Teen Mom

March 30, 2015 by Tricia Goyer 5 Comments

Help a Teen Mom- 5 Ways to Come Alongside Them

Do you know a teen mom? What would happen if instead of shaming them we actually came alongside and supported them? Tricia Goyer shares 5 Ways to Help a Teen Mom.

I had my first baby when I was seventeen. It was hard, but I can’t imagine how a young mom who’s living in New York City feels these days. Have you seen the posters plastered all over the subways in the media? One shows a crying baby and reads, “I’m twice as likely not to graduate from high school because you had me as a teen.”

While it’s true that having a baby as a teen is hard, choosing to have the baby IS a good decision. It’s a selfless, caring decision that will give the child a future, planned or not.

Instead of trying to shame a teen mom, what if we supported her? #teenmom @TriciaGoyer

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Instead of trying to shame a teen mom, what if you, me, we . . . supported her? Would her child still be a sad statistic if there was a group of men and women who educated her, inspired her, and offered her hope?

That’s what happened to me. A group of older women came alongside me. They taught me about being a mom. They made me feel as if I had value. They saw my child as a gift. They painted a bright future. Because of them, my confidence as a mom grew. My confidence as a woman grew. I married, and I birthed two more children. Where are those kids now? My oldest son is a college graduate with a great job, a wife, and a child. My daughter spent time in Europe teaching English and is getting married this year! My younger son is in college and getting straight A’s. Not only that, but my husband and I have also adopted three little ones and are in the process of adopting four sisters! I also mentor teen mothers, just as those women mentored me.

I could have been a statistic if someone hadn’t had the heart to help a teen mom. But instead, a group of women offered to impart hope into my heart. Now I impart hope into others, not only through mentoring but through books. I’m forty-nine, and I have 80+ published books from publishers such as Harper Collins and Random House. I impart hope through parenting books and even through my novels. Teen Mom: You’re Strong Than You Think, challenges young moms to discover herself, the reason for her life, and be more than just a statistic.

Maybe today . . . or tomorrow . . . you might have a young woman come to you for advice after she discovers she’s pregnant. Don’t point her to a NYC subway sign. Instead, here’s a few ways you can help:

5 Ways to Help a Teen Mom

Remain calm and loving. Your young friend most likely feels alone, frightened, and extremely sensitive about her pregnancy. The most important thing you can offer is your continued friendship.

Show God’s love and forgiveness. Your young friend was looking for love by giving herself intimately to a guy. Now she might feel ashamed and unworthy of love at all. Point her to God, who loves her unconditionally.

Celebrate life. She may consider this baby a “mistake”—a barrier between her and “normal” life. Lovingly remind her that no matter how the baby was conceived, he or she is a gift from God.

Be available to share . . . and to listen. Your young friend has many big decisions to make, and although you can’t make those decisions for her, you can be available to help her consider her options. Share the information you’ve discovered on fetal development and on the physical and emotional trauma of abortion. Most of all, be willing to listen to her deepest concerns.

Find help. Your young friend is most likely in need of more answers than you can give. Visit a local crisis pregnancy center with your friend, or call CareNet for help at 1-800-395-HELP. Encourage her to tell her parents and to seek the counsel of a pastor or youth pastor.

Yes, the young woman and her baby in your life will face a hard road ahead. But with your help, encouragement, and gift of hope, you can help her to also blow the teen pregnancy statistics out of the water.

Download this free resource as a reminder of how you can make a difference to a teen mom!

I hope this encourages you to help a teen mom in your city, church, or family. They need us!

Warmly, Tricia

A Letter to Teen Moms | You Are Important

Today I am writing a letter to teen moms. I want to tell you that you are important. Today I want to share my heart with you. I’ve been where you are. So let’s talk.

Yes, you are important. Importance means having meaning. There are many things that people feel are important for young people: school, good grades, sports, and accomplishments.

Ask yourself, What things were important to you one or two years ago? What things are important now?

Your child, no doubt, is most important. And your child thinks you are most important. Without your succeeding as a mom, his life is going to be hard.

The good news is that you’re up to the task. This mothering role will teach you more about yourself than you ever expected. You’ll work harder than you ever have. You’ll prove you’re strong and capable. Your care for your child will not only benefit him, but it’ll also show you (and the world!) what you’re made of.

This mothering role will teach you more about yourself than you ever expected #teenmom @TriciaGoyer

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Parenting comes with big obstacles at times. Yet as you’ll see in the following often-told story, sometimes human beings can do the impossible when it comes to their children.

Moving Mountains

I want to share a mountain climbing story. What does that have to do with this letter to teen moms?

“There were two warring tribes in the Andes, one that lived in the lowlands and the other high in the mountains. The mountain people invaded the lowlanders one day, and as part of their plundering of the people, they kidnapped a baby from one of the lowlander families and took the infant back with them up into the mountains.

“The lowlanders didn’t know how to climb a mountain. They didn’t know any of the trails the mountain people used, and they didn’t know where to find the mountain people or how to track them on the steep terrain.

“Even so, they sent out their best party of fighting men to climb the mountain and bring the baby home.

“The men tried first one method of climbing and then another. They tried one trail and then another. After several days of effort, however, they had climbed only a couple of hundred feet.

“Feeling hopeless and helpless, the lowlander men decided that the case was lost, and they prepared to return to their village below.

“As they were packing their gear for the descent, they saw the baby’s mother walking toward them. They realized that she was coming down the mountain that they hadn’t figured out how to climb.

“And then they saw that she had the baby strapped to her back. How could that be?

“One man greeted her and said, ‘We couldn’t climb this mountain. How did you do this when we, the strongest and most able men in the village, couldn’t do it?’

“She shrugged her shoulders and said, ‘It wasn’t your baby.’ ”

Are you beginning to see why I included this story in this letter to teen moms today?

You’re a mom now, and the obstacles you face may seem as big and insurmountable as that mountain.

But there’s one thing that’s even more powerful than your challenges. That’s your love.

Love is the most important ingredient when it comes to parenting. Love, as you will discover, can help you to achieve the impossible.

Love is the most important ingredient in parenting #teenmom @TriciaGoyer

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Before getting pregnant, I hadn’t thought much about what I wanted to do with my life, except that I’d considered being a teacher and hoped to be married with three or four kids someday. After getting pregnant, I thought it really was no use to think about those things anymore because I had messed up. I was going to have a baby, and so I’d just have to take whatever the world offered me from there.

Do you feel that way? Do you think that because you’re a mom at a young age that all the plans you once had aren’t possible? Maybe you never really considered what your future looked like. Maybe you never allowed yourself to dream. That’s precisely why I am writing this letter to teen moms…

I want to encourage you to get over the idea that because you’re having a baby at a young age, you can’t do much with your life. Instead, you now have an even better reason to dream and plan for a good future. After all, you have not only yourself to think about but also your child.

I would have loved to have read a letter to teen moms like this at the time. It would have been easy for me to just give up and not try. I’d seen that time and time again in the people around me. I have many family members who’ve worked minimum wage jobs their whole lives, who have never owned a home, and who never got their high school diploma. In fact, when I found out I was pregnant, I dropped out of high school too.

I’m thankful that I dared to work hard to achieve my goals. I finished my high school classes at home and got my diploma. Here are a few other things I’ve done.

I’ve attended college.
I’ve gotten married.
I’ve attended numerous writers’ conferences.
I’ve written hundreds of articles for national magazines.
I’ve won awards for my writing.
I’ve written more than eighty books.
I’ve homeschooled three children all the way from kindergarten through high school.
I’ve traveled to more than forty states.
I’ve traveled to twelve countries.
I’ve been interviewed on television.
I’ve hosted my own radio show.
I’ve been married for thirty years.
I’ve adopted seven kids.
My husband and I have bought three houses. (One at a time!)
I’ve helped start a crisis pregnancy center.
I’ve led a teen moms’ support group for twelve years.
I’ve shared my story of being a teenage mom on stage in front of five thousand women.
I’ve taken my kids to Disneyland and Disney World many times, and my whole family has gone on a cruise.

I’m forty-seven years old, which may seem ancient to you, but I’ve had a good life. And I didn’t do all those things right away, but as the years have gone by, I’ve been amazed to see how my life has turned out.

When I first had my son, I wondered whether my life would amount to anything, and then I decided it could if I put in some effort. My goals were small at first. I got my high school diploma, and then I signed up for college classes. I went on a date with a really good guy who treated me well, and we eventually got married.

I dreamed of becoming a writer, and so I babysat for a year to save up enough money to attend my first writers’ conference. At that writers’ conference, I met other women who encouraged me, and I kept in touch with them. I wrote little things while my kids napped. (I had three kids by this time.) And I sent things out to magazines. I got more than a hundred rejections, but I didn’t give up. I saved up my money again and went back to the conference. Soon I started getting magazine articles published, and later, books.

Success has a way of building on itself. Hard work pays off eventually.

If you could be successful at anything, what would it be? Consider one step that you could take toward that dream. Every success starts with a first step. Think you can’t do it? Think that you’ll be stuck where you are forever? It’s up to you. You get to decide!

The years are going to go by anyway, and you might as well spend them pursuing something great. You can either spend your teens and twenties working at McDonald’s with no plan to change, or you can work hard at your McDonald’s job, finish your GED, sign up for college, and get an internship at a job you really love. No, there’s nothing wrong with working at McDonald’s, but is that how you want to spend your life? I thought about this when I returned to northern California for a high school reunion. I took my kids to McDonald’s to show them where I once worked. Twenty years had passed and the building looked tired and old, but I was most surprised when I saw that some of the people I had worked with in high school were still there. They were still complaining about their jobs and about how they still weren’t able to make ends meet, but they hadn’t done anything about it.

It’s wonderful to work wherever you can get a job, but don’t limit yourself. I saw my McDonald’s job as a stepping-stone to get the money I needed to do more. Who knows, maybe you’ll even stay with McDonald’s, work your way through management, and buy a franchise! Just remember that you’re stronger than you think. Don’t give up too easily. Don’t settle when, deep down, you know you can do more, give more.

My Life

I get so tired of people asking, “How old are you?” We even had to change pediatricians once because the doctor wouldn’t speak to me as an adult. I wanted to yell, “Hey, I am her mother. I’m responsible for her welfare!” I used to cry at night, not because I didn’t want this but because I had no idea how much my life would change. — Marjie, Montana

When I went into the hospital for my non-stress test, the nurse told me that she wanted my baby and that she would prepare the adoption papers if it was a boy. — Amanda, Ontario, Canada

Waking up to my son’s smile and my daughter’s snoring makes me realize that the little things these little people do will forever be engraved in my heart! — Elizabeth, Arkansas

Mom, you’re the one who will determine your future. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t amount to anything. That’s not true. You can work hard to achieve anything you set your mind on. Surround yourself with people who believe in you. Find other people who can support you, help you, and offer help in return.

Also, know that you were created for a reason. God made you, formed you. He made and formed your child. He has a good plan for your life. You are important to God, and that makes you important.

And even if you don’t “accomplish” anything that makes the news, you are still important to God. You are also still important to your child. If there is anything that you take away from this letter to teen moms, please remember that.

But sometimes understanding that you are important helps you to go on to do great things. Think of it this way, if you tell your child day after day that he is going to do great things and help and influence people, he will most likely grow up to do great things and help and influence people.

And if you say the same thing about yourself, well, that’s exactly what you will do too.

A Letter to Teen Moms is Excerpted with permission from Teen Mom by Tricia Goyer, copyright Zondervan, 2015.

About Teen Mom {NOW AVAILABLE}

Teen Mom: You’re Stronger Than You Think

Everything changes the day you discover you’re going to be a mom. It’s not just yourself that you think about—you have a child to care for, too. While you wouldn’t trade your child for the world, some days are just hard. Baby-daddy drama, dealing with your parents, and worries about school, work, and your future slam you. Your friends can’t relate to your little family, and you wonder if God has turned His back on you, too.

Tricia Goyer understands. A mom at age 17, Tricia remembers what it felt like to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. She’s also been the coordinator of a teen mom support group for over twelve years, and she’s cheered on many young moms—from all walks of life—through their journey.

In Teen Mom: You’re Stronger Than You Think, Tricia pours out her heart and shares advice for the hard things you face. She also longs to provide encouragement, reminding you that you can be the mom your child deserves—not in your own strength, but in the strength God provides.

Broken Things Made Beautiful by God

My books all have a common thread: broken things made beautiful by God. Today I want to share more about why I wrote Teen Mom.

I remember when my first novel From Dust and Ashes: A Story of Liberation came out in 2003. I was so excited to share it with my friends who’d believed in my writing dreams. But out of all the people who read the novel, there was one person’s comments that stand out the most.

My friend Kathy had worked with me to start Hope Pregnancy Center in Kalispell, Montana. She’s also been in the Bible Study with me for women who’d had abortions.

Kathy had heard about all my broken places. She’d seen my tears. She’d also seen my freedom as I opened myself up to God’s complete forgiveness and learned to forgive myself.

“You’ve written an amazing novel,” Kathy told me. “I couldn’t put it down. It’s your story in novel form.”

“My story?” I asked. “I don’t know what you mean. It’s a story about a Nazi officer’s wife in World War II who helps care for Holocaust survivors after liberation.”

Kathy offered me a knowing smile. “Look at Helene. She is you … it’s your story set in World War II.”

After Kathy said that my mind went through Helene’s story again:

1. Pregnant and abandoned.

2. Ashamed of her past actions.

3. Seeking to redeem herself by helping others.

4. Finding true liberation in Jesus Christ instead.

It WAS my story! How had I missed that as I was writing my novel?

For so many years I wanted to hide my story. I didn’t want people to know about my teen pregnancy and definitely not about my abortion. Yet over the years, God has confirmed in me that my story isn’t about my mistakes. It’s about Christ’s liberation, redemption, and freedom. It’s about sharing about broken things made beautiful by God.

If I’m unwilling to share my story, then I’m also missing out on sharing His.

If I’m unwilling to share my story, I’m missing out on sharing His. @TriciaGoyer

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The theme of broken things made beautiful by God (broken people finding freedom in Christ) is one that shows up in all of my novels in various ways. It also shows up in my non-fiction fiction books.

I also wrote Teen Mom: You’re Stronger Than You Think. It’s a book FOR teenage mothers. I not only told my story, but I also shared advice for their everyday life as a mom. Most importantly, I shared how a relationship with Jesus Christ gives them strength and hope for their futures. Teen mom’s lives can be broken things made beautiful.

As you can imagine, this book is important to me. As a mentor to teenage moms for the last twelve years through our weekly support group, I know every young mom needs advice and encouragement.

It’s so important to me, that I’m going to ask you to do something special: Buy a copy of the book.

Buy Teen Mom for a young mom you know.

Buy it for your local crisis pregnancy center.

Buy it for your church’s youth pastor.

Buy it for someone you know who teaches in the local high school.

I guarantee each of those people have a young woman they know who they can give it to.

I’ll also be bold and ask you to buy a copy for yourself and keep it in your car.

AND THEN I ask you to pray and ask God to bring someone in your life who you can give it to. Ask him for there to be broken things made beautiful displayed directly to you as you seek out a young woman to serve and love.

Young moms need to know that God has a good story written for their lives. They need to hear about broken things made beautiful by God’s grace. When I was seventeen years old and pregnant I needed to hear that.

You never know how God will use you to bring help, hope, and spiritual liberation to a young woman’s soul.

~Tricia

About Teen Mom

Teen Mom: You’re Stronger Than You Think. Everything changes the day you discover you’re going to be a mom. It’s not just yourself that you think about—you have a child to care for, too. While you wouldn’t trade your child for the world, some days are just hard. Baby-daddy drama, dealing with your parents, and worries about school, work, and your future slam you. Your friends can’t relate to your little family, and you wonder if God has turned His back on you, too.

In Teen Mom: You’re Stronger Than You Think, Tricia pours out her heart and shares advice for the hard things you face. She also longs to provide encouragement, reminding you that you can be the mom your child deserves—not in your own strength, but in the strength God provides.

Buy the Book HERE.

March 4, 2015 by Tricia Goyer 1 Comment

Word Identity | Your Words Matter!

Let’s talk about the things every child needs to here…it’s important that you know your words matter!

Many of you already know about my book Teen Mom: You’re Stronger Than You Think. But the truth is that the advice that I give to teen moms is good for all moms … including myself! As I share these messages, I realize they are the same ones that I need to hear. Such as this message about how our words build our child’s identity.

How did your mother help mold your identity, both for the positive and for the negative? Through words.

Think about it. Now, how can you, as a mother, help your child mold his or her identity?

My mother said to me, “If you become a soldier, you’ll be a general; if you become a monk, you’ll end up as the Pope.” Instead, I became a painter and wound up as Picasso.
— Pablo Picasso, artist

Things Every Child Needs to Hear

I love you.
I’m so glad you came into my life. You have made it better.
There is no one just like you. You are special.
I adore your smile.
You fill up a special place in my heart.
My arms are always open to you.
You are smart.
You’re extremely huggable.
I’ll always protect you.
Don’t be afraid. I am here.
You are my greatest treasure.
If all the children in the world lined up, I would still choose you.
Well done!

Download your free Printable PDFs here.

Things Every Young Mom Needs to Tell Herself

I am a lovely person.
I am unique and special.
I’m doing my best to be a good mom.
It’s okay for me to dream.
All moms need a break.
I don’t need to feel guilty when I take time for myself.
My good example will make all the difference in the world and to my child.
I become wise when I seek counsel from wise people.
It’s good to hope for a better future for my child and myself.
Truth is always the best choice.
Life looks brighter when I focus on what’s really important.
My habits will become my child’s habits, so I better choose good ones.
What I have in the end will never mean as much as who I am.
There is no greater feeling than when my heart is at peace.
I don’t need to worry about the future. I just need strength for this moment.
Well done!

Excerpt from Teen Mom: You’re Stronger Than You Think.

Words matter. @TriciaGoyer shares words every mom & child need to hear #teenmom

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Your words change everything, your words that you speak to yourself and to your child matter!

~Tricia

About Teen Mom

Share Teen Mom With Someone Today!

My book is relevant for every season of life. Do you know someone you could share Teen Mom with?

In publishing, there are topics that are “evergreen.” That means they can be picked up at any time and still be relevant. For me, that includes teen moms and teen pregnancy. It’s been over a decade since the release of Life Interrupted, and then I re-released the book as Teen Mom: You’re Stronger than You Think.

Do you know someone who needs to know about this book? Do you know someone you can share Teen Mom with?

Ultimately I’d like this book to reach church leaders, pregnancy crisis centers, counselors, support groups, and anyone involved in the lives of teen moms. I know that this evergreen book has the power to change lives for the better, and I thank you for your willingness to help share teen mom with others!

About Teen Mom

In Teen Mom, Tricia pours out her heart and shares advice for the hard things you face. She also longs to provide encouragement, reminding you that you can be the mom your child deserves—not in your own strength, but in the strength God provides.

Share #TeenMom with someone in need today! @TriciaGoyer!

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February 11, 2015 by Tricia Goyer 4 Comments

Somebody Needs to Hear…

Last night I sat in a small support group of teenage mothers, and one brave young woman, Liz, walked to the front of the room.

“Guys, I usually sit there among you, but I asked Miss Tricia if I could share. You see, I’ve started this journey with Jesus, and I have to share all the amazing things God has done for me.”

Less than four months ago Liz showed up at our group with a dump truck of sin weighing down her heart. She was so ashamed of her recent mistakes that she’d missed many meetings. Yet a glimmer of hope stirred inside. Go to them, and ask for prayer; maybe they’ll still love you.

The first night back, Liz took me aside, and we found a quiet room. She poured out her heart, and I cried along with her. Then she prayed and accepted Christ in her heart.

As I led her in that prayer I could feel the weights lifting: pain, shame, disgrace . . . they were boulders being hurled from her back. We stood and embraced, and the light on her face reflected the transformation in her heart. She prayed and asked God to take over, and He did. Man, how He did!

“You’ll never believe all God’s done for me. He’s provided people to care for me, to mentor me, and He’s taken care of all my needs and the needs of my two kids.” Liz walked away from unhealthy relationships and discovered a community of Christians to care. She’s a different mom, a different student, a different friend.

“If you want to join me on my journey, call me whenever you want or text me. Come over and we’ll read the Bible together. There’s so much He has for you.”

And as I sat and listened with tears in my eyes, I realized that every moment I’ve spent volunteering in these teen mom support groups was worth it. It was worth it because Liz is worth it . . . and so is every other young mom who needs to hear the truth of Jesus’ love.

I’ve been honored to watch these stories of transformation unfold, but that’s only happened because deep down I knew there was someone out there who needed to hear. There is someone in your community who needs to hear, too. Someone who feels alone. Someone who feels unworthy. Someone who feels ashamed.

Somebody needs to hear . . . they are worth your time.

Somebody needs to hear . . . that God’s grace is for them.

Somebody needs to hear . . . that their darkest sins are not too dark for God’s light.

Somebody needs to hear . . . there is hope.

Somebody needs to hear . . . peace can come.

Somebody needs to hear . . . about a second chance through Jesus.

Somebody needs to hear there is hope, a second chance. @TriciaGoyer #teenmom

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But before they can hear all those things, they must hear something from you first. Things like:

Do you want to meet for coffee?
How can I help you?

What do you need most right now?
What’s your story?

Do you want to hear how I’ve messed up?
Do you want to hear what God did?

People need to hear about Jesus, and it’s hard to take the time, energy, and even money to make that a priority.

As I leave home and drive to our Thursday night meetings, I’m lucky if I’ve slapped together peanut butter and jelly for my husband and kids. I’ve stepped out of movies to take desperate phone calls. I’ve bought food, diapers, and door prizes to draw in the young women who need help, and I’ve asked myself, “Will they ever understand?” when it seems like they won’t.

But I continue because I know that someone needs to hear . . . and if I don’t tell them who will?

I also remember being the one who needed to hear about Jesus’ love and forgiveness when I was a soon-to-be mom at age 17. Somebody talked to me, and it cost them, too. Was it worth the cost? Was I worth the cost? I feel it was. I feel I am.

“Take up your cross and follow me,” Jesus said, and in 2015 that looks a little different than what it did in Jesus’ day. It might mean asking a friend to drive your child to t-ball practice, or walking away from that pile of dishes, or spending hard-earned cash to hire a babysitter for two hours so you can take someone out to just talk.

Sacrifice is sacrifice, big or small. But transformation is TRANSFORMATION in the lives Jesus touches through you. Without us stepping out and doing our part, who’s going to tell them? Who’s going to tell her?

And without being told how, will they know Who to follow?

And if they don’t know Who do follow, where will they wander? Into sin, pain, darkness, shame and regret. It’s easier to shake our head at their choices than to reach out an be a friend. Because it costs us something, doesn’t it?

Will you do it? Will you speak? Will you give? Will you love?

Do you know a Teen Mom? You can pre-order my new book, Teen Mom: You are Stronger Than You Think.

(Buy a young mom or soon-to-be young mom a copy, and invite her to coffee to give it to her!)

Read the original post at forthefamily.com.

About Teen Mom

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Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

December 29, 2014 by Tricia Goyer 4 Comments

17 Ways to Reach Out to Single Parents

We all know Single Parents. Whether they are part of our family, church, or city, here are 17 ways you can reach out to single parents.

17 Ways to Reach Out to Single Parents

A little over forty years ago, a single, young woman was about to give birth. She didn’t know how to afford a child without her parents’ help. She hadn’t talked to her former boyfriend in months. She couldn’t reach him, didn’t know how to tell him she was having his child.

This young woman attended church some, yet her dialogue with God was stilted. How could God let this happen to her? What would her life be like now?

A baby girl was born, and upon holding her child this young lady knew things would be OK. Perhaps this baby was a gift, not a burden as she supposed.

This woman raised her daughter the best she could, and while she wanted to give her child more than she had . . . history has a way of repeating itself. When the daughter became a young woman, she found herself in the same situation — living at home, pregnant, and scared.

The daughter knew she could raise this child. After all, her mom had done it. But what would her life be like? How could God let this happen to her?

If you haven’t guessed already, I was the daughter born to a single mom, and as a teenager became a single mom myself. At age 17, God gave me a son. My boyfriend was out of the picture, and I faced raising a child alone with little education, no money, and, maybe according to the world, little hope for my future. I know what it’s like to be a young, single mom, and what made a huge difference in my life. Here are some ways you can reach out to a single parent:

1. Free childcare.

A Moms’ Day out is greatly needed! You should know that these moms, especially teen moms, may have a hard time leaving their children. Outline for them as clear as possible who will be watching their kids, what type of childcare experience they have, and what activities will be done. Many young moms have been hurt in the past in numerous ways and they are very sensitive when it comes to their kids.

2. Guy Events.

Many children of single parents don’t have positive male role models in their lives. Activities for guys to do with kids–fishing, an obstacle course, Lego building, etc. would be a huge blessing for these moms. They understand this need in their kids and feel bad because of it.

3. Car clinics.

Many single moms don’t have someone to help with maintenance stuff like checking the oil, checking the tires, checking the windshield wipers, etc. And cleaning out/detailing the car would be a huge blessing, too.

4. Expert advice.

Do you have experts who could help them with advice?

Legal (custody stuff)
Resume building or job training
Parenting tips or help
Cooking simple meals
Reading the Bible

Pass out a questionnaire ahead of time and find out their needs.

5. Necessity kits.

Many moms struggle with money. Kits you can put together.

First aid kits
Cleaning kids
Spice cabinet basics
Toiletry kits
Home “office” kit: calendar, stamps, pens, tape, stapler, etc.
Kitchen towels and potholders

6. Christian books and resources.

Again these are “splurge” items they’re not able to buy for themselves.

7. Craft time!

Single moms often don’t have time to sit down and have fun. Create a craft event where they can sit, make something cool, and chat with others.

8. Gift cards

Give them a gift card for dinner out at someplace other than McDonald’s.

9. Gas cards.

They often get stuck at home because they don’t have enough money for gas.

10. Christian music.

They often don’t know it exists, but find it uplifting.

11. Toys-R-Us or Walmart gift cards.

So they can buy something nice for their child’s birthday or a holiday.

12. Home improvement projects.

Mowing the yard of a single mom, or putting together a set of bunk beds is a huge help.

13. Offer a mini-vacation.

This takes more work, but moms often don’t get a chance to get away. Does someone you know work at a hotel chain where you can get a discount on a hotel room? Or does someone have a vacation home or timeshare nearby?

14. Invite her to your house for dinner.

She’ll be happy and shocked!

15. Free haircut, manicure, or massage.

… from a professional! Being pampered is something they usually don’t have the time or money for.

16. Kids haircuts.

This is a huge help to her, too!

17. Birthday cakes.

Do you have someone who can bake a birthday cake for her birthday or her child’s?

Download the FREE printable of how you can reach out to single parents today!

How can you reach out to a single parent today? Find out from @TriciaGoyer

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You might also be encouraged by the book Walk it Out:

Walk It Out: The Radical Result of Living God’s Word One Step at a Time

Women often pack their lives with family, friends, and faithful service, yet still end up feeling empty and unfulfilled. In Walk It Out, Tricia Goyer demonstrates to women that walking out the mandates of Scripture allows God to spark passion and mission within them.

Whether believers realize it or not, God intended for them to do what the Bible says: adopt the orphan, take the gospel into all the world, and care for the needy. These are mandates that point believers down the path of true living and eternal life.

Sometimes those steps are easy, but many times they require a move outside of what feels safe or secure. When women stop focusing on their own dreams and purposes and instead focus on God’s dreams and purposes, everything changes. Check out the book Walk it Out by Tricia Goyer

October 16, 2014 by Tricia Goyer 3 Comments

How to Be the Perfect Mom: Stop Trying to Be Perfect

How to Be the Perfect Mom…

Stop Trying to Be Perfect!

I was a very young mom when I had my first child, just seventeen. Teen pregnancy was something whispered about in 1989, but I noticed the stares. Because of those stares I wanted to make sure I did everything right. I wanted to have the perfect kids so that people would see that a young mom could succeed.

If I could go back and do things differently, I would relax more. I wanted my son to be the smartest at preschool. In T-ball I wanted him to be the best player. He was pretty smart and could beat me at Memory by age three, but as for sports . . . well, he was more interested in staring at the clouds than catching a ball.

I wanted to be seen as the perfect mom, too. I kept my house spotless.

I started writing and publishing and tried to become a success. By this time I lived 2,000 miles from those who knew me as a teen mom, but that didn’t stop me from striving. I didn’t go to enough nature walks or play catch too often because I was too busy keeping my world in order.

What I know now is:

1. My world will never be perfect. Perfection will come in heaven, not before.

2. My to-do list will never be done. God has given me enough time to day for what He’s asked me to do. It’s not as if He’s wringing his hands saying, “Oh no, that poor woman. I should have given her 26 hours!” If you have more to do than humanly possible, go to God and ask him to show you what to take off your list and how to organize your day.

3. My kids aren’t perfect either, but we have some great memories together. My son has grown and has a family of his own. He’s not perfect. I’m not perfect. And we don’t expect each other to be. Good thing, because as a mom of six kids (and the youngest two being four-years-old) that would be a lot of “images” to maintain!)

Some of our favorite memories are times when we forgot there was a world out there we were trying to impress … and just enjoyed being together—laughing, loving, and enjoying life.

How about you? Are you trying to hold everything together? It’s exhausting isn’t it?

Instead, trust the the most “perfect” parent that you can be is one who has grace for herself and her children, no matter what expectations you feel from the outside world. Your children will thank you for it! And the memories will be even more wonderful than any image you tried to uphold!

Don’t get caught up in being the perfect mom. Be the mom your kids need. @TriciaGoyer

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Prayer

Heavenly Father, thank you for the blessing of children and gift of motherhood. Help me be the mom my kids need and not the perfect mom. Help me keep my priorities straight and resist the pressures to do it all. Thank you for being the perfect parent and showing me what it means to truly love!

More Resources

Balanced: Finding Center as a Work-at-Home Mom by Tricia Goyer

Life Interrupted: The Scoop on Being a Young Mom (Mothers of Preschoolers (Mops)) by Tricia Goyer

Lead Your Family Like Jesus: Powerful Parenting Principles from the Creator of Families by Ken Blanchard, Phil Hodges, & Tricia Goyer

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June 30, 2014 by Tricia Goyer 11 Comments

A Love Story of My Own

I grew up going to church for the most part.

It started when I was eight-years-old and my mother and grandmother gave their hearts to the Lord. They attended a church where people attended together yet they also reached out to each other outside of the church building. I remember picnics and dinners out. I remember a new community of people who surrounded our family with love.

I remember my Sunday School teacher who shared God’s love through flannel graph stories and films. Not the VCR tapes movies, but rather the old reel-to-reel films that showed the parables of Jesus, and told what it meant to be faithful, honest, and true. I loved my Sunday School class, children’s church, and the prizes I got for memorizing Scripture. I remember singing songs about God. I remember wonderful Summer VBS camps and memorizing the books of the Bible to win a board game.

The problem was that while all those things made me think about God (and I loved Him in a way) I didn’t understand what a personal relationship God meant.

I didn’t know how it applied to my everyday life.

And then, instead of continuing my relationship with God, and continuing to spend time with others, I walked away from that in my teen years. I wanted to do things my own way. I was looking for love and I thought I could find it in boys.

Instead, I found myself pregnant and without a boyfriend when I was only 17. For many, many months I didn’t want to think about what God thought about me. I tried to push all thoughts of Him out of my mind. I didn’t want to think about all the memory verses I’d memorized as a child. Instead, I wallowed in everything I had lost–my youth, my teen years, my boyfriend who was with someone else. I felt more and more depressed as they days passed.

Then one day around noon I was watching soap operas and I started to remember those good moments when a church family loved me. I didn’t dwell on everything that had gone wrong.

I didn’t dwell on everything that had gone wrong. @TriciaGoyer

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This day, I thought about a time in my life when things used to be right, when I was happy. When I believed in God, and when I had joy.

And that is the day I gave my heart to the Lord … my whole heart.

I wrapped my arms around my stomach and I said, “God, I have messed up big time. If you can do anything with my life, please do.” It was at that moment that I felt HOPE spring into my heart. Hope in God. Hope in my future. Hope in eternity because I knew Christ had forgiven me for all my sins. And that was the beginning of my love relationship with God. I had loved him before like I loved peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and loved watching CHIPS on TV. Not potato chips, but those cute highway patrolmen who rode around on motorcycles and stopped crime.

Once I realized the depth of my sin and understood had God had washed me and made me are pure and white as snow, that’s when I truly fell in love with him.

We can have knowledge of God and spend time in His house and with His people, but until we understand who we are without Him–understand the truth of our sin–that’s when the true love relationship begins.

By accepting my sin and the pain it caused, I truly fell in love with Jesus for taking that sin away through His death on the cross.

So let me ask you…

When Did You Fall In Love With God?

Resources to check out…

Life in Spite of Me by Kristen Jan Anderson & Tricia Goyer

I Still Believe by Jeremy Camp

Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman

I have a few books on sale right now! Generation NeXt Marriage is $2.99. You can also get my four World War II novels in the Liberators Series for $13.99.

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Teen Mom

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Love is the most important ingredient when it comes to parenting. Love, as you will discover, can help you to achieve the impossible.

Success has a way of building on itself. Hard work pays off eventually.

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Your words change everything, your words that you speak to yourself and to your child matter!

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17 Ways to Reach Out to Single Parents

1. Free childcare.

2. Guy Events.

3. Car clinics.

4. Expert advice.

5. Necessity kits.

6. Christian books and resources.

7. Craft time!

8. Gift cards

9. Gas cards.

10. Christian music.

11. Toys-R-Us or Walmart gift cards.

12. Home improvement projects.

13. Offer a mini-vacation.

14. Invite her to your house for dinner.

15. Free haircut, manicure, or massage.

16. Kids haircuts.

17. Birthday cakes.

How to Be the Perfect Mom…

Stop Trying to Be Perfect!

I wanted to be seen as the perfect mom, too. I kept my house spotless.

What I know now is:

Prayer

More Resources

A Love Story of My Own

I grew up going to church for the most part.

I didn’t know how it applied to my everyday life.

This day, I thought about a time in my life when things used to be right, when I was happy. When I believed in God, and when I had joy.

And that is the day I gave my heart to the Lord … my whole heart.

So let me ask you…

When Did You Fall In Love With God?

Resources to check out…