One of the hardest things about being a newlywed was seeing my new husband as my father’s son. As a single mom before we got married, I’d gotten used to making all the decisions. I thought I knew what was best. After all, I was the mom. The truth is that things didn’t get easier as more children were added to our home. I was with the kids most of the time and I struggled with giving over control.
There was a time in my marriage when God started talking to me about this. He reminded me the pain of growing up not knowing my biological father. He reminded me the emptiness of trying to get the approval of a distant and closed off step-dad. If my husband was wanting to be an active presence in our kids lives … why was I fighting so hard? Sure, he had different ideas of some aspects of parenting, but it didn’t mean those ideas were wrong. The more I stepped back, the more John stepped forward. My kids not only have an amazing dad, they’ve also grown up without the power struggles that existed when they were toddlers.
For some of you married moms, this message might hit home. For others you may be thinking, “I wish my husband would take the initiative. I wouldn’t fight it at all!”
The truth is that in many homes even if a dad lives at home there’s a disconnect between him and the kids. Maybe your husband is more interested in work or sports. It only makes sense. This dad thing is hard stuff, especially if there wasn’t a good role model, especially if he feels more confident in other areas. Many men focus on their jobs and hobbies because they KNOW they can excel in those. This fatherhood business … that’s scary stuff! It takes courage to step into the unknown, uncertain, and overwhelming territory of being a dad. It means putting your life on the line day after day for your kids.
That’s where the movie Courageous comes in …
I was privileged to watch a pre-release copy of this new movie a few weeks ago. The movie is from the makers of Fireproof (which I loved), so I had high expectations. I was not disappointed. I’d watch the movie again today if I still had the copy. I’d laugh and cry all over again.
The story centers around a group of police officers who put their lives on the line daily, but after a tragic event soon realize the front line they need to be facing is the battle for their kids. (This was especially meaningful to me because my stepdad was a police officer during my growing up years.)
Fatherhood is upheld in this film. The impact of dads on future generations is displayed through a moving story–not only by the men who take steps to embrace the calling, but by the conflict that comes through the young men and women who have no father figures in their lives. The statistics say it all:
According to 2009 U.S. Census Bureau data, over 24 million children live apart from their biological fathers. That is 1 out of every 3 (33%) children in America. Nearly 2 in 3 (64%) African American children live in father-absent homes. One in three (34%) Hispanic children, and 1 in 4 (25%) white children live in father-absent homes. In 1960, only 11% of children lived in father-absent homes.
Children who live absent their biological fathers are, on average, at least two to three times more likely to be poor, to use drugs, to experience educational, health, emotional and behavioral problems, to be victims of child abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior than their peers who live with their married, biological (or adoptive) parents (Source)
While the problem of fatherlessness is huge, there are small steps we can take to help men in their role.
1. Let them lead. Give them space to be the dads God designed them to be, even if it means they make mistakes now and then.
2. Watch Courageous which releases on September 30 and encourage your friends to do so. It’s a movie that reminds all of us that every father who fights to be in his child’s life is a hero! It’s worth watching and worth telling your friends about! In fact, if you can watch it on opening weekend please do. Those box office numbers will impact how many additional theaters will pick it up in the weeks to come!
3. Pray. Pray for the men in our lives–our husbands, fathers and sons. Also pray for the fatherless. Pray God will bring good role models into the lives of young men and women and consider your family–your man–of possibly being the answer to a young person’s prayers.
GIVEAWAY- How do you encourage your husband to be a great Father? Leave a comment for a chance to win $25 gift certificate to Fandango so you and your hubby can go see Courageous! (ends 9/16)
My husband took over as a Dad for my three children and it is the best thing that ever happened to me or my children, he inspires me everyday to be the best wife and mom I can be, he has given selflessly and I can only hope to be like him.
x
When my husband John and I married 7 1/2 years ago I couldn’t wait to see what kind of a Dad he was to his 17 and 19 year old daughters. I must say I was deeply disappointed. Being close to my son and daughter I couldn’t understand how he could not be connected in their life. We have had many discussions on parenting and what a Godly Father should be for his daughters. I have encouraged him to keep that open communication going. I pray I have made a difference!
Blessings,
Judy
The biggest thing I do is pray for my husband. He didn’t have the best example of a loving father growing up and honestly, he has done SO well in spite of that fact! I can honestly say my husband is a good father.. he loves our children and they know it!
I encourage my husband by writing him little notes and leaving them as surprises in his lunch etc. and telling him what a wonderful dad & step-dad he is. I also compliment him when I see all the positive things he does. He had never changed a diaper before we had our baby together and he jumped right in!
donnyandshelly at yahoo dot com
Encourage him and pray for him as he seeks to be a godly husband and father. So excited to see Courageous!
I try to encourage him by supporting his parenting decisions. If I have an issue, I talk with him about it in private not in front of the kids, and I praise him a lot in front of the kids even when he’s not around so they’ll know how blessed they are to have him as their dad. I pray for him daily and remember Hudson Taylor’s quote “The heart of man can be moved by prayer alone.”
Can’t wait to see Courageous! Thanks for a great giveaway. : )
My husband was a great father to his daughter (my stepdaughter) while we were dating. That made me love him even more and want to have him be the father of my children. Five years and a new baby later, he is a wonderful dad to both of his beautiful girls! I leave him daily notes in his lunch, letting him know I’m praying for him and that I’m proud of him. He’s so involved in both of their lives, even though he may be worn out at the end of a workday. I’m very thankful for him!
My husband is a great dad. He actually encourages me. He’s kind, loving and patient. He’s a portrait of God. My kids (and I) are blessed to have him. I praise the Lord for having a wonderful, godly man as my husband and father of my children.
We’ve been showing trailers of this movie in the book store I work at for month. I’ve wanted to see this movie big time.
I appreciate the fact that my husband talks to me about issues of the heart. I may jump to conclusions and want to take matters into my own hands. I’m thankful that I stop (most of the time Grin) and listen to his council.
I thank the Lord for a man seeks God and is sensitive to the little things that happen in our relationships with one another. Because it’s all the little things we do that matter most to our family and to God. God sees the big picture and I’m thankful he calls me to take one step at a time and not leaps and bounds all at once. This looks like an amazing movie.
Nora St.Laurent
The Book Club Network
norafindinghope (at) gmail.com
my husband can be a very good dad or he can be completely disconnected. It depends on his mood and what’s going on with him. I try to encourage him to make our kids his priority all of the time. They grow up so fast and they need 2 parents.
Love and respect. Especially respect. I do my best to guard what I say about my husband to the children, even in frustrating moments. I redirect their attention back to their father, especially when he is speaking they are distracted (aren’t all kids easily distracted!). I make time for my husband and encourage him with words, and also focused attention. That’s super hard for me. Ultimately, it is like what you said — we need to get out of the way so they can lead. It means shutting my mouth and giving him my time, most of all.
Can’t wait to see the movie!
My husband is a good father to our son. I don’t have to encourage him to do anything. He spends time with his son. He takes him fishing, teaching him to shoot bow and arrow and takes him to work with him. He is an awesome Father. Please enter me in contest. We can’t wait to see this movie. Have been looking forward to it. Tore923@aol.com
My husband does so well as a dad considering his difficult childhood. He is determined to always make certain our kids know he loves them. I try to encourage him to see himself as a special person in God’s sight.
I let him be their dad and not tell him how he “should” father our boys. It may not always be how I’d do it, but he’s their daddy, not me. 🙂
I intentionally leave the house and leave the kids in his care so that they see him as more than just a provider who works odd hours. I include him in decisions for discipline and rules. As a homeschooling stay-at-home mom, it would be very easy for me to just take over, but I feel it is important that he step up to the plate and I encourage him to be a full-father instead of just the fun guy who occasionally has a day off.
I think it will help build their trust, confidence, and admiration for him.
I would love to see this movie with my husband. The biggest way I encourage him is to speak praise about him in front of our kids and family.
erinb1 at aol dot com
My husband is an amazing man who loves our five kids with all his heart…and I have made the mistakes of tearing him down in front of our kids and I have seen the pain in HIM that I caused by doing that. Watching Fireproof was a great wake up call to me and I have learned what it means to bite my tongue and wait to talk when we are ALONE…and that makes a huge difference in our home. 🙂
thanks for this chance!!
binaspad at yahoo dot com
I would love to see this movie with my husband! We have been married for 20 1/2 yrs now and have a 15 yr old son and 16 1/2 yr old daughter.
He was incredible with them when they were younger, but now that they’re teens he seems to have more problems connecting, especially with our daughter. I think it’s in part because it’s hard to see them grow up.
I love it when my husband takes the kids and teaches them, he recently taught my son how to build a small log house and how to fix a snow blower and roto tiller! It’s wonderful to see them bond.
He is encouraging to our daughter, yet unwilling at times to let her spread her wings, so I am always there to comfort his fears and to make her understand his worries!
I think everyone in a family needs encouragement along the way!
Ooops, forgot to leave my email address:
l_meinhardt@yahoo.com
http://knitsandreads.blogspot.com
I don’t have to encourage my husband to be a great dad. He already is. He loves our son to pieces and will do anything for him. He takes him fishing. He helped coach tball and he takes him to soccer games. Tore923@aol.com
I encourage my husband by telling him that I appreciate all the little and big things he does for our family. I try to take time everyday to thank him for something that he has done–there is always plenty to be thankful for. Also, I thank him and praise him in front of the children so they can have an idea of all the things he does for them daily.
Norma
theprossers at earthlink dot net
My husband is so great about engaging our kids outside: playing dodgeball, throwing the football, playing “pickle;” the kids soak it up! I try to remember to praise him for that because, after a stressful day at work, sometimes the last thing he wants to do is try to “officiate” the kids fighting over him! Ha! He is a gem. I actually think he feels much better after playing with them, too! Anyway, one small blurb there for my entry!
Angie
our3sons@bresnan.net
Being a type-A, stay-at-home, homeshooling mom makes it difficult for me to give up control. A weakness God has worked on greatly in my life.
In recent years I have learned to approach my husband and sweetly ask, “Honey, could you help me with something?” or “I have a problem and I need your help.”
Little notes and cards have also been an important part of our relationship since we got married.
Men love to be needed and be our heros. I’ve learned that instead of always feeling “in control” it is best to have a knight in shining armor!