it forward to genuinely enjoying others and being comfortable in their own skin.

@markhforeman & @janforeman share 5 ways to say YES to your kids! #neversayno

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4) Say Yes to Creativity:

All children are Michelangelo’s looking for a canvas. They come equipped with curiosity and innovation as part of the image of God package. This creativity grows best when we stretch their imaginations in a batteries-not-included environment, allowing them to explore and experiment.

5) Say Yes to Launching:

Maturity happens in baby steps: from crawling to walking, training wheels to two wheels, dating to marriage. Three ingredients that work together are essential for this process: increased freedom, risk, and responsibility. As we lean into this gradual increase of our kids’ freedom and (gasp!) risk, we will hopefully see a corresponding growth in their response-ability. It’s helpful to remember our destination: raising kids who say yes to God’s extraordinary plans for their lives.

Every parent, child and family is a gift, a fascinating original, experiencing God’s fingerprints in unique ways. So one final yes is to grace. As we imperfectly guide young humans to find their place in God’s epic, we all need buckets of God’s unearned love. Raising children is the most humbling and exhilarating privilege on earth. Here’s to saying yes!

Raising kids is the most humbling & exhilarating priviledge! @markhforeman @janforeman

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About Mark & Jan

Mark & Jan Foreman live in the San Diego area, where Mark is lead pastor of North Coast Calvary Chapel in Carlsbad, California. Mark is the author of Wholly Jesus, and holds advanced degrees in Theology, Education, and a Ph.D. in Counseling & Pastoral Care.

Jan is a gifted teacher and artist, and also facilitates partnerships with underprivileged women and children both locally and in developing countries.

Together, they love surfing, sailing, travel and especially being with their family.

Never Say No

The question Mark and Jan Foreman are most often asked is: How did you raise your kids?

Never Say No takes you on a personal journey to learn first-hand how they raised Jon and Tim of Switchfoot. They share practical advice for instilling wonder in a media-saturated culture, cultivating specific gifts, and balancing structure with individual choice. Our purpose as parents is the same as our child’s: to live creatively beyond ourselves, bringing the love, beauty and nature of God to this world. Let the adventure begin.

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April 9, 2015 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

Knowing Your Purpose As a Parent

My parenting life looks much different than I ever thought it would. As a single mom of one son, I met and married a wonderful Christian guy, and we had two more children. John and I embraced the parenting years, but we were also looking forward to having an empty nest. After all, we’ve never had a season when it was just us. That’s when God stepped in with other ideas—namely a heart for adoption. In the last five years John and I have adopted three children, two from the foster care system. Currently we’re in the process of adopting four more, also from foster care. Let me do the math for you. That’s ten children. Ten!

I won’t lie; growing up I always liked the idea of a big family . . . but then reality hit when I was a young mom of three kids five and under. I was DONE having kids. Yet through the years as I grew in my relationship with Jesus Christ, I learned something important (and Biblical). My purpose in life should not be to set out to fulfill my dreams but rather God’s dreams. Parenting is not about me—or even our kids—it’s about Him.

My purpose is not to fulfill my dreams but rather God’s dreams. @TriciaGoyer

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If you dig into Christ’s purpose on earth His desire was to show His disciples (and us) what truly is important, what to focus on. Now that we have Christ-in-us, His focus should be ours. Our world looks very different than the one Christ walked in 2,000 years ago, but the heart of Christ has not changed. The key to parenting is seeking Christ’s heart first.

The easiest thing I ever prayed was, “Lord, give me your heart.” But the hardest thing I’ve every done was to put feet to that prayer. When Christ’s heart becomes ours, our purpose is clear:

Give sacrificially.

Love unconditionally.

Serve Christ with humility.

Isn’t this a model of good parenting? Parenting is sacrifice. Parenting is unconditional love. Parenting is humility. It’s giving up pieces of your life for the kids Jesus has given you. It’s extending grace when you least want to give it. It’s focusing on what’s eternal, rather than what won’t last.

Parenting is sacrifice, unconditional love, & humility! @TriciaGoyer

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Read the rest of this post at forthefamily.org.

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October 29, 2014 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

4 Ways to Make Your Job Easier: Mommy Tips to Remember

4 Ways to Make Your Job Easier

Mommy Tips to Remember

Hey Mom, I have four ways to make your job easier today. I promise. I think you’re going to like them, too.

There’s a thing called lack of sleep, and it’s catching up with you. I know that the weekend is coming, but it’s okay to rest today. Sit down. Close your eyes (if you dare). And rest. The laundry and dishes will still be there when you get up. I promise they’re not going anywhere.
The biggest waste of a mother’s time is worrying about the next stage of your child’s life. Two things: 1. It will come. 2. It’s not going to be what you expect anyway. So enjoy your child today. If it helps, make a list of everything you enjoy about THIS season.
There’s a thing called paper and pencil that helps you manage all that stuff in your head. It gets hard trying to remember everything, all the time. (And, hey, you are getting older.) Write down everything that you need to do today. Look and see what is THE most important thing that you need to do today? Do that first.
I’ve saved the best for last. You may think you’re the only one who truly sees how messy your house is today (other than your kids and your husband!), but God sees it too. And you know what? He’s totally cool with it. He knows what’s been going on. He knows that life can be a little overwhelming at times. He can see how you’re trying. Even if not ONE chore gets done today, God loves you completely. Yup, just as you are. Not only that, He’d like to carry some of those burdens. In fact, go back to Step 1, re-do, and add in a prayer. See God in this moment extending His arms of love to you. He totally has your back (if you’re willing to turn a few things over to Him). And in the process He hopes to capture your heart, too.

Download the printable, cut out the quotes, and put them around your house to remind you how to make the most of each day with your kids!

Calling all moms: @TriciaGoyer shares 4 simple ways to make your job easier! #mommytips

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Prayer

God, thank you for the gift of motherhood—for giving me beautiful children. Help me make the most of each day with my kids and not let the stress of life get in the way of being a good parent. Thank you for precious moments together and may I savor each and every one!

More Resources:

Balanced by Tricia Goyer

Moms’ Night Out… And Other Things I Miss by Kerri Pomarolli

Saying Goodbye to Survival Mode by Crystal Paine

Are you new here? You might want to subscribe to my email updates, or follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+, or Instagram.

parenting advice

Prepare

Plan

Read the rest of this post at thebettermom.com.

1. Overcome guilt with trust

Preorder Writing Success today! Amazon | iTunes

Preorder Writing Success today! Amazon | iTunes

Read the rest of this post over at thebettermom.com and download the printable!

Here are 5 ways parents can say yes to their kids.

1) Say Yes to a Greater Story:

2) Say Yes to Time:

3) Say Yes to Delight:

4) Say Yes to Creativity:

5) Say Yes to Launching:

Leave a comment on this post for the chance to win a copy of Never Say No by Mark and Jan Foreman, the parents of Jon and Tim Foreman of Switchfoot!!

About Mark & Jan

Never Say No

Give sacrificially.

Love unconditionally.

Serve Christ with humility.

4 Ways to Make Your Job Easier

Mommy Tips to Remember

Download the printable, cut out the quotes, and put them around your house to remind you how to make the most of each day with your kids!

Prayer

More Resources:

Preorder Writing Success today!
Amazon | iTunes

Preorder Writing Success today!
Amazon | iTunes