What do you think?
I remember the first time I really thought about God. I was in the second grade, and my mother and grandmother had just become Christians. I started attending Sunday school and vacation Bible school. The stories the teachers shared were about how God loved us and answered our prayers. I believed what they told me, and even though I was young I saw the change in my family. I thought this God person was pretty cool.
My grandma’s house was always a favorite place to be, but after she became a Christian she had a bigger smile than usual and had Christian records playing. I’d always sing along when a song came on that said, “There is no secret what God can do. What He’s done for others, He’ll do for you. With arms wide open, He’ll pardon you. There is no secret, what God can do.”
This Thing Called Prayer
During that time I also started testing out this thing call prayer. My mom worked at Sprouse Reitz Department Store, and there was a Barbie paper-doll book I had my eye on. One day I prayed, “God, if you are real make that paper-doll book show up in my closet.” I mean if He could part a sea and save a boy a named David from a giant named Goliath, a paper-doll book seemed a piece of cake.
The book didn’t show up the next day in my closet, but not too long later, on my birthday, I got it! I thought God was pretty smart to figure that one out.
The Rules Changed
I continued going to Sunday school and vacation Bible school, and I continued believing in God. Yet as I entered my teen years the pastor at my family’s church changed, and what I remember most is that the sermons changed too. I remember hearing a lot of rules, rules, rules. “Don’t do this. Don’t do that.”
Of course we needed to know God’s decrees, but what I walked away with during that time was that God was watching my every move and looking upon me with disapproval. I felt the disapproval.
During my pre-teen years we even had a few evangelists who came through who confirmed this message. (Anyone remember listening to secular records backwards to hear the Satanic messages? Anyone?) One evangelist urged us to get our lives clean. People brought their secular music, secular books, and other unholy objects, and we had a big bonfire beside the church.
Of course, I still liked to listen to the popular music at the time. I also started dating guys and going farther with them than I knew I ought. Because I thought of God as a watchful ogre, ready to catch me doing wrong, I hid. I stopped going to church and stopped hanging out with Christian friends. Every time thoughts of Him emerged, I quickly pushed them away.
Hiding Hurt
Those three years of hiding were the hardest of my life. I had numerous boyfriends, went way too far with most of them, got pregnant, had an abortion, fought with everyone in my life, drank some, watched slasher movies, cussed, read secular books, and got caught up in the 80s culture. I found myself pregnant a second time, and I dropped out of school and out of life. I still tried to ignore God, but then Christian women whom I knew wouldn’t let me. They inserted themselves in my life and loved the heck out of me. It was something I’d been craving.
This Thing Called Love
My thoughts of God began to change back to the loving God I remembered from my childhood. “It is no secret what God can do” resurrected in my mind. I remember the peace and dependence I had as a child, and I wanted that.
Six months pregnant, I dedicated my life to God, and my thoughts of Him changed again. He was my Lord. He had good plans for my life. He wanted to give me a hope and a future. I could depend on Him.
Thinking back on all this, I’ve realized that what is true about God doesn’t matter to our souls unless what we believe to be true is correct. God is all-knowing, all-loving, forgiving, kind, faithful, gentle, holy, and our only hope, but if I don’t believe that deep in my soul, then I don’t turn to Him—depend on Him—as I should.
For many years my thoughts of God were replaced by seeing Him as a judgmental overseer. I’d set up an idol-god in my mind and heart and didn’t even know it. I know people in my life were trying to point me in the right direction, but laws overshadowed grace. And when I couldn’t keep up with those laws, I threw in the towel on the whole mess.
Everything Changed
Everything changed for me when I prayed, “God, if you can do anything with my life, please do.” When I felt my soul fill with His Spirit, hope replaced fear. Peace replaced turmoil. Light replaced darkness. My thoughts of God turned to a loving God who wanted me close. And as I came close, reading His Word and praying, my thoughts continued to change.
What do you think of God? How does that change your outlook on life?
Are you pushing Him away, feeling as if you can’t live up to His rules? Or do you think of Him as a loving God, a holy God, a marvelous God who wants you close?
What about you? What do you think?
Think about your thoughts today, and ask God to redeem them. Ask Him to make you aware of any false thoughts. Ask Him to tear down those false thoughts like holy men toppled down idols of old.
This is my prayer today, this week. I’m praying that my thoughts of God will give me a glimpse of His true nature—today, tomorrow, and the next day.
I know that what I think about God changes everything. What I really think about God really matters.
Now, what do you think? And how does that thinking impact your life?
Are you new here? You might want to subscribe to my email updates, or follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+, or Instagram.
The winners of copies of Generation NeXt: Parenting (from this post) are Dianna Thomas, Brittin Olson, Holly, Lisa Cowell, and Mel. Please email your mailing addresses to caitlin {at} litfusegroup {dot} com to claim your prize.
