share Archives - Tricia Goyer

I knew I wanted to marry John on our first date. How? Even more than my physical attraction (he was cute!), I was impressed by our conversation. John told me about his growing-up years, his time in the Marine Corps, and his hopes for the future. I knew he was someone I could share a life with. We have been married for over three decades and built a fulfilling marriage together.

How do you joyfully share a life with your spouse? More than that, how do you have a fulfilling marriage?

Here are 7 ways.

Share memories: Memories give us a glimpse into each other’s past. I understand my husband better because of the memories he shares. He understands me better, too.
Share dreams: Ask your spouse, “If you could do anything, what would it be?” The answer may surprise you. Allow your spouse to dream without thinking about logistics and cost. Pray about how to make those dreams possible … or other similar {smaller} dreams.
Share hopes: Dreams look outward, but hopes are what’s tucked deep inside. What does your spouse hope for his/her marriage, parenting, and job? Ask.
Share pet peeves: My husband is bothered by sticky fingers and toys cluttering the living room. And he overlooks a lot of things that drive me crazy. Little annoyances can be avoided if you realize that pet peeves are not big issues, but they matter.
Share laughs: Laughter can help couples face hard situations with grace. Recently we added two new children to our home (adopted from the foster care system), and sometimes we were so overwhelmed that all we could do was laugh! Laughter helped us overcome a lot of battles together.
Share prayers: A dozen years ago, John and I started praying together in the morning. Those prayers mean so much to me. I confidently face the day when I hear my husband’s whispered prayers.
Share a mission: In his book The Sacred Search, Gary Thomas had this to say about a shared mission:

“The old cliché is all too true: a good marriage is the closest two people will ever come to heaven this side of eternity; a bad marriage is the closest two people in an affluent society will ever come to hell.

“Such problems usually erupt from trying to build a life together without purpose, without mission, without something that not only establishes a connection but keeps you caring about each other for the next fifty to sixty years.” Gary Thomas

What is your mission as a couple?

Come up with 3-4 words that answer this statement: “This is what we’re about …”

John and I focus on service, evangelism, hospitality, and making memories. This is who “we” are; our life and choices reflect that. I’m thankful that I have this man to share my life with. Now … what about you?

What do you share with your spouse? What is your mission as a couple?

Additional Resources

Generation Next Marriage | Tricia Goyer
A Conversation with Dr. Gary Chapman on Love is a Choice
How to Give Your Marriage a Regular Check-up
A Conversation with Amber Lia on Marriage Triggers
Resources to Transform Your Marriage

When to Share Your Faith . . . And When To Seal Your Lips

I remember the first time a college professor made fun of my faith. I was taking a history class at a small community college, but the professor spent more time talking about his atheistic beliefs than world civilizations. He would work jabs against Christianity into every lecture. I’d sit there and squirm. I wanted to say something, anything, to make him see the error in his ways.

Finally, halfway through the semester I got up the nerve to say something to the professor. I raised my hand and made a comment about evidence of God’s hand in history. The professor listened for ten seconds, laughed, and then he continued on with his comments. I was embarrassed, and I never spoke up again. Looking back, that incident impacted me. It made me fearful of sharing my faith. I didn’t want to be embarrassed, and I got used to keeping my thoughts to myself.

It was only years later that I realized Jesus understood and dealt with the same thing.

In Luke chapter 20, we see incident after incident of those who were trying to trap Jesus, to discredit him, and to make Jesus look bad in the eyes of the people. Jesus didn’t spout off volumes of truth, proving them wrong. Verse 8 says, “And Jesus responded, ‘Then I won’t tell you by what authority I do these things’” (NLT).

Scared of reaching out to others and sharing Jesus with them? Try out these tips @TriciaGoyer:

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Jesus knew what I learned—there are some people whose minds will not be changed no matter what we say. They have hard hearts. They listen only to come up with a rebuttal.

As Proverbs 26:4 says, “Don’t answer the foolish arguments of fools, or you will become as foolish as they are” (NLT).

Jesus talks about this again in Matthew 7:6: “”Don’t waste what is holy on people who are unholy. Don’t throw your pearls to pigs! They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you” (NLT).

If you come up against someone like my professor, you may want to share your faith, but if that doesn’t work out, don’t let it stop you from reaching out to others who have softer hearts.

When to Share

As a mom of 10 children, one of my greatest desires has been to raise kids who can share their faith. John and I have taken our kids on mission trips. We’ve encouraged them to be shining beacons wherever they are. We’ve taught them how to share their faith by knowing what to look for.

How can they do that? By going through these steps when reaching out to others:

Get them to trust you as a Christian.
Get them curious about Jesus.
Get them to ask questions.
Get them to consider making changes in their own lives.
Invite them to have a personal relationship with Jesus.*

Jesus knew that there were some people who wanted to hurt him, to kill him. Yet He was always on the lookout for those with seeking hearts.

In your own life, know that there will be times when sharing your faith will not be easy or fruitful. There will be times when your words will bounce off hard hearts.

Instead of being discouraged, like Jesus, look for those who trust you, are curious and ask questions. Those are the people worth spending time with. The time you spend with soft-hearted people will hopefully reap eternal rewards!

*These principles are taken from the book I Once Was Lost: What Postmodern Skeptics Taught Us About Their Path to Jesus by Don Everts and Doug Schnapps

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