teenagers

May 11, 2017 by Tricia Goyer 5 Comments

Preparing Your Teen’s Heart for Graduation

Preparing Your Teen’s Heart for Graduation means taking steps to move towards separation while fostering communication. With the right choices, you can equip your child’s heart to transition to a healthy, happy college career.

I’ve been a homeschooling mom for twenty-five years with two college graduates and one child in the process. (I also have a kindergartener and two preschoolers, but that’s a different blog!)

Preparing Your Teen’s Heart for Graduation

My kids did (mostly) awesome in college. They got good grades, made good friends, and blossomed into godly adults. All my kids went to secular local and state colleges, yet their relationship with God grew. Looking back at their teen years, here are some things that prepared their hearts most.

Involved Parents

John and I loved having teens. We had dinner nightly with them, we served in church together, and we enjoyed long talks. To do this we had to be open and available. We cut back on our personal recreation, work, and goals to have time with them. This prepared our children’s hearts by proving they were worthy. They had the attention of their parents and didn’t seek it from unhealthy relationships in college.

Cheering Parents

Two of our teens were involved in homeschool basketball. In Montana, this meant driving hours and hours for one or two games. During this season, our whole family piled into our SUV. We drove them, and we cheered them on. For our son who didn’t play basketball, we also took an interest in his pursuits. Our teens had our praise, approval, and cheers. They didn’t enter college with gaping holes in their hearts that needed to be filled up with substances or risky behavior.

An Open-door Policy

John and I wanted our home to be the one where all the teens hung out. We had an open-door policy. Our house was open for their friends to join us for dinner, for games, or for just hanging out. We made sure our house was teen-friendly and filled the fridge and pantry with snacks. And sometimes their friends came to hang out even when our kids weren’t there! Our children had solid friendships with other godly teens when they entered college. Their foundation allowed them to be friends with unbelievers, too, yet also remain strong in God.

Other Supportive Adults

Our teens had an amazing youth minister’s family who was deeply involved in their lives. They had other caring adults they could turn to for encouragement and advice. We encouraged these relationships, knowing that sometimes it’s easier to talk to an adult friend than a parent. They had a support system that gave their strength for the challenges of college.

A Knowledge of God’s Word and a Deep Commitment to God

Our children were not perfect in college. There were times they messed up. (Like when our daughter performed in a theater production we considered questionable!) Yet when they didn’t want to listen to our advice God’s Spirit and God’s Word spoke to them. When my husband and I couldn’t get their attention, God did! Their relationships with God pointed them to the truth for college and beyond!

What about you? In what ways are you preparing your teens’ hearts for college?

Steps You Can Take in Preparing Your Teen’s Heart for Graduation

Make time in your schedule for your teen.
Create a teen-friendly home and atmosphere.
Encourage your teens to have a relationship with other godly adults.
Spend time in Bible reading with your teen or provide your teen with the tools for effective study.

Today’s Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,

I thank you for our teens. I thank you for all the ways they’ve grown in you. Please guide me today in having the desire and the time to prepare their hearts for college and all the challenges that come with that.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Preparing Your Teen’s Heart for Graduation and Beyond

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June 13, 2014 by Tricia Goyer 1 Comment

3 Things Teens Wish Their Parents Remembered

Remember what it was like to be a kid?

Take a few minutes and think back. It may help your parenting in ways you never expected.

One of my favorite childhood memories is from Christmas when I was 12. I don’t remember many elaborate gifts. In fact I recall only one—a shiny, red tape-recorder with a microphone.

Long after the presents were put away and the wrapping paper picked up, my family and I sat around our kitchen table recording silly stories. I was a reporter and I interviewed my parents and younger brother.

Though only snatches of their crazy comments come to mind, recalling the laughter we shared warms me up faster than a hot cup of cocoa on a cold day. This memory also gives me ideas of gifts to give to my own children. No, not a red tape-recorder, but time, silliness and laughter.

Some times the best ideas about parenting don’t come from manuals. Instead they come from remembering what it was like to be a kid.

Sometimes the best ideas about parenting don’t come from manuals. @TriciaGoyer

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1. Remember That Family Activities Are Fun

Recalling the past for the purpose of gaining encouragement and receiving direction isn’t something new. In Deuteronomy 32:7, Moses urged God’s chosen people to look back and remember. “Remember the days of old; consider the generations long past. Ask your father and he will tell you, your elders, and they will explain to you.”

So why is looking back so important? Remembering is like a personal history lesson in which you examine your own life and use it as a reference to guiding your future. As writer Charles G. E. Chilton says, “Would we know the value of the present? Ask the past.”

Thinking about her favorite childhood memories, Twyla Klundt, mother of two, realized that spending time with her family meant more than anything else. “My favorite childhood event,” Twyla says, “was spending every New Years Eve bowling together. I felt part of something bigger than myself. I felt special.”

Twyla’s husband, Kenny agrees. Shared moments were what mattered most when he was a child. He says, “My favorite time was riding horses with my dad.”

Thinking back on what they enjoyed as kids gives the Klundts ideas for things to do with their own family. But they admit that following through requires sacrifice. “Even though time is what matters most, it’s the hardest thing to give,” Twyla admits.

2. Remember The Things You Wanted To Do Differently

Looking back not only helps us know what to do, but what not to do. “My husband and I both felt our parents were so busy with life that they didn’t have time for parenting,” says Crystal Andrews, mother of three. “They did their thing and we children did ours. So, Mark and I decided early on that we wanted things to be different with our kids.”

Determined to build strong relationships, Mark and Crystal work hard to be available. “We focus on spending time with our children whether it’s taking long car trips or just reading together in the evenings.” Today, when the Andrew’s children share their own favorite memories, they talk about times spent with Mom and Dad. Making family a priority is paying off.

3. Remember To Be Creative In Showing Your Love

In his book, “How to Win Grins and Influence Little People” (Honor Books), author Clint Kelly says that children and teens need to be shown how much you love them. “These memories can outweigh the fears in life and keep hope in sight.”

Some ideas from Kelly’s book include:

Have a candlelight dinner for your child. Say, ‘This is a rare event only reserved for a special guest.”
Write up a resume of all your child’s accomplishments, both big and small. Look it over thoughtfully and say, ‘I’d hire you in a second!”
Put a note of praise in a bottle and float it in your child’s bath water.

When you work to create special times for your kids, you’re fashioning a lifetime of memories in the process—memories that will make your children look back and smile. In my case, the red tape recorder was misplaced long ago, but the memory of the laughter my family shared will never be lost.

What are some unique ways you show your children love?

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January 8, 2014 by Tricia Goyer 1 Comment

Four Tips to Stay on Top of Things with Your Teens | Guest Post by Nicole O’Dell

As I was preparing this post for Tricia’s blog, I considered what you all might like to hear about. You see, Tricia and I, in a lot of ways, are very similar. I have six kids, I’m a busy author, I’m running a busy ministry, and I’m parenting littles and teens at the same time. Tricia has been there, done that, and is doing it again . . . in circles around me. Which I’d never have thought possible, had I not met Tricia. And it only annoys me a little bit! 😉

As a busy work-at-home’ish*** mom, I know just how important it is to stay on guard when approaching the teen years. It’s easy to miss the cues of impending disaster if you’re not watching closely. Here are the top four questions you need to ask yourself on a weekly (preferably daily) basis to ensure you’re on top of things with your teens:

Can I confidently describe where my teens and pre-teens were every night of the past week.
When is the last time my teens confided in me about something personal?
When was the last time I said no to something big?
When is the last time I prayed for my teens?

In quick-fire answer to the questions above, I’d say:

1. At no age, as long as your kids are living in your home, do I think it’s OK to offer up a curfew with no accountability for whereabouts. Not only is it asking for temptation and trouble to put that much freedom in the hands of a teenager or (heaven forbid) a pre-teen, but it’s also just illogical. Why would we not err on the side of safety by keeping track of our kids’ location? We owe it to them to able to help them in moment’s notice.

Bonus question: Do I have phone numbers of the parents of those involved? This step will annoy your older teens especially, but they’ll treasure the thought that you care that much. They’ll also notice that their friend’s parents don’t.

How can you stay on top of things w/your #teens? @nicole_odell shares her tips:

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2. Do your kids feel comfortable coming to you with their BFF troubles and dating woes? Are they open to you about the peer pressure they encounter and the struggles their friends are having at home? Do they tell you their worries, their dreams, their fears? If not, you can do two very important things about it: Ask questions and listen. No, it won’t change things right away. Trust me, your teens will make you work for this one. But when they believe you’re not backing down, that you’re going to keep at it because they are worth it, they’ll soften toward you.

Bonus question: How available have you been this week? Does your teenager have to fight for minutes between your activities or have every conversation with you over your laptop screen? Consider that your perceived availability might be a turn-off.

3. Yes is fun. It’s awesome to see your teens excited and happy. It’s a lot easier to say yes than it is to say no. But the yes is rarely where the teaching happens. It’s in the no that our kids learn about disappointment, respect, patience, and trust. Be sure you’re willing to say no to your teenager in order to teach those important, godly traits.

Bonus question: Can you think of a yes that you regret? Do you need to pull back and turn your yes into a no? It’s OK to do that. In fact, as difficult as it is, it will be a great teaching moment. Let your teen know that even you make mistakes, but that you love him/her so much that you’re willing to take the heat in order to do what’s right.

4. Do you pray for your kids daily? It’s so important, not only that you do it, but that they know about it. Whether they admit it or not, it means so much to them to know you’re taking them before the throne of God every single day.

Bonus question: When’s the last time you prayed together? And even deeper, when’s the last time your teenager prayed in front of you? Are you creating a culture of prayer in your home? This is vital in order to set an atmosphere of faith and surrender.

A challenge for you and your #teens (plus a #giveaway) from @nicole_odell:

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I’m Nicole O’Dell, author, founder of Choose NOW Ministries, and mom of six. I believe that preparation is the number-one thing when it comes to raising teens who will make good choices even when you’re not looking. And, in order to help with that, I and my team at Choose NOW Publishing have just launched an incredible set of resources that hits right in the heart of your need. Powerline365 is just the companion you need to prepare now to victoriously power through this next year and beyond.

Powerline365
Plugging Parents of Teens into the Source

Powerline365 is a high-voltage, multi-format daily devotional to help parents raise Christian teens without losing connection.

Tap into the power you need to lead your teens into a vibrant personal relationship with Jesus. Many teens, even those from Christian homes, fail to connect with Him on a personal level. They forge on alone, searching for identity as the enemy pelts them with temptations and doubts. As parents, we’re left reeling, wondering where we went wrong.

Powerline365 offers daily insight to ground you in truth as you plug into the Source. It’s time for you to power-parent from a place of confidence and surrender, believing God’s Word is true, and His promises will never go unfulfilled.

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within [your teenager], will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. (Philippians 1:6, NLT)

Now for the fun part!

Crowdfunding is a super-risky (for me!), but potentially awesome (for you!) way to make products available to the public. It allows Powerline365 users or those who believe in the project and want to support the raising up of a godly generation of teens to fund at various levels. And it means EARLY ACCESS for you! Would you pop over to our campaign page and see what we have going on? There’s a lot of great opportunity and interesting things you’ll only have access to through this campaign. Plus it’s the ONLY way to get ahold of these resources now, in time for 2014.

GIVEAWAY: And all who participate in the campaign and leave a comment here will be entered to win a Spark30 devotional subscription. We’ll give away one for every ten participants. This can also be gifted!

My heartfelt prayer is that you’ll find victory in your relationship with your teens as you lead them to good choices and a strong faith in Jesus.

Nicole O’Dell is the founder of Choose NOW Ministries, bringing a message of hope for today’s families through daily articles, weekly radio shows, and the printed word. A mother of six herself, she has authored 23 books for parents and teens, both fiction and nonfiction, all with the goal of helping the reader make good choices NOW.

***work-at-home’ish: adj. A working mom who does a lot of it at home, but, thanks to he wonderful church who built her an office, has a great place to go, offsite, to really get ‘er done. Tune in back here later in January to see pics of my church work space!