teens

July 24, 2023 by Tricia Goyer 14 Comments

Help Eliminate Teen Pregnancy

When it comes to teen pregnancy, often we ask these two questions: if a teen finds themself facing an unplanned pregnancy are the parents to blame? Or should we point our fingers at the teen’s own bad choices? We ask because we care. And as parents, we want to protect our kids from difficult situations and the consequences of poor decisions.

Are you a mom or dad who’s wondering if you can make a difference in your child’s choice not to have sex prematurely? The answer is YES! And If you don’t want your daughter or son to be one of the one million teens who become parents every year, consider this:

Be a role model.

Our kids often follow where we lead. Consider your life. Are you living with integrity? Are you only having sex within the boundaries of marriage? The saying “Do what I say, not what I do” never works. We have to set the standard we want our kids to emulate. The standard is God’s Word, not the current culture.

Talk about what love is—and isn’t!

Love is not sex. Going “all the way” with someone doesn’t prove your love (no matter what they show on television). True love is shown through life-long commitment and by valuing the other person. Remind teens they are responsible for setting sexual limits on a relationship. Remind young women, “Sex won’t make him yours. A baby won’t make him stay.”

**Remind kids it CAN happen to them.**

Having sex, even so-called “protected” sex, can lead to pregnancy. It can happen even to kids from a good family. The only way to 100% prevent pregnancy is not to have sex. And, yes, it’s possible—everyone can make good choices. It’s our job as parents to instruct our kid’s on how to make those choices. Talk openly with your child about sex and sexuality and remind them they are in control of their body—no matter what anyone else says.

Emphasize that even “good girls” get pregnant.

Having a good report card, being a good person, having an important parent, or being conscientious will not protect you from pregnancy. According to teenpregnancy.org, one in three young women get pregnant at least once before they turn twenty—good girls included.

Let your kids know that most teens (and adults!) wished they had waited.

Sex before marriage can not only lead to pregnancy but there are other health concerns, such as STDs. There is also emotional baggage. According to teenpregnancy.org, 60% of teens “wished they had waited longer” to have sex.

Encourage your teen to plan their actions BEFORE the situation arises.

Talk about setting boundaries and not putting themself in situations that will cause them to compromise those decisions. Help them make good plans for their future and stick to their goals. If possible, role-play conversations until they feel confident saying what needs to be said to avoid sexual situations. The more practice a person has in saying something, the easier it will be to say it when the time comes. Even if it feels awkward or silly, help your child find their own words for protecting their boundaries.

Talk about the media’s wrong messages.

The media (television, radio, movies, music videos, magazines, the Internet) are chock full of material sending the wrong messages. Just because we see everyone in Hollywood having sex and having babies doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. Babies are a life-long responsibility, not a fashion accessory.

Encourage secondary purity.

Teens can say “no” even if they’ve said “yes” before. Today your child can make the right choice and choose abstinence. Even if they’ve been sexually active in the past, remind them that they can choose differently next time. Help them find forgiveness in Christ and build them up in the way to find the strength to avoid temptation in the future.

Realize parents can only do so much . . . but make sure it’s done!

As a parent, you cannot be around your child 24/7. Yet, we can do our best to prepare our kids. Don’t wait.

Let your kids know you are available to talk about every issue in life.

It’s so important for parents to open up a two-way conversation, not a one-way lecture. Parents can do this by turning the above topics into questions such as: What are your boundaries? Do you think sex proves you love someone? What do you think of the messages the media gives out?

Some of the most difficult conversations I’ve ever had were talking to my kids about sex. But those are also some of the most important ones. Not only did it help us to discuss this important topic, but it lead to other important topics and drew us closer to each other. When we care enough to breach difficult subjects with our kids they begin to understand our hearts better. Don’t miss this opportunity to build a lifelong relationship with your child. Remember, they will grow up one day and this conversation might be a crucial part of their life choices.

Lastly, remember Parents, you CAN make a difference in your teen’s lives!

Help Eliminate Teen Pregnancy

Although an unplanned pregnancy is something we would rather spare our child from, if your teen (or a teen you know) find’s themself in this situation, know that they can choose to parent and be successful. Teens can be good parents and a baby is always a blessing. We can choose to help a teen become a good parent by supporting them every step of the way.

Additional Resources

For more resources on supporting teen moms, you might want to read these posts:

Teen Mom, You Are Not Alone

Gaining Wisdom by Working with Teen Moms

A Letter to Teen Moms | You Are Important

Broken Things Made Beautiful

Word Identity | Your Words Change Everything!

Share “Teen Mom” with Someone Today!

5 Practical Ways to Run a Teen MOPS Group

Somebody Needs to Hear

17 Ways to Reach Out to Single Moms

Why Does Mentoring Matter? A Lesson From Mary

Just Be Available to God

God Is Not Punishing You For Your Past Sins

An Unexpected Life

How to Start a Teen MOPS Group

How to Help Teen Moms

December 4, 2020 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

Walk It Out #141: The Money Challenge for Teens with Art Rainer

The Money Challenge for Teens with Art Rainer

Let’s talk about money!

How did you learn about money? I don’t remember anyone specifically sitting down with me to talk about money, but when I worked as a teen (at McDonald’s!) I knew that if I wanted to buy school clothes for myself, I couldn’t spend it on pizza with my friends on the weekends. I was mostly a saver, and I wasn’t concerned about brands. Yes, back in the 80s Guess and Jordache clothes were cool, but I’d rather have five outfits rather than one. Looking on the Blue Light Special rack at K-Mart was my idea of a good purchase, and I never did splurge on a Swatch watch.

Back in the 80s, I’d learn about brands and what was cool through commercials and magazines, but teens today are bombarded by all the coolest brands wherever they look. And that’s why it’s so important to have great conversations with teens about money. Teens will be hearing about what they can buy in many places, but in today’s podcast, you’ll hear about ways you can talk to them about wisely using their money instead … not just to store up for their future but also to spread the Good News of the gospel around the world. I know you’ll enjoy this podcast!

Who is Art Rainer?

Art Rainer is a vice president at The College at Southeastern in Wake Forest, North Carolina. He writes widely about issues related to finance, wealth, and generosity and is the author of The Money Challenge and The Marriage Challenge. Art lives in Wake Forest with his wife, Sarah, and three sons.

You can order The Money Challenge for Teens HERE.

About the Book:

Today’s teens are faced with more financial opportunities—and threats—than ever before, from summer jobs and scholarships to credit card applications and student loans. How are young people supposed to learn to avoid early pitfalls that could devastate their financial futures and instead take steps that can set them up for a future filled with security, contentment, and generosity? The Money Challenge for Teens can help.

Author Art Rainer introduces readers to some fictional young friends who are navigating financial waters and learning how God would want them to face college choices and car loans and thoughts about retirement (yes, even as a teenager!). While reading about the fictional friends’ steps and missteps, readers will learn simple, practical lessons and adopt real-life goals to start their journey to a healthy and godly financial future.

Walk It Out Scripture

Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 2 Corinthians 9:7

If you are enjoying the show, I have a quick favor to ask! If you haven’t yet hit the subscribe button and left a rating and a review on iTunes, please take a moment and do so! I love reading your reviews and it keeps the algorithms happy so new listeners can find the podcast as well!

Sleep as a Benefit of Homeschooling

Did you know that sleep can be a benefit to your homeschool?

I’d been a homeschooling mom for twenty years when I was forced to have kids in the public school system. I say “forced” because we had kids in foster care and DHS would not let me homeschool them. So for the first time ever I filled out paperwork and had to figure out the schedules of three different schools.

During this time I was homeschooling three children at home. And our new daughters were between the ages of 11 and 15-years-old. Suddenly I had kids in homeschool, elementary school, junior high and high school. There were many challenges. I had to figure out how to help kids with homework and how to communicate with various teachers. We had to figure out school lunches and schedules, but by far the hardest thing to deal with was my kids’ lack of sleep.

You see one of the benefits of homeschooling is allowing my kids to sleep in. On most days my kids wake up around 8:00 a.m., and we start school around 9:00 a.m. This is a far cry from what we’d experienced when they went to public school. I usually had to wake them up around 6:15 a.m. and had to get them to school by 7:40. The mornings were chaos with everyone getting dressed, making lunches, and fighting. There was a lot of fighting because it was a big hassle to get everyone out of bed.

My kids were extremely tired because they often came home with homework. Sometimes we stayed up late finishing it. And on days when they finished homework before 8:00 p.m. we tried to squeeze in family time by hanging out. After all, we hadn’t seen our kids all day.

Because my homeschooling kids finish all their schoolwork during the day there is no homework at night. We have dinner together and participate in taekwondo. Then we hang out and everyone goes to bed at a decent hour. And then, they get to sleep in. With this schedule, my kids get 9-10 hours a night, which is what they need.

Years ago I was interviewing a doctor, and she told me that most of the problems that parents have with tweens and teens have to do with lack of sleep. Teens are staying up too late and waking up too early. Because they are growing so much, tweens and teens actually need the same amount of sleep as toddlers. And when they don’t get it, they’re like a whole bunch of BIG cranky toddlers running around. I’ve found this to be true.

There are many benefits to homeschooling, and sleep is one of them. By the time we start school at 9:00 a.m. my kids are awake and ready to learn. We sit down with our Bible Study and our Sonlight Curriculum. There is no rushing out the door. There are no cranky kids … well, if they are it usually isn’t because of lack of sleep. And for that I am thankful.

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August 16, 2018 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

Three Keys to Parenting Teens Through Sexual Chaos | Dr. Juli Slattery

Dr. Juli Slattery shares 3 keys to parenting teens through today’s sexual chaos.

Do you remember the days when your parents worried about you talking to your boyfriend on the family phone? Or the outrage against the sexual messages portrayed on MTV? Although our parents had legitimate concerns, the issues they faced seem laughable compared to the challenge of raising children in 2018. Sexting, pornography, hooking up, gender confusion, sexual predators …these are the overwhelming fears that haunt today’s parents.

As a mom of three teen/young adult sons, I cling to biblical promises like: Fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am your God. These promises remind me that God is neither surprised nor overwhelmed by the challenges facing our families. I believe He is able and willing to equip us to navigate the sexual chaos of our time. Here are three important things to keep in mind as you strive to become a mom fully engaged in the real-life issues your teen is facing.

Think discipleship, not sex ed.

Sometimes we get the cart before the horse. We so badly want to insulate our kids from the evils of the world that we forget the great commission. Your primary job as a parent is not to raise well-behaved kids who walk down the aisle as virgins. God has called you to make disciples. What does that mean? It means teaching, modeling, and walking with your children in such a way that they will want to follow Jesus Christ. Discipleship is not primarily about behavior. It’s about the direction of your teen’s heart. The goal is not just to keep your kids from sex and porn. It is to shape their hearts and affections to want what is good and hate what is evil. Discipleship is continual, not just an annual conversation about sex. It is a relationship, not a curriculum. It is authentic, wrestling with real-life issues, not simply presenting an ideal. Your teen needs a safe place to talk about sexual longings, God’s love for homosexuals, and the world’s persistent messages that everyone is having sex. Discipleship means you create that safe place.

Remember the gospel.

While the average Christian parent is well-equipped to explain “the gospel,” rarely do we apply the foundational principles of what we believe to practical challenges in parenting. Here’s an example. The Bible tells us that we are sinful and rebellious in nature. Given the choice, none of us will choose to worship and serve God. It is only through the supernatural work of the Holy Spirit and the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross that we can be cleansed by sin. So why are we shocked that 13-year-old Josh who goes to youth group and loves his parents still chooses to look at naked girls? When our teenagers choose sin, this gives us the chance to share the message of salvation in a way that intersects with their real-life experiences. God’s grace is just a churchy concept until our children actually encounter it. I believe that the sexual temptations and struggles our sons and daughters face are very practical ways to teach them the truth that they cannot be “good” in their own strength. They need God’s grace and the forgiveness He offers.

You can’t pass on what you don’t possess.

As William Wallace’s famous poem proclaims, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” Sexual healing and truth will not infiltrate our world until it first impacts the hearts of women. Traveling around the US, I’ve met thousands of godly, Christian moms who carry secrets, shame, and questions about their own sexuality. These obstacles keep us from effectively ministering to our families. To be change agents, we must first be changed by God’s grace and rooted in biblical truth. God will use you to impact your children, your husband, and your community in profound ways, but not until He has first redeemed your sexuality.

You may be alarmed at the shifting landscape of what is considered normal and moral related to sexual choices. But let’s be honest. Christian parents (and even churches) have historically been limited and ineffective in how they approach sexual issues. The current sexual culture demands that we proactively pursue and then teach a comprehensive biblical view of sexuality. It’s time to raise the level of our game. We are, perhaps, more aware than ever of our need to know God, to understand His design for sexuality, and to experience in our lives His saving power and grace.

More about Rethinking Sexuality

Rethinking Sexuality by Dr. Juli Slattery

Sexual abuse, sex addiction, gender confusion, brokenness, and shame plague today’s world, and people are seeking clarity and hope. By contesting long-held cultural paradigms, this book equips you to see how sexuality is rooted in the broader context of God’s heart and his work for us on earth.

It provides a framework from which to understand the big picture of sexual challenges and wholeness and helps you recognize that every sexual question is ultimately a spiritual one. It shifts the paradigm from combating sexual problems to confidently proclaiming and modeling the road to sacred sexuality.

Instead of arguing with the world about what’s right and wrong about sexual choices, this practical resource equips you to share the love and grace of Jesus as you encounter the pain of sexual brokenness – your own or someone else’s.

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Dr. Juli Slattery author of Rethinking Sexuality

Dr. Juli Slattery is a clinical psychologist, author, speaker and the president/co-founder of Authentic Intimacy. Juli earned her college degree at Wheaton College, an MA in psychology from Biola University, an MS and a Doctorate degree in Clinical Psychology from Florida Institute of Technology.

From 2008-2012, Dr. Slattery served at Focus on the Family writing, teaching, and co-hosting the Daly Focus on the Family broadcast. In 2012, she left Focus on the Family to start Authentic Intimacy, a ministry devoted to reclaiming God’s design for intimacy.

Juli is the author of ten books, the host of the weekly podcast “Java with Juli” and a member of the board of trustees for Moody Bible Institute. Juli and her husband Mike are the parents of 3 sons; they live in Akron, Ohio.

Website | Podcast

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June 12, 2018 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

How Parents Can Handle Teen Emotions

You can read the first blog post of the series here ~ What You Really Need To Know About Emotional Teens.

On the top of my to-do list, today was writing this blog on how to handle emotional teens. It’s easy to make that a goal and spout all types of wonderful advice on a good day. But today has not been a good day. One of my teens has been especially sassy and confrontational. At fifteen she’s usually a complaint kid, but the last week she’s been testy and moody. Today has been by far the worst of it, and after her sassy attitude and disrespectful words, I sent her to her room, and I also retreated to my room for a good cry. As hard as I try to hold myself together around my kids—and not get angry and emotional myself—I still get mad. Why in the world do I have to deal with this? I also still get upset. I don’t deserve to be treated this way … after all that I do for my kids. The tears are falling even as I write this.

There are many reasons why teens are emotional, and I’m the first to tell you that negative emotions shouldn’t be ignored. There’s something going on deep within my daughter today. It may just be hormones, but then again, it could be something more. I know that later when we’re both in a more stable mood, I’ll need to talk to her about what’s really going on. That’s the mom thing I need to do, even when I don’t feel like it. When dealing with an emotional teen, it’s important to dig in and pull close to your teen, even when you feel like pulling away.

You can read the full post on The Better Mom HERE.

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May 15, 2018 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

What You Really Need to Know About Emotional Teens

I have three children beyond their teen years, and I currently have four teens in our home. Let’s pause right now as I ask for prayer. Do you also have a teen—an emotion-filled creature—in your house? I’ll pause and say a prayer for you too.

One thing I’ve learned with these teens is that their depths of these emotions run deep. Here are a few things you really need to know about their emotions.

1. Teens feel everything very deeply. It may seem as if teens are just being dramatic, but the emotions are real. All emotions—good and bad—are felt toward the extreme.

Hormones in teens are a very real thing. Hormones cause emotions to swing, and it’s important to help teens understand that. I let my teens know that when I’m hormonal I feel as if everything’s wrong with the world … but it’s just the hormones. Because we talk about it, my teen daughters often tell me, “I’m ready to start my cycle if I act crazy tell me to chill.”

And even though it may not be as obvious or drastic, teen boys deal with emotions too. Yet while hormones do play a part, it’s more than that. Just as your teen is growing and developing during puberty, your teen’s brain is too.

With these changes, a teen’s emotions centers are heightened. The big, dramatic emotions feel real, and most of the time your teen is just as overwhelmed and surprised by these emotions as you are.

2. Teens are lacking common sense. Not only are they emotional, teens are also impulsive. Your teen’s frontal cortex is still developing. Even though teens look like adults, they don’t have the same thinking skills. The developing frontal cortex is associated with decision-making, insight, judgment and inhibitory control. They really do lack common sense and aren’t able to think things through as adults can. This leads to impulsive decision making. It’s not just your teen … it’s all teens.

3. Teen brains have big needs. First, because of all the rapid growth and changes teens need SLEEP. Because of all the growth and changes, their bodies need more rest: about 9-10 hours a night. They also need good nutrition. Teens who don’t eat right become irritable and depressed. Good nutrition is needed to feed the changing brain. Teens also need physical exercise. Studies show that when kids are active it actually helps brain development.

Read more about what you need to know about emotional teens HERE.

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November 16, 2017 by Tricia Goyer 4 Comments

#WALKITOUT 001: Maria Goyer

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My guest for #WALKITOUT 001 is my daughter Maria Goyer. John and I met Maria two and a half years ago when we were interested in adopting a sibling group from foster care. Maria is the oldest of the four girls that we adopted. She has been such a blessing in our lives. She is our scientist artist girl, so she will take things apart, put them back together, and design stuff, draw pictures and create stuff. We are super proud of her and she exciting things in her future!

I just wanted to have Maria on the show to chat about foster care and what it was like to be raised in foster care.

You can listen to the show below!
And of course, I would love if you would share with your friends.

Links from the show

Jeremiah 29:11
Soul’s Gate – James Rubart
Oceans – Hillsong United
Thinking about fostering or adopting? Check out my resource page.

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October 6, 2017 by Tricia Goyer 1 Comment

When God Called Us to Adopt Teens

I clearly remember the moment I knew God was calling John and I to adopt a sibling group of older girls. God didn’t speak as through a megaphone. Instead, it was one small conversation—and more small thoughts—that built into an idea that I knew was from God.

The thoughts first started as I mentored teen moms in the young mom support group I lead. A number of the young moms had aged out of foster care. With no family support, many of them aged out, got a boyfriend right away, and then soon found themselves pregnant.

“I wish someone would do something about these older teen girls,” I told John more than once. “Life would be so much different for them if they did.” (You can see where this is leading, can’t you?)

A second thought happened when John and I attended a local adoption event where pre-adoptive families are able to meet waiting kids. We purposefully set out to talk to some of the other kids. John and I asked a group of teens to sit down and talk with us, and they were shocked.

“We’ve been in foster care a long time and you’re the first family who’s ever wanted to talk with us at an event like this,” one of the teens said. “Most people just want younerg kids. They don’t want older kids, and they definitely don’t want a sibling group of older kids.” (Cue my heart breaking in two.)

Our girls . . . while they were still in foster care.

The final moment came during one Sunday during the worship service. I’d just come back from Africa with Awana International, and my heart was breaking, remembering all the orphans there. Many times over the years I’ve prayed, “Lord, break my heart with the things that break yours,” and God continually brought me to the orphans . . . and to teen girls. You’d think I’d start to get the picture!

I lifted my hands in worship as tears streamed down my face. “Lord, I want to do something more. Show me what John and I can do.” We’d already adopted three children, but the need was so great.

Then, this first moment, second moment, and third moment connected in my heart like three pieces of a puzzle. Adopt a sibling group of older girls from foster care, the still small voice of God’s Spirit seemed to say.

In my church, as the worship music swirled around me, I knew what God was asking me to do. I whispered in John’s ear. “We’re supposed to adopt a sibling group of older girls.”

He wiped tears from his face as he nodded. “Yes, I know.” That was all he said. God was speaking the same thing in his heart too.

Our girls NOW just a few weeks ago on the first day of homeschool with their younger siblings.

Months later, we met four young women, all pre-teens and teens, and we started our journey to adopt them. Maria, Lauren, Jordan and Florentina are now part of our home, part of our family, part of our hearts. Their adoption was finalized January 2016, and I love them as much as any of my other children.

I share more about this story in my new book Walk It Out. It hasn’t been an easy journey, but it’s been worth it.

My heart for this book will be that every reader will be encouraged to follow the unique plan God has for her (or him!). It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. Your life will be changed, and maybe other lives, too!

Unsure if Walk It Out is truly a book for you? I understand. And that’s why I have a special gift for you.

You can find Chapter One of Walk It Out HERE. Read it. Share it. Then share it again! I know there are many who long to know God’s call for their lives. My prayer is this book will help them understand what that is.

Whether we’ve been connected for a few days or many years, I’m thankful for every one of you who cares, prays and supports what God is doing in my life and my family’s life. You mean so much to me!

June 9, 2016 by Tricia Goyer 25 Comments

5 Things Your Daughter Should Know About Chasing Boys {by Kari Kampakis}

I love reading aloud to my older girls, and this year I came upon a book that we all loved! 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know by Kari Kampakis was one of our favorite reads of the year. I loved it so much that I asked Kari to write a guest post for my blog. 5 things your daughter should know about chasing boys. If you have a preteen or teen girls you don’t want to miss this book!

There are certain things in life worth waiting for.

A really awesome guy is one of them.

Unfortunately, our world has devalued the art of waiting. We want our heart’s desire now. And for teenage girls eager to fall in love, that eagerness can get the best of them. They may chase the boys they like instead of waiting for the right boys to chase them – and then wonder why their relationships are empty, short, and shallow.

If you have a daughter (I have four!) it may frustrate you to see the new breed of aggressive females being cultivated by our society. They are bold and forward in interacting with the opposite sex. They text boys constantly and seek attention in all the wrong ways.

The world tells girls it’s empowering to take charge and make advances on males, but I believe it hurts them. It can lead girls to lower their standards and behave in ways that make them look bad and, ultimately, feel bad about themselves.

Chasing boys can also make boys run the other way. One thing I hear often from moms of boys is how quickly their sons lose interest when a girl is pushy or constantly checking in. They don’t like it and usually aren’t sure what to do with the excessive attention.

If you’re like me and my husband, and you want your daughter to buck the rising trend of girls chasing boys, here are five talking points to start a conversation with her.

1) You were made to chase your dreams, not boys.

You are so talented, sweet girl! You are smart, energetic, and equipped to change the world with your God-given gifts.

So rather than chasing boys and making a boy the center of your universe, keep God at the center. Listen to His call and pursue the passions He plants in your heart. The right boy will show up at the right time. God will make sure of that!

You don’t need a boyfriend to make your life great. You build a great life for yourself by cultivating strong relationships with family and friends, developing your potential, and living out your purpose.

When you find fulfillment before a boy ever enters the picture, you become the kind of girl who lives with such joy and peace that the right guys will inevitably take notice and think, “Wow. She’s cool. I want to know her better. I want more of what she has.”

2) The way a relationship begins sets the tone.

So if you start in a role reversal, catching your heart’s desire by chasing him, expect to continue taking the lead. A boyfriend who had to be hunted down is very unlikely to court you, plan special dates, and initiate contact. Rather than being smitten, he’ll probably be passive and lukewarm in his feelings toward you.

Girls often complain about boys being lazy daters, but in this day and age, they can be lazy. Why ask girls out when girls will ask them? Why make dinner reservations when your girlfriend agrees to meet up with friends and count it as a “date”?

If you want a boy to court you, let him work a little. Set reasonable standards that require some effort. If he wants a date, have him pick you up and meet your parents. If he waits until Friday afternoon to ask you out for Friday night, keep your plans with friends and suggest he plan ahead next time.

Am I saying it’s wrong to speak or interact with boys? Of course not. I think it’s fine to initiate conversation, smile, make eye contact, and express enough interest to let a boy know you’re interested once you’re of dating age. If he calls first, call him back. If he texts you, text him back. But don’t be desperate or make the common mistake of building your life around a boy. Besides hurting your relationship, it holds you back from achieving your own goals and pursuing your interests.

A guy worth having will rise to the challenge. He’ll figure out quickly how to improve his chances with you and find ways to spend time together.

3) Chasing boys might capture their attention, but it won’t capture their heart.

God created you to guard your heart, not freely give it away to every boy who comes and goes. Chasing boys might make them notice you, but it won’t make them love you. It might lead to dates, but probably not healthy long-term relationships.

God wired boys to be the pursuer, not the pursued. He wants them to take the lead because it cultivates them into young men and prepares them for their future role as husbands, providers, and leaders of the home. You aren’t doing boys a favor by taking the risk of rejection off them; if anything; you’re depriving them of an experience that helps them grow up and mature.

There is something attractive and desirable to a boy about a girl who is humble and confident yet not aggressive. That is the kind of girl the good guys – the protectors, not the predators – are most likely to be interested in.

4) The best way to approach boys is as potential friends, not potential boyfriends.

My goal with my daughters is to teach them how to be good friends with boys. If you master the art of friendship with the opposite sex, I believe the right romances will follow.

In dating and marriage, friendship is essential. It’s the glue that holds a couple together when times get hard and the fireworks fade. When chasing boys, girls skip over friendship and plunge straight into passion. But passion without friendship won’t last. Passion without friendship makes a girl (and a guy) easy to replace once the novelty and excitement die down.

Seeing boys as prizes to be won – rather than friends to be made – makes you feel the need to impress them. And the harder you try to impress someone, the less you are yourself. This will make you come across as fake, and as my husband tells our daughters, who wants to date an imposter? What boy will be interested in dating a girl who isn’t comfortable being herself?

The better approach is to focus on friendship first, even when you have a crush. Let boys see the real you. Friendship offers a safe way to get to know each other, and if the chemistry does exist, the romance can evolve naturally from there.

**5) The right guy won’t need to be chased. Give it time and he’ll come after you.**

Right now, God is working on you and your peers. He’s orchestrating big changes from one birthday to the next, giving you big bodies, big emotions, and big thoughts to grow into. The teen years bring major transformation, and if you compare a 13-year-old with an 18-year-old, you’ll notice how much can happen in a relatively short time.

The boy you’ll eventually date or marry may not be ready for you yet. You may not be ready for him. Only time and maturity can bring you both to a place where you’re ready to give your heart fully and jump into a serious relationship.

In the meantime, have fun. Develop strong friendships with boys who make you laugh and feel good about yourself. Surround yourself with people who bring out your best, and bring out the best in others. Most importantly, grow your relationship with God. Get to know Him so well that when the right guy comes along, you’ll recognize God’s voice telling you this is the guy worth waiting for.

Find out 5 things your daughter should know about chasing boys from @KariKampakis

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As for us parents, let’s recognize the trends of today’s dating scene and understand how hard it may be for girls to wait for boys when it seems like all the girls getting dates do not.

Our daughters are better than the lifestyle this world ubiquitously pushes on them. They shouldn’t have to compromise their values to win a boy over. And what every girl must believe is that she is worth the wait. She is a great catch. She has a lot to offer to anyone smart enough to notice.

In matters of the heart, patience pays off. My prayer for my daughters and yours is that they learn to love their lives regardless of what their love lives bring. The guys worth knowing will show up at the right time, and until that day comes, there’s still plenty of fun to be had, dreams to be chased, and friendships to be made.

Teaching Teens To Be Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable

As a mom of ten kids I’ve been though every stage (a few times!), and I have to say that the hardest, most confusing time for girls is the pre-teen and teen years. Between ages 12-16 girls’ bodies are changing, their emotions are charged, and on a scale from 1-10 their desire for peer approval is an 11.5!

All the lessons that little girls soaked in during quiet time devotions about their value, worth and beauty dissipate as soon as they turn teen and walk into a group setting and have a half-dozen sets of eyes fixed on them.

The truth is that there are multiple situations a day when teen girls have to deal with going with the crowd or choosing a different way and feeling uncomfortable and awkward. We raise our teens to be different than the world but being different is painful for girls who want to fit in!

I love what Kari Kampakis says in her book, 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know:

“It’s not a matter of if you’ll be pressured, but when. People will push you as far as you let them. Unless you establish parameters now, you’ll be talked into things against your better judgment.”

The good news is that parents can help! In addition to reading through 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know (which I recommend!), here are other ways parents can help. The advice below came from my mom friends. Feel free to use these as conversation starters for your teen girl.

Lea Anne: I try to emphasize more how uncomfortable the consequences are of doing wrong. That way these tough conversations or awkward ‘no’s’ seem like a positive step for their own safety and well-being.

Tina Marie: Even though it’s hard to stand up for yourself and not follow your peers, it is okay to stand up for what you feel is best for you and or right for you. It is okay to be different than them. If your friends are your true friends they will stick by you in the choice you make for yourself.

It is hard to see the consequences at the time of the wrong, but try not to rush into quick decisions. Wait till the last minute to give your answer, call your parents and talk it out with them. If allowed come up with your own group get-together that’s safe for all.

Read the rest of this post at tommynelson.com.

How to talk to your teen about being comfortable with being uncomfortable! @TriciaGoyer

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July 30, 2015 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

14 Valuable Ways to Help Teen Moms

Young moms have a lot of needs. They’re still teenagers, yet they also have to balance school, a boyfriend, friends, parents, and sometimes work. As a teen mom I faced depression when I lost my boyfriend and most of my friends during my pregnancy. I dropped out of school and slept until noon. With each day that passed I put another brick on the wall I was building around my heart. Those bricks started tumbling when older women reached out to me with love and compassion. Because they loved me, I dared to believe God loved me too. Sometimes I wonder where I’d be today without those women.

If you’d like to help teen moms, here are some valuable ways to do it. You’ll never know the impact, but I guarantee it’ll be huge!

1. Offer a prepaid phone. “I offered a young mom a prepaid phone so she can always call for help when needed. I also paid/ordered cab rides for her to go to the doctor or ER when necessary. Apps such as Uber or Lyftt make it possible to help long-distance. I wasn’t even in the same state, but we were able to help in this manner.” —Angela

2. Take her shopping. “I had the pleasure years ago to take a young mom maternity clothes shopping. This trip experience was the first for us both but such a precious memory.” —Sherry

3. Help with homework. Offer to help with college applications. Search for scholarships, too.

4. Be a friend. “I welcomed her into my home with hugs, stood by her choice to have her baby, was her friend, prayed for her, and held a shower for her.” —Mary Elizabeth

5. Offer to babysit for a season. “I babysat for a young girl so she could go back to college. She was valedictorian at her high school graduation and got a full-ride scholarship to our state university. She found out she was pregnant just before graduation. She was in the middle of her second semester and first year of college when she gave birth. She had nobody to help, so I babysat so she could go back to class literally one week after she had him.” —Trisha

6. Host a baby shower for her or collect almost-new items from your friends. Many young moms are unable to purchase items themselves. “I encouraged my local Republican Woman’s Club members to put on a shower for her. They went all out, and it was very nice!” —Heidi

7. Take her to lunch and talk about her baby. Even if a pregnancy is unexpected and unplanned, there is still a child to celebrate. Ask her if she has any questions with pregnancy or parenting you can answer.

Read the rest of this post over at AllMomDoes.com!

Find out what YOU can do to help a teen mom from @TriciaGoyer

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teens

Help Eliminate Teen Pregnancy

Be a role model.

Talk about what love is—and isn’t!

Remind kids it CAN happen to them.

Emphasize that even “good girls” get pregnant.

Let your kids know that most teens (and adults!) wished they had waited.

Encourage your teen to plan their actions BEFORE the situation arises.

Talk about the media’s wrong messages.

Encourage secondary purity.

Realize parents can only do so much . . . but make sure it’s done!

Let your kids know you are available to talk about every issue in life.

Lastly, remember Parents, you CAN make a difference in your teen’s lives!

Help Eliminate Teen Pregnancy

Additional Resources

The Money Challenge for Teens with Art Rainer

Who is Art Rainer?

You can order The Money Challenge for Teens HERE.

About the Book:

Walk It Out Scripture

Resources, books, and links mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Art Rainer

Connect with Tricia

Special thanks to this week’s sponsor

More about Rethinking Sexuality

You can read the full post on The Better Mom HERE.

1) You were made to chase your dreams, not boys.

2) The way a relationship begins sets the tone.

3) Chasing boys might capture their attention, but it won’t capture their heart.

4) The best way to approach boys is as potential friends, not potential boyfriends.

5) The right guy won’t need to be chased. Give it time and he’ll come after you.

**Remind kids it CAN happen to them.**

**5) The right guy won’t need to be chased. Give it time and he’ll come after you.**