rhonda stoppe

November 15, 2018 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

Trusting in God When You Can’t Find Yourself | Rhonda Stoppe

Trusting in God When You Can’t Find Yourself a guest post from author Rhonda Stoppe

“I don’t know who you are. You’re not you anymore. You need help,” my husband, Steve, said. He was right. I hadn’t been myself for a number of years. I just didn’t know what to do about it.

Five years prior to this conversation I’d been a joyful person. I laughed a lot and rarely got offended. So, what happened?

It all started five years earlier when we sold our house in Silicon Valley to move to a simpler, tiny-house life in the country. This was back in the ‘80s when tiny house living wasn’t hip, so people thought we were crazy! I kind of thought so too, but I was up for the adventure.

Our two kids, ages six and one, slept in the only bedroom. We slept on a sofa bed in the living room. And we had no power. Seriously—none! My husband bought a generator and was delighted to be “finally living off the grid.”

I’m pretty sure half of you reading this just audibly gasped, while the other half became giddy about our independent venture. That pretty much describes how differently Steve and I responded to our new life. He was giddy. Me? Not-so-much.

But soon we enjoyed our new kind of normal. Cleaning a tiny house left lots of time to enjoy our kids. But then one day I burped “the pregnant burp”!

If you’ve ever been pregnant you know your body shows signs that you’re expecting. For me, I’d know I was pregnant because of a particular nauseous-type burp. Gross? I know. But seriously.

When I burped that burp I told Steve I was pregnant. We’d been attempting to avoid a pregnancy amidst our no-power-tiny-house-sofa-bed-life, so Steve thought it was all in my head. One day he brought home a pregnancy test. I peed on it and left it in the bathroom for him to read the results.

When he came out holding the stick, he smiled and said, “It’ll be fun!” (And he was right. Almost 30 years later I can attest that this little girl God surprised us with is the epitome of fun!)

Once Steve found out I was pregnant, he worked to add a master suite onto the house. However, it was several months after the baby was born before our bedroom was complete. So, she slept in a bassinet near our sofa bed.

Soon I began to feel claustrophobic and edgy. Rather than the usual euphoria I’d experienced after my other deliveries, I felt overwhelmed and inadequate to care for three children. I cried. A lot.

I hate remembering those dark days because I regret them. I’d literally put my newborn into the hands of my six-year-old, turn on a movie for my two-year-old and go to the kids’ room to weep. One day it really scared Steve when he came home and found me sobbing. It scared me too!

I cried, “It’s just too hard. Please let me go to work, and you stay home with the kids.”

At this point, I wasn’t able to discern why I was such a mess. I blamed it on three kids and our living situation. But what I really had was the baby blues—postpartum depression.

Somewhere along the way, the PPD turned into PMS. Then, I wasn’t a mess all-day-every-day, but only when I ovulated and again right before my period. So basically, I wasn’t myself two weeks each month. I felt ashamed, so I didn’t tell anyone my plight. I changed my diet drastically to no avail. In my frailty, I spent hours on my knees, in the Word and laboring in prayer. When Christ was all I had, my walk with Him grew deeper.

On the day Steve said, “You need to get help.” I wanted to be offended, but I knew he was right. When I finally asked God to guide me to someone who could help, I found an endocrinologist specializing in hormonal imbalances.

After testing, the doctor pin-pointed my problem and was able to help. Soon I was myself again, elated to have returned from the dark side.

Whenever I tell my story, women line up to share their own feelings of shame, loneliness, and despair. After sharing my PMS story on an interview with Focus on the Family, my inbox was flooded with messages from women who silently suffer too. When a Christian tells others about their imbalance, they’re often misunderstood, so it feels safer to keep quiet. I’ve been there.

Wrestling with hormonal imbalances humbled me and made me rely on God like no other time in life. But I know God used my frailty to help me empathize with others. Like second Corinthians 1:4 says, we comfort others “with the comfort which we ourselves are comforted by God” (NKJV).

If you’re in this situation, don’t wait to seek help. It took me five years to visit a specialist. I wish I had gone sooner. But God used my season of losing myself to refine me and prepare me to minister to women from a place of empathy and love. Trusting in God to lead me out of the darkness has grown my faith like nothing else.

Rhonda Stoppe is the No Regrets Woman. With more than 30 years of experience as a marriage mentor, pastor’s wife, author, and speaker, Stoppe leads women of all ages to live lives of no regrets.

Using sound biblical teaching through humor and honest communication, Stoppe teaches women how to apply God’s word to live boldly through the power of the Holy Spirit. Stoppe has appeared on radio programs and has spoken at women’s events, MOPs groups and homeschool conventions around the nation.

Stoppe is the author of Moms Raising Sons to be Men, which mentors thousands of moms to guide sons toward a no-regrets life, If My Husband Would Change, I’d Be Happy & Other Myths Wives Believe, helping countless women build no-regrets marriages and Real-Life Romance, a collection of real-life love stories. Her latest release is The Marriage Mentor, written with her husband, Steve.

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More about The Marriage Mentor, Rhonda’s latest release

The Marriage Mentor, new from author Rhonda Stoppe

Grow Your Marriage One Step at a Time

Imagine if your good friends were a couple dedicated to help you build the marriage you’ve always dreamed of.

Steve and Rhonda are that couple. After three decades of helping couples build no-regrets marriages, the Stoppes have compiled their success secrets into this easy-to-read, fun, and interactive book. It will help you …

learn to engage in meaningful conversation
break free from regrets that hold you back
renew your hope for lifelong love

Every page feels like a candid conversation with a friend. You will laugh and learn from a biblical perspective the secrets to enjoying a marriage that lasts a lifetime.

Purchase a copy of The Marriage Mentor
Amazon | Barnes & Noble | CBD | RhondaStoppe.com

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July 5, 2018 by Tricia Goyer 2 Comments

A Letter To My Teen Mom | Rhonda Stoppe

Rhonda Stoppe shares a heartfelt letter written for her teen mom

Hey Momma,

This is the first year that I have not been able to hug your neck, tell you I love you and say: “Thanks for being my momma.”

When you were only seventeen years old, you found out you were pregnant with me. “I had to quit the drill team when I got pregnant with you,” is what you always told me.

As a young girl, I never gave it a thought to what you were saying when you shared with me what you gave up as a teenager—to be my mom.

I remember how I felt the first time you shared with me how unbeknownst to my teenage father your own mother had pressed you to have an abortion, but you refused. But, it never occurred to me what courage it would have taken for you to stand up to your mom––to decide to become a teenage mother.

I remember you told me about the day I was born. You said you were alone in your hospital room holding me because my father had to go back to work. He was also very young, so the job hanging garage doors that he’d recently landed was the blessing he had been hoping for to help him take care of his little family. However, it also meant he had to return to work immediately after my birth. How hard that must have been for him–and you. As I was crying inconsolably, so were you. How overwhelmed and alone you felt.

My favorite part of that story is when you shared with me how at that very moment, a woman you had never met happened by your room. Whoever this kind woman was, she stopped, entered your room, and began to speak kind and encouraging words to you.

And then, as the story goes, you said the woman took me in her arms and began to pray for me—and for you. You couldn’t remember what the woman had prayed, only that her kindness and prayers brought you peace.

Oh, how I wish I could thank this woman for being the arms and words of Jesus to you at such a vulnerable time. And for praying for me as well.

You and I grew up together, mom. You fought with your kids more like a sibling than a parent. You pretended to be a grown-up when I looked to you for answers.

As an adolescent, I remember thinking, “She should have it all together, after all, she’s a mom.”

I never considered the reality that you had recently been an adolescent yourself. You never read books about parenting. You never went to parenting classes or sought out godly mentors. You just worked really hard to be the mom you wanted to be. And, when you messed up you didn’t give up—on yourself, or on me.

Only after I became a mother did it dawn on me how young you had been when you became a mom. And, only then did I realize how much you sacrificed to raise me—and my siblings.

With fresh new eyes–a mother’s eyes–I found a new respect for you, and the price you paid to become my mom. After that realization, I made it a point every year on my birthday and on Mother’s Day to thank you for having me—and raising me.

Four short months ago I sat at your bedside—for the last time. I thanked you for being my momma—for the last time.

And in your final hours, I was incredibly moved to hear each of my children tell you how much they love you and thank you for having me—their mom. It was then that it occurred to me; none of my precious kids would exist had you not determined to have me, so many years ago.

I almost felt like I was watching a clip from the movie, It’s a Wonderful Life.

As I tearfully watched you grasp the reality that you would soon breathe your last breath, I joyfully watched my son (over FaceTime) pull out his guitar and sing to you:

All to Jesus I surrender, All to Him I freely give…

I surrender all, I surrender all…

All to thee my blessed Savior, I surrender all.

And then, before Brandon said his final farewell to you, he said, “I love you Mamo…Thank you for having my momma. And thank you for teaching her about Jesus.”

Yes, Momma…Thank you for having me, and thank you for teaching me about Jesus.

Thank you for taking me to church and exposing me to Truth. I learned about Jesus from the Bible stories you read to me. I decided to follow Jesus at one of the summer camps you had to make personal financial sacrifices to provide a way for me to attend. (Funny how as a child it never occurred to me what you had to give up so I could enjoy so many of these things I then took for granted.)

Six months before you breathed your final breath, God allowed me the privilege of watching you genuinely surrender your heart to Jesus. As I sat by your bedside, you tearfully realized that the religion you had trusted in for so many years, did not have the power to change your heart—or to cleanse you from your sins.

I wept with you, as you cried out to God in repentance, I can still hear your sweet little voice, Father, forgive me. I want to be your child.

Oh momma, how could we have known that in only 6 short months from that day you surrendered to Jesus, you would be standing in His very presence worshiping around the Throne?

Oh, how glorious it must be to look into the eyes of our gentle Savior and sing “All to Jesus I surrender” for all eternity. How I long to stand next to you one day and join in that chorus.

But for now, I will remember the price that was paid by our Savior so your eternity with Him is secure.

And, I will remember how God chose you—a mere teenage girl, to be my momma so many years ago.

And when I remember, I will thank God for the courage He gave you—to forsake your carefree teenage years, to be my mom.

And when I meet a teenage mom, I will hug, pray for her and her baby, and tell her how grateful I am for her selfless courage. And I will encourage her that one day, her child will come to realize all that she gave up to answer the most glorious calling of all time—the ministry of motherhood. And she will have NO REGRETS.

Momma, “Thank you” doesn’t express fully my gratitude. But, I know you know. And, one day soon…when I see you again, I’ll hug your neck, take your hand, and follow you all around the streets of gold so you can show me all the glories of heaven.

I love you, Momma, see ya soon.

~Rhonda

Rhonda Stoppe is the NO REGRETS WOMAN. With more than 30 years experience of in helping women build no-regrets lives. I could have listened to Rhonda talk all night, is what women say about Rhonda’s enthusiastic, humorous, transparent teaching, and zeal as an evangelist. She’s committed to fulfilling the Titus 2:4 commission by mentoring, teaching, and writing books that are inspiring, grounded in Scripture, and easy to read––like you’re visiting with a friend over coffee.

Rhonda is the author of 6 books and appears on numerous radio programs including FamilyTalk, Focus on the Family, Family Life Today, and hosts The No Regrets Hour. She speaks at women’s events, Pastor’s Wives Conferences, MOPs, and homeschool conventions. Sharing the gospel is her sweet spot––she’s an evangelist at heart.

Rhonda ministers alongside her husband Steve, who pastors First Baptist Church of Patterson, California. They live out their own Real Life Romance writing books and speaking at their No Regrets Marriage Conferences, but their favorite ministry is their family. They have four grown children and nine grandchildren.

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Want more of Rhonda? Don’t miss her #WalkItOut Podcast episode HERE!

June 9, 2018 by Tricia Goyer 1 Comment

#WalkItOut Podcast 018: Rhonda Stoppe

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In today’s episode of #WalkItOut Podcast, we’re chatting with Rhonda Stoppe! I hope you enjoy today’s show. You can listen at WalkItOutPodcast.com or on iTunes!

In today’s episode, we’re chatting with Rhonda Stoppe.

I appreciate so much what Rhonda has to say about love in this upcoming interview. Love doesn’t start in our hearts, it starts in our minds. It’s choosing to love even when things aren’t lovely.

When we were first dating or married our spouse it’s easy to think about all the good things that we love about the person. But as the years pass, it becomes easier to think about all the negative things, and this is where love and romance breaks down.

I love this interview so much that I went back and listened to it more than once, just to be encouraged. I know you will enjoy this too!

I hope you enjoy today’s chat with Rhonda Stoppe. You can listen above or on iTunes! I’d love it if you shared with your friends!

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you click on a link and purchase, I will receive a commission.

Links from the show

Moms Raising Sons to be Men
Real-Life Romance
The Marriage Mentor
Nehemiah 8:10
Mark 12:29 -31
Walk It Out
A Letter to My Teenage Mom
I Sleep with the Pastor
Praying for Your Future Husband
Real-Life Romance Videos

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This Week’s Walk It Out Scripture

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

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A special thanks to Life Worship for the use of their song Wide Open Space for my theme song!

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February 22, 2018 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

Three Ways to Rekindle Romance | Rhonda Stoppe

“My husband and I haven’t been intimate in a long time, but he completely understands that homeschooling the kids is our priority right now,” said the woman at my book table.

After forcing myself not to audibly gasp, I gently reminded her the Bible encourages married couples to come together regularly in the marriage bed, going so far as to warn us that too long of a season apart gives place to the devil.

The woman assured me that they were not naive about such things, and they both agreed that the time she now spent schooling the kids made her too tired in the evenings for sexual intimacy.

While schooling kids at home can be exhausting, I get it––I’ve been there–how can a you rekindle the romance in your marriage?

Let’s look at 3 ways to light that fire and rekindle romance:

1. Rehearse Right Thinking

Do you remember how much you couldn’t wait for your love to look your way across a crowded room? Can you recall how your heart skipped a beat when he reached over to grasp your hand?

Falling in love is all in your mind. In the same way it’s easy to fall out of love if you’re not regularly thinking on the good things you love about them (see Philippians 4).

It’s important to look back and remember these moments where your love captured your heart because recalling the way you fell in love stirs those feelings you once had and creates a sense of love in your relationship.

It’s easy to get so caught up in good things—urgent things—that you forsake the essential for the immediate. Your kids’ security lies in the health of your marriage. So even though it’s tempting to focus on the urgency of lesson plans, field trips and building a California Mission out of sugar cubes (that’s still a thing, right?) don’t forget that rehearsing loving thoughts toward your husband will build your love for him in a way that your kids will enjoy. They can also rest secure in your love for one another.

2. Remember to Romance

What does romance look like? When I was young, it was flowers. When my kids were elementary age, romance meant, “Hey Babe jump in and help me with the dishes, and I’ll have energy to be with you tonight.”

The secret is helping your husband know how to romance you. Figure out what speaks romance to you in your particular situation, then kindly explain to him what it means to you to have him express romance in a certain way.

Remember, men love to be romanced too. However, his idea of romance may not look like yours. When you were dating, how did you spend time with your man? You likely played together right? Whether that meant going golfing or rowing a canoe, the time you spent enjoying what he enjoyed likely spoke romance to him. So, don’t forget to make time to play together as a couple because when you do, it’s romantic to him.

While playing together and enjoying thoughtful gestures are romantic, you cannot forget that intimacy in the marriage bed is also something your husband looks forward to. In the book I am currently writing, one man is quoted as saying, “Not having the intimacy I had hoped for when I got married is like a treasure lost.”

Sex doesn’t mean the same thing to wives as it does to husbands. Don’t mistakenly think your husband’s desire for intimacy is a physical urge to be tolerated. Rather, when you take your husband to bed you minister to him in a way that gives him an overall satisfaction with life. God made him that way, so don’t make him apologize for it. His longing to connect with you physically is as important to him as your need to connect with him through conversation and gentle touch.

3. Reserve a Retreat.

You’re busy, I get it. We all are. However, when you become too busy to sneak away for couple time, you’re missing an incredible opportunity to reconnect and revive the romance in your relationship.

You got married to knit your hearts and lives together, not just to have kids and accomplish tasks. So, take time to set aside the schedule and run away with your husband. Whether it’s a weekend away or a late-night coffee run, choosing your spouse over your to-do list will do wonders to revive your romance and fortify the foundation of your marriage.

In the end, when your children see mom and dad’s love for one another is unshakeable, you’ll do more for their security and productivity than any score they might achieve on an SAT test. I promise you won’t regret it!

Three Ways to Rekindle the Romance from @RhondaStoppe from @TriciaGoyer

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More about Real-Life Romance

Do You Believe in True Love?

In a world of broken relationships and hurting people, it can seem like all we ever see is heartache—that marriages are doomed from the start and romance isn’t worth the risk.

But heart-fluttering, long-lasting love is all around us…we just have to look for it!

This collection of beautiful, real-life accounts will bring laughter and tears as you enjoy each story of ordinary people who found extraordinary love. Page after page, you will find inspiration to

rekindle the romance in your love story
trust in God’s providence and timing
faithfully hope for your own happily-ever-after
celebrate true romance
believe in life-long love

Don’t let the world define romance for you! See how God is at work in the hearts of His people—knitting together hearts in a love that forever endures.

Join Rhonda and other real-life romancers on March 6 for a Facebook Live party, plus enter to win the Make Your Own Real-Life Romance prize pack!

One grand prize winner will receive:

One copy of Real-Life Romance
A $50 restaurant gift card
A $25 movie gift card

Enter today by clicking the icon below. But hurry, the giveaway ends on March 6. The winner will be announced at Rhonda’s Facebook Live Party. RSVP for a chance to connect with Rhonda and other readers, as well as for a chance to win other prizes!

RSVP today and spread the word—tell your friends about the giveaway and Facebook Live party via social media and increase your chances of winning. Hope to see you on the 6th!

Rhonda Stoppe leads women of all ages to live lives of no regrets. She is the author of Moms Raising Sons to be Men and If My Husband Would Change, I’d Be Happy & Other Myths Wives Believe. Her latest book is Real-Life Romance (February 2018) and The Marriage Mentor will be releasing June 2018 from Harvest House Publishers.

Rhonda lives in California with her husband, Steve. They have four adult children and nine grandchildren.

Visit Rhonda Stoppe’s website www.NoRegretsWoman.com for more resources on love, marriage and parenting. She is also active on Facebook (RhondaStoppeNoRegretsWoman) and on Twitter (@RhondaStoppe).