Teen Mom

August 25, 2016 by Tricia Goyer 4 Comments

Overcoming the Fear in Your Past

It may seem as if overcoming the fear in your past is impossible. But with God’s help, you can live a life of freedom from fear. Let me share what has helped me walk in victory.

Overcoming the Fear in Your Past

“I’ve screwed up big time. If you can do anything with my life, please do.”

That was the eloquent prayer I prayed in the early months of 1989. I was 17 and pregnant. I had dropped out of regular high school. My boyfriend was out of the picture. My friends were going on with their senior year. I was depressed and without hope. I slept in until noon and watched soap operas, and I was pretty sure my life was over …

But then I dared to hope.

I dared to believe my Sunday School teacher who’d told me, years before, that Jesus loved me. I dared to trust that God could and would forgive me for my mistakes. In a step of faith, I prayed to God and asked Him to rescue me. I trusted that if I turned my life over to Jesus that he could give me a good future–even though I couldn’t see it or imagine it.

It was during that time that my grandmother invited me to her women’s Bible study. It was there that I found help, hope, and the acceptance that God still loved me and had a good purpose for my life. I dared to believe that I could be a good mom and that someone might want me for a wife someday. Little did I know, but God already had the perfect husband in mind for me–John Goyer–who I would meet soon. All I had to do was trust in Him and allow Him to lead me towards the path He had opened for me.

I didn’t have to be perfect. I just had to be willing to seek Him and obey.

God does not expect us to be perfect, but He does expect us to seek Him for guidance, wisdom, and the strength to make the right choices. We do this by reading God’s Word, prayer, and following examples of those who put Him first.

Overcome your past & look to your future with hope! @triciagoyer

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Overcoming the Fear in Your Past

One way to find healing is by telling your story. Maybe your story is the one that will point another towards hope. While it was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done, sharing my past mistakes in community was also one of the ways God healed the pain of my past. And the more I shared, the easier it became. Eventually, I was able to share openly without fear of guilt or shame and I saw how God used my obedience to bless so many. I was able to share the hope that had set me free.

Maybe it’s your turn? Here are some steps to help you use your past as a tool to help others find healing.

3 Steps to Using Your Past Pain to Help Others Find Healing

1. Consider your own heartache. How is this part of your story? Take a few minutes to write down the five hardest moments in your life. How did God show up in your hardship? What can you share about Him with others?

2. See your greatest failure as a great legacy of God’s goodness. How can you use your mistakes as a platform for reaching others? What would you want to tell someone who is going through the same pain? It is from those hurting places that you will be able to touch the souls of others.

3. Consider where you can share about the hope and healing that you found in Jesus Christ. Are you on Facebook? Do you have a blog? Are you in a Bible Study or small group? Do you have a friend who is hurting? When we are willing to crack open our souls, people listen. When we speak out of the hard places in our own lives they are willing to open up their hearts. Write down a few places where you can share your story.

For years I shared about my heartaches, through the pages of my novels. I still do. Yet as God has brought more healing, I share it in many other places too: in small groups, on this blog, and even as I speak.

I’ve realized that there are people out there who need to hear my story. It impacts them by causing them to look at their own lives.

You have a story to share, friend. You can use your past pain to help others. Share how Jesus has transformed you and encourage others to turn to Jesus in the same way.

Embrace your story. Embrace your heartache. You never know how God will use it! @TriciaGoyer

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Praying For Your Future Husband

From when we were small girls, most of us dream of “The One,” our future husband. We think about what it would be like to be a bride. We wonder who that special guy is and when we’ll find him. The great news is that what you do now can make a difference in your life and the life of your future husband! Praying For Your Future Husband

Also available on Audio-book!

June 2, 2016 by Tricia Goyer 1 Comment

Think You Might Be Pregnant? Your Bad News Could be Your Biggest Blessing

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant. I was 17-years-old and a senior in high school. The news was BAD in every way. My boyfriend dumped me when I didn’t have an abortion. I dropped out of school because I was so embarrassed of being pregnant. Yet that dark day turned into something beautiful.

When I was six months pregnant I dedicated my heart to God. I told Him that I wanted to live His way and not my own. My future started looking bright! I then started praying for my future husband, and God brought me an amazing, godly guy. We were married when my son Cory was 9 months old.

“Well that’s good for you,” you might be thinking. “But that doesn’t happen every day. That can’t happen to me. God can’t help me—won’t help me like that.”

Friend, I think He might. He wants you to turn to Him. He wants to provide a good life for you and your child. And he might even bring you an amazing, godly husband. How do I know? I’m not the only one He’s done it for. Below is a story from my friend Kelly. I met her at one of my speaking events. Here’s her story in her words:

“You are probably my only friend who will never get married or have kids,” said my friend just one week before I found out I was pregnant and just ten months before I met my future husband. Life can change in an instant. I realized my life’s course had drastically changed direction on what is known on my calendar as Black Monday.

Black Monday was the catalyst that propelled me away from eating movie-theater butter popcorn and a bottle wine for dinner to healthy home cooked meals. From repeatedly getting into superficial relationships revolving around sex to a committed marriage revolving around God (with sex as a perk <smile>.) From avoiding God because I feared Him to facing fears with God as my deepest and safest confidant. I still experience times of exercising faith without “feeling” it and overwhelming sense of fear, but they are less and less all the time. I am still convinced God is good, He is for me and not against me, He is faithful to me. Period. Black Monday was the start of my path in believing these things.

Several weeks before Black Monday my mom and asked if I thought I could be pregnant because of some recent gut issues. Adamant and defensive, I assured her that was not possible. Her mom wiles were sharp that night, and she told me how my younger sister found condoms in my apartment. Busted. This was God’s grace, showing me the truth in love. But I wasn’t ready to face the fact that my lifestyle needed healing.

After weeks of denial and bad gas, I was at a lunch date with girlfriends. One of them shared tons of strange symptoms that I totally identified with. The culmination of stories about her GI track irritations came to a roaring crescendo… she was pregnant! Fear seized my mind. I had to get out of there, find Planned Parenthood and “flush out whatever is in there.” God totally intervened. My girlfriend followed me out, all the while trying to talk me out of a panic and an abortion. She grabbed my shoulders and said, “Kelly! You are not thinking clearly.” Miraculously I just biked home. God saved Toby’s life.

As soon as I got home I took a test. The reality of being pregnant was so harsh I went outside for fresh air to help me stop hyperventilating. As soon as I got outside (to really drive the point home), I witnessed two ducks mating right before my crying eyes. The Lord. Is. Hilarious.

Shortly after finding out I was pregnant, I heard Tricia give her testimony. My heart was softened and that night I made a list of values I wanted in a husband and began praying for him every day until I met him 4 weeks after Toby was born. Five months after we met, we were married and Toby was adopted.

God is a god of miracles.

I love Kelly’s story. I love how her bad news was turned into a blessing! I’ve heard similar stories from so many young women who dared to take these steps of faith:

Turn your life over to God. You’ve been trying to do things on your own and you’ve messed up. Admit that to Him. (Don’t worry, He won’t be surprised.) Ask God to forgive you and give you a good future.
Start praying for your future husband. Consider reading Praying for Your Future Husband and praying along with the book. Think of all the positive, godly qualities you want in a husband and pray for those things.
Pray for your baby and dedicate him/her to God. You never know how God will use your child! Even if the world may say that your child is a mistake or accident, that’s not the truth. God created your child in your womb and has good plans for your child’s life!
Open your heart to those who want what’s best for you. It may be a parent or a friend. Surround yourself with people who love God and want His best for you. The road won’t be easy, but good friends help you on your walk.
Consider reading Teen Mom. This book was written just for YOU. Know that other teen moms have gone on to lead amazing, beautiful lives … and you can, too!

Click here for more resources for teen moms!

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January 28, 2016 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

Healthy Recipes & Tips for Teen Moms-to-Be

{by Marie Dittmer}

Nutrition is always important, but it is super important during pregnancy. How and what you eat and drink affects the outcome of your pregnancy and the health of both you and your baby. A nourishing diet that provides adequate calories, protein, vitamins, and minerals keeps mom and baby healthy, and helps baby grow and develop.

If you’re a pregnant teenager, there are additional challenges. There’s the potential for premature delivery, low birth weight for the baby, or anemia. In addition, a teen mom-to-be is still growing and developing herself and needs to eat to support growth for both her and her baby. That means eating enough nourishing food to gain a healthy amount of weight, and provide the vitamins and minerals needed for a healthy pregnancy.

That can be challenging if you eat a typical adolescent diet. Teens commonly skip meals, snack on foods that provide little nutritional substance, and tend to eat more fast foods and convenience foods. A lack of cooking experience or a limited food supply at home makes it even harder.

That being said, pregnant teens want to have healthy babies. And eating healthy and gaining enough weight are key factors for a healthy baby. But how do you overcome some of the challenges listed above? Here are a few ideas:

Don’t skip meals. Pregnancy requires a lot of calories and nutrients, and it’s easier to get them in if you space them out throughout the day rather than trying to eat it all at one or two meals.
Replace soft drinks with milk to provide needed calcium and more protein to the diet.
Keep snacks around that are convenient, but nourishing, like apples, oranges, baby carrots, bananas, celery sticks, grape tomatoes, whole grain crackers, cheese slices, string cheese, graham crackers, yogurt, pretzels, and single-serving packets of nuts or dried fruit. Some of these you could even keep in a locker at school for a quick snack between classes.
Make healthier choices at fast food restaurants. Ask for milk or juice instead of soda. Instead of fries, ask for a side salad, apples slices, or other fruit cup. Try items like grilled chicken sandwiches, baked potatoes, or chili instead of burgers or deep fat fried foods.
If breakfast is rushed in the morning, try prepping a few things the night before. Make hard-boiled eggs, peanut butter and banana (or jelly) sandwiches, bagels with cheese or peanut butter, or fruit smoothies that can be frozen individually and taken out in the morning to enjoy on the way to school.
Utilize community programs such as WIC (Women, Infants, and Children) if you have trouble affording healthier food. They offer resources and education to help you and your baby.

Healthy recipes & tips for teen moms-to-be with @MarieTDittmerRD

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For more ideas look at these online resources for more information and support:

If you are new to cooking, here are a few easy meal and snack ideas to get you started:

Make quesadillas with whole grain tortillas, cheese, and tomato slices.
Try tuna salad, made with Greek yogurt instead of mayonnaise, on whole grain bread.
Whole grain pasta with spaghetti sauce and a sprinkling of cheese makes a quick and easy lunch or dinner.
Instead of jelly, make a peanut butter sandwich with a sliced banana.
Fill a whole grain tortilla with cheese and thin sliced apple, heated in the microwave until the cheese melts.
Make a batch of muffins on Sunday and enjoy them for breakfast throughout the week.
Fill celery sticks with peanut butter and top with raisins or dried cranberries for a tasty snack.
Try cottage cheese with some canned mandarin oranges or peaches for a snack.
Dip baby carrots or cucumber slices in hummus instead of sour cream based dips.

Here are a few recipe ideas to get you started on expanding your healthy eating habits:

Easy Mini Frittatas from Healthy Ideas Place

12 Quick and Healthy Pregnancy Snacks from Super Healthy Kids

Cherry Oatmeal Bowl from Amy Gorin Nutrition

8 Simply Healthy Meals Teens Can Make

Quick and Easy Veggie Pizza Rounds from Healthy Ideas Place

Easy Peasy Black Bean & Butternut Squash Burritos from Nutrition Instincts

Baked Sweet Potatoes from Healthy Ideas Place

Double Chocolate Banana Muffins from Not Quite Amish

Favorite Kid-Friendly Healthy Snacks via Healthy Ideas Place

Simple Baked Eggs from Not Quite Amish

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July 30, 2015 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

14 Valuable Ways to Help Teen Moms

Young moms have a lot of needs. They’re still teenagers, yet they also have to balance school, a boyfriend, friends, parents, and sometimes work. As a teen mom I faced depression when I lost my boyfriend and most of my friends during my pregnancy. I dropped out of school and slept until noon. With each day that passed I put another brick on the wall I was building around my heart. Those bricks started tumbling when older women reached out to me with love and compassion. Because they loved me, I dared to believe God loved me too. Sometimes I wonder where I’d be today without those women.

If you’d like to help teen moms, here are some valuable ways to do it. You’ll never know the impact, but I guarantee it’ll be huge!

1. Offer a prepaid phone. “I offered a young mom a prepaid phone so she can always call for help when needed. I also paid/ordered cab rides for her to go to the doctor or ER when necessary. Apps such as Uber or Lyftt make it possible to help long-distance. I wasn’t even in the same state, but we were able to help in this manner.” —Angela

2. Take her shopping. “I had the pleasure years ago to take a young mom maternity clothes shopping. This trip experience was the first for us both but such a precious memory.” —Sherry

3. Help with homework. Offer to help with college applications. Search for scholarships, too.

4. Be a friend. “I welcomed her into my home with hugs, stood by her choice to have her baby, was her friend, prayed for her, and held a shower for her.” —Mary Elizabeth

5. Offer to babysit for a season. “I babysat for a young girl so she could go back to college. She was valedictorian at her high school graduation and got a full-ride scholarship to our state university. She found out she was pregnant just before graduation. She was in the middle of her second semester and first year of college when she gave birth. She had nobody to help, so I babysat so she could go back to class literally one week after she had him.” —Trisha

6. Host a baby shower for her or collect almost-new items from your friends. Many young moms are unable to purchase items themselves. “I encouraged my local Republican Woman’s Club members to put on a shower for her. They went all out, and it was very nice!” —Heidi

7. Take her to lunch and talk about her baby. Even if a pregnancy is unexpected and unplanned, there is still a child to celebrate. Ask her if she has any questions with pregnancy or parenting you can answer.

Read the rest of this post over at AllMomDoes.com!

Find out what YOU can do to help a teen mom from @TriciaGoyer

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June 11, 2015 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

Talking to Your Daughter About Sex (Plus a Free Printable)

Talking to Your Daughter About Sex might seem difficult. But if you have a pre-teen or teen daughter, you know how much pressure there is for young women to have sex. As a parent, it’s hard to find the balance between lecturing and ignoring the topic. Some days we may lean one way, other days the other. However, it is so important that we are the ones to give our daughters the right information about what God’s Word really says about sex. That’s why I’m here to offer you some Godly wisdom for having “the talk” with your daughter today.

Talking to Your Daughter About Sex

Mom, believe it or not, your daughter will listen to you best when she understands YOUR heart. Sharing our experiences concerning sex during our teen years may be the hardest to do, but it will be the most impacting for your daughter. Intimacy is opening ourselves up to let someone else peer inside, and when you’re willing to share your failures and successes concerning your sexual choices, your words will go straight to your daughter’s heart.

Here is an excerpt from my book Teen Mom: You are Stronger Than You Think. In it, I encourage young women to examine their thoughts about sex and intimacy, but you can use these same facts and questions to open up an impacting conversation with your teen daughter.

One main reason young people choose to have sex is their desperate search for intimacy, but true intimacy is usually the last thing they find. Sexually active girls seek a lasting commitment but end up with heartbreak.

Another side effect of the search for intimacy through sex is that these teens have a hard time learning other ways to relate. They miss the joy of heart bonds because society has fed them a lie that physical bonding is the only way to truly connect.

Think about it: in today’s movies, how do you know if two people are “in love”? They have sex with each other. While this may be an easy way to show attraction on the big screen, this isn’t the real world. True intimacy is made possible by the use of relationship skills and not as a result of sex drives.

I know I had the wrong ideas about intimacy when I was young. I thought that “going all the way” was the only way to show a guy that I truly loved him.

2% of teens have had sex by the time they reach their 12th birthday.
16% of teens have sex by age 15.
33% of teens have sex by age 16.
48% of teens have sex by age 17.
61% of teens have sex by age 18.
71% of teens have sex by age 19.

Think back:

What type of messages about attracting guys, getting guys, and having sex did you receive?
How did these messages affect you?
Did you feel you weren’t complete without a boyfriend?
What do you wish you would have known about guys and sex when you were younger?

(excerpt from Teen Mom, p. 88-89)

How to have “the talk.”

Take time to go over these statics with your daughter. Ask her what she sees at school and in the media.

Ask your daughter about her own search for intimacy. Ask, “Where are the holes in your heart?”

Talk about bonding with another person: “True intimacy is made possible by the use of relationship skills and not as a result of sex drives.” Ask, “what are other ways to connect other than sex.”

Ask your daughter about the pressures she feels. Talk about an “escape plan” when she feels these pressures.

Finally, take time to share your own experiences:

What type of messages about attracting guys, getting guys, and having sex did you receive?

How did these messages affect you?

Did you feel you weren’t complete without a boyfriend?

What do you wish you would have known about guys and sex when you were younger?

Don’t make this a one-time conversation. Let your daughter know she can come to you any time. Become a safe place for your daughter to talk about what she hears, what she sees, and how she feels.

Let her know it’s uncomfortable for you too, but you can work through all her questions together. And know that sharing your heart will have a positive impact on your daughter will carry with her through all life’s challenges.

Resources for continuing the conversation about guys, sex, intimacy, and relationships:

Praying for Your Future Husband by Robin Jones Gunn and Tricia Goyer

My Life, Unscripted by Tricia Goyer

Passport2Purity by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

Other books for moms:

Five Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter by Vicki Courtney

Raising a Daughter After God’s Own Heart by Elizabeth George

The dreaded, but unavailable “talk” with your daughter. Find out what to say from @TriciaGoyer

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Download the printable below!

Talking to Your Daughter About Sex

This post originally appeared on thebettermom.com

May 14, 2015 by Tricia Goyer 11 Comments

When Your Church-Raised Daughter Is Pregnant

Every week I get emails and notes from parents who discover their daughters are pregnant. It’s a shock to say the least, especially for parents who raised their children in Christian homes and taught them God’s good plans for marriage and children.

The parents who are most distraught are those whose daughters seemed to know better, but then strayed. After choosing to have sex outside of marriage, the daughter then claims that there is no problem with the choices she made. It’s enough to break a parent’s heart!

Maybe you’re the parent, and maybe your daughter thinks her choices are her choices, and now she wants you to celebrate this new life. Take a deep breath, Mom and Dad, and remember that even more important than winning this battle is staying connected with your daughter’s heart. Here are two ways to do just that:

Offer Lots of Love & Grace

Realize that your daughter does know that what she did (having sex outside of marriage) is a sin. She knows that it’s not God’s perfect way–even when she says otherwise. I guarantee that she has her defenses up. Even if she’s trying to push your buttons, her heart knows the truth. I know. I was that young woman.

The women from my mom’s church reached out to me when I was a pregnant teen, and I was VERY defensive. They tried to talk to me, and I turned my back on them. Instead of getting caught up in the issue of whether or not having sex outside of marriage was a sin (because deep down they know), offer a lot of love and a lot of grace. Your daughter needs that most.

Some things you can say:

All of us make mistakes, but God loves us.
We are thankful that you are choosing life–a child is a gift.
And if you have younger children, here are wise words, too: We want to support you and our grandchild, but we also want our other children to understand that the best decision is to choose a godly spouse and wait to have children after marriage. (If she tries to argue, simply say, “When you show me in the Bible that God’s best way is to have sex–and children–outside of marriage, then we can talk.)
Also, if you have younger children, sit down with all them and be very open and upfront about the choices your daughter made. Talk about what God’s Word says and why His way is a better way. Also, pray together for their sister and this baby.

The pregnancy and your daughter’s initial defenses will be the hardest part! Things tend to smooth out after a sweet baby joins your family. Just do what you can to offer love and grace until then.

Read Through Books Together

I also recommend two books for you to share with your pregnant daughter. Both are available on Amazon.com. As a parent, you could benefit from reading these books, too … they might help you understand your daughter’s thoughts and feelings and know how to answer her better.

Teen Mom: You’re Stronger Than You Think

Everything changes the day you discover you’re going to be a mom. It’s not just yourself that you think about―you have a child to care for, too. While you wouldn’t trade your child for the world, some days are just hard. Baby-daddy drama, dealing with your parents, and worries about school, work, and your future slam you. Your friends can’t relate to your little family, and you wonder if God has turned His back on you, too.

Tricia Goyer understands. A mom at age 17, Tricia remembers what it felt like to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. She’s also been the coordinator of a teen mom support group for over twelve years, and she’s cheered on many young moms―from all walks of life―through their journey.

In Teen Mom, Tricia pours out her heart and shares advice for the hard things you face. She also longs to provide encouragement, reminding you that you can be the mom your child deserves―not in your own strength, but in the strength God provides.

Praying for Your Future Husband

Have you ever thought about praying for your future husband?

Will it make a difference?

There’s only one way to find out…

Authors and good friends Robin Jones Gunn (Christy Miller series) and Tricia Goyer (author and former teen mom) believe God answers women’s prayers for husbands—even husbands they may not meet for years. They invite young women to pray boldly for their future mate … while also asking God to prepare their own hearts.

In Praying for Your Future Husband, Robin and Tricia share their two vastly different experiences, including the things they did right and the mistakes they made on the path to meeting and marrying their husbands. Each chapter includes helpful Bible verses, prayers, and practical application, along with true stories of women who prayed for a husband and how God answered in remarkable ways.

God has a beautiful romance prepared for you. Prayer is the key to unlocking the love story … with your future husband and with God, the lover of your soul.

@TriciaGoyer shares what to do when your teen daughter tells you she’s pregnant

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May 12, 2015 by Tricia Goyer 5 Comments

Do You Dare? | Trusting God with Your Past, Present, & Future

“I have screwed up big time. If you can do anything with my life, please do.”

That was the eloquent prayer I prayed in the early months of 1989. I was 17 and pregnant. I had dropped out of regular high school. My boyfriend was out of the picture. My friends were going on with their senior year. I was depressed. I was without hope. I slept in until noon and watched soap operas, and I was pretty sure my life was over …

but then I dared to hope.

I dared to believe my Sunday School teacher who’d told me, years before, that Jesus loved me. I dared to trust that God could and would forgive me for my mistakes. I took a step of faith, praying to God to rescue me. I trusted that if I turned my life over to Jesus that he could give me a good future–even though I couldn’t see it or imagine it.

Do you dare to trust God to forgive and redeem your mistakes? @TriciaGoyer

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As I prayed those words, “If you can do anything with my life, please do,” I did not just pray them and then continue living and thinking in the destructive ways that got me where I was. Instead, I knew I needed to do my part.

I started reading my Bible. I started praying. I stopped watching television that promoted ungodly living, lust, destruction, and darkness. I stopped listening to music that turned my mind away from God. I instead listened to music that praised God and promoted right living. I surrounded myself with Christian friends. I attended church and modeled my life after those who were serving God. I prayed for my future, myself and my son. I worked to control my tongue. I sought forgiveness when I messed up. I got on my knees, and I confessed when I messed up. I shared with others what God was doing in my life. I spent time reading the Bible.

I did not change overnight. I still cussed and cursed at times. I was drawn to bad situations. I dishonored God at times. I made bad choices. I clung to pleasures of my flesh. In fact, these are all still things that I battle with.

But the more I sought God, turned to Him, read God’s Word, walked away from ungodliness, surrounded myself with people who loved God, the more I changed. It’s choosing the right way–God’s way–and turning my back on all that led me down the destructive path that made all the difference in my life.

God does not expect us to be perfect, but He does expect us to seek him for guidance, strength, wisdom, and the strength to make right choices. We do this through reading God’s Word, prayer, and following examples of those who put him first.

God doesn’t expect us to be perfect, but to seek Him in ALL things! @TriciaGoyer

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He has done amazing things with my life–more than I can imagine. And I know that he can do the same with yours.

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April 27, 2015 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

Real Life Love

If you are currently in a dating relationship, ask yourself how you would view your boyfriend if you were an outsider looking in. Are you sticking around because you’re needy?

Because of fear? The people with the biggest needs or fears are usually the ones who fill their lives with the biggest Mr. Wrong.

Also, our judgment in relationships disappears when sex is thrown into the mixture. Once the powerful and pleasurable ingredient of sex is added, we tend to overlook even basic flaws— until the passion subsides, of course. But by then it can be too late. By then, your emotions are knotted tight.

Real Life “Love”

The messages in teen magazines for young girls are obvious: Winning a boyfriend is crucial, so you need to dress skimpy, approach guys boldly, and don’t think twice about going all the way!

Yet what does that mean in real life? It may mean broken hearts and bad reputations. It may mean unplanned pregnancies or sexually transmitted diseases. One statistic even states that unmarried, teenage girls who are sexually active are three times more likely to be depressed than girls who are not sexually active! Also, girls who are sexually active are almost three times more likely to attempt suicide than are girls who are not sexually active.

Also, most sexually transmitted diseases cannot be cured. The symptoms can be managed, but the disease itself will be with you forever. And you will pass it on when you meet the person you want to spend your life with.

What does real life love look like? Read an excerpt from #teenmom by @TriciaGoyer to find out

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Excerpted with permission from Teen Mom by Tricia Goyer, copyright Zondervan, 2015.

About Teen Mom

Everything changes the day you discover you’re going to be a mom. It’s not just yourself that you think about—you have a child to care for, too. While you wouldn’t trade your child for the world, some days are just hard. Baby-daddy drama, dealing with your parents, and worries about school, work, and your future slam you. Your friends can’t relate to your little family, and you wonder if God has turned His back on you, too.

In Teen Mom: You’re Stronger Than You Think, Tricia pours out her heart and shares advice for the hard things you face. She also longs to provide encouragement, reminding you that you can be the mom your child deserves—not in your own strength, but in the strength God provides.

How to Become a Life-Long Learner

Richer Than Gold
You may have tangible wealth untold;
Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.
Richer than I you can never be—
I had a mother who read to me.
— Strickland Gillian (1849 – 1954)

Every day we have a choice: to take a step to follow a dream or to stay stagnant and continue on as things are. I’ve grown and changed throughout the years because I hadn’t been afraid to learn. The wisest man who ever lived once said, “Do yourself a favor and learn all you can; then remember what you learn and you will prosper” (Prov. 19:8 GNT). He knew what he was talking about!

Here are five simple steps to becoming a lifelong learner.

Learn who God created you to be.

Think about what things you enjoy doing. Make a list of things that take your time and energy but don’t seem like work. For a season I enjoyed being creative and making teddy bears, but when I first started pursing writing, I knew I was made for this. I find joy even in the middle of the struggle. I always want to know more and do better. Work doesn’t seem like work (most of the time).

Learn your learning style.

I learn best with books and papers piled around me. I usually have to write down my thoughts to process them. When I read a book, I underline. When I attend conferences, I take pages of notes, and that’s just me. Figure out how you learn best and use your preferences to your advantage.

Listen. I’ve learned so much from listening to others.

I build relationships with people I respect and want to learn from. I read blogs written by people I respect. I pay attention to those around me in everyday life.

Don’t be afraid to try something new.

I try new recipes and visit new places. I watch how-to videos and then try it myself.

Teach. The best way to incorporate your knowledge is to teach it.

As a mom, you have a willing student in your child. Involve your child in whatever you’re learning. If you’re cooking, let your little one watch you. Your child should know the things that interest you.

Learning can take you far—you just have to be brave and start! Once you start learning and growing, your life will never be the same. Your child’s life will never be the same either as he or she learns to follow in your footsteps!

@TriciaGoyer shares 5 ways you can become a life-long learner! #teenmom

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Excerpted with permission from Teen Mom by Tricia Goyer, copyright Zondervan, 2015.

Do You Love Me? | Breaking the Cycle of Bad Relationships

I remember one specific meeting at our teen moms support group. I’d brought in three happily married couples to talk about marriage. I expected the young moms to ask questions about how to find the right person or how to deal with conflict, but that is not what they asked. Instead, the same question kept popping up over and over again, “Why in the world would you get married?”

The young women were happy for the couples—they really were—but they had no intention of getting married themselves. I was in shock. Then I began asking questions.

First of all, I asked how many of them had parents who were currently married. None of them. Not one of the young women raised her hand. Then I asked these young women how many of their parents had at one time been married to each other. Out of twenty-five young women, only two of them had parents who’d been married, but both were now divorced. I then asked how many of them had a good relationship with their father. Again, only two young women. Finally, I asked if any of them had ever seen a good marriage close up, one they’d like to model in their own lives. Out of twenty-five young moms, only one person raised her hand.

No wonder these young women had no hopes of marriage in the future. No wonder they were building relationships with the wrong types of guys. They had no idea what a happy marriage looks like. They had no idea what to hold out for.

Maybe you’re the same. You like the idea of marriage and of a happy relationship, but you haven’t had a good example in your life. You think pursuing such a thing is a waste of time, so you settle for far, far less. I’m here to tell you that it is possible. Once I started looking for—and praying for—the right type of guy, I found him. (As I mentioned before, I also changed my life to become the type of person the right type of guy would want.)

You have to start by being willing to wait for the right person, being willing to change, and being willing to open your heart when the time comes. It’s time to break the cycle of bad relationships.

True love exists… be willing to wait for the right person! @TriciaGoyer #teenmom

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Excerpted with permission from Teen Mom by Tricia Goyer, copyright Zondervan, 2015.

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April 8, 2015 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

The ABCs of Supporting Young Moms

In September 2001, I was one of a dozen women waiting expectantly for the first teen mother to walk through the door. After working as a volunteer director of Hope Pregnancy Center for two years, I finally found a tangible way to meet the needs of teen mothers—through the launching of a Teen MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) weekly support group. The mentors grinned broadly when two teen mothers arrived for our first meeting. The next week we had four moms. The week after that, eight girls attended!

Now, twenty to twenty-five young moms attend every meeting, and we have over five dozen names on our roster. These young moms come to make a connection with others in the same life situation. They also learn how to be better moms and women by listening to encouraging speakers and meeting with personal mentors. During our two years as a group, we’ve seen a number of teen mothers finish high school. Some have chosen secondary virginity. The greatest result is that many have given their lives to Christ.

Because of the large number of attendees, we’re currently planning to launch a second Teen MOPS group! How did we do it? Here are the ABCs of providing an encouraging and educational support group for young moms:

From A to Z, the ways you can help a young mom today! @TriciaGoyer

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Assemble a caring team.

Many caring volunteers from our local PCC volunteered to help with the teen moms. Radio ads, community service announcements, and church bulletins helped spread the word and attracted volunteers. Former teen mothers, working moms, and even grandmothers from the community turned out. Those who believed in our mission and statement of faith soon found themselves holding babies and providing a listening ear to young moms in crisis.

Be diligent in training yourselves about the needs of young mothers.

Read books on teen parenting, talk to former teen mothers, and if possible visit other support groups to see what works. Get together with a teen mother, and you’ll be amazed to hear about her unique challenges.

Consider a young mom’s needs.

When planning our weekly meetings, we organize rides, meals, and childcare. We design fun games to introduce the young moms to each other, and we invite speakers such as alternative education teachers, job trainers, and child educators to provide informative talks. We also look for a neutral place to hold the meeting, such as a community center rather than a church.

Decide whom you want to serve.

We opened our meetings to young moms, ages thirteen through twenty-two. Yet we also allowed parents, grandparents, and boyfriends to attend if the young mom felt she needed extra support. We found these teen moms by taking flyers to alternative schools, doctor’s offices, the public health department, and other low-income service providers.

Earn their trust.

Don’t make promises you can’t keep to the young moms. If you say you’re going to call, then call. If you offer help in a certain area, provide it. Young moms have often been hurt by those claiming to care. Your follow-through will prove that you really do care.

Follow up.

Some moms come every week without fail. Other moms seem to drop off the map. Volunteer leaders are encouraged to call young moms to check up on them. We also send “missing you” notes in the mail. We’ve discovered that the times these young women don’t want accountability are the times they need it the most!

Give special attention to their babies.

Young moms are more likely to receive condemning looks rather than enthusiasm over their children. Even though the circumstances under which these babies were conceived are less than ideal, the babies themselves are precious children, created in God’s image! Rejoice over these little ones, and it will bring joy to their moms too.

Have open arms.

These young moms aren’t perfect. They often say the wrong things or strike out at those who want to help. Yet, open arms demonstrate Christ’s love.

Invite input.

Every few months we ask the teen moms what topics interest them. They’ve suggested such topics as “claiming parental rights” and “domestic violence.” Getting input insures we’re meeting real needs. It also lets us know what problems our clients are facing.

Judge not.

When our meetings started, we encountered women with pierced body parts, tattoos, and skimpy clothes. We didn’t judge them or criticize them. We just kept caring and loving—never giving up. As these young hearts softened, their appearance often did too.

Keep the community involved in your group and your group involved in the community.

Our local PCC provides all the funds for our group. Likewise, we help the center with fundraising events. The young moms have served joyfully at banquets or have spoken in support of the center. This interaction helps the young moms witness the loving support from their community. It also helps the community see the difference we’re making in young lives.

Listen to your heart.

If you notice a girl who is downcast or if you sense that something’s wrong, take her aside and offer a listening ear. Many times our hearts pick up on pain, even when it is not voiced.

Make sure you seek help from experts.

When planning our group, we received help from MOPS International. MOPS provided manuals, materials, and experts to help us create the best group possible. Check them out at www.mops.org/teen.

Never allow gossip.

Young women are good at “sharing,” and sometimes the leaders have trouble with gossip too. Stomp out gossip quickly. If prayer is needed, share the requests with those you trust and take the requests before God together.

Open the floor for discussion.

In addition to good instruction, young moms need a safe place to share their concerns. After the speaker finishes, allow the moms to share their hearts’ concerns in discussion groups. Remind them that everything shared in the group stays in the group.

Provide for their physical needs.

Teen moms need support and encouragement, but they also need practical items such as diapers, wipes, clothes, and baby furniture. We use the “Earn While You Learn” program to help these young moms earn items for their children. We also give extra “Mommy Money” for attending meetings and bringing a friend.

Question what part each leader should play.

Some leaders love getting into deep conversations with the young moms. Others enjoy cooking or working in childcare. Encourage each leader to follow her gifts. Each task is important.

Require responsibility.

Our doors are open to any young mom, but we ask her to take on responsibility for being part of the group. Young moms help set up and clean up for meetings. They also must be responsible for their words and actions. To make it a safe place, we require each young woman to behave respectfully and responsibly.

Set Boundaries.

There are some young moms who would never ask a favor. Others push the limits. Leaders are not babysitters or chauffeurs. Setting boundaries in the beginning helps keep leaders from getting overwhelmed. Rules also give leaders a way out when requests are made.

Trust they are listening.

Sometimes the young moms seem more interested in everything but the speaker, yet I’ve discovered that they often are listening even when it doesn’t seem so. Months later I sometimes hear parts of previous discussions in the conversations among the young women. It warms my heart!

Use resources they can connect with.

When I started working with teen moms, I had a hard time finding resources specifically for them. That’s why I joined up with MOPS International to write Teen Mom: You’re Strong Than You Think (Zondervan). This book focuses on the needs of our youngest mothers.

Visualize where you see these moms five years from now.

How can you help each one be a success? Share your dreams, listen to theirs, and prod them on.

Weigh your motives.

Sometimes it’s easy to get discouraged when we don’t see immediate changes. It’s good to ask: “Am I focusing on where God is working or on what I want to see?” Often we’ll never see the impact we make, but God is faithful!

Xpect challenges.

Any time you share the love of Jesus, you will come across opposition. Deal with the opposition through prayer. Pray for the babies, for the other leaders, and especially for the young moms.

Yield to “good enough.”

As leaders we will never run a perfect meeting or say all the right things at the right time. Know that the love you show is good enough to make a difference. Also know that in your weakness God’s strength will shine!

Zero in on the young mom’s heart.

It can be discouraging when a young mom drops out of school or maybe even becomes pregnant again, but it helps to zero in on her heart. Every young mom can be changed through the love of leaders and the love of Christ. We may not be able to see the changes for years, but know that each effort to show God’s love will make a difference!

*Originally published at atcmag.com.

Teen Mom

Overcoming the Fear in Your Past

“I’ve screwed up big time. If you can do anything with my life, please do.”

But then I dared to hope.

I didn’t have to be perfect. I just had to be willing to seek Him and obey.

Overcoming the Fear in Your Past

3 Steps to Using Your Past Pain to Help Others Find Healing

You have a story to share, friend. You can use your past pain to help others. Share how Jesus has transformed you and encourage others to turn to Jesus in the same way.

Praying For Your Future Husband

Healthy Recipes & Tips for Teen Moms-to-Be

{by Marie Dittmer}

Talking to Your Daughter About Sex

One main reason young people choose to have sex is their desperate search for intimacy, but true intimacy is usually the last thing they find. Sexually active girls seek a lasting commitment but end up with heartbreak.

I know I had the wrong ideas about intimacy when I was young. I thought that “going all the way” was the only way to show a guy that I truly loved him.

Think back:

How to have “the talk.”

Finally, take time to share your own experiences:

Resources for continuing the conversation about guys, sex, intimacy, and relationships:

Other books for moms:

Download the printable below!

Talking to Your Daughter About Sex

This post originally appeared on thebettermom.com

Offer Lots of Love & Grace

Read Through Books Together

Real Life “Love”

About Teen Mom

Other Blog Posts I’ve Written About Teen Moms

Learn who God created you to be.

Learn your learning style.

Listen. I’ve learned so much from listening to others.

Don’t be afraid to try something new.

Teach. The best way to incorporate your knowledge is to teach it.

Other Blog Posts I’ve Written About Teen Moms

Other Blog Posts I’ve Written About Teen Moms

Assemble a caring team.

Be diligent in training yourselves about the needs of young mothers.

Consider a young mom’s needs.

Decide whom you want to serve.

Earn their trust.

Follow up.

Give special attention to their babies.

Have open arms.

Invite input.

Judge not.

Keep the community involved in your group and your group involved in the community.

Listen to your heart.

Make sure you seek help from experts.

Never allow gossip.

Open the floor for discussion.

Provide for their physical needs.

Question what part each leader should play.

Require responsibility.

Set Boundaries.

Trust they are listening.

Use resources they can connect with.

Visualize where you see these moms five years from now.

Weigh your motives.

Xpect challenges.

Yield to “good enough.”

Zero in on the young mom’s heart.

Other Blog Posts I’ve Written About Teen Moms