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You are here: Home / marriage / When Love Ends: A Heart Healing Journey

November 18, 2010 by Tricia Goyer Leave a Comment

When Love Ends: A Heart Healing Journey

Guest Blog by Jackie M. Johnson

Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light.   Micah 7:8

The loss of love can be shattering. Whether it’s the ending of a dating relationship or the crumbling of a marriage, breakups are often messy and complicated. You may feel sad, angry, confused and lonely. If you’re the one who left you may feel guilt and shame. Either way, you just want the pain to stop. You want healing and you want answers.

How do you get through it?

It’s been said that if you don’t grieve well, you grieve all the time. If you don’t deal with your stuff, you end up carrying your breakup baggage from one relationship to the next. Instead, when you process the pain and let God heal your broken heart, you can become better equipped to find the lasting love you truly desire. Your heart healing journey from the darkest night to brighter days has four stages: Twilight, Night, Dawn and Day.

Twilight

The first few days or weeks after a relationship breakup are like twilight, the end of the day and the end of your relationship. In this time of transition you want to get the comfort and support you need, and begin to grieve your losses. Whether you were in love or in like, a breakup is a loss. You may be experiencing the loss of affection, the loss of attention, the loss of a dream and more. Losses need to be processed or they get stuck inside of you like a clogged drain.

Night

In this stage it feels like midnight in your heart; it’s dark and discouraging. Here you begin to deal with your myriad emotions, like sadness, anger, guilt, rejection and loneliness. Yet even in your darkest times, God provides “nightlights” to shine in your darkness like His presence, His peace, His Great Love. He is near the broken-hearted. Even in the hard times we can find “treasures in darkness.” (Is. 45:3)  Ask yourself, what is God trying to teach me in this season of my life?

Dawn

Just like the sun rises bit by bit, dawn is the awakening of hope. With the first light of day you can see more clearly—with your eyes and with your heart. In this stage you learn to rebuild your confidence and realize your true worth and value, as God sees you. And you remember, or discover for the first time, that you are worth being loved well.

Day

Finally, you wake up to “the rest of your life” and begin to move forward. Day is about learning to live in the light, living beyond your breakup. You remember the importance of gratitude, friendships and community, rediscovering joy, and serving others. You may even yearn to find new vision and purpose for what’s ahead. And you learn how to make healthier choices next time, and, in time, to trust again.

Thankfully the human heart is resilient; it has the ability to bounce back. Only I don’t think you’re bouncing back, as much as you’re bouncing forward. You’re not the person you once were—you’re stronger and wiser than you were before. The experience has forever changed you.

The good news is God redeems loss and pain and heals the heart to love again. Light always overcomes darkness. With the light of Jesus Christ we can be encouraged, equipped and empowered to journey through the heart healing process and find restoration, hope and healing.

~~

Jackie M. Johnson is a freelance writer and author of When Love Ends and the Ice Cream Carton is Empty (Moody Publishing) and Power Prayers for Women (Barbour Publishing), which has touched the lives of nearly 200,000 readers worldwide.  Jackie is single and lives in Colorado. More about Jackie here and here!

Filed Under: marriage


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