As a mom of ten kids I’ve been though every stage (a few times!), and I have to say that the hardest, most confusing time for girls is the pre-teen and teen years. Between ages 12-16 girls’ bodies are changing, their emotions are charged, and on a scale from 1-10 their desire for peer approval is an 11.5!

All the lessons that little girls soaked in during quiet time devotions about their value, worth and beauty dissipate as soon as they turn teen and walk into a group setting and have a half-dozen sets of eyes fixed on them.

The truth is that there are multiple situations a day when teen girls have to deal with going with the crowd or choosing a different way and feeling uncomfortable and awkward. We raise our teens to be different than the world but being different is painful for girls who want to fit in!

I love what Kari Kampakis says in her book, 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know:

“It’s not a matter of if you’ll be pressured, but when. People will push you as far as you let them. Unless you establish parameters now, you’ll be talked into things against your better judgment.”

The good news is that parents can help! In addition to reading through 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know (which I recommend!), here are other ways parents can help. The advice below came from my mom friends. Feel free to use these as conversation starters for your teen girl.

Lea Anne: I try to emphasize more how uncomfortable the consequences are of doing wrong. That way these tough conversations or awkward ‘no’s’ seem like a positive step for their own safety and well-being.

Tina Marie: Even though it’s hard to stand up for yourself and not follow your peers, it is okay to stand up for what you feel is best for you and or right for you. It is okay to be different than them. If your friends are your true friends they will stick by you in the choice you make for yourself.

It is hard to see the consequences at the time of the wrong, but try not to rush into quick decisions. Wait till the last minute to give your answer, call your parents and talk it out with them. If allowed come up with your own group get-together that’s safe for all.

Read the rest of this post at tommynelson.com.

How to talk to your teen about being comfortable with being uncomfortable! @TriciaGoyer

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Why Your Older Kids Fight Your Teaching (And How To Fix That)

I’m a mom of six children. I’ve been homeschooling eighteen years, and with three preschoolers, I have another eighteen years of homeschooling to go! Three of my children are adults. Cory is twenty-three years old, married, and he and Katie have a baby boy and one on the way. He’s a working man and a caring husband and father. Leslie is twenty and graduated from the University of Arkansas, Little Rock, this year. She’s a stellar student who’s living in Europe as a missionary right out of college. Nathan is twenty years old and a college freshman. After one semester of college, he was asked to work as a writing coach in the university’s writing center. Even more important than how well they’re doing in life, my three older kids love God and have a deep, growing relationship with him.

We also have three more kids ages five, three, and two who’ve been added to our family through adoption. As a forty-one-year-old mom, sometimes I’m overwhelmed with thinking of doing it ALL again, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s to focus on one day at a time. And focus on one heart at a time.

I started off by telling you of my older kids’ successes in education and life because I want you to know it is possible. If you would have told me three years, five years, or seven years ago where my kids would end up, I would have been relieved — but confused. I often fought with my kids on getting their work done. They seemed unmotivated at times. Some (most?!) of their work was done half-heartedly, and there was one child who just could not “get” the read the book and answer the questions model.

When Older Kids aren’t Motivated

There were many homeschooling days I found myself in tears. I prayed for God to give me the answer, and when it came it wasn’t what I expected. “Throw out the lesson plans and stop trying to force learning. Look at each child individually. Focus on that child’s heart, and teach to that child.”
“But what about geography and geometry and all those other critical subjects?” I prayed (and fretted.) Still, God kept the answer that He spoke to my heart the same.
What did it look like?

Truthfully, it looked completely different for each kid. I signed one up for co-op classes, one for some college classes, and one did hardly any traditional work at all. Trying to get my youngest son to answer a worksheet was futile, but I did discover he loved watching DVD courses of college lectures. Except for some math and language computer programs, for three years this kid watched DVDs for homeschool — classes about history and science and notable people. And the he told me about what he learned.

He also like to write fictional stories on the side. Stories I never edited, never graded. Stories that were focused more on his imagination than on his education.

This child hadn’t written one essay at the time he started at our local university. Yet this was also the kid who got an A on every university paper he’s ever written and was asked to be an intern at the writing center as a freshman.
Looking back, what God was asking me to do was to coach my children to grow into godly people who loved to learn.

Looking back, I can see this is far more important that learning the periodic table — but at the time I was so overwhelmed and stressed that all I focused on was what my kids weren’t learning.

Why are your #teens fighting your teaching? @TriciaGoyer shares her #parenting tips:

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Why are your older kids fighting your teaching?

It doesn’t fit their style.
It doesn’t fit their interests.
You’re more focused on the lesson plan than him (or her).
You are comparing him to others — other students, other siblings.
You are thinking of this semester — this year — instead of who God designed your child to be and God’s plan for his life.

Keep reading to find out why your older kids are fighting your teaching and to find out a solution!

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