The Better Mom

March 21, 2019 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

How to Regulate Yourself as a Mom … and Control Your Anger

How to Regulate Yourself as a Mom … and Control Your Anger is what I’m talking about today. As a mom, I can tell when I’m out of sorts. Sometimes I don’t stress about the sticky floor or the grumbling kids. And then there are days when everything seems wrong, and deep down I know the “wrong” is something inside me. Everything makes me angry. Have you ever had days like that?

How to Regulate Yourself as a Mom … and Control Your Anger

The problem isn’t my life, it’s my emotional self-regulation. An easy way to explain emotional self-regulation is the ability to calm yourself down.

My emotions often get out of check when I’m tired or overwhelmed. Adopting seven kids has made both common. Yet here are some ways I’ve learned to self-regulate:

1. I must get perspective. I’ve learned to step back from a situation and looking at it objectively. For example, Will it really matter—in light of eternity—that my sink is full of dishes today? Bible reading and prayer help me gain perspective the most. The quiet of the day tends my soul, and I’m reminded that this day’s troubles are small compared to God’s big plans.

2. I must understand I am an emotional being. It’s okay to have emotions. There are times we should be sad or frustrated. Anger even makes sense at times, but acting out on our emotions in negative ways is never right.

When I’m in the middle of a hard situation, such as dealing with an angry kid, my emotions will naturally react. My heart will pound. My jaw will tighten. Anger becomes a physical response, but it still doesn’t mean I need to act out on it. I’ve learned to tell myself, “My body is responding, but I still have control. I don’t have to be impulsive. I don’t have to act angry.”

4. I must understand what I’m really angry about. Sometimes what I get angry about isn’t the real problem. I may be frustrated with my sassy pre-teen, but if I pause and think about it the real emotion may be an unexpected bill or a disagreement with my neighbor. By understanding and labeling true emotions I can choose how to respond in all areas of my life.

5. I must give myself boundaries. Before the angry situation comes, I must give myself a goal. “I will not speak unkind words. I will not raise my voice. And I will leave the situation until I calm down.”

6. I must give myself time and space to calm down—to regulate. When I feel like responding with anger and yelling, I remind myself to turn and walk away. Sometimes we think walking away is displaying weakness, but we’re actually teaching our children how to respond to overwhelming emotions. And if you’re not physically able to leave the situation, mentally pull yourself back. Say a quick prayer and remind yourself, “This isn’t an emergency. I don’t need to act rashly. I will win this battle when I stay calm.”

How to Regulate Yourself as a Mom … and Control Your Anger

All these ways have helped me to regulate. I don’t always get it perfect, but I do find myself doing much better … even on tiring or overwhelming days.

No More Grumbles

The Grumble Free Year was another instance when God spoke clearly to my heart that I needed to change. That we–as a family–needed to change. We were in a holding pattern of grumbling and complaining, dissatisfaction and discord. The kids couldn’t go a day with some type of unhappy comment. That’s when I knew we had to make a change. We had to find a way to get in line with what God desired for our family–grateful and thankful hearts.

It wasn’t always easy and the results weren’t immediate, but after a year of no grumbling, our life as a family has radically changed. Now, instead of finding fault and looking for excuses, we find joy in the journey–whether rain or sun. We have learned to laugh at our struggles and look for God in the small inconveniences. Day in and day out we are growing and becoming more thankful for all we have.

Ready to go grumble-free? Join me: www.thegrumblefreeyear.com

Tricia GoyerThis article was officially published on TheBetterMom.com!

March 16, 2019 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

How to Stop Your Child’s Angry Cycle

Today we’re talking about how to stop your child’s angry cycle. Once a child is angry, it’s easy for him to stay in a cycle of thoughts, emotions, and physical responses that feed his rage. Here’s what the angry cycle looks like and to stop the spiral.

How to Stop Your Child’s Angry Cycle

The flash of anger in my tween daughter’s eyes surprised me. We’d been camping, and Maddie’s 6-year-old sister, Aly, had just burned her finger on hot ash. As I treat the wound, Maddie strode up. “I hurt myself, too,” she said, with attitude. “Last night when we were making S’mores.”

“Hold on,” I said. As Aly screamed beside me, I tried not to show my frustration. “I need to help your sister first.” This was the first I’d heard of Maddie’s burn.

Maddie’s anger flared. “You always help her first! You don’t care for me at all!” She rushed back to our cabin as I finished bandaging Aly’s hand.

I walked back to the cabin, dreading the confrontation ahead. I could see how the next few minutes would play out: pleas and demands from me, mounting anger and accusations from her. There had to be a better way to manage these cycles of anger. It was making all of us weary, especially Maddie.

What Is An Angry Cycle?

Once a child is angry, it’s easy for him to stay in a cycle of thoughts, emotions and physical responses that feed his rage. Here’s what the angry cycle looks like:

An event creates pain or distress that sets off the child’s anger. This event can be something another person says or does, or an unmet expectation.
The pain triggers thoughts or memories that focus the child’s angry response on another person. For example, he may think you don’t understand his life or that you care more about a sibling.
These “trigger thoughts” lead to a negative emotional response. Your child feels frustrated, rejected, fearful or enraged.
These emotions cause a physical response, such as a flushed face, tense jaw, pounding heart and clenched fists. As anger takes control, a child finds it difficult to think rationally.
Finally, a behavioral response occurs. The trigger thoughts, emotions, and physical reaction evoke a fight, flight or freeze response.

Stopping the Angry Cycle

We often try to lecture our children or teach them a lesson in the midst of their angry cycle — right when they cannot think rationally. Our best efforts at correction will likely not get through when our child is in this highly emotional state; harsh discipline often makes things worse.

This is true of kids of all ages: An emotional, angry teen can’t be any more rational than an emotional, angry toddler.

When one of my children is angry, I know I have to first stop the angry cycle before anything else can happen. I use some of these phrases instead of escalating the interaction:

“I see you’re angry.”
“I am sorry that happened to you. I’ll be here to talk about it when you’re ready.”
“I get angry, too. How can I help?”
“When you’re ready, I can tell you how I handle things when I get mad.”
“It’s OK to be angry, but think about how you act next. Make good choices.”
“I understand you’re angry. But can you try to understand my point?”

When I acknowledge my children’s anger, they see that I’m paying attention. And when I make myself available, my kids can turn to me for help. They do want to make good choices; they just need extra guidance, and they are often grateful for my offer to help instead of simply sending them to their rooms or giving them consequences.

Being available and attentive always works better than simply telling a child to calm down. And choosing the right words in the midst of your child’s angry cycle can defuse the situation and lead to healthy resolution.

Training Kids to Recognize and Stop their own Angry Cycles

When a child gets angry, multiple physical reactions are occurring inside her body. According to one public health organization, “The adrenal glands flood the body with stress hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol. The brain shunts blood away from the gut and towards the muscles, in preparation for physical exertion. Heart rate, blood pressure and respiration increase.”

We can help our kids understand what’s happening inside their minds and bodies when negative thoughts are triggered so that they don’t get caught up in the angry cycle, which can become a habit….(to read the rest of this article please visit Focus On The Family by clicking on the image below.)

How to Stop Your Child’s Angry Cycle with Calming Angry Kids

If you have a child who struggles with anger, or if you know a family that does, be sure to order Calming Angry Kids today. Each of us needs to wake up with hope and lay down in peace—you do, your kids do. Each of us needs to discover that with the right tools, overcoming anger is possible.

There is help. There is hope. There can be calm.

“I felt as though Tricia was sitting next to me sharing her personal stories and giving me help, guidance, and encouragement for my own parenting journey. If you have a child who struggles with anger, sit with Tricia and let her encourage you as well.”

Jamie Ivey
Bestselling author of If You Only Knew, host of the podcast The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey

March 7, 2019 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

3 Ways Children Teach Us To Pray – Kari Patterson

Do you want to pray more childlike? There is much we can learn from the prayers of a child. Kari Patterson shares 3 key characteristics to enrich our prayers

As I type these words, my daughter is snuggled up next to me with her head resting on my stomach. She’s been mostly quiet, but throughout the past few minutes she’s softly spoken a thought: “I loved seeing the ducks today.” A question: “When am I going to Madison’s house?” A praise: “I love you, Mommy. You’re the best mommy in the world.”

In just minutes she has shared her heart, sought clarity about the future, and expressed authentic praise—sounds like a pretty solid understanding of prayer to me. No wonder Jesus told us we must change to become childlike (Matt. 18:3). He wasn’t just being cute. He was giving us an important spiritual secret!

So . . . what is a childlike? Three key characteristics come to mind that would enrich our communion with God:

First, children are completely self-absorbed.

When my son bursts into my bedroom each morning, he’s already in midsentence, all his thoughts about dinosaurs and the ice age and Beethoven’s fifth symphony spilling out into space.

He doesn’t stop and think, “Wait, I can only talk to her about adult things, not these silly things on my mind.” Of course not. I want to hear what’s on his mind. Those things will probably change as he matures, but the only way to build a relationship is to begin where we are now.

The future-you cannot approach God. Only the you who you are today can.

To pray genuinely, to connect with the heart of our Father, we must simply begin with where we are now. The biggest obstacle to intimacy is waiting until we feel prayerful or spiritual or trying to get our thoughts neat and tidy before we begin. In Paul Miller’s life-giving and supremely practical book, A Praying Life, he explains, “If you don’t begin with where you are, then where you are will sneak in the back door. Your mind will wander to where you are weary.” [Paul Miller, A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 2009), 33.]

Isn’t this true? If your mind wanders to your son’s struggles in school, start there! If your mind drifts to financial anxieties, start there! There is really no sense in trying to pretend with God. He already knows all our thoughts, so any attempts to mask our fears or selfishness are silly and sort of offensive, if you think about it. Who are we to think we can fool Him? Jesus calls this hypocrisy. Instead, let’s come to Him like a child approaches her loving father.

Second, children express all their thoughts out loud.

Anyone with children is familiar with the common scenario of having a small (or not so small) child blurt out some embarrassing comment in public: “Why does that lady have such a big tummy?” “Mommy, my bottom itches!” As we mature, we learn to keep these thoughts to ourselves, but praying out loud definitely helps us cultivate a childlike attitude in prayer in several ways.

For one, praying aloud encourages us to express our innermost selves to God freely, which cultivates intimacy. While we’re wise to filter our words for people, the one place we’re encouraged to “pour out our hearts” is with God. It’s foolish to vent our feelings to others, but it’s godly to vent them to God. He’s the only one who is never tainted by our mixed bag of emotions. It’s not gossip when you’re talking to God!

We’re wise to go to the throne before we go to the phone.

Praying out loud also keeps our mind from wandering (as much). Let’s face it: We’re praying one minute and making a mental grocery list the next. We’re hopelessly distractible. It’s much easier to focus when audible words are coming out of our mouths. It also helps give perspective to what we’re praying. Some things seem one way in our minds, but when they’re spoken into the air, we can see them more clearly. This is especially true concerning confession.

It’s easy to think a confessional thought about something we’ve done; it’s quite another thing to say it out loud.

Children are frank about their faults.

That is, kids call spades, spades; they haven’t learned the deceptive art of dressing up difficult situations with sophisticated words. A critical component of childlike prayer is confession, and the English word confess is a translation of the Greek word homologeo, which literally means “to say the same.” That is, we agree to say the same about something that God says about it. In other words, I’ll call it what He calls it.

This is powerful in prayer! Often in our adult sophistication we become brilliant wordsmiths and create clever names for our sin. We love to rename it to make it sound better. For example: an affair. An affair is a special event I attend with my spouse. The correct word for having sex with someone else’s spouse is adultery.

God our Father has names for things. He is clear. When I say, “I’m just struggling with feeling like no one appreciates all the hard work I do. I really deserve some recognition,” that is called pride. When I say, “I’m just struggling because she has this big beautiful house while we’re just barely making ends meet,” that is called envy.

Why is this critical? Because until we name it, we can’t ditch it! We can’t repent of a “struggle.” We can only repent of sin. As long as we dress it up in flowery language, we’ll never be rid of it. God doesn’t command us to call sin, sin because He wants to rub our faces in it. He has no interest in humiliating us; He wants to free us.

He knows that as long as we call it something lovely, such as an “affair,” we won’t understand the seriousness of sin—that it takes us far, far away from Him. Remember, this isn’t a game. Sin isn’t cute.

I don’t want to cuddle up with what Christ died to free me from. Sin only leads to death. It only leads to destruction, bondage, grief. He wants me, His child, to be free.

We deal frankly, confess openly, speak honestly, refusing to go through religious motions or hide our true selves. We come just as we are, runny-nosed, self-absorbed children in need of the Father’s love and care. Let’s learn from those littles all around us and come to God with candor, as His kids.

Excerpted from Sacred Mundane: How to Find Freedom, Purpose, and Joy (Kregel Publications) ©2017.

3 Ways Children Teach Us How to Pray from @KariPatterson on @TriciaGoyer #parenting #prayer

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More about Sacred Mundane:

What if the key to changing your life—and yourself—is already in your hand?

What if breakthrough and extraordinary growth are waiting for you within the ordinary days you’re living right now?

In Sacred Mundane, Kari Patterson pulls open the dusty blinds to let the light of truth shine in. Even the most unremarkable life is an opportunity to see, know, love, and be utterly transformed by a God who knows no bounds and who upsets every expectation. He eagerly awaits your invitation to fill your world with mundane miracles and holy habits.

Through her entertaining narrative, candid real-life stories, Bible study, and practical instruction, Kari will take you by the hand to discover the beautiful sacredness in the life you already lead.

If you long to grow in God and make a real difference in your world—no matter how small—Sacred Mundane contains everything you need to glean the truth hidden within your everyday existence. Dive in, and learn how to find freedom, purpose, and joy.

Purchase a copy here:
Amazon | Barnes and Noble | CBD

Kari Patterson author of The Sacred Mundane

Kari Patterson shows readers the truth: in each unremarkable life lies an opportunity to see, know, love, and be utterly transformed by a God who meets everyone right where they are. Instead of stepping away from real life to find God, Patterson equips women with a six-step practice to move further in and meet Him in the humdrum moments of everyday existence.

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Just as we learn to come like a child to the Lord in prayer, we can also teach our children to pray in earnest to their heavenly father. I’m excited to share with you my Mommy & Me prayer journal!

It’s available HERE on Amazon. This journal is for little kids to write their prayers … or draw them! There is also a place for Moms to add their prayers, too. It makes a lovely keepsake! Here are the cover and sample pages:

Inside pages from new book *Mommy & Me Prayers: a Keepsake Journal*

My greatest joy would be for mothers and their children to spend time praying together. You can also grab Daddy & Me Prayers, and in the next few weeks I’ll be releasing, Grandma & Me Prayers, and Grandpa & Me Prayers, too. I’ll keep you posted!

May you and your children be blessed as you pray together!

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Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” Read full privacy policy here.

January 16, 2019 by Tricia Goyer 2 Comments

Staying Strong When Your Heart Feels Weak

Do you see yourself as a weak person? I didn’t either, and then one day changed everything.

I’ve never thought of myself as a weak person. That is until the day I crumbled onto the floor of my bedroom, feeling as if I had nothing left to give. Tears had flowed earlier that day, but not now. I’d been trying to reach out to my angry daughter throughout the day but to no avail.

Although her anger was directed toward me, I knew I wasn’t the source of her mad. Her “mad” had built over the years: from early trauma, being put into foster care, and feeling like a burden, rather than part of a family, part of a home. And although my mind had compassion for her, my heart felt weak, as if it had been pulled out of my chest, wrung out, and tossed to the side.

Lord, I’m not sure I can keep doing this, I whispered into the carpet. I don’t think my heart can take anymore.

Parenting some days is harder than I ever imagined. “In this world, you will have trouble,” Jesus said in John 16:33. And there’s no truer verse in the Bible.

For my husband and I, this has meant dealing with our adopted children’s anger. It’s also meant facing financial troubles, losing key relationships unexpectedly and painfully, and so much more.

Thankfully, even though Jesus understands the pain this world brings, He’s also wrapped two promises around it. The full verse says: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

First, Jesus offers us peace. Second, he offers us himself. When we lose heart He’s the answer. How? He states it plainly. Jesus has overcome the world!

Read the rest of this post on TheBetterMom.com!

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December 19, 2018 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

The Gift You Give God This Christmas

As you check off your list, the most important present might be the gift you give God this Christmas. What will it be? Will you say yes to all He’s created you to be? Today I’m sharing about my favorite Christmas memory and how it shaped the way I use my gifts. I hope it blesses you.

The Gift You Give God

I have a favorite Christmas memory. I was in the sixth grade, and I received a cassette tape player that could record. After spending time at my grandparents that afternoon, my mom, step-dad, brother and myself sat around our dining room table and told stories into that recorder. It was special because it was one of the few times I remembered the four of us interacting in such a playful manner. I also loved the story-creating aspect. I loved making up stories in my mind, and now there was a way to record them!

That Christmas, I received a glimpse into who God made me to be: a storyteller.

The Gift You Give God

Psalm 139:13-14 says, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well,” (NIV).

It took me years to realize that I wasn’t born a clean slate. Instead, God created me with unique gifts and talents. It took me even longer to realize that I have the ability to give a gift to God at Christmas … and every day. How? By developing those gifts. By not hiding them. And by stepping out in faith to develop the talents God has placed deep inside me…

The Gift You Give God

I love giving gifts and each time I share my books it’s as if the gift God has given me keeps on giving. I’ve dedicated myself to writing the stories God has given me and in turn, I’ve seen Him use my obedience to change hearts and minds, and lives. And even though I know my words bless others, I feel as if I’m the one who is blessed the most–God allows me to see Him in action. What a gift!

This year I received another gift from Him in a most interesting way…I’ve always wanted to have a bookstore, but never dreamed it’d come about in this way. As conferences were canceled one-by-one I found myself looking at tubs and tubs of books. Normally, these books would fill my tables at conferences. Now they filled up half of our garage. At first, it was a dilemma. But God quickly moved me to action. I decided to open a bookstore–from my breakfast nook!

My entire family jumped in to help and after adding bookshelves, we filled them with all the books. Tricia’s Bookstore was born. Now, every day I wake up and see my decades of work and watch as my whole family helps pack and ship orders. It’s been such a blessing. Not only is it wonderful for my kids to learn management, sales, and other retail skills (homeschool lessons!), I get to offer amazing sales to readers in a year when I know we all need it. Blessing upon blessing.

Here’s my daughter packing an order to ship. She’s my “store manager.”

12 Days of Christmas Sales

Just for my readers, I’ve created some amazing sales. Use the codes below to get these sales in my bookstore Tricia’s Bookstore!

Day 12: when you purchase Made With Love you can get Planted with Hope and Sewn with Joy for 75% off! Put all three books in your cart. Use the discount code: CHRISTMAS12

Day 11: Buy Lead Your Family Like Jesus get Mommy and Me Prayers for FREE! Put both books in your cart and use the discount code: CHRISTMAS11

Day 10: Buy A Secret Courage and get A Daring Escape for FREE! Put both books in your cart and use the Coupon Code: CHRISTMAS10

Day 9: Buy Praying Through the Bible in a Year and Balanced: Finding Center as a Work-at-Home Mom for 50% off! Put one or both books in your cart and use the coupon code: CHRISTMAS9 at checkout.

Day 8: Order The Swiss Courier, you can get Chasing Mona Lisa for FREE! Chasing Mona Lisa is Book 2 in the series. Put both books in your cart and use the coupon code: CHRISTMAS8 at checkout.

Day 7: Buy my novel From Dust and Ashes and get Arms of Deliverance for FREE! Put both items in your cart and use the coupon code: CHRISTMAS7

Day 6: Get the novella collection An Amish Garden FREE ($10.99 value) with the purchase of Where Treetops Glisten! Put both items in your cart and use the coupon code CHRISTMAS6 at checkout!

Day 5: Purchase Beside Still Waters, you can get Along Wooded Paths and Beyond Hope’s Valley for 50% off!Put all three items in your cart and use the coupon code CHRISTMAS5 at checkout!

Day 4: Buy a copy of The Grumble Free Year and get a copy of Calming Angry Kids for Free! A $14.99 value! Put both books in your cart. Use the coupon code: CHRISTMAS4 at checkout.

Day 3: If you buy my Titanic novel By the Light of the Silvery Moon, you can get my WWII suspense novel Songbird Under a German Moon for FREE! ($13.99 value!) Put both books in your cart. Use the coupon code: CHRISTMAS3 at checkout! (*limited quantity)

Day 2: 50% off Prayers that Changed History or Whit’s End Devotional (each or both!) https://tricia-goyer.myshopify.com/collections/historical

November 20, 2018 by Christen Krumm Leave a Comment

Encouraging Kids to Volunteer

Can you imagine the impact your family could have in your community— in the world — by serving or volunteering just one hour each day? Let’s grow a vision and make a plan to make a difference.

Encouraging Kids to Volunteer

You know the old saying, “It is better to give than receive.” For many families, the best gifts they can give is the gift of themselves … through volunteering.

Family volunteering has been an interest to homeschooling advocates for years. Raymond and Dorothy Moore recommend an hour a day of home or community service. Can you imagine how your family (homeschooling or not) could impact the community by volunteering an hour a day? Even an hour a week would add up in the long run!

Read the five tips on encouraging kids to volunteer on The Better Mom blog here!

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October 23, 2018 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

God Loves the Real You | Ruth Schwenk

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! —1 JOHN 3:1

A parent’s voice is powerful, isn’t it? I love that we belong to a Father who is not silent. He is a Father who not only speaks to His children but speaks over His children. In 1 John 3:1, I find it interesting that the apostle John added the phrase, “And that is what we are!” We might not always believe, feel, or truly comprehend that God loves us enough to call us His children, but our Father says we really are! Our Father doesn’t just love us; He loves the real us.

“Our Father doesn’t just love us; He loves the real us.” Encouraging words from Ruth Schwenk.

We can act as if we have it all together when sometimes we don’t. We can pretend we aren’t struggling when we really are. If we’re honest, we can hide those areas of our lives where we are still growing. But we don’t need to do that with God. Because we are in Christ, forgiven and righteous through His sacrifice, we are loved. Completely. Our Father knows us—all of us— and still loves us.

To make sure we remember our Father’s love when it gets hard to hear His voice, He put His Spirit inside us (Romans 8:14–17). The Spirit helps us hear the truth about who and what we really are. His voice reminds us that we are not only forgiven, but we are accepted. We are adopted into God’s family. We are His daughters.

If you are in Christ, look and see what great love the Father has lavished on you. This love calls you “My daughter.” You are family. May His love for you ring loudly in your ears today: you are His. He loves you— the real you.

Father, thank You for loving me. You know everything about me. You see the areas where I’m still growing, and You are patient, kind, and compassionate to me. Help me not to run from You, but to run to You. Your grace and love are what I need. In Jesus’ name, amen.

In what ways do you hide or pretend you are doing okay when you really aren’t?
Why is it so freeing to know that God loves you, the real you?

Ruth Schwenk author of new book The Better Mom Devotional

Trusted author Ruth Schwenk of Pressing Pause and The Better Mom blog will help you learn to give yourself grace as you grow in wisdom with The Better Mom Devotional. As a busy mom of four kids, Ruth understands the stress of raising a family and trying to do it all perfectly, but she has uncovered a secret: becoming a better mom starts not with what you are doing but with who God is inviting you to become.

Excerpt used with permission from The Better Mom Devo below.

The Better Mom Devotional by Ruth Schwenk

With 100 devotions, The Better Mom Devotional offers you a calm way to start your day, deepening your faith on this lifelong journey towards becoming more like Jesus. If you are ready to discover what God wants to do in you, you can grab your copy of The Better Mom Devotional today at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, ChristianBook.com or anywhere books are sold.

Want more encouragement? Subscribe to The Better Mom blog and Ruth will send you 10 Prayers to Encourage a Mom’s Heart.

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October 9, 2018 by Tricia Goyer 2 Comments

How to Truly Love Your Middle Schooler

6 ways to truely love your middle schooler

“Why don’t you just grow up? You’re thirteen. Act like it.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

“How can I act like it?” my daughter said in desperation. “I’ve never been thirteen before!”

I took a deep breath and sighed. My daughter was right. I was expecting a lot from my her. After all, she’d just turned thirteen, and thinking back I remember how challenging those middle school years were. They were hard. During middle school, there is a lot of change going on. In fact, one way to describe these years is change.

To truly love middle schoolers it helps to know a few things about them … and remember what they’re going through.

Read six ways to love your middle schooler on TheBetterMom.com

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August 14, 2018 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

Prayers for the School Year

It’s the beginning of the school year, and I have so many hopes and desires for my children’s year. I want it to be a year of learning, yes, but I also want so much more. I want this to be a year in which my children grow spiritually, not just physically and educationally. I want my children to know God better and trust Him more this year.

I’ve written out this Scripture-based prayer, and I will be praying it for each of my kids. Please do the same! There is nothing that can prepare our children better than us bathing them in prayer!

Click HERE to find these prayers on TheBetterMom.com.

June 12, 2018 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

How Parents Can Handle Teen Emotions

You can read the first blog post of the series here ~ What You Really Need To Know About Emotional Teens.

On the top of my to-do list, today was writing this blog on how to handle emotional teens. It’s easy to make that a goal and spout all types of wonderful advice on a good day. But today has not been a good day. One of my teens has been especially sassy and confrontational. At fifteen she’s usually a complaint kid, but the last week she’s been testy and moody. Today has been by far the worst of it, and after her sassy attitude and disrespectful words, I sent her to her room, and I also retreated to my room for a good cry. As hard as I try to hold myself together around my kids—and not get angry and emotional myself—I still get mad. Why in the world do I have to deal with this? I also still get upset. I don’t deserve to be treated this way … after all that I do for my kids. The tears are falling even as I write this.

There are many reasons why teens are emotional, and I’m the first to tell you that negative emotions shouldn’t be ignored. There’s something going on deep within my daughter today. It may just be hormones, but then again, it could be something more. I know that later when we’re both in a more stable mood, I’ll need to talk to her about what’s really going on. That’s the mom thing I need to do, even when I don’t feel like it. When dealing with an emotional teen, it’s important to dig in and pull close to your teen, even when you feel like pulling away.

You can read the full post on The Better Mom HERE.

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May 15, 2018 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

What You Really Need to Know About Emotional Teens

I have three children beyond their teen years, and I currently have four teens in our home. Let’s pause right now as I ask for prayer. Do you also have a teen—an emotion-filled creature—in your house? I’ll pause and say a prayer for you too.

One thing I’ve learned with these teens is that their depths of these emotions run deep. Here are a few things you really need to know about their emotions.

1. Teens feel everything very deeply. It may seem as if teens are just being dramatic, but the emotions are real. All emotions—good and bad—are felt toward the extreme.

Hormones in teens are a very real thing. Hormones cause emotions to swing, and it’s important to help teens understand that. I let my teens know that when I’m hormonal I feel as if everything’s wrong with the world … but it’s just the hormones. Because we talk about it, my teen daughters often tell me, “I’m ready to start my cycle if I act crazy tell me to chill.”

And even though it may not be as obvious or drastic, teen boys deal with emotions too. Yet while hormones do play a part, it’s more than that. Just as your teen is growing and developing during puberty, your teen’s brain is too.

With these changes, a teen’s emotions centers are heightened. The big, dramatic emotions feel real, and most of the time your teen is just as overwhelmed and surprised by these emotions as you are.

2. Teens are lacking common sense. Not only are they emotional, teens are also impulsive. Your teen’s frontal cortex is still developing. Even though teens look like adults, they don’t have the same thinking skills. The developing frontal cortex is associated with decision-making, insight, judgment and inhibitory control. They really do lack common sense and aren’t able to think things through as adults can. This leads to impulsive decision making. It’s not just your teen … it’s all teens.

3. Teen brains have big needs. First, because of all the rapid growth and changes teens need SLEEP. Because of all the growth and changes, their bodies need more rest: about 9-10 hours a night. They also need good nutrition. Teens who don’t eat right become irritable and depressed. Good nutrition is needed to feed the changing brain. Teens also need physical exercise. Studies show that when kids are active it actually helps brain development.

Read more about what you need to know about emotional teens HERE.

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The Better Mom

How to Regulate Yourself as a Mom … and Control Your Anger

5. I must give myself boundaries. Before the angry situation comes, I must give myself a goal. “I will not speak unkind words. I will not raise my voice. And I will leave the situation until I calm down.”

How to Regulate Yourself as a Mom … and Control Your Anger

No More Grumbles

Ready to go grumble-free? Join me: www.thegrumblefreeyear.com

How to Stop Your Child’s Angry Cycle

What Is An Angry Cycle?

Stopping the Angry Cycle

This is true of kids of all ages: An emotional, angry teen can’t be any more rational than an emotional, angry toddler.

Being available and attentive always works better than simply telling a child to calm down. And choosing the right words in the midst of your child’s angry cycle can defuse the situation and lead to healthy resolution.

Training Kids to Recognize and Stop their own Angry Cycles

How to Stop Your Child’s Angry Cycle with Calming Angry Kids

Excerpted from Sacred Mundane: How to Find Freedom, Purpose, and Joy (Kregel Publications) ©2017.

The Gift You Give God

The Gift You Give God

Psalm 139:13-14 says, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well,” (NIV).

The Gift You Give God

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Encouraging Kids to Volunteer

Click HERE to find these prayers on TheBetterMom.com.

You can read the full post on The Better Mom HERE.

Day 9: Buy Praying Through the Bible in a Year and Balanced: Finding Center as a Work-at-Home Mom for 50% off! Put one or both books in your cart and use the coupon code: CHRISTMAS9 at checkout.