“My husband and I haven’t been intimate in a long time, but he completely understands that homeschooling the kids is our priority right now,” said the woman at my book table.
After forcing myself not to audibly gasp, I gently reminded her the Bible encourages married couples to come together regularly in the marriage bed, going so far as to warn us that too long of a season apart gives place to the devil.
The woman assured me that they were not naive about such things, and they both agreed that the time she now spent schooling the kids made her too tired in the evenings for sexual intimacy.
While schooling kids at home can be exhausting, I get it––I’ve been there–how can a you rekindle the romance in your marriage?
Let’s look at 3 ways to light that fire and rekindle romance:
1. Rehearse Right Thinking
Do you remember how much you couldn’t wait for your love to look your way across a crowded room? Can you recall how your heart skipped a beat when he reached over to grasp your hand?
Falling in love is all in your mind. In the same way it’s easy to fall out of love if you’re not regularly thinking on the good things you love about them (see Philippians 4).
It’s important to look back and remember these moments where your love captured your heart because recalling the way you fell in love stirs those feelings you once had and creates a sense of love in your relationship.
It’s easy to get so caught up in good things—urgent things—that you forsake the essential for the immediate. Your kids’ security lies in the health of your marriage. So even though it’s tempting to focus on the urgency of lesson plans, field trips and building a California Mission out of sugar cubes (that’s still a thing, right?) don’t forget that rehearsing loving thoughts toward your husband will build your love for him in a way that your kids will enjoy. They can also rest secure in your love for one another.
2. Remember to Romance
What does romance look like? When I was young, it was flowers. When my kids were elementary age, romance meant, “Hey Babe jump in and help me with the dishes, and I’ll have energy to be with you tonight.”
The secret is helping your husband know how to romance you. Figure out what speaks romance to you in your particular situation, then kindly explain to him what it means to you to have him express romance in a certain way.
Remember, men love to be romanced too. However, his idea of romance may not look like yours. When you were dating, how did you spend time with your man? You likely played together right? Whether that meant going golfing or rowing a canoe, the time you spent enjoying what he enjoyed likely spoke romance to him. So, don’t forget to make time to play together as a couple because when you do, it’s romantic to him.
While playing together and enjoying thoughtful gestures are romantic, you cannot forget that intimacy in the marriage bed is also something your husband looks forward to. In the book I am currently writing, one man is quoted as saying, “Not having the intimacy I had hoped for when I got married is like a treasure lost.”
Sex doesn’t mean the same thing to wives as it does to husbands. Don’t mistakenly think your husband’s desire for intimacy is a physical urge to be tolerated. Rather, when you take your husband to bed you minister to him in a way that gives him an overall satisfaction with life. God made him that way, so don’t make him apologize for it. His longing to connect with you physically is as important to him as your need to connect with him through conversation and gentle touch.
3. Reserve a Retreat.
You’re busy, I get it. We all are. However, when you become too busy to sneak away for couple time, you’re missing an incredible opportunity to reconnect and revive the romance in your relationship.
You got married to knit your hearts and lives together, not just to have kids and accomplish tasks. So, take time to set aside the schedule and run away with your husband. Whether it’s a weekend away or a late-night coffee run, choosing your spouse over your to-do list will do wonders to revive your romance and fortify the foundation of your marriage.
In the end, when your children see mom and dad’s love for one another is unshakeable, you’ll do more for their security and productivity than any score they might achieve on an SAT test. I promise you won’t regret it!
More about Real-Life Romance
Do You Believe in True Love?
In a world of broken relationships and hurting people, it can seem like all we ever see is heartache—that marriages are doomed from the start and romance isn’t worth the risk.
But heart-fluttering, long-lasting love is all around us…we just have to look for it!
This collection of beautiful, real-life accounts will bring laughter and tears as you enjoy each story of ordinary people who found extraordinary love. Page after page, you will find inspiration to
- rekindle the romance in your love story
- trust in God’s providence and timing
- faithfully hope for your own happily-ever-after
- celebrate true romance
- believe in life-long love
Don’t let the world define romance for you! See how God is at work in the hearts of His people—knitting together hearts in a love that forever endures.
Join Rhonda and other real-life romancers on March 6 for a Facebook Live party, plus enter to win the Make Your Own Real-Life Romance prize pack!
One grand prize winner will receive:
- One copy of Real-Life Romance
- A $50 restaurant gift card
- A $25 movie gift card
Enter today by clicking the icon below. But hurry, the giveaway ends on March 6. The winner will be announced at Rhonda’s Facebook Live Party. RSVP for a chance to connect with Rhonda and other readers, as well as for a chance to win other prizes!
RSVP today and spread the word—tell your friends about the giveaway and Facebook Live party via social media and increase your chances of winning. Hope to see you on the 6th!
Rhonda Stoppe leads women of all ages to live lives of no regrets. She is the author of Moms Raising Sons to be Men and If My Husband Would Change, I’d Be Happy & Other Myths Wives Believe. Her latest book is Real-Life Romance (February 2018) and The Marriage Mentor will be releasing June 2018 from Harvest House Publishers.
Rhonda lives in California with her husband, Steve. They have four adult children and nine grandchildren.