I sat in the pediatric wing of the hospital, in the ground floor room we’d been assigned after our night in the E.R. I wondered how we would survive as a family. A toddler hooked up to tubes, breathing in the oxygen she needed, not wanting me to move even two inches away from her in this strange world of linoleum floors and stark overhead lighting. I needed to stay right there with her, pretending like this was simply a new place to snuggle and watch episodes of Barney, but I was worried about my daughter and the crew I’d left at home.
It is often when we come to the end of ourselves that we meet God. When we no longer have the patience, stamina, energy, or interest to do the next thing, we find him standing in that dark space with us. I was stressed in that hospital room. The girl next to me, not her first turn in this pediatric wing, the bills I knew were piling up with every inpatient visit, the other children at home sick and a husband who was trying to figure out how to manage his work responsibilities while holding down the home front. I was indefinitely captive in the hospital and I didn’t know how or when our circumstances were going to change.
My prayers were inaudible because I didn’t have words to say what I was feeling or what I needed from God. I was exhausted and overwhelmed. And this is where my faith took over. When the praise wasn’t automatically on my lips, when I was full of doubts about how God was going to work this one out, when all I wanted was a good cry, I decided to still believe. Walking it out in faith can sometimes be easy. We feel inspired, excited, and expectant as we choose to do what we think God is asking of us. But when we’re afraid and unsure of our circumstances, that is when faith is a choice.
“And those who have knowledge of your name will put their faith in you; because you, Lord, have ever given your help to those who were waiting for you.” –Psalm 9:10. The knowledge of God’s promises kept pressing me forward. I had a choice to keep believing that he would care for us, all of us, no matter the circumstances. That he would care for my very sick girl, he would comfort the ones at home missing mommy, that he would provide for my husband’s energy and our financial insecurity. That he would meet my needs right there in that hospital room. Or to let the darkness take over.
Sometimes walking out one’s faith simply means saying, “Yes, Lord. Today I choose to believe you are who you say you are.”
Alexandra Kuykendall lives in Denver with her husband and four daughters. Her newest book, Loving My Actual Christmas, is now available wherever books are sold.
More about Walk it Out
What Happens When We Read God’s Word and Actually Do What it Says?
Bestselling Author Tricia Goyer demonstrates the powerful work God accomplishes if we are willing to step out in obedience to Biblical commands and His quiet urgings, no matter our fears or feelings of inadequacy.
Walk It Out illustrates the real-life results of listening to the Scriptural mandates such as care for the orphan, serve the poor, go into the world to spread the gospel, and love others of all races. The author’s journey, from accepting Christ’s forgiveness and telling her story of redemption to answering the call to adopt seven children when she least expected, is filled with the exhilarating, radical, unexpected life that we experience when we walk into God’s plans for us.
“I neither planned or expected any of this—from the ten kids to the stamped-up passport. I didn’t accomplish these things by making a list and checking it off. They happened as I took steps of faith to follow God’s directives.” ~Tricia Goyer