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December 19, 2013 by Tricia Goyer 72 Comments

Connection with Far-Off Family Members This Christmas | 12 Days of Christmas Giveaways Day 7

Christmas is my favorite time of the year. It can also be a difficult time when we are far from family. Even as I’m excited about seeing my son, daughter-in-law and grandson in Montana, I’m also sad that I can’t see my dad, four sisters and their families . . . for the second year in a row.

If you’re away from loved ones this year, here are eight ideas to help you connect across the miles and celebrate your family!

Connect across the miles and celebrate your #family this #Christmas with tips from @TriciaGoyer!

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1. Send emails to long distance family members and collect their prayer needs. Spend a few minutes after dinner praying for those you love.

2. Skype with family members who live far away…or a missionary family you know. This can be an especially lonely time for missionaries who are not only away from family, but live in places that don’t celebrate Christmas the “American” way—if at all.

3. Create your own holiday journal. Allow kids to write messages in it (or help them write their messages) and save for years to come. Include things you did, gifts received, and even the words to your favorite Christmas songs…and then type them up or photocopy your messages and mail it to loved ones.

4. Ask family members from different generations to share family memories through letters.

5. If you have an old Bible from an elderly family member who is now gone, copy the notes in the margins or the verses he or she underlined and share them with family. My grandfather was a pastor. I have some of his old sermons, and I’m going to share some of them with my sisters.

6. Make photocopies of old, family letters—like from Grandpa’s letters home from WWII—and make copies for your family. Talk about the letters during a Skype call.

How do you plan on connecting with far-off #family this #Christmas? Share with @TriciaGoyer:

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7. Watch the same Christmas movie or decorate cookies on the same night and then share photos on Facebook.

8. Speaking of sharing photos, don’t forget to snap photos above and beyond opening gifts. Take photos of the kids’ table, the Nativity set, your favorite ornaments, and the dinner table BEFORE you dig in.

I hope this list gives you ideas to connect across the miles. What are some of your ideas?? I’d love to hear!

12 Days of Christmas Giveaways Day 7

I’m celebrating Christmas with my favorite blog readers by giving away a different book pack each day! Today’s book pack is the Home to Heather Creek Pack, which includes Every Sunrise and Sweet September. Winners will be announced on my blog on Christmas day!

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December 12, 2013 by Tricia Goyer 1 Comment

Editing Tips from Your Favorite Authors

Becoming a writer is so much more than actually writing the book. Editing is half the battle to publishing, so I’ve gathered some of my fellow writing friends’ best advice about tackling the dreaded editing task.

Editing Tips from Your Favorite Authors

Just as you “become” the characters in order to write about them and their reactions and motivations authentically, “become” an editor in editing stage. Approach your manuscript without your writer-heart emotional attachment to it. Read as if you were an editor…a ruthless one at that. Temporarily divorce yourself from being the one who wrote the piece and instead become the one bent on making it stronger, clearer, more lyrical, and crisper. Pretend you don’t know the characters and the story yet. Does it make sense? Pretend you don’t know what that sentence is supposed to say. Does it? If you can get into the mind of a 90-year-old marathon runner in order to write about her, you can get into the mind of an editor in order to edit. —Cynthia Ruchti

Did you conquer #NaNoWriMo? Take the next step—editing—with @TriciaGoyer:

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Read the story aloud, preferably to a listener or use a read-aloud program to read it to you. I use TextAloud (from NextUp.com). —Linda Ford

1. Incorporate body language and emotion into every aspect of your writing. By blending the two, the writer shows emotion instead of telling it. 2. Create an antagonistic setting. Consider setting as a character who is working against your protagonist achieving his/her goal. —DiAnn Mills

Read it back to yourself slowly and aloud to catch typos, and then read it on a recorder and listen to the flow of the words. There’s no better way to catch the glitches. —Hannah Alexander

My best editing tip is to read your document out loud or to run it through a program that reads it to you. You’ll hear mistakes like a repeat of two words like “the the” that your eyes will skim over and read as one “the.” —Vickie McDonough

I guess my best tip would also be my favorite writer’s quote: “In your writing, try to leave out all the parts readers skip.” That’s from NT Times bestselling author Elmore Leonard. To accomplish this, take a sharp scalpel to your work. And before you send it in, give your manuscript to several fiction-loving readers (don’t have to be writers themselves), begging them to highlight places that tempted them to skip, areas that bored them, confused them, or forced them to read more than once to understand. —Dan Walsh

Get #editing tips from the best in the business, today on @TriciaGoyer’s blog:

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In this busy world of hurry-up-and-publish, sometimes we don’t give a novel time and therefore the writer time to mull over the story to deepen and strengthen it. My piece of advice for editing is to give some time between writing the novel and editing it. That way, the writer can view the material more objectively. —Leanna Ellis

l. Leave some time between finishing and editing the mss, so that you come at it afresh. 2. Do you really need this scene/paragraph/word? If not, excise. 3. Delete all attributions. Substitute beats showing action. 4. Keep a calendar or diary of events to hand, to check back when she said or did whatever. 5. Praise the Lord for a good copy-editor, who is going to pick up all the errors you’ve made! —Veronica Heley

Did you hear the good news? A Christmas Gift for Rose is only $2.99 (digital), now through January 6! Get the ebook HERE!

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November 22, 2013 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

How to Mind Your Thoughts

Woman thinking with cofffe cup — Learn how to mind your thoughts and dwell instead on God-thoughts.

Learn How to Mind Your Thoughts

The thousands of me-to-me conversations going on in my head throughout the day are labeled by psychologists as “self-talk.” Relentless, repetitive self-talk transforms our self-image—for good or for bad. It modifies both our inner and outer worlds. We will do what our thoughts tell us to do. God knows that. That’s why God desires His truth to cover all our thoughts.
I don’t know about you, but there’s often a distinction between the thoughts I invite into my inner world and those God establishes. My thoughts are anything but stable. They waver and change. They accuse when they should praise. They mock when they should trust.

Do you #trust in your own #thoughts more than you should? @TriciaGoyer

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That’s why it’s so important for me not to trust my thoughts—but instead to seek God-thoughts. There is really no mystery to how to do this. All you have to do is ask! Listen to this:

“If you need wisdom-if you want to know what God wants you to do-ask him, and he will gladly tell you. He will not resent you asking. But when you ask him, be sure that you really expect him to answer, for a doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. People like that should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. They can’t make up their minds. They waver back and forth in everything they do.” James 1:5–8 (NLT)

God knows that our lives, our families, and the training up of our kids can be transformed if we depend upon His thoughts instead of our own. Ask God to enrich your words and thoughts. Then, confess, talk truth, and depend on the Spirit within you. No great mystery about that, but the results will be astonishing!

How can you learn to mind your #thoughts? @TriciaGoyer shares her tips:

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Looking for a Christmas present to give to a reader this holiday season? Why not give a copy of Beside Still Waters?
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November 2, 2013 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

Dear Weary Mom, Do You Feel Lost?

I’ve been on auto-pilot many times as I’ve driven home from the grocery store. It’s not until I pull onto my street that I realize I can’t remember the last ten minutes and six miles. I’ve taken that route so many times I don’t think about when to turn, when to speed up, and when to slow down. Then I wonder . . . did I stop at the red light? Did I check for anyone crossing the sidewalk? Auto-pilot scares me.
In parenting, there are three types of auto-pilot:

The Questions:

Where am I? You’re in a different neighborhood than you anticipated. Suddenly you look around and realize your child should have been potty-trained three months ago or he not only knows how to turn on the computer, but he also knows how to find his favorite cartoons and start watching them online! (Both are from experience.)
I’m who? There are moments when you’re cooking dinner or cleaning bottoms (not at the same time!) when you wake up and realize, I’m the mom. These are my kids, and this is my responsibility!
What am I doing? Auto-pilot can affect your mind, heart, and schedule. Your day starts off like any other, but soon you find yourself in the crazed middle of it, questioning how your life ended up so busy. Your mind is full of thoughts and worries that won’t stop, and your heart is burdened by too many things.

Mom, are you running on auto-pilot? @TriciaGoyer gives her tips to help:

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The Answers:

Yes, you are in unfamiliar territory. (News flash—as long as your kids grow and change, you will always be in unfamiliar territory.)

Read the rest of the post (and find out the rest of the answers) on Hope for the Weary Mom!

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October 31, 2013 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

25 Ways to be a Good Parent

So many times as a parent we focus on all the things we don’t get right . . . or things we think we could do better. I’ve learned throughout the years that while I always improve, I also need to celebrate what I do right.

One thing I feel I do right is I’ve shown my kids that life with God is an adventure. Instead of saying, “I can’t do that,” I’ve modeled, “With God this is possible!”

Here are what other parents say they’ve been good at:

Maddy: My husband and I play with our six-month-old. TV is off, and she is captivated by our faces and voices. The best!

Rebecca: My kids are all around the same age, and they all talk at once. I love when I look at one child in the eyes and truly listen.

Becky M: I read evening prayers from Liturgy of the Hours to my kids. My three-year-old Katherine does the alleluias.

Becky P: I don’t over-schedule so we can keep our evenings and weekends focused on family time.

Bart: I love their mother.

How are you a good parent? Share with @TriciaGoyer:

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Tabitha: I spend time with my kids. Being read to is something my seven-year-old still enjoys.

Mari: I fought to give my son a kidney. I failed, but that was the biggest thing I’ve ever done.

Joleen: I fix healthy meals for them!!! I feel like it helps them succeed in everything else.

Michelle: Besides x’s and o’s, I spend time discussing, thinking, and praying about each of my kids’ unique personalities and needs.

Peggy: I take them places I don’t want to go, like skating and the park.

Lynn: I refuse to be shocked by anything my kids (22, 21,18) are willing to talk to me about.

Melanie: I tell my kids every day how much I love them and kiss them good night before bedtime!

Micelle: I correct my children and hold them accountable for their choices and actions. My children know they are loved, but it is when I parent them and guide them in the right direction that I feel like I am being a good parent.

Rosa: I read to my children every night at bedtime. My parents never read to me, and I fall asleep if I try to read anything bigger than a magazine. But my children love reading, and I believe it is because I read to them nightly.

Lori: I feel like a good parent because of the rapport I have with my three children. They know they can tell me anything and I will tell them my honest opinion or what I feel that is in their best interest, and that I will love them regardless of their choices.

Shari: I hold the gospel out to my children on a daily basis and let them see what Christ has done for me and is doing in me. That means being quick to repent to them and trying to show them grace and compassion, not anger and criticism (which is not easy for me!).

Deborah: I stay in daily contact with my children who are twenty-four and twenty-one years old. They call and text me and they have busy lives, so sometimes it’s just a simple text message I send to encourage them and maintain a positive influence in their lives.

Being a parent is tough! 25 parents share their best tips with @TriciaGoyer:

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Jessica: I try to cook for my kids every day using limited processed/prepackaged food—most is fresh and from scratch.

James: I intentionally spend one-on-one time with each child. Saturday morning breakfast works great!

Holly: I remind my two daughters they are “blessings” to their daddy and me. I also remind myself and my husband that we are their parents first, and not always a friend!

Rachel: I apologize to my kids when I have treated them wrong. I let them know I am not perfect and I, too, am still learning.

Billie: I laugh at their antics . . . especially in situations when one could get really irritated instead.

Mel: I’m available, keep in touch, show and tell my love for them, accept them unconditionally, and give them the wisdom of my experience only when asked.

Pam: I always take the time to tuck them in.

Silvia: I tell my kids every day how much I love them and I really mean it.

What about you? What have you been good at?

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October 24, 2013 by Tricia Goyer 1 Comment

3 Ways to Pursue Your Purpose as a Mom | Guest Post by Susan Merrill

I’m happy to welcome Susan Merrill today to my blog! I’ll be chatting with Susan (and Rod Olson) later today on Living Inspired! Click here for full details about Susan and Rod and their books, as well as a giveaway of their books! And tune in today at 3 CDT to listen to my interview with them!

tricia_goyer_graphic — How can you pursue your purpose and passion as a mom? Susan Merrill shares her tips.

“If the size of the vision for your life is not intimidating to you, then there is a good chance it is insulting to God.” —Pastor Steve Furtick

Sometimes it can be challenging to dream big when it comes to raising our children. There are so many little ways we can fail them—by setting a bad example, by going back on our word, by being selfish with our time. These small failures build up until we come to the point where we just want to survive parenting and hope our kids turn out alright in the end. But this is no way to live. That’s why setting grand goals for your kids and working to achieve them through parenting is so important.

How can you pursue your purpose as a mom? @susan_merrill shares with @TriciaGoyer:

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With that in mind, here are three ways to pursue your purpose as a mom:

Pursue Your Passion: We toss around the word “love” all too frequently. We say we love our job, love our house, or love our favorite restaurant. And while I think it’s fair to say that these things can all be desired, I don’t think we can ever truly love stuff. What you truly love are your passions—your family, your spouse, your children. Once you recognize that these other desires fade with time, you will be able to focus your gaze on the true passion of motherhood.
Pursue Your Purpose: As a mom, your hope and vision should not be to just “get through” parenting. No, your purpose is to be with them every moment, every step of the way, and to encourage them as needed. Your purpose is to run into the front yard when they fall, kiss their scraped knee, and give them a Band-Aid. Your job is to stay up all night with your heart-broken daughter and cry alongside her, before reminding her of how wonderful her husband will one day be. Your job is to encourage your son to do well in school so that one day he can be a doctor, be a fireman, or even run for president!
Pursue a Plan: Now, if your dreams for your kids seem incredibly impossible, you’re on the right track! Because once you’ve allowed your passion to form a fiery purpose, it’s time to carry it out with a solid plan. Here are some practical questions to ask yourself in creating a unique plan to fulfill your purpose as a mom.
—What are your core beliefs?
—What is your goal for your children?
—As a mother, how will you work to reach this goal?

I believe every mother has passion for her child. Some moms have been distracted from their passion; some are sick or weary and their passion is drained low, but it is in there somewhere. But do we all have a vision of where that passion can carry us, a goal for our child that is so big and intimidating that it is impossible without God? I think we need more moms to ponder, to pray, to catch a vision for their children, to add in more passion and turn the vision into a purpose.

Your passion for your child is somewhere. You can find it with @susan_merrill’s help:

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More about Susan: Susan Merrill, author of The Passionate Mom, is a wife, mother of five, director of iMOM.com, want-to-be blogger, and the “very imperfect” Merrill family manager. Susan lives in Tampa, Fla., with her husband, author and President of Family First, Mark Merrill, and two or, depending on the day, up to five of her children ages 16 to 22. On those days she happily forsakes all other responsibilities to run a bed and breakfast /laundromat for her college-aged children.

Connect with Susan: Website, Facebook, Twitter

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September 27, 2013 by Tricia Goyer 3 Comments

How to Be Married: Advice After 30 Years

How to be married, and how to stay married, are common questions. In a society that glories romance and finding “Mr. or Mrs. Right,” the divorce rates continue to skyrocket and we still don’t know how to be married. As a little girl growing up in the 70s and 80s, I often thought of my future groom. I dreamed about the wedding, but sometimes I forgot about the marriage to follow. There are days I’m awed with the fact that I’ve already been married for thirty years! There were so many years that I still felt like the unsure newlywed who was playing house. But, the Lord has been so gracious to me! Here are some top tips for how to be married.

How to Be Married

During the 80s, there were lots of songs about love. I clearly remember the episode of Days of Our Lives when Bo and Hope slept together and the song “Friends and Lovers” played. I thought it was the most romantic thing in the world. Of course, I didn’t think much about commitment or years and years of being with just one person. Love was more of a feeling than something real. And . . . like most people in my generation, I followed that feeling and ended up sleeping with my boyfriends. I didn’t think much of it, which saddens me now.

How do Gen Xers view marriage differently than other generations? @TriciaGoyer

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Yet, once I found the man I wanted to spend my life with, I grew serious. I’m not alone. For Gen Xers, divorce skyrocketed during our growing-up years. We grew up in families with stepmoms and half-siblings and living every other weekend with a different parent—how could this not affect our marriages? I can relate. That was my life, I didn’t want the same for my family. I wanted to do things better.

And you know what? Looking around, I see that there are a lot of people like me. The generation that once bore labels such as “slacker” and “grungy” has gone G-rated. Once we got serious about life, the family now means the most to us. And marriage matters. We don’t want an OK marriage–we want one filled with love, commitment, and care.

We want to know how to be married.

When writing my book Generation NeXt Marriage, I wanted to connect with fellow Gen Xers in a medium we would all understand—80s music. Here are some chapter titles: “White Wedding” (sung by Billy Idol, of course), “Together Forever” (by Rick Astley—remember him?), and “I Think We’re Alone Now” (the song sung by Tiffany—the teen idol every girl wanted to be). Does that take you back?

In addition to sharing how God has molded me in marriage, I also included comments from other Gen Xers. And you can be sure we don’t dance around the issues; it’s soul-bearing stuff.

Marriage can be a tough adventure—but well worth it! Here are @TriciaGoyer’s top tips:

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Does this sound like a book for you? Do you want to know how to be married? If so, it may take you a few days to order in your copy from Amazon, or to run down to your local bookstore. In the meantime, here are some tips to tide you over until then:

Top Tips on How to Be Married:

Discover your God-given dreams together. Couples are happiest when we’re following God’s purposes for our lives. Be your spouse’s biggest fan.
Find balance. Put first things first. Plug in the most important stuff into your calendar first, then fill in around it.
Nix the unrealistic expectations. Marriage is different than dating. We cannot change the other person. Look in the mirror first. Love your spouse anyway.
Don’t be afraid to fight. Romans 5:3-4 says, “Let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings.” It’s better to engage than to give up. Author Madeleine L’Engle once said, “There are a lot of marriages today that break up just at the point where they could mature and deepen.” Pain makes us take note of the problem. We are forced to pray and repent and try again.

Has any of this encouraged you? Comment below and share: I love to hear from you!

Addition Resources:

Women often pack their lives with family, friends, and faithful service, yet still end up feeling empty and unfulfilled. In Walk It Out, Tricia Goyer demonstrates to women that walking out the mandates of Scripture allows God to spark passion and mission within them.

Whether believers realize it or not, God intended for them to do what the Bible says: adopt the orphan, take the gospel into all the world, and care for the needy. These are mandates that point believers down the path of true living and eternal life. Walk it Out

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Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.” Read full privacy policy here.

September 26, 2013 by Tricia Goyer 3 Comments

When to Share Your Faith

When to Share Your Faith . . . And When To Seal Your Lips

I remember the first time a college professor made fun of my faith. I was taking a history class at a small community college, but the professor spent more time talking about his atheistic beliefs than world civilizations. He would work jabs against Christianity into every lecture. I’d sit there and squirm. I wanted to say something, anything, to make him see the error in his ways.

Finally, halfway through the semester I got up the nerve to say something to the professor. I raised my hand and made a comment about evidence of God’s hand in history. The professor listened for ten seconds, laughed, and then he continued on with his comments. I was embarrassed, and I never spoke up again. Looking back, that incident impacted me. It made me fearful of sharing my faith. I didn’t want to be embarrassed, and I got used to keeping my thoughts to myself.

It was only years later that I realized Jesus understood and dealt with the same thing.

In Luke chapter 20, we see incident after incident of those who were trying to trap Jesus, to discredit him, and to make Jesus look bad in the eyes of the people. Jesus didn’t spout off volumes of truth, proving them wrong. Verse 8 says, “And Jesus responded, ‘Then I won’t tell you by what authority I do these things’” (NLT).

Scared of reaching out to others and sharing Jesus with them? Try out these tips @TriciaGoyer:

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Jesus knew what I learned—there are some people whose minds will not be changed no matter what we say. They have hard hearts. They listen only to come up with a rebuttal.

As Proverbs 26:4 says, “Don’t answer the foolish arguments of fools, or you will become as foolish as they are” (NLT).

Jesus talks about this again in Matthew 7:6: “”Don’t waste what is holy on people who are unholy. Don’t throw your pearls to pigs! They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you” (NLT).

If you come up against someone like my professor, you may want to share your faith, but if that doesn’t work out, don’t let it stop you from reaching out to others who have softer hearts.

When to Share

As a mom of 10 children, one of my greatest desires has been to raise kids who can share their faith. John and I have taken our kids on mission trips. We’ve encouraged them to be shining beacons wherever they are. We’ve taught them how to share their faith by knowing what to look for.

How can they do that? By going through these steps when reaching out to others:

Get them to trust you as a Christian.
Get them curious about Jesus.
Get them to ask questions.
Get them to consider making changes in their own lives.
Invite them to have a personal relationship with Jesus.*

Jesus knew that there were some people who wanted to hurt him, to kill him. Yet He was always on the lookout for those with seeking hearts.

In your own life, know that there will be times when sharing your faith will not be easy or fruitful. There will be times when your words will bounce off hard hearts.

Instead of being discouraged, like Jesus, look for those who trust you, are curious and ask questions. Those are the people worth spending time with. The time you spend with soft-hearted people will hopefully reap eternal rewards!

*These principles are taken from the book I Once Was Lost: What Postmodern Skeptics Taught Us About Their Path to Jesus by Don Everts and Doug Schnapps

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January 24, 2012 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

10 Rainy Day Activities

Whether there are thunderstorms pouring outside, snow is falling in the middle of winter, or it’s the heat of summer and your kids are bored, these 10 rainy day activities are sure to spawn some creative play. Enjoy!

10 Rainy Day Activities

1. Stage a circus. Help your kids pick their own roles and find their own props, then give them 15 minutes to come up with a show for you. Better yet, put various roles into a hat and let them draw: lion tamer, clown, acrobat … each requires creativity and imagination!

2. Turn your bathtub into a water play center. Fill the tub and give your kids boats, dolls, funnels, or balls. Lay towels down on the floor and dress them in their swimsuits. For older kids give them tin foil and assign them the task of creating the best kind of boat.

3. Share your favorite childhood stories. No, I’m not talking about books … rather tell your kids about the things you did and saw and enjoyed when you were young. My kids love hearing about a time before home computers, DVD players, and microwaves!

10 Rainy Day Activities

4. Create a relay race. Come up with different “challenges” such as carrying peanuts with chopsticks or picking up cotton balls with a spoon (blindfolded of course). Encourage your kids to come up with their own challenges, too.

5. Have a dance party.

Use Pandora.com or YouTube.com to come up with different songs from various cultures and/or generations. Match your dancing to the music in tone and feeling. Who knows, your kids might discover 80’s songs are cool after all!

6. Creative Painting. Get out the paper and paints but leave the brushes in the drawer. Instead find other things to paint with—corn cobs, cotton balls, paper cups, marbles, and more!

10 Rainy Day Activities

7. Learn to juggle. Practice with balls or even socks. See who can juggle the best or come up with the best tricks!

8. Become a movie producer.

Create a list of one-minute dramas for your kids to act out. Tell them they have to act without props (similar to charades). Pretend to videotape them … or if you can, record them and watch later. Sample dramas:

chick hatching
surfer catching a big wave
mother wolf teaching her pup to hunt
an astronaut exploring the moon
making a snowman
riding a rollercoaster

9. Become ambidextrous. See how many things you and your child can do with their opposite hand. Or if you’re really brave … with their feet!

10. Re-write your favorite Bible Stories as if you and your child were the main characters. Make sure you use your five senses. What would Daniel have smelled in the lion’s den? How did the sun feel, beating down on Moses as he wandered through the desert? After you’ve completed a story, call a grandparent or special friend to share it over the phone.

10 Rainy Day Activities

These rainy day activities are sure to bring some smiles and laughter. What are some of your favorite indoor activities?

You might also enjoy 15 Fingerprint Crafts: