How to Keep & Deepen Your Relationship With Your Teen Son

My 6-foot-tall son lumbers into the room and sinks onto the sofa.

“So, I’ve been thinking about Chapter Two…” he says.

I pause what I’m doing and we talk. We talk about fictional conflict, inciting incidents, and motivation—what the character wants more than anything. Nathan has just finished writing a novel and lately we’ve been chatting about that.

I have six children and my relationship with each of them is different.

They all enjoy different things, and for a while I wondered how I could best relate to my sons as teens. Yes, I cheered at their basketball games. I often found myself out to lunch with them one-on-one, or at sci-fi movies, but I wanted something more–something that could just be “ours.”

It turns out that Nathan, my third oldest, and I both enjoy writing and plotting. We relish figuring out what makes a story good…then what makes it great. After nearly every movie we watch, we talk about what worked and what didn’t. As a homeschooler this started with chapter books that I read to him during school time.

Nathan also attended homeschool writing classes that I taught. We’d chat about all the elements of fiction writing on the way home. It wasn’t a forced conversation. I didn’t read a book and try to follow it. Instead, I just opened myself up to my son. We have talked about our shared interest and I’ve watched our relationship grow. Soon talking about plots and writing became “our thing.”

[Read the rest of this post on TheMOBSociety.com]

Prayer

Thank you for my son. I look forward to spending time and sharing our lives together as a family. Give me inspiring ways to connect and deepen my relationship with him.

Moms: How do YOU deepen your relationship with your son? @TriciaGoyer

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Family Volunteering: Tips & Tricks

Give back. Together.

You know the old saying, “It is better to give than receive.” For many families the best gifts they can give is the gift of themselves … through volunteering.

Family volunteering has been an interest to homeschooling advocates for years. Raymond and Dorothy Moore recommend an hour a day of home or community service. Can you imagine how your family (homeschooling or not) could impact the community by volunteering an hour a day? Even an hour a week would add up in the long run! Here’s how to start:

Fit the Activity to the Child

Expose your children to various volunteering opportunities then ask them, ‘What would you like to do?’ Give them resources, then empower them to do it. If your daughter has a lot of energy, or your son enjoys cooking, suggest an activity to match like mowing a neighbors lawn or making cookies for the family next door.

Work as a Team

“Through volunteer work, families spend quality time together, help others, have fun, communicate and develop family self-esteem,” says Lori Goudreau, manager of the Family Service Program. “Parents can reinforce family values, and kids can share their time and talents, and even acquire new skills.” A lot of what your kids can learn to do will take instruction time from you. All of that is time well spent together.

“Kids are more likely to stick with an avenue of service if they volunteer beside a parent or grandparent,” my friend Jan Johnson reminded me. Volunteering within the context of their family gives kids the security they need to reach out to others.

Be Prepared

When preparing for a volunteer activity it’s important to know what to expect.

Here are some questions to ask:

Where do we need to go?
When do we need to be there?
Who will we report to?
What are we expected to bring?
and … Why is our role important?

Knowing what to expect ahead of time will help children approach their tasks with confidence.

Having expectations will help children approach their tasks with confidence. @TriciaGoyer

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Give Feedback

Kids love to know when they’ve done a good job. After volunteering, talk to your child about the experience. Let her know how it makes you feel to see her acting in such a mature and giving nature. It will be just the thing that will make your child want to do it again.

Value the Lessons They Learn

I have discovered with my own kids that volunteering helped them establish their identity. When my daughter Leslie was 10-years-old, she used to baby-sit at our local crisis pregnancy center. In return, she discovered that her caring attitude and helping heart was valuable to many young moms in need. It’s a discovery that has impacted her as she’s grown into a young adult.

“Beyond citizenship, kids can learn so many other life-lessons from charity,” adds Kathy Saulitis, director of Kids Care, a national volunteer organization designed specifically for children. “They learn cooperation, tolerance, problem-solving, communication, self-awareness, confidence, respect for life and loyalty.”

And what mom doesn’t want that for her kids?

The same spirit that inspired President Kennedy to create the Peace Corps on a national level can be a very real part of the lives of you and your children. Your family can be a blessing to those in your community, and you’ll benefit as well!

Prayer

God, thank you for my family. Give us opportunities to give back to our community together. Give us a common love for the people and place nearby. Help us to value the lessons we learn as a team.

More Resources

Doing Good Together was founded in 2004 on the belief that when parents engage with their children in community service, they pass along the spirit of giving and goodness to their sons and daughters, strengthen their families, and create a new generation of volunteers, philanthropists, and kind, caring adults.

The Intentional Family: Simple Rituals to Strengthen Family Ties by Willian J. Doherty

The Busy Family’s Guide to Volunteering: Do Good, Have Fun, Make a Difference as a Family! by Jenny Friedman

Wide-Open World: How Volunteering Around the Globe Changed One Family’s Lives Forever by John Marshall

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